Do you ask about guns when you schedule play dates?

[Anonymous]

No, because they won't be going to a house where I would have to ask.

[Anonymous]

No. Have never asked or been asked.

[Anonymous]

Yes. We try to host first and I include in the invite that we have a gun-free and pet-free home and then I ask about any allergies I should know about. That puts people on notice that I’ll likely ask should they choose to reciprocate and invite my kids to their home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, because they won't be going to a house where I would have to ask.

You may be surprised who has guns in their home! If you aren’t asking, I hope you are teaching your kids what to do if they ever see a gun or a friend picks on up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a gun safe and they are kept locked away. Ammo is actually in a separate safe. Our kids don't know about the guns (even though they know DH goes hunting).

I would think you're high maintenance and would likely rescind the playdate. I'm not offended by your question, I'm more offended because you likely think people who have guns are crazies and I really don't want those kind of friends. DH goes to war zones regularly and needs to know how to protect himself. He also hunts and we eat the game. Which I get also offends a lot of people who'd rather eat a cow that lived in a pen.

You are way too defensive if “do you have guns at home and how are they stored?” is enough to tell your kid he actually can’t have mine over. You should be proud to be a safe gun owner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve raised four kids to high school, lots of playdates both ways, and nobody has ever once asked about our guns, not have we asked.

Yet this topic comes up every few weeks, and people always chime in that they always make sure to ask.

I wonder why there’s such a disconnect.

Because the keyboard warriors like to brag that they ask when they don't.

I have never once had anyone ask me this. I volunteer all information about dogs, pool, etc. before a child comes over, but not once has anyone even asked me if we have a dog!

[Anonymous]

I never asked, then found out much later that one idiot had a loaded rifle propped in one corner. When I asked ds about it he said "I'm not stupid mom, I knew not to touch it."

Fortunately so did the kids who lived there.

[Anonymous]

Heavens to betsy no! This is private information OP. Let the kids have fun and mind your own beeswax

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a gun safe and they are kept locked away. Ammo is actually in a separate safe. Our kids don't know about the guns (even though they know DH goes hunting).

I would think you're high maintenance and would likely rescind the playdate. I'm not offended by your question, I'm more offended because you likely think people who have guns are crazies and I really don't want those kind of friends. DH goes to war zones regularly and needs to know how to protect himself. He also hunts and we eat the game. Which I get also offends a lot of people who'd rather eat a cow that lived in a pen.

Are you serious? I don't typically ask, but just because someone asks doesn't mean they think people who have guns are crazies it just means they want to do their due diligence to make sure their kid doesn't happen on something accidentally. Maybe they have a particularly gun focused kid who is super curious or a kid with ADHD. I don't have guns, and have asked this before in one situation - where we were staying with our dear friends one of whom is a LEO. I had a 2 and 5 year old running around the house and since we were staying for days I didn't necessarily have eyes on each kid every second myself, so it occurred to me that I should probably confirm that his weapons were secured because I do have a son with ADHD who is very curious and while we've spoken with him about it, I can't say I feel confident what he would do if he happened on something. These friends don't have kids themselves yet so I realized it may not be something that is top of mind for them. So my husband casually checked in about it, no one was offended and we confirmed all was well. I would try not to assume too much about your friends or kids playmates beliefs. Everyone is just trying to do their best and most of us assume that other families are as well and are making the right decisions for their families re: gun ownership etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We try to host first and I include in the invite that we have a gun-free and pet-free home and then I ask about any allergies I should know about. That puts people on notice that I’ll likely ask should they choose to reciprocate and invite my kids to their home.

The fact that you use those words "puts people on notice" seems like you are coming from an aggressive, hostile view.

[Anonymous]

I had to really think about this before answering because I think it’s a reasonable concern. But ultimately, I don’t think asking would really accomplish anything unless you are going to take a blanket “My kids can’t go to houses with guns, period” stance (no judgement). No one who stores guns improperly will give you that information. It’s silly to assume they would admit that they would. And asking has the negative effect of offending people. So when my kid reaches play date age I don’t think I’ll ask. I think I’d focus instead on drilling gun safety into my own child (immediately leave and tell an adult, no touching, etc) and on getting to know parents so you can judge how responsible and sober they seem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very pro gun control and am grateful to live in Md where we have slot of common sense gun laws like red flag laws, and strongly support an assault style weapon ban.

But, statically, pools are much more dangerous to visiting kids than guns in a home. I suspect dogs in the home would also be a greater risk. I personally worry more about those situations and prefer to host instead of risk them. But barring a circumstance like a teen brother with guns, I would assume it was safe enough.

Thsts why we ask about these too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had to really think about this before answering because I think it’s a reasonable concern. But ultimately, I don’t think asking would really accomplish anything unless you are going to take a blanket “My kids can’t go to houses with guns, period” stance (no judgement). No one who stores guns improperly will give you that information. It’s silly to assume they would admit that they would. And asking has the negative effect of offending people. So when my kid reaches play date age I don’t think I’ll ask. I think I’d focus instead on drilling gun safety into my own child (immediately leave and tell an adult, no touching, etc) and on getting to know parents so you can judge how responsible and sober they seem.

If someone gets offended then that’s a risk I’m willing to take to save lives

[Anonymous]

I've never asked or been asked. I have 2 kids, 8 and 6. However, I would never drop my kids off at a house that I didn't know the parents and hadn't seen their home, either. Every time my kids have been invited for a play date, either I already know the parents or I ask to come in for a few minutes at the beginning of the play date to meet them before leaving my kid there. I know that's still not that information but you can kind of get a good feeling or a bad feeling about a situation just from that. If I were to go in someone's house and they had big scary dogs or a non-fenced pool or it was hoarder-level dirty or something, I wouldn't leave my kid there. If the parents seem weird, I wouldn't leave my kid there.

We prefer to just host playdates at our house for the most part so we don't have to worry about such things.

[Anonymous]

Another person who never asks and has never been asked.

At some level, it sort of seems like a vanity exercise/virtue signaling. At least in most of DCUM territory, the answer is always go to be either (1) no we don’t have guns, in which case you can band together and tsk tsk gun owners, or (2) yes we have guns but we’re the responsible type of gun owners and we’re in favor of an assault weapons ban and red flag laws and we never give a dime to the NRA and each gun is locked up, unloaded in its own basement vault and every round of ammunition is separately locked up, individually, in its own biometric safe 300 miles away at our beach house. No one is going to be like “yeah we’ve got a half dozen loaded weapons just strewn about the house.”

So while I think it’s a little silly, I also wouldn’t be offended if someone did ask. (DH has a bunch of guns, all in safes but mostly stored loaded. If you keep a gun for personal protection I’m not sure why you would store it unloaded.)