Experiences with neurodivergent adult child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Following this post. My ADD daughter just quit college after freshman year. She is so disappointed in herself, and we don't quite know what to do with her. She can be incredibly sweet and friendly, but is just addicted to her phone and cannot seem to do the basics like check email, ya know, to see if one of the jobs she applied for reached out. So frustrating. It's honestly 100% executive functioning.

This also sounds anxiety. I graduated from an Ivy and I have ADHD (I currently take medication and was medicated in college). My senior year I asked professors to write me recommendations for grad programs (all said yes) but I was so afraid they would say no that I missed all of their responses...I've never been medicated for anxiety and after 10+ years in the workforce to have executive level job at a FAANG but for years my husband wrote thank you notes to companies when I was interviewing because I had so much anxiety around that particular process (maybe this is the case with your daughter).

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ableist mom here. I make sure I compare them to their super high achieving gifted sibling. I am deeply embarrassed by their way of being in the world, and LOL, I stopped hiding it when they were in high school. I have zero tolerance for people who are not mentally and physically fit.

My ND daughter thinks I'm ignorant and arrogant. She abruptly severed ties with me a year ago. Oh well.

What a fing horrible person you are.

+1000 Agree

The person was joking sarcastically

Yes, that's why the responses to the poster were appropriate. The sarcastic person was horrible. It was fully understood.

The post was way out of line trolling regardless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe start by not invalidating their experience by calling it "high functioning." That's just another way of saying that the autism doesn't affect others, but ignores the affect it has on the autistic person. And masking is exhausting. You could begin to build a better relationship if you don't expect them to mask around you.
-Autistic adult

Yes, without a hundred a thirty-seven paragraphs of explicit details about the child, updated to the latest officially approved vocabulary from this morning, how can OP hope to get any useful advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an adult DC with autism. In today’s vernacular they are level one, low support. They are 26 and have a good job.

They lived at home for the first 3 years Post college and now live in their own apartment. They need help with cleaning the apartment and other things. They generally consult with us on various decisions. We see them about once a week and FaceTime several times during the week. They are still active with their friend group online, but Covid has stunted their ability to find a friend group locally. They are in a job that is stereotypical for level one, low support, and have been able to do a few things outside of work with co-workers. The problem is that, for the most part, they are all still working from home. I think working in the office would be beneficial to them and their co-workers at this point in their careers.

What exactly is a stereotypical job for a level one ASD person? My DC is about to graduate from college with a STEM degree and is having a hard time interviewing and landing a job despite great qualifications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe start by not invalidating their experience by calling it "high functioning." That's just another way of saying that the autism doesn't affect others, but ignores the affect it has on the autistic person. And masking is exhausting. You could begin to build a better relationship if you don't expect them to mask around you.
-Autistic adult

For starters OP, don’t take anything personally when Autistic Adults constantly verbally attack you. They can’t not disagree and be belligerent.

Detach

Have your social needs and supports from other circles of friends.

Offer advice but not enabling or codependency

Allow them lots of daily decompression time

Watch for their anxiety or depression episodes and help them get treatment or meds

Get them therapy tune ups and executive functioning coaches as needed

Do not pressure them to be social, date or get married.

Do not hide their diagnoses from any serious significant others. Do not.
Offer help or advice but dont keep a family secret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe start by not invalidating their experience by calling it "high functioning." That's just another way of saying that the autism doesn't affect others, but ignores the affect it has on the autistic person. And masking is exhausting. You could begin to build a better relationship if you don't expect them to mask around you.
-Autistic adult

Fine.
Hfa = aspergers = ASD I = absentminded professor = quirky = space cadet

Those all mean the same thing, some are more codified than others, esp in a work place or when talking about gramps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ableist mom here. I make sure I compare them to their super high achieving gifted sibling. I am deeply embarrassed by their way of being in the world, and LOL, I stopped hiding it when they were in high school. I have zero tolerance for people who are not mentally and physically fit.

My ND daughter thinks I'm ignorant and arrogant. She abruptly severed ties with me a year ago. Oh well.

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe start by not invalidating their experience by calling it "high functioning." That's just another way of saying that the autism doesn't affect others, but ignores the affect it has on the autistic person. And masking is exhausting. You could begin to build a better relationship if you don't expect them to mask around you.
-Autistic adult

Advice for getting them NOT to mask around parents? Or most people.
I see a funny insightful human hiding behind a veneer. It’s so hard to get to the real person.

For us when adult asd child “unmasks” it means angry episodes or crashing / going to bed early or no speaking an all. He just can’t keep up the act once home after work or being with others. They get that side of him, we do not— unless we invite people over. Though son has taken o disappearing upstairs under the guise of “work” but really just reads the internet or watches Netflix a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ableist mom here. I make sure I compare them to their super high achieving gifted sibling. I am deeply embarrassed by their way of being in the world, and LOL, I stopped hiding it when they were in high school. I have zero tolerance for people who are not mentally and physically fit.

My ND daughter thinks I'm ignorant and arrogant. She abruptly severed ties with me a year ago. Oh well.

Hey girl, we should form a club! So effing sicking and tired of the me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me autist in my life. As they screech into the void, do they ever have that ah-ha moment and figure out why they are so hated? Nah. That would require braincells they don't have, because they spent their critical brain development years starving themselves, because every single known food on earth is too gross for them, because... autist reasons. But hey, that's just their way of being in the world. Who are we to tell them that you need to eat food to stay alive? Autists know best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ableist mom here. I make sure I compare them to their super high achieving gifted sibling. I am deeply embarrassed by their way of being in the world, and LOL, I stopped hiding it when they were in high school. I have zero tolerance for people who are not mentally and physically fit.

My ND daughter thinks I'm ignorant and arrogant. She abruptly severed ties with me a year ago. Oh well.

What a fing horrible person you are.

+1000 Agree

Are you both 12 years old? S-A-R-C-A-S-M.

-NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ableist mom here. I make sure I compare them to their super high achieving gifted sibling. I am deeply embarrassed by their way of being in the world, and LOL, I stopped hiding it when they were in high school. I have zero tolerance for people who are not mentally and physically fit.

My ND daughter thinks I'm ignorant and arrogant. She abruptly severed ties with me a year ago. Oh well.

What a fing horrible person you are.

+1000 Agree

Are you both 12 years old? S-A-R-C-A-S-M.

-NP

Hon we know it was sarcastic, but the thing you don't get is that some of us parents of autists actually do loathe our children. Do our autistic children pick up on it? Who knows, who cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ableist mom here. I make sure I compare them to their super high achieving gifted sibling. I am deeply embarrassed by their way of being in the world, and LOL, I stopped hiding it when they were in high school. I have zero tolerance for people who are not mentally and physically fit.

My ND daughter thinks I'm ignorant and arrogant. She abruptly severed ties with me a year ago. Oh well.

What a fing horrible person you are.

+1000 Agree

The person was joking sarcastically

Yes, that's why the responses to the poster were appropriate. The sarcastic person was horrible. It was fully understood.

No, it wasn’t. And it wasn’t joking. It was reflecting OP back to themselves in a mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an adult DC with autism. In today’s vernacular they are level one, low support. They are 26 and have a good job.

They lived at home for the first 3 years Post college and now live in their own apartment. They need help with cleaning the apartment and other things. They generally consult with us on various decisions. We see them about once a week and FaceTime several times during the week. They are still active with their friend group online, but Covid has stunted their ability to find a friend group locally. They are in a job that is stereotypical for level one, low support, and have been able to do a few things outside of work with co-workers. The problem is that, for the most part, they are all still working from home. I think working in the office would be beneficial to them and their co-workers at this point in their careers.

What exactly is a stereotypical job for a level one ASD person? My DC is about to graduate from college with a STEM degree and is having a hard time interviewing and landing a job despite great qualifications.

computer/electrical engineering in the aerospace industry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an adult DC with autism. In today’s vernacular they are level one, low support. They are 26 and have a good job.

They lived at home for the first 3 years Post college and now live in their own apartment. They need help with cleaning the apartment and other things. They generally consult with us on various decisions. We see them about once a week and FaceTime several times during the week. They are still active with their friend group online, but Covid has stunted their ability to find a friend group locally. They are in a job that is stereotypical for level one, low support, and have been able to do a few things outside of work with co-workers. The problem is that, for the most part, they are all still working from home. I think working in the office would be beneficial to them and their co-workers at this point in their careers.

What exactly is a stereotypical job for a level one ASD person? My DC is about to graduate from college with a STEM degree and is having a hard time interviewing and landing a job despite great qualifications.

My DC got their job as a result of a co-op/internship. Did your DC have any internships ?