Teen got a bad grade, DH wants to take away her online shopping.

[Anonymous]

Not sure how you ‘take away online shopping’ would you cancel her credit card? Turn off internet access in her cell phone?

Definitely makes more sense to implement a study/honework time every day where no screens are allowed and maybe a tutor is brought in.

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing she’s spending a sh@t load of time on electronics when she says she’s studying. Tik Tom, YouTube, social media, etc

[Anonymous]

I remember when babysitters used to bring books to their jobs to study…

Yes I would take away her shopping, FaceTime, maybe phone if she couldn’t follow those rules. It sounds like she also needs to spend less time babysitting and more time at home studying.

[Anonymous]

Also this type of shopping is terrible for the environment. Does she have a job? If this is your money, I would not allow it to be spent this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's had a hard time the past few years with anxiety and depression. She has finally bounced back and is really on the road to recovery. As such, she has picked up a number of hobbies like crafting and painting. She also enjoys buying craft supplies on these apps.

I guess my feeling is that she got ONE bad grade, we don't need to set consequences just yet. And if we did, do we NEED to take away one of the things that she actually seems excited about?

The last 2 years were really dark for her. So, seeing her get excited about craft supplies is a total win.

Why can’t you guys talk to her and figure out what caused the bad grade? Sheesh this is
Parenting 101.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you have two problems. A bad grade and her need for instant gratification that she fills with her shopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is wish and Shein? This posts makes no sense but if she got bad grades then yes cut her shopping.

Okay, I'm old and prefer shopping in-person but the post makes no sense because you don't know the e- commerce sites in the post? Don't you ever look anything up? Let me introduce you to another popular site: Google.

A bad grade is the culmination of a series of different choices. I wouldn't discipline yet, but I'd be in her business to see how her time breaks down and how she is targeting the classes she is taking. Maybe this classes is just beyond what she can do naturally and she needs your help to figure out how to tackle it.

Your DH's approach reminds me of my dad. No help just threats.

[Anonymous]

I cannot imagine punishing a child over grades. Makes no sense. If they struggle, you find a way to help them improve, which may include finding ways to help them focus on studying, like a screen free environment until work is done. Don't frame that as "punishment" or taking away something.

Punishment is such an unbelieveably bad and counterproductive move for mental health in this context.

[Anonymous]

it sounds like shopping in her hobby, not crafting.

shopping can’t be a healthy coping strategy to encourage.

[Anonymous]

The punishment doesn’t have to directly correlate.

If she wants privileges back she’ll step it up in that class.

DH is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The punishment doesn’t have to directly correlate.

If she wants privileges back she’ll step it up in that class.

DH is right.

What if it's not just a matter of effort? I get you. My parents were like that. But they also felt that some people were stupid and that if they couldn't do any better than that's the life they were meant to have. Fatalism as its best.

Maybe parenting has gotten better over the decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The punishment doesn’t have to directly correlate.

If she wants privileges back she’ll step it up in that class.

DH is right.

What if it's not just a matter of effort? I get you. My parents were like that. But they also felt that some people were stupid and that if they couldn't do any better than that's the life they were meant to have. Fatalism as its best.

Maybe parenting has gotten better over the decades.

If it’s not a matter of effort than a discussion needs to happen and tools provided whether it be within the school or outside of it (i.e. a tutor).
If she’s doing her best and still no improvement, I imagine she’ll say that and then parents can step in.
Parents can also initiate the conversation but simply saying the punishment is “unfair” isn’t right either.

We don’t know and it depends.
Actions or lack thereof have consequences and if she isn’t putting in the effort hobbies and what not should be reduced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn’t he spend some time speaking with her about her grade instead of thinking of ding dong ways to make her feel bad?

+1

[Anonymous]

How old is she?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The punishment doesn’t have to directly correlate.

If she wants privileges back she’ll step it up in that class.

DH is right.

What if it's not just a matter of effort? I get you. My parents were like that. But they also felt that some people were stupid and that if they couldn't do any better than that's the life they were meant to have. Fatalism as its best.

Maybe parenting has gotten better over the decades.

If it’s not a matter of effort than a discussion needs to happen and tools provided whether it be within the school or outside of it (i.e. a tutor).
If she’s doing her best and still no improvement, I imagine she’ll say that and then parents can step in.
Parents can also initiate the conversation but simply saying the punishment is “unfair” isn’t right either.

We don’t know and it depends.
Actions or lack thereof have consequences and if she isn’t putting in the effort hobbies and what not should be reduced.

Yes, you are right and are therefore agreeing with me and many other posters. Her process of studying needs to be looked into. Not just off the cuff threats to "study harder." For a kid who is not doing well. OP has in no way said whether this conversation has taken place, just thst DH is just threatening to cut off some of the kid's activities which he was not bothered by before her bad grade. Look into why this is occurring. Then support or restrict as needed.