Dramatic mother makes me want to fall asleep forever
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Anonymous
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You are not a horrible person.
I also hated it in my 20s when my mom tried to force distant relatives I barely knew on me. One thing I understand now is that at a certain age, family becomes a lot more reliable than friendships and it's good to have a family network. But I also think that trying to encourage family bonds is kind of pointless -- either people will be drawn together or not. I would tell your mom that you understand that she wants you to connect with your extended family and set up some kind of agreement. Every weekend is a lot and you presumably have work and friends of your own, too. I would offer her one weekend a month dedicated to family (both your immediate family and visits with extended family) and then tell her that on the other weekends, you are going to do what you want. Maybe she will push for Sunday dinner at home each week, I could see agreeing to that. But the rest of the weekend is yours. In families like this, it can be very hard for parents to view their children as independent adults, especially the way American culture views people in their 20s to be independent. Your parents are probably old school and used to a system where you are basically a child until you get married. I think you should point this out to them and note that in raising you in the U.S., you grew up with American norms where it is very normal for an adult child in their 20s to have some separation and independence from their family, and that it is important to Americans to develop non-family friendships and social lives, especially while you were young. Help them to see that participating in these aspects of American culture will help you professionally and personally, and enable your family and your children to fit in when you have them. You should also point out that most Americans meet their spouses via socializing with friends in their 20s and 30s, not while socializing with family (does your mom want you to marry a cousin?). If they can view it as part of a larger system of building a life, perhaps your mom will better understand that you aren't abandoning her, you are trying to create a life for yourself. Good luck. I don't think you need to "grow up" as other posters do. I think this is pretty normal, especially in certain immigrant families where there is a disconnect between the expectations of parents and adult children based on cultural differences. Very normal -- you are far from the first person to go through this. |
Anonymous
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I work with so many people like you. They always whine about holiday gatherings, visiting family and having to spend weekends hosting relatives. They insist they can't afford to move out because they're unwilling to have roommates.
You must be saving a lot of money if you're living at home. Are roommates not a thing anymore? People are so awkward they can't imagine making peace with someone outside their family in an apartment? |
Anonymous
You call your mother dramatic but I mean, hello. Pot, meet kettle! |
Anonymous
While you’re in their home you don’t have the backbone to stand up for yourself like an adult. This may be cultural or lack of maturity but either way it’s not working for you, is it? |
Anonymous
| When my relatives come over, I hang out with my cousins. We play board games, go for walks, go to the park, go shopping, hang out and talk, etc. |
Anonymous
Not dramatic, eh? 
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Anonymous
| Get a job and start working weekends then you won't be available. |
Anonymous
| Troll. |
Anonymous
That seems like an easy solution but so ridiculous for a temporary problem. There will be a whole lot more that will make getting through the drudgery of life worth it. You are craving more independence in how you spend your time. Use that as energy to take steps to make money, live on a budget, move away or if you want to stay at home tell your mom you're scheduled to work, volunteering, studying hard... I can see why she would want you to meet your family though. You are building it up to be a huge bother but the more you meet people and make polite conversation, the easier life will be. You may make a nice connection, opportunity or gain insight. My mom is very similar but it's not just family, it's friends and neighbors who she will want me to meet any given holiday if I plan to visit her. It's annoying and sometimes I say "not this time please" but I've also had some amazing connections with people I didn't want to meet. I've learned recipes from women who've pulled me into the kitchen to teach me something quick I still make for my kids years later and stories about relatives I have that are invaluable. While stepping out is the easy option and I can see you have your eye on the easiest solutions. Challenge yourself to relax, have a good attitude and see if you can make it through and have a better time than you expected. Don't catastrophize meeting family. Study their faces, outlooks, attitudes and make connections where you can, it really will help you mature. |
Anonymous
| It's natural to butt heads with your parents as you are growing up. Otherwise we'd all just live with our parents forever. Take some time to make a plan to become more independent. Once you are living under your own roof, you can come visit for an hour and then go home. |
Anonymous
| Thanks for the people sho helped |
Anonymous
Helped you what? Keep doing exactly what you are doing? What are you going to do now that you’ve gotten “help”? |
Anonymous
Wow lady you are miserable. I wanted reassurance that im not ocerreacting and i got it! jeez relax |
Anonymous
You are overreacting, but to the wrong issues. You need to confront your fears, whats the worst that can happen in meeting family, being social, moving out, trying to advance yourself? It's definitely not worst than dying. |
Anonymous
You’re suicidal about not wanting to see some cousins, and *I* need to relax? How are you not overreacting if you’d rather die than freaking move out of Mommy and Daddy’s house? OK, sweetie. |