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[quote=Anonymous]You are not a horrible person.

I also hated it in my 20s when my mom tried to force distant relatives I barely knew on me. One thing I understand now is that at a certain age, family becomes a lot more reliable than friendships and it's good to have a family network. But I also think that trying to encourage family bonds is kind of pointless -- either people will be drawn together or not.

I would tell your mom that you understand that she wants you to connect with your extended family and set up some kind of agreement. Every weekend is a lot and you presumably have work and friends of your own, too. I would offer her one weekend a month dedicated to family (both your immediate family and visits with extended family) and then tell her that on the other weekends, you are going to do what you want. Maybe she will push for Sunday dinner at home each week, I could see agreeing to that. But the rest of the weekend is yours.

In families like this, it can be very hard for parents to view their children as independent adults, especially the way American culture views people in their 20s to be independent. Your parents are probably old school and used to a system where you are basically a child until you get married. I think you should point this out to them and note that in raising you in the U.S., you grew up with American norms where it is very normal for an adult child in their 20s to have some separation and independence from their family, and that it is important to Americans to develop non-family friendships and social lives, especially while you were young. Help them to see that participating in these aspects of American culture will help you professionally and personally, and enable your family and your children to fit in when you have them. You should also point out that most Americans meet their spouses via socializing with friends in their 20s and 30s, not while socializing with family (does your mom want you to marry a cousin?). If they can view it as part of a larger system of building a life, perhaps your mom will better understand that you aren't abandoning her, you are trying to create a life for yourself.

Good luck. I don't think you need to "grow up" as other posters do. I think this is pretty normal, especially in certain immigrant families where there is a disconnect between the expectations of parents and adult children based on cultural differences. Very normal -- you are far from the first person to go through this.[/quote]

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