Dramatic mother makes me want to fall asleep forever

[Anonymous]

Im in my early twenties and am not in the mood to see my relatives at all. We have many relatives and my mom forces me and my sister to see them all. So does my dad. We are middleeastern so I think this is a very asian type of thing. I seriously would rather take the empire state building and shove it up myself one brick at a time than to be forced to see people when I don’t want to.

These cousins of mine have their lives on track and they’re having fun, and I haven’t seen them in years because no one is forcing them to see their relatives. My mom is just a nutjob.

Im not swearing my relatives of but I want to do what I want to do. Its very frustrating having people force you to do something. We have relatives over every effing weekend. Yes. Every effing Fri/Sat/Sun. One of those days sometimes two.

I just told my mom ”have fun” after she told my we have cousins coming over from another country. And she is pissed. She said ”how long are you going to do this for” with anger.

I just wanna live my life on my own terms. Im not a bad child. I dont party, no drugs no alcohol. And I see these people my age having so much fun and not caring at all and it makes me want to die.

Like we have relatives we just started seeing again after reconnecting. And I had never met them cause it was so long ago. And my parents expects me to see them wtf? I feel so guilty to but I literally haven’t done anything wrong. My crime is that I stand up for myself and that I won’t take orders for this one thing.

Am I a horrible person?

[Anonymous]

OP are you in therapy? I think you should be in therapy. I think an anonymous internet board can’t sort out all the issues here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP are you in therapy? I think you should be in therapy. I think an anonymous internet board can’t sort out all the issues here.

I know but iM desperate for reassurance. God knows Im not a bad hearted person. I just dont want anyone telling me what I have to do.

I definitely need therapy

[Anonymous]

I don't really understand your post. Why can't you see your relatives AND have fun and live your life? Unless visiting with relatives is taking up every minute of your spare time, it doesn't make sense that your parents expecting you to spend time with family is preventing you from pursuing your own interests. That being said, you can say no sometimes without making this world war 3. Practice saying "Sorry Mom, I can't make it." Don't try to argue with your mom about why. You need to start setting boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really understand your post. Why can't you see your relatives AND have fun and live your life? Unless visiting with relatives is taking up every minute of your spare time, it doesn't make sense that your parents expecting you to spend time with family is preventing you from pursuing your own interests. That being said, you can say no sometimes without making this world war 3. Practice saying "Sorry Mom, I can't make it." Don't try to argue with your mom about why. You need to start setting boundaries.

I get what you mean but heres the thing, every weekend when most people are relaxing or taking the day as it comes and going with the flow, Im all tense from knowing I have to sit for like 7 hours and do something I don’t wanna do. Every weekend. And so at times like this when ppl are coming from a different country, its not fun for me. Because its a mental burden

[Anonymous]

Are you living with your parents? If you are, move out. Once you are independent, you can do as you please. If you still live with them or are getting your education paid for by them, then yeah. You need to play along a bit. The sooner you are financially independent, the sooner you can choose how to spend your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really understand your post. Why can't you see your relatives AND have fun and live your life? Unless visiting with relatives is taking up every minute of your spare time, it doesn't make sense that your parents expecting you to spend time with family is preventing you from pursuing your own interests. That being said, you can say no sometimes without making this world war 3. Practice saying "Sorry Mom, I can't make it." Don't try to argue with your mom about why. You need to start setting boundaries.

I get what you mean but heres the thing, every weekend when most people are relaxing or taking the day as it comes and going with the flow, Im all tense from knowing I have to sit for like 7 hours and do something I don’t wanna do. Every weekend. And so at times like this when ppl are coming from a different country, its not fun for me. Because its a mental burden

Do you live at home with your mother? If not, what would happen if you just didn’t show up? Tell her you cannot be there and then just don’t go. If you live at home, what would happen if you left? Would you get kicked out? Would that be ok with you?

I get having to navigate around cultural norms, but is there no ability for your mom to compromise? What will she actually do if you just are noncompliant?

[Anonymous]

Op here, yes I live at home. But i dont wanna move out is that weird? The only time i wanna move out is times like these. But i know if i moved out id be miserable. Ive really never had the desire to live alone

[Anonymous]

If you live at home, which I am assuming you do, based on your post, it's time to fly to coop.

[Anonymous]

Op here, i have done this before where i dont sit with my relatives. What happens is I tell my mom a week before and shes pissed for that entire week. Then its over until we have ppl over again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, yes I live at home. But i dont wanna move out is that weird? The only time i wanna move out is times like these. But i know if i moved out id be miserable. Ive really never had the desire to live alone

Yes, it is weird. You don’t have to live alone: I lived with roommates in my early 20s. Oh no, you might actually have to work to find roommates and move yourself out!

If you stay stunted as a child, you’re going to be treated like a child. When you decide to grow up, you’ll be able to do what you please with your time and energy. Right now, you’re choosing to be a child. So Mommy and Daddy get to decide how you spend your time.

[Anonymous]

Make a polite appearance and then excuse yourself saying you have a big project due.

[Anonymous]

Time to grow up.

[Anonymous]

I want to d*e

Im effed arent I

[Anonymous]

You concentrate on your studies and chart a career path that will give you fulfillment and freedom from home. The only middle eastern/muslim girls who I know and who got away without pissing off their parents were those who worked like dogs in HS and college and have big careers that keep them away from home. They are financially independent and successful. Their family has no clue or power over their personal lives either.

You need to grow up. Your cousins also may not want to spend time with you and they too are bored in your company. I would suggest that when you have relatives, you plan out a day trip to nearby attractions with them and show them around.

Also, GROW UP.