Taking custody of my 10 year old nephew

[Anonymous]

My husband was your nephew many years ago, and ended up being raised by his single Aunt. They had an amazing relationship, and he repaid her kindness a thousand times over as the years went by. He was the only person whose name she never forgot when she had dementia.

[Anonymous]

some kentucky resources

https://socialwork.uky.edu/office-of-foster-and-adoptive-support-and-training/

https://www.murraystate.edu/academics/care/TrainingResourceCenter/support.aspx

Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Do everything you can, OP, to keep him from going into the foster system. Bless you.

[Anonymous]

Update: I now have full custody of him, His father is to have no contact due to his history of violence but his mother (my sister) can visit him as long as i am present and she is sober, He starts school monday in 5th grade with after school tutoring, I am also looking for a family therapist, over all things have gone well so far.

[Anonymous]

You are a good person. Do it.

[Anonymous]

You are such a good person OP. You’ve given him a much better chance at a good life. It will be tough I’m sure - but we are all rooting for you.

[Anonymous]

Keep in mind that even "normal' kids exhibit challenging behaviors at this age. It won't be easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: I now have full custody of him, His father is to have no contact due to his history of violence but his mother (my sister) can visit him as long as i am present and she is sober, He starts school monday in 5th grade with after school tutoring, I am also looking for a family therapist, over all things have gone well so far.

OP, you are a wonderful person to do this! I am rooting for you and your nephew to become a strong family unit. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Good luck, op!!! Keep coming here asking for advice. You are not alone. Keep us updated!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: I now have full custody of him, His father is to have no contact due to his history of violence but his mother (my sister) can visit him as long as i am present and she is sober, He starts school monday in 5th grade with after school tutoring, I am also looking for a family therapist, over all things have gone well so far.

Thanks for the update, OP.

Was it you who posted that they have autism? If that's the case, then I would urge you to retain a therapist for yourself. My husband has autistic tendencies and has developed a conflict-ridden relationship with our teen son. He's very rigid in his thinking, and while that did not pose problems before when the kids were not pushing back on our rules, now it is, because my husband has difficulty persuading/convincing, which is such an important part of parenting an adolescent. He goes directly to punishment, which riles up teen DS even more, and leads to entirely preventable arguments! I'm very glad you're taking in your nephew, but please watch out for that tendency to rigid thinking. Best wishes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update: I now have full custody of him, His father is to have no contact due to his history of violence but his mother (my sister) can visit him as long as i am present and she is sober, He starts school monday in 5th grade with after school tutoring, I am also looking for a family therapist, over all things have gone well so far.

Thanks for the update, OP.

Was it you who posted that they have autism? If that's the case, then I would urge you to retain a therapist for yourself. My husband has autistic tendencies and has developed a conflict-ridden relationship with our teen son. He's very rigid in his thinking, and while that did not pose problems before when the kids were not pushing back on our rules, now it is, because my husband has difficulty persuading/convincing, which is such an important part of parenting an adolescent. He goes directly to punishment, which riles up teen DS even more, and leads to entirely preventable arguments! I'm very glad you're taking in your nephew, but please watch out for that tendency to rigid thinking. Best wishes!

It was me but its very mild and that's why it took so long for anyone to notice, I can be flexible as long as someone isn't being too unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

This is one of those moments, OP, where you find out what you are made of. We'd all like to think we'd step up, but we don't know until the child is on our doorstep, do we?

You are doing a wonderful thing. It won't be easy for you, but it will make all the difference in your nephew's life. He is blessed to have you.

[Anonymous]

My friend did this. She never had any biological children. The kid never went back to the family of origin and he is effectively her child now.

[Anonymous]

You are doing a very good thing OP. Family and connection are the very core of what makes life works living, and I don’t think you’ll ever regret stepping up this way.

Check out the work of Karyn Purvis/The Connected Child for some helpful stuff on parenting a child who has been through trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: I now have full custody of him, His father is to have no contact due to his history of violence but his mother (my sister) can visit him as long as i am present and she is sober, He starts school monday in 5th grade with after school tutoring, I am also looking for a family therapist, over all things have gone well so far.

Good for you!