Mean girl coworkers are literally killing me! Professional females need your advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For those who had to deal with mean girls at work, you probably know how they operate. They are somewhat nice in the public, but cold in private, won't even say "Good morning" to me. They help each other, but won't help me. If I ask for something, they always have some rude answer or say, they are busy. That kind of sort of things. I wish to be less sensitive and develop a thicker skin, but I can't anymore.

X10000

They are stunted, OP.

That's exactly what this sounds like. I don't think op will be able to change them for the better.

[Anonymous]

I got a new job and had zero regrets about it. I was 24 at the time and these women not only did the whole ignoring bit, but they would hide stuff on my desk, whisper loudly about my appearance, obviously be giggling and stop when I got close to them and stare at me, etc etc. It was the oddest thing as I'd never experienced anything like that before.

[Anonymous]

Sorry about your mean girl drama. Just know that you’re not there to make friends. You’re there to bring home a paycheck.

Speaking of paycheck, why is your DH semi-retired when you “only” have a $160K HHI? How old is he?

[Anonymous]

This happened to me early on in my career and I left. It can be really insidious and I understand that describing relational aggression/bullying/mean girl behavior is difficult because it doesn't seem "that bad" but it's hostile and it can wear you down. I was fortunate that I left for another job - I didn't have a choice - and I would always advocate lining up another job before leaving. We may be heading into a recession (are we in a recession?) and the job market is very tight right now so I would prioritize finding a new job and then leaving. Can you transfer to a different gov agency? Within your agency?

[Anonymous]

Find a new job. I've never had a job where anyone had mean girl behavior in 15 years. I mean, there have been problems and conflicts, but nothing that I would consider "mean girl."

[Anonymous]

Mean girls don’t get better, I’m sorry to say. A cluster of them got me fired. So my advice is to get out before they get you. I’m sorry.

While you’re in this job, protect yourself by doing solid work. Never give them grounds to come after you for performance. And document everything in case you need to use it to defend yourself later. If they make a mean comment, send yourself an email recording it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a new job and had zero regrets about it. I was 24 at the time and these women not only did the whole ignoring bit, but they would hide stuff on my desk, whisper loudly about my appearance, obviously be giggling and stop when I got close to them and stare at me, etc etc. It was the oddest thing as I'd never experienced anything like that before.

Wow. I experienced this where I boarded my horse when I was in high school, but never as an adult.

Get another job.

[Anonymous]

Update your resume and online presence, start networking, and good luck with that job search, OP! BTDT. My BP is back to normal, I've lost weight, and my skin glows. I can relate to the no-paragraph, streaming convo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry about your mean girl drama. Just know that you’re not there to make friends. You’re there to bring home a paycheck.

Speaking of paycheck, why is your DH semi-retired when you “only” have a $160K HHI? How old is he?

+1. Is he disabled?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry about your mean girl drama. Just know that you’re not there to make friends. You’re there to bring home a paycheck.

Speaking of paycheck, why is your DH semi-retired when you “only” have a $160K HHI? How old is he?

OP here. My husband is 55.
He had major health issues/surgeries about few years ago. He was offered "early out" pension/retirement, was eligible for it and he took it. He also was a stay home dad basically taking care of our child for the first years. In retrospect, I wish he would work full time and bring a nice paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry about your mean girl drama. Just know that you’re not there to make friends. You’re there to bring home a paycheck.

Speaking of paycheck, why is your DH semi-retired when you “only” have a $160K HHI? How old is he?

OP here. My husband is 55.
He had major health issues/surgeries about few years ago. He was offered "early out" pension/retirement, was eligible for it and he took it. He also was a stay home dad basically taking care of our child for the first years. In retrospect, I wish he would work full time and bring a nice paycheck.

Don’t take this the wrong way OP, but would some people describe you as a bit of a doormat? That is, do you let other people make demands of you while you only take what you’re given? I ask because I was that way and I think it’s part of why mean girls attacked me. They can smell weakness and they pounce on it.

[Anonymous]

Don’t take this the wrong way OP, but would some people describe you as a bit of a doormat? That is, do you let other people make demands of you while you only take what you’re given? I ask because I was that way and I think it’s part of why mean girls attacked me. They can smell weakness and they pounce on it.

OP here. I am rather the quieter, introverted type of a personality, so maybe you're right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Don’t take this the wrong way OP, but would some people describe you as a bit of a doormat? That is, do you let other people make demands of you while you only take what you’re given? I ask because I was that way and I think it’s part of why mean girls attacked me. They can smell weakness and they pounce on it.

OP here. I am rather the quieter, introverted type of a personality, so maybe you're right.

Consider therapy. I’m speaking from experience. I wish I had gotten help when I had mean girl issues.

[Anonymous]

Op I hear you. I work in a 98 percent all women environment and it can be extremely trying. What I did was purposely shut my door even though the culture is to leave it open. I was pleasant but kept any socializing to a minimum. I stopped trying to be anyone's friend and only spoke if I had to. Eventually the girls turned on each other a bit. We have since gotten new people in my office and it has become more tolerable. The positives of the job have kept me here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I hear you. I work in a 98 percent all women environment and it can be extremely trying. What I did was purposely shut my door even though the culture is to leave it open. I was pleasant but kept any socializing to a minimum. I stopped trying to be anyone's friend and only spoke if I had to. Eventually the girls turned on each other a bit. We have since gotten new people in my office and it has become more tolerable. The positives of the job have kept me here

This is good advice. Keep your head down, engage minimally. And stay neutral, never "side" with anybody or spread gossip about anybody.