Do other people describe you or treat you as "weird"? Come on in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you about the lack of real weird around here! I remember joining a hobby that I very much enjoyed and making friends (I have some normal friends -- I'm very very good at pretending to be normal) who kept talking about how this hobby was full of wonderful people who let them really embrace because weird and unusual and how it was so nice and welcoming... when they were all people I would absolutely classify as "normal." I miss being the comparatively normal one sometimes, honestly. I'm planning to move soon and I really hope my new area has some genuine nutters (affectionate).

YES. I had an off-beat hobby for a while thinking it would help me find people who are a little more off-beat like I am. Instead it was full of lawyers, consultants, and other professionals who turned the hobby into just another thing to be ultra-competitive and intense about. I still always felt like the "weird one" because I didn't work for some big name firm or company, I had not recently bought a condo or SFH in a nice neighborhood, and I didn't take regular vacations to the Caribbean, skiing out west, or European capitals. They were all super conformist and it was like this one off-beat hobby was another way of conforming -- I'm a corporate lawyer but in my free time I box/roller derby/circus/pole dance/etc.

People in DC work very hard to meet the expectations other people set for them, even when doing things considered "alternative" or "indie", and if you truly walk to the beat of your own drum, it's hard to find kindred spirits here.

You are impossible. Your experience could easily have taught you a completely different lesson -- like, "you can't judge a book by its cover, and next time I see a lawyer, consultant or other professional, I'm not going to make shallow assumptions about who they are on the inside."

You are missing the point. It's not about judging someone, it's about the fact that doing one off-beat hobby doesn't make you non-conformist if in every other way you are a conformist. And when you get a bunch of pretty conformist people together doing something unusual, they will make that unusual activity conformist. So if you are someone who is neuro-divergent or just struggle to fit in, you might join that hobby think you will find people like you, people who who feel like outsiders, only to find that everyone else there is really similar to one another in very socially-approved ways.

The lawyers and consultants I met in this hobby were what they appeared to be -- competitive and fairly traditional. Their choice of hobby did not actually reflect a more unusual way of viewing the world or a refusal to engage in cultural norms for their own sake. Which is great for them! They seemed nice. But I still didn't fit in with them.

Maybe they chose the hobby because they liked it. Maybe you have more in common with people than you think.

I'm sure they did choose it because they liked it. I did not feel welcome or like a part of their group because the only thing I had in common with them was this hobby, and people could not relate to my background or the way I arrange or prioritize my life. They were relatively narrow in that regard.

Look, I get my comment seems to have triggered you (I'm guessing your a lawyer type with an off-beat hobby) but it's not actually about you. I'm talking about MY experience, which is that I joined an unusual hobby thinking I'd find people like me because I sometimes struggle to fine people I have things in common with. And instead I found that most of the people there had a lot in common with each other but not with me, and I continued to feel like an outsider. Conversations at the hobby tended to gravitate toward the same topics that a lot of UMC urban professionals tend to discuss at work or at happy hours or at parties. The fact that we were doing a somewhat unusual hobby didn't seem to factor much into it.

That is my experience and even if you feel personally insulted by it, that doesn't change the fact that it was my experience.

I'm not insulted or triggered. I'm also not a lawyer with a quirky hobby. My entire life is quirky, for this area at least. This area is incredibly dull. FYI all of the friends I've made since becoming a parent have come in through the back door. They were not people I ever imagined I'd have something in common with or click with. But we just kept seeing each other over and over and over until we were connected. Then once we were friends and started sharing, guess what, we have a lot more in common than I thought we did. People don't tell you the weird things for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you about the lack of real weird around here! I remember joining a hobby that I very much enjoyed and making friends (I have some normal friends -- I'm very very good at pretending to be normal) who kept talking about how this hobby was full of wonderful people who let them really embrace because weird and unusual and how it was so nice and welcoming... when they were all people I would absolutely classify as "normal." I miss being the comparatively normal one sometimes, honestly. I'm planning to move soon and I really hope my new area has some genuine nutters (affectionate).

YES. I had an off-beat hobby for a while thinking it would help me find people who are a little more off-beat like I am. Instead it was full of lawyers, consultants, and other professionals who turned the hobby into just another thing to be ultra-competitive and intense about. I still always felt like the "weird one" because I didn't work for some big name firm or company, I had not recently bought a condo or SFH in a nice neighborhood, and I didn't take regular vacations to the Caribbean, skiing out west, or European capitals. They were all super conformist and it was like this one off-beat hobby was another way of conforming -- I'm a corporate lawyer but in my free time I box/roller derby/circus/pole dance/etc.

People in DC work very hard to meet the expectations other people set for them, even when doing things considered "alternative" or "indie", and if you truly walk to the beat of your own drum, it's hard to find kindred spirits here.

You are impossible. Your experience could easily have taught you a completely different lesson -- like, "you can't judge a book by its cover, and next time I see a lawyer, consultant or other professional, I'm not going to make shallow assumptions about who they are on the inside."

You are missing the point. It's not about judging someone, it's about the fact that doing one off-beat hobby doesn't make you non-conformist if in every other way you are a conformist. And when you get a bunch of pretty conformist people together doing something unusual, they will make that unusual activity conformist. So if you are someone who is neuro-divergent or just struggle to fit in, you might join that hobby think you will find people like you, people who who feel like outsiders, only to find that everyone else there is really similar to one another in very socially-approved ways.

The lawyers and consultants I met in this hobby were what they appeared to be -- competitive and fairly traditional. Their choice of hobby did not actually reflect a more unusual way of viewing the world or a refusal to engage in cultural norms for their own sake. Which is great for them! They seemed nice. But I still didn't fit in with them.

Maybe they chose the hobby because they liked it. Maybe you have more in common with people than you think.

Dp. That is such a good point. These self described weird people would have to reframe their whole existence if they admitted that they are more "normal" than they thought. Truth is, everyone feels like an outsider at some point in their life. Most of us just carry on with living rather than view every interaction as evidence of ourdifferences.

This is extremely easy to say if you mostly fit in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you about the lack of real weird around here! I remember joining a hobby that I very much enjoyed and making friends (I have some normal friends -- I'm very very good at pretending to be normal) who kept talking about how this hobby was full of wonderful people who let them really embrace because weird and unusual and how it was so nice and welcoming... when they were all people I would absolutely classify as "normal." I miss being the comparatively normal one sometimes, honestly. I'm planning to move soon and I really hope my new area has some genuine nutters (affectionate).

YES. I had an off-beat hobby for a while thinking it would help me find people who are a little more off-beat like I am. Instead it was full of lawyers, consultants, and other professionals who turned the hobby into just another thing to be ultra-competitive and intense about. I still always felt like the "weird one" because I didn't work for some big name firm or company, I had not recently bought a condo or SFH in a nice neighborhood, and I didn't take regular vacations to the Caribbean, skiing out west, or European capitals. They were all super conformist and it was like this one off-beat hobby was another way of conforming -- I'm a corporate lawyer but in my free time I box/roller derby/circus/pole dance/etc.

People in DC work very hard to meet the expectations other people set for them, even when doing things considered "alternative" or "indie", and if you truly walk to the beat of your own drum, it's hard to find kindred spirits here.

You are impossible. Your experience could easily have taught you a completely different lesson -- like, "you can't judge a book by its cover, and next time I see a lawyer, consultant or other professional, I'm not going to make shallow assumptions about who they are on the inside."

You are missing the point. It's not about judging someone, it's about the fact that doing one off-beat hobby doesn't make you non-conformist if in every other way you are a conformist. And when you get a bunch of pretty conformist people together doing something unusual, they will make that unusual activity conformist. So if you are someone who is neuro-divergent or just struggle to fit in, you might join that hobby think you will find people like you, people who who feel like outsiders, only to find that everyone else there is really similar to one another in very socially-approved ways.

The lawyers and consultants I met in this hobby were what they appeared to be -- competitive and fairly traditional. Their choice of hobby did not actually reflect a more unusual way of viewing the world or a refusal to engage in cultural norms for their own sake. Which is great for them! They seemed nice. But I still didn't fit in with them.

Maybe they chose the hobby because they liked it. Maybe you have more in common with people than you think.

I'm sure they did choose it because they liked it. I did not feel welcome or like a part of their group because the only thing I had in common with them was this hobby, and people could not relate to my background or the way I arrange or prioritize my life. They were relatively narrow in that regard.

Look, I get my comment seems to have triggered you (I'm guessing your a lawyer type with an off-beat hobby) but it's not actually about you. I'm talking about MY experience, which is that I joined an unusual hobby thinking I'd find people like me because I sometimes struggle to fine people I have things in common with. And instead I found that most of the people there had a lot in common with each other but not with me, and I continued to feel like an outsider. Conversations at the hobby tended to gravitate toward the same topics that a lot of UMC urban professionals tend to discuss at work or at happy hours or at parties. The fact that we were doing a somewhat unusual hobby didn't seem to factor much into it.

That is my experience and even if you feel personally insulted by it, that doesn't change the fact that it was my experience.

I'm not insulted or triggered. I'm also not a lawyer with a quirky hobby. My entire life is quirky, for this area at least. This area is incredibly dull. FYI all of the friends I've made since becoming a parent have come in through the back door. They were not people I ever imagined I'd have something in common with or click with. But we just kept seeing each other over and over and over until we were connected. Then once we were friends and started sharing, guess what, we have a lot more in common than I thought we did. People don't tell you the weird things for a long time.

Good for you. What does any of that have to do with the fact that when I sought out an unusual hobby in the hopes of meeting other people who felt like square pegs in round holes, instead I found that most of the people there were quite conventional in ways that were similar to one another but not to me, and I once again felt like an outsider?

None of those people wanted to see me outside of that hobby, which I went to for years, because they thought I was weird and they wanted to spend time with people who had more similar backgrounds and jobs to them. Our shared hobby was not enough to connect us.

You are acting like I rejected them and don't seem to get that they rejected me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you about the lack of real weird around here! I remember joining a hobby that I very much enjoyed and making friends (I have some normal friends -- I'm very very good at pretending to be normal) who kept talking about how this hobby was full of wonderful people who let them really embrace because weird and unusual and how it was so nice and welcoming... when they were all people I would absolutely classify as "normal." I miss being the comparatively normal one sometimes, honestly. I'm planning to move soon and I really hope my new area has some genuine nutters (affectionate).

YES. I had an off-beat hobby for a while thinking it would help me find people who are a little more off-beat like I am. Instead it was full of lawyers, consultants, and other professionals who turned the hobby into just another thing to be ultra-competitive and intense about. I still always felt like the "weird one" because I didn't work for some big name firm or company, I had not recently bought a condo or SFH in a nice neighborhood, and I didn't take regular vacations to the Caribbean, skiing out west, or European capitals. They were all super conformist and it was like this one off-beat hobby was another way of conforming -- I'm a corporate lawyer but in my free time I box/roller derby/circus/pole dance/etc.

People in DC work very hard to meet the expectations other people set for them, even when doing things considered "alternative" or "indie", and if you truly walk to the beat of your own drum, it's hard to find kindred spirits here.

You are impossible. Your experience could easily have taught you a completely different lesson -- like, "you can't judge a book by its cover, and next time I see a lawyer, consultant or other professional, I'm not going to make shallow assumptions about who they are on the inside."

You are missing the point. It's not about judging someone, it's about the fact that doing one off-beat hobby doesn't make you non-conformist if in every other way you are a conformist. And when you get a bunch of pretty conformist people together doing something unusual, they will make that unusual activity conformist. So if you are someone who is neuro-divergent or just struggle to fit in, you might join that hobby think you will find people like you, people who who feel like outsiders, only to find that everyone else there is really similar to one another in very socially-approved ways.

The lawyers and consultants I met in this hobby were what they appeared to be -- competitive and fairly traditional. Their choice of hobby did not actually reflect a more unusual way of viewing the world or a refusal to engage in cultural norms for their own sake. Which is great for them! They seemed nice. But I still didn't fit in with them.

Maybe they chose the hobby because they liked it. Maybe you have more in common with people than you think.

I'm sure they did choose it because they liked it. I did not feel welcome or like a part of their group because the only thing I had in common with them was this hobby, and people could not relate to my background or the way I arrange or prioritize my life. They were relatively narrow in that regard.

Look, I get my comment seems to have triggered you (I'm guessing your a lawyer type with an off-beat hobby) but it's not actually about you. I'm talking about MY experience, which is that I joined an unusual hobby thinking I'd find people like me because I sometimes struggle to fine people I have things in common with. And instead I found that most of the people there had a lot in common with each other but not with me, and I continued to feel like an outsider. Conversations at the hobby tended to gravitate toward the same topics that a lot of UMC urban professionals tend to discuss at work or at happy hours or at parties. The fact that we were doing a somewhat unusual hobby didn't seem to factor much into it.

That is my experience and even if you feel personally insulted by it, that doesn't change the fact that it was my experience.

I'm not insulted or triggered. I'm also not a lawyer with a quirky hobby. My entire life is quirky, for this area at least. This area is incredibly dull. FYI all of the friends I've made since becoming a parent have come in through the back door. They were not people I ever imagined I'd have something in common with or click with. But we just kept seeing each other over and over and over until we were connected. Then once we were friends and started sharing, guess what, we have a lot more in common than I thought we did. People don't tell you the weird things for a long time.

Good for you. What does any of that have to do with the fact that when I sought out an unusual hobby in the hopes of meeting other people who felt like square pegs in round holes, instead I found that most of the people there were quite conventional in ways that were similar to one another but not to me, and I once again felt like an outsider?

None of those people wanted to see me outside of that hobby, which I went to for years, because they thought I was weird and they wanted to spend time with people who had more similar backgrounds and jobs to them. Our shared hobby was not enough to connect us.

You are acting like I rejected them and don't seem to get that they rejected me.

I was just trying to help you see things differently. That's all. There are as many different ways of experiencing reality as there are people on this planet. Sometimes seeing things a different way resonates and sets you free. But I won't add any more insights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you about the lack of real weird around here! I remember joining a hobby that I very much enjoyed and making friends (I have some normal friends -- I'm very very good at pretending to be normal) who kept talking about how this hobby was full of wonderful people who let them really embrace because weird and unusual and how it was so nice and welcoming... when they were all people I would absolutely classify as "normal." I miss being the comparatively normal one sometimes, honestly. I'm planning to move soon and I really hope my new area has some genuine nutters (affectionate).

YES. I had an off-beat hobby for a while thinking it would help me find people who are a little more off-beat like I am. Instead it was full of lawyers, consultants, and other professionals who turned the hobby into just another thing to be ultra-competitive and intense about. I still always felt like the "weird one" because I didn't work for some big name firm or company, I had not recently bought a condo or SFH in a nice neighborhood, and I didn't take regular vacations to the Caribbean, skiing out west, or European capitals. They were all super conformist and it was like this one off-beat hobby was another way of conforming -- I'm a corporate lawyer but in my free time I box/roller derby/circus/pole dance/etc.

People in DC work very hard to meet the expectations other people set for them, even when doing things considered "alternative" or "indie", and if you truly walk to the beat of your own drum, it's hard to find kindred spirits here.

You are impossible. Your experience could easily have taught you a completely different lesson -- like, "you can't judge a book by its cover, and next time I see a lawyer, consultant or other professional, I'm not going to make shallow assumptions about who they are on the inside."

You are missing the point. It's not about judging someone, it's about the fact that doing one off-beat hobby doesn't make you non-conformist if in every other way you are a conformist. And when you get a bunch of pretty conformist people together doing something unusual, they will make that unusual activity conformist. So if you are someone who is neuro-divergent or just struggle to fit in, you might join that hobby think you will find people like you, people who who feel like outsiders, only to find that everyone else there is really similar to one another in very socially-approved ways.

The lawyers and consultants I met in this hobby were what they appeared to be -- competitive and fairly traditional. Their choice of hobby did not actually reflect a more unusual way of viewing the world or a refusal to engage in cultural norms for their own sake. Which is great for them! They seemed nice. But I still didn't fit in with them.

Maybe they chose the hobby because they liked it. Maybe you have more in common with people than you think.

I'm sure they did choose it because they liked it. I did not feel welcome or like a part of their group because the only thing I had in common with them was this hobby, and people could not relate to my background or the way I arrange or prioritize my life. They were relatively narrow in that regard.

Look, I get my comment seems to have triggered you (I'm guessing your a lawyer type with an off-beat hobby) but it's not actually about you. I'm talking about MY experience, which is that I joined an unusual hobby thinking I'd find people like me because I sometimes struggle to fine people I have things in common with. And instead I found that most of the people there had a lot in common with each other but not with me, and I continued to feel like an outsider. Conversations at the hobby tended to gravitate toward the same topics that a lot of UMC urban professionals tend to discuss at work or at happy hours or at parties. The fact that we were doing a somewhat unusual hobby didn't seem to factor much into it.

That is my experience and even if you feel personally insulted by it, that doesn't change the fact that it was my experience.

I'm not insulted or triggered. I'm also not a lawyer with a quirky hobby. My entire life is quirky, for this area at least. This area is incredibly dull. FYI all of the friends I've made since becoming a parent have come in through the back door. They were not people I ever imagined I'd have something in common with or click with. But we just kept seeing each other over and over and over until we were connected. Then once we were friends and started sharing, guess what, we have a lot more in common than I thought we did. People don't tell you the weird things for a long time.

Good for you. What does any of that have to do with the fact that when I sought out an unusual hobby in the hopes of meeting other people who felt like square pegs in round holes, instead I found that most of the people there were quite conventional in ways that were similar to one another but not to me, and I once again felt like an outsider?

None of those people wanted to see me outside of that hobby, which I went to for years, because they thought I was weird and they wanted to spend time with people who had more similar backgrounds and jobs to them. Our shared hobby was not enough to connect us.

You are acting like I rejected them and don't seem to get that they rejected me.

I was just trying to help you see things differently. That's all. There are as many different ways of experiencing reality as there are people on this planet. Sometimes seeing things a different way resonates and sets you free. But I won't add any more insights.

A note for the future. Telling someone "you're impossible" and antagonizing them is not the perspective-widening approach you think it is. I was on this thread this morning because I am feeling frustrated and lonely, and you attacked everything I said like I'm some idiot who doesn't understand my own experience.

I think think possibly YOU are the one who needs to expand your perspective to accept that not everyone experiences life as you do and that when someone is complaining about an experience, it's not always their own fault and they can't always "fix" their problem by just behaving as you behave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you about the lack of real weird around here! I remember joining a hobby that I very much enjoyed and making friends (I have some normal friends -- I'm very very good at pretending to be normal) who kept talking about how this hobby was full of wonderful people who let them really embrace because weird and unusual and how it was so nice and welcoming... when they were all people I would absolutely classify as "normal." I miss being the comparatively normal one sometimes, honestly. I'm planning to move soon and I really hope my new area has some genuine nutters (affectionate).

YES. I had an off-beat hobby for a while thinking it would help me find people who are a little more off-beat like I am. Instead it was full of lawyers, consultants, and other professionals who turned the hobby into just another thing to be ultra-competitive and intense about. I still always felt like the "weird one" because I didn't work for some big name firm or company, I had not recently bought a condo or SFH in a nice neighborhood, and I didn't take regular vacations to the Caribbean, skiing out west, or European capitals. They were all super conformist and it was like this one off-beat hobby was another way of conforming -- I'm a corporate lawyer but in my free time I box/roller derby/circus/pole dance/etc.

People in DC work very hard to meet the expectations other people set for them, even when doing things considered "alternative" or "indie", and if you truly walk to the beat of your own drum, it's hard to find kindred spirits here.

You are impossible. Your experience could easily have taught you a completely different lesson -- like, "you can't judge a book by its cover, and next time I see a lawyer, consultant or other professional, I'm not going to make shallow assumptions about who they are on the inside."

You are missing the point. It's not about judging someone, it's about the fact that doing one off-beat hobby doesn't make you non-conformist if in every other way you are a conformist. And when you get a bunch of pretty conformist people together doing something unusual, they will make that unusual activity conformist. So if you are someone who is neuro-divergent or just struggle to fit in, you might join that hobby think you will find people like you, people who who feel like outsiders, only to find that everyone else there is really similar to one another in very socially-approved ways.

The lawyers and consultants I met in this hobby were what they appeared to be -- competitive and fairly traditional. Their choice of hobby did not actually reflect a more unusual way of viewing the world or a refusal to engage in cultural norms for their own sake. Which is great for them! They seemed nice. But I still didn't fit in with them.

Maybe they chose the hobby because they liked it. Maybe you have more in common with people than you think.

I'm sure they did choose it because they liked it. I did not feel welcome or like a part of their group because the only thing I had in common with them was this hobby, and people could not relate to my background or the way I arrange or prioritize my life. They were relatively narrow in that regard.

Look, I get my comment seems to have triggered you (I'm guessing your a lawyer type with an off-beat hobby) but it's not actually about you. I'm talking about MY experience, which is that I joined an unusual hobby thinking I'd find people like me because I sometimes struggle to fine people I have things in common with. And instead I found that most of the people there had a lot in common with each other but not with me, and I continued to feel like an outsider. Conversations at the hobby tended to gravitate toward the same topics that a lot of UMC urban professionals tend to discuss at work or at happy hours or at parties. The fact that we were doing a somewhat unusual hobby didn't seem to factor much into it.

That is my experience and even if you feel personally insulted by it, that doesn't change the fact that it was my experience.

I'm not insulted or triggered. I'm also not a lawyer with a quirky hobby. My entire life is quirky, for this area at least. This area is incredibly dull. FYI all of the friends I've made since becoming a parent have come in through the back door. They were not people I ever imagined I'd have something in common with or click with. But we just kept seeing each other over and over and over until we were connected. Then once we were friends and started sharing, guess what, we have a lot more in common than I thought we did. People don't tell you the weird things for a long time.

Good for you. What does any of that have to do with the fact that when I sought out an unusual hobby in the hopes of meeting other people who felt like square pegs in round holes, instead I found that most of the people there were quite conventional in ways that were similar to one another but not to me, and I once again felt like an outsider?

None of those people wanted to see me outside of that hobby, which I went to for years, because they thought I was weird and they wanted to spend time with people who had more similar backgrounds and jobs to them. Our shared hobby was not enough to connect us.

You are acting like I rejected them and don't seem to get that they rejected me.

I was just trying to help you see things differently. That's all. There are as many different ways of experiencing reality as there are people on this planet. Sometimes seeing things a different way resonates and sets you free. But I won't add any more insights.

A note for the future. Telling someone "you're impossible" and antagonizing them is not the perspective-widening approach you think it is. I was on this thread this morning because I am feeling frustrated and lonely, and you attacked everything I said like I'm some idiot who doesn't understand my own experience.

I think think possibly YOU are the one who needs to expand your perspective to accept that not everyone experiences life as you do and that when someone is complaining about an experience, it's not always their own fault and they can't always "fix" their problem by just behaving as you behave.

I've read your posts about this subject on multiple threads over time. They're heart-wrenching. Sorry I tried to fix it for you. I won't do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This area is stultifying. People are practically dead inside, unless they're mad or feeling mean. I would move somewhere else, where there is an artists' community or a college or literally anywhere but here. I bet you will be considered normal somewhere else.

You mean like here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you about the lack of real weird around here! I remember joining a hobby that I very much enjoyed and making friends (I have some normal friends -- I'm very very good at pretending to be normal) who kept talking about how this hobby was full of wonderful people who let them really embrace because weird and unusual and how it was so nice and welcoming... when they were all people I would absolutely classify as "normal." I miss being the comparatively normal one sometimes, honestly. I'm planning to move soon and I really hope my new area has some genuine nutters (affectionate).

YES. I had an off-beat hobby for a while thinking it would help me find people who are a little more off-beat like I am. Instead it was full of lawyers, consultants, and other professionals who turned the hobby into just another thing to be ultra-competitive and intense about. I still always felt like the "weird one" because I didn't work for some big name firm or company, I had not recently bought a condo or SFH in a nice neighborhood, and I didn't take regular vacations to the Caribbean, skiing out west, or European capitals. They were all super conformist and it was like this one off-beat hobby was another way of conforming -- I'm a corporate lawyer but in my free time I box/roller derby/circus/pole dance/etc.

People in DC work very hard to meet the expectations other people set for them, even when doing things considered "alternative" or "indie", and if you truly walk to the beat of your own drum, it's hard to find kindred spirits here.

You are impossible. Your experience could easily have taught you a completely different lesson -- like, "you can't judge a book by its cover, and next time I see a lawyer, consultant or other professional, I'm not going to make shallow assumptions about who they are on the inside."

You are missing the point. It's not about judging someone, it's about the fact that doing one off-beat hobby doesn't make you non-conformist if in every other way you are a conformist. And when you get a bunch of pretty conformist people together doing something unusual, they will make that unusual activity conformist. So if you are someone who is neuro-divergent or just struggle to fit in, you might join that hobby think you will find people like you, people who who feel like outsiders, only to find that everyone else there is really similar to one another in very socially-approved ways.

The lawyers and consultants I met in this hobby were what they appeared to be -- competitive and fairly traditional. Their choice of hobby did not actually reflect a more unusual way of viewing the world or a refusal to engage in cultural norms for their own sake. Which is great for them! They seemed nice. But I still didn't fit in with them.

Maybe they chose the hobby because they liked it. Maybe you have more in common with people than you think.

I'm sure they did choose it because they liked it. I did not feel welcome or like a part of their group because the only thing I had in common with them was this hobby, and people could not relate to my background or the way I arrange or prioritize my life. They were relatively narrow in that regard.

Look, I get my comment seems to have triggered you (I'm guessing your a lawyer type with an off-beat hobby) but it's not actually about you. I'm talking about MY experience, which is that I joined an unusual hobby thinking I'd find people like me because I sometimes struggle to fine people I have things in common with. And instead I found that most of the people there had a lot in common with each other but not with me, and I continued to feel like an outsider. Conversations at the hobby tended to gravitate toward the same topics that a lot of UMC urban professionals tend to discuss at work or at happy hours or at parties. The fact that we were doing a somewhat unusual hobby didn't seem to factor much into it.

That is my experience and even if you feel personally insulted by it, that doesn't change the fact that it was my experience.

I'm not insulted or triggered. I'm also not a lawyer with a quirky hobby. My entire life is quirky, for this area at least. This area is incredibly dull. FYI all of the friends I've made since becoming a parent have come in through the back door. They were not people I ever imagined I'd have something in common with or click with. But we just kept seeing each other over and over and over until we were connected. Then once we were friends and started sharing, guess what, we have a lot more in common than I thought we did. People don't tell you the weird things for a long time.

Good for you. What does any of that have to do with the fact that when I sought out an unusual hobby in the hopes of meeting other people who felt like square pegs in round holes, instead I found that most of the people there were quite conventional in ways that were similar to one another but not to me, and I once again felt like an outsider?

None of those people wanted to see me outside of that hobby, which I went to for years, because they thought I was weird and they wanted to spend time with people who had more similar backgrounds and jobs to them. Our shared hobby was not enough to connect us.

You are acting like I rejected them and don't seem to get that they rejected me.

I was just trying to help you see things differently. That's all. There are as many different ways of experiencing reality as there are people on this planet. Sometimes seeing things a different way resonates and sets you free. But I won't add any more insights.

A note for the future. Telling someone "you're impossible" and antagonizing them is not the perspective-widening approach you think it is. I was on this thread this morning because I am feeling frustrated and lonely, and you attacked everything I said like I'm some idiot who doesn't understand my own experience.

I think think possibly YOU are the one who needs to expand your perspective to accept that not everyone experiences life as you do and that when someone is complaining about an experience, it's not always their own fault and they can't always "fix" their problem by just behaving as you behave.

I've read your posts about this subject on multiple threads over time. They're heart-wrenching. Sorry I tried to fix it for you. I won't do it again.

As a general note, people vastly overestimate the usefulness of trying to "offer a different perspective." Often it is better to try and understand the perspective of the person speaking -- most people are looking to feel understood, not to be given a list of things to fix about themselves. The reason some people feel "weird" or not accepted is that they don't feel understood by others. Taking a moment to ask questions and seek understanding is so much more powerful for someone like that than reaching straight for "let me explain how to fix this." Especially if you don't know the person at all -- imagine how you'd feel if a total stranger walked up to you and started telling you what to change about yourself. Probably not great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you about the lack of real weird around here! I remember joining a hobby that I very much enjoyed and making friends (I have some normal friends -- I'm very very good at pretending to be normal) who kept talking about how this hobby was full of wonderful people who let them really embrace because weird and unusual and how it was so nice and welcoming... when they were all people I would absolutely classify as "normal." I miss being the comparatively normal one sometimes, honestly. I'm planning to move soon and I really hope my new area has some genuine nutters (affectionate).

YES. I had an off-beat hobby for a while thinking it would help me find people who are a little more off-beat like I am. Instead it was full of lawyers, consultants, and other professionals who turned the hobby into just another thing to be ultra-competitive and intense about. I still always felt like the "weird one" because I didn't work for some big name firm or company, I had not recently bought a condo or SFH in a nice neighborhood, and I didn't take regular vacations to the Caribbean, skiing out west, or European capitals. They were all super conformist and it was like this one off-beat hobby was another way of conforming -- I'm a corporate lawyer but in my free time I box/roller derby/circus/pole dance/etc.

People in DC work very hard to meet the expectations other people set for them, even when doing things considered "alternative" or "indie", and if you truly walk to the beat of your own drum, it's hard to find kindred spirits here.

You are impossible. Your experience could easily have taught you a completely different lesson -- like, "you can't judge a book by its cover, and next time I see a lawyer, consultant or other professional, I'm not going to make shallow assumptions about who they are on the inside."

You are missing the point. It's not about judging someone, it's about the fact that doing one off-beat hobby doesn't make you non-conformist if in every other way you are a conformist. And when you get a bunch of pretty conformist people together doing something unusual, they will make that unusual activity conformist. So if you are someone who is neuro-divergent or just struggle to fit in, you might join that hobby think you will find people like you, people who who feel like outsiders, only to find that everyone else there is really similar to one another in very socially-approved ways.

The lawyers and consultants I met in this hobby were what they appeared to be -- competitive and fairly traditional. Their choice of hobby did not actually reflect a more unusual way of viewing the world or a refusal to engage in cultural norms for their own sake. Which is great for them! They seemed nice. But I still didn't fit in with them.

Maybe they chose the hobby because they liked it. Maybe you have more in common with people than you think.

I'm sure they did choose it because they liked it. I did not feel welcome or like a part of their group because the only thing I had in common with them was this hobby, and people could not relate to my background or the way I arrange or prioritize my life. They were relatively narrow in that regard.

Look, I get my comment seems to have triggered you (I'm guessing your a lawyer type with an off-beat hobby) but it's not actually about you. I'm talking about MY experience, which is that I joined an unusual hobby thinking I'd find people like me because I sometimes struggle to fine people I have things in common with. And instead I found that most of the people there had a lot in common with each other but not with me, and I continued to feel like an outsider. Conversations at the hobby tended to gravitate toward the same topics that a lot of UMC urban professionals tend to discuss at work or at happy hours or at parties. The fact that we were doing a somewhat unusual hobby didn't seem to factor much into it.

That is my experience and even if you feel personally insulted by it, that doesn't change the fact that it was my experience.

I'm not insulted or triggered. I'm also not a lawyer with a quirky hobby. My entire life is quirky, for this area at least. This area is incredibly dull. FYI all of the friends I've made since becoming a parent have come in through the back door. They were not people I ever imagined I'd have something in common with or click with. But we just kept seeing each other over and over and over until we were connected. Then once we were friends and started sharing, guess what, we have a lot more in common than I thought we did. People don't tell you the weird things for a long time.

Good for you. What does any of that have to do with the fact that when I sought out an unusual hobby in the hopes of meeting other people who felt like square pegs in round holes, instead I found that most of the people there were quite conventional in ways that were similar to one another but not to me, and I once again felt like an outsider?

None of those people wanted to see me outside of that hobby, which I went to for years, because they thought I was weird and they wanted to spend time with people who had more similar backgrounds and jobs to them. Our shared hobby was not enough to connect us.

You are acting like I rejected them and don't seem to get that they rejected me.

I was just trying to help you see things differently. That's all. There are as many different ways of experiencing reality as there are people on this planet. Sometimes seeing things a different way resonates and sets you free. But I won't add any more insights.

A note for the future. Telling someone "you're impossible" and antagonizing them is not the perspective-widening approach you think it is. I was on this thread this morning because I am feeling frustrated and lonely, and you attacked everything I said like I'm some idiot who doesn't understand my own experience.

I think think possibly YOU are the one who needs to expand your perspective to accept that not everyone experiences life as you do and that when someone is complaining about an experience, it's not always their own fault and they can't always "fix" their problem by just behaving as you behave.

I've read your posts about this subject on multiple threads over time. They're heart-wrenching. Sorry I tried to fix it for you. I won't do it again.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you about the lack of real weird around here! I remember joining a hobby that I very much enjoyed and making friends (I have some normal friends -- I'm very very good at pretending to be normal) who kept talking about how this hobby was full of wonderful people who let them really embrace because weird and unusual and how it was so nice and welcoming... when they were all people I would absolutely classify as "normal." I miss being the comparatively normal one sometimes, honestly. I'm planning to move soon and I really hope my new area has some genuine nutters (affectionate).

YES. I had an off-beat hobby for a while thinking it would help me find people who are a little more off-beat like I am. Instead it was full of lawyers, consultants, and other professionals who turned the hobby into just another thing to be ultra-competitive and intense about. I still always felt like the "weird one" because I didn't work for some big name firm or company, I had not recently bought a condo or SFH in a nice neighborhood, and I didn't take regular vacations to the Caribbean, skiing out west, or European capitals. They were all super conformist and it was like this one off-beat hobby was another way of conforming -- I'm a corporate lawyer but in my free time I box/roller derby/circus/pole dance/etc.

People in DC work very hard to meet the expectations other people set for them, even when doing things considered "alternative" or "indie", and if you truly walk to the beat of your own drum, it's hard to find kindred spirits here.

You are impossible. Your experience could easily have taught you a completely different lesson -- like, "you can't judge a book by its cover, and next time I see a lawyer, consultant or other professional, I'm not going to make shallow assumptions about who they are on the inside."

You are missing the point. It's not about judging someone, it's about the fact that doing one off-beat hobby doesn't make you non-conformist if in every other way you are a conformist. And when you get a bunch of pretty conformist people together doing something unusual, they will make that unusual activity conformist. So if you are someone who is neuro-divergent or just struggle to fit in, you might join that hobby think you will find people like you, people who who feel like outsiders, only to find that everyone else there is really similar to one another in very socially-approved ways.

The lawyers and consultants I met in this hobby were what they appeared to be -- competitive and fairly traditional. Their choice of hobby did not actually reflect a more unusual way of viewing the world or a refusal to engage in cultural norms for their own sake. Which is great for them! They seemed nice. But I still didn't fit in with them.

Maybe they chose the hobby because they liked it. Maybe you have more in common with people than you think.

I'm sure they did choose it because they liked it. I did not feel welcome or like a part of their group because the only thing I had in common with them was this hobby, and people could not relate to my background or the way I arrange or prioritize my life. They were relatively narrow in that regard.

Look, I get my comment seems to have triggered you (I'm guessing your a lawyer type with an off-beat hobby) but it's not actually about you. I'm talking about MY experience, which is that I joined an unusual hobby thinking I'd find people like me because I sometimes struggle to fine people I have things in common with. And instead I found that most of the people there had a lot in common with each other but not with me, and I continued to feel like an outsider. Conversations at the hobby tended to gravitate toward the same topics that a lot of UMC urban professionals tend to discuss at work or at happy hours or at parties. The fact that we were doing a somewhat unusual hobby didn't seem to factor much into it.

That is my experience and even if you feel personally insulted by it, that doesn't change the fact that it was my experience.

I'm not insulted or triggered. I'm also not a lawyer with a quirky hobby. My entire life is quirky, for this area at least. This area is incredibly dull. FYI all of the friends I've made since becoming a parent have come in through the back door. They were not people I ever imagined I'd have something in common with or click with. But we just kept seeing each other over and over and over until we were connected. Then once we were friends and started sharing, guess what, we have a lot more in common than I thought we did. People don't tell you the weird things for a long time.

Good for you. What does any of that have to do with the fact that when I sought out an unusual hobby in the hopes of meeting other people who felt like square pegs in round holes, instead I found that most of the people there were quite conventional in ways that were similar to one another but not to me, and I once again felt like an outsider?

None of those people wanted to see me outside of that hobby, which I went to for years, because they thought I was weird and they wanted to spend time with people who had more similar backgrounds and jobs to them. Our shared hobby was not enough to connect us.

You are acting like I rejected them and don't seem to get that they rejected me.

I was just trying to help you see things differently. That's all. There are as many different ways of experiencing reality as there are people on this planet. Sometimes seeing things a different way resonates and sets you free. But I won't add any more insights.

A note for the future. Telling someone "you're impossible" and antagonizing them is not the perspective-widening approach you think it is. I was on this thread this morning because I am feeling frustrated and lonely, and you attacked everything I said like I'm some idiot who doesn't understand my own experience.

I think think possibly YOU are the one who needs to expand your perspective to accept that not everyone experiences life as you do and that when someone is complaining about an experience, it's not always their own fault and they can't always "fix" their problem by just behaving as you behave.

I've read your posts about this subject on multiple threads over time. They're heart-wrenching. Sorry I tried to fix it for you. I won't do it again.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOU

Wow. No wonder no one wants to socialize with you outside of your hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you about the lack of real weird around here! I remember joining a hobby that I very much enjoyed and making friends (I have some normal friends -- I'm very very good at pretending to be normal) who kept talking about how this hobby was full of wonderful people who let them really embrace because weird and unusual and how it was so nice and welcoming... when they were all people I would absolutely classify as "normal." I miss being the comparatively normal one sometimes, honestly. I'm planning to move soon and I really hope my new area has some genuine nutters (affectionate).

YES. I had an off-beat hobby for a while thinking it would help me find people who are a little more off-beat like I am. Instead it was full of lawyers, consultants, and other professionals who turned the hobby into just another thing to be ultra-competitive and intense about. I still always felt like the "weird one" because I didn't work for some big name firm or company, I had not recently bought a condo or SFH in a nice neighborhood, and I didn't take regular vacations to the Caribbean, skiing out west, or European capitals. They were all super conformist and it was like this one off-beat hobby was another way of conforming -- I'm a corporate lawyer but in my free time I box/roller derby/circus/pole dance/etc.

People in DC work very hard to meet the expectations other people set for them, even when doing things considered "alternative" or "indie", and if you truly walk to the beat of your own drum, it's hard to find kindred spirits here.

You are impossible. Your experience could easily have taught you a completely different lesson -- like, "you can't judge a book by its cover, and next time I see a lawyer, consultant or other professional, I'm not going to make shallow assumptions about who they are on the inside."

You are missing the point. It's not about judging someone, it's about the fact that doing one off-beat hobby doesn't make you non-conformist if in every other way you are a conformist. And when you get a bunch of pretty conformist people together doing something unusual, they will make that unusual activity conformist. So if you are someone who is neuro-divergent or just struggle to fit in, you might join that hobby think you will find people like you, people who who feel like outsiders, only to find that everyone else there is really similar to one another in very socially-approved ways.

The lawyers and consultants I met in this hobby were what they appeared to be -- competitive and fairly traditional. Their choice of hobby did not actually reflect a more unusual way of viewing the world or a refusal to engage in cultural norms for their own sake. Which is great for them! They seemed nice. But I still didn't fit in with them.

Maybe they chose the hobby because they liked it. Maybe you have more in common with people than you think.

I'm sure they did choose it because they liked it. I did not feel welcome or like a part of their group because the only thing I had in common with them was this hobby, and people could not relate to my background or the way I arrange or prioritize my life. They were relatively narrow in that regard.

Look, I get my comment seems to have triggered you (I'm guessing your a lawyer type with an off-beat hobby) but it's not actually about you. I'm talking about MY experience, which is that I joined an unusual hobby thinking I'd find people like me because I sometimes struggle to fine people I have things in common with. And instead I found that most of the people there had a lot in common with each other but not with me, and I continued to feel like an outsider. Conversations at the hobby tended to gravitate toward the same topics that a lot of UMC urban professionals tend to discuss at work or at happy hours or at parties. The fact that we were doing a somewhat unusual hobby didn't seem to factor much into it.

That is my experience and even if you feel personally insulted by it, that doesn't change the fact that it was my experience.

I'm not insulted or triggered. I'm also not a lawyer with a quirky hobby. My entire life is quirky, for this area at least. This area is incredibly dull. FYI all of the friends I've made since becoming a parent have come in through the back door. They were not people I ever imagined I'd have something in common with or click with. But we just kept seeing each other over and over and over until we were connected. Then once we were friends and started sharing, guess what, we have a lot more in common than I thought we did. People don't tell you the weird things for a long time.

Good for you. What does any of that have to do with the fact that when I sought out an unusual hobby in the hopes of meeting other people who felt like square pegs in round holes, instead I found that most of the people there were quite conventional in ways that were similar to one another but not to me, and I once again felt like an outsider?

None of those people wanted to see me outside of that hobby, which I went to for years, because they thought I was weird and they wanted to spend time with people who had more similar backgrounds and jobs to them. Our shared hobby was not enough to connect us.

You are acting like I rejected them and don't seem to get that they rejected me.

I was just trying to help you see things differently. That's all. There are as many different ways of experiencing reality as there are people on this planet. Sometimes seeing things a different way resonates and sets you free. But I won't add any more insights.

A note for the future. Telling someone "you're impossible" and antagonizing them is not the perspective-widening approach you think it is. I was on this thread this morning because I am feeling frustrated and lonely, and you attacked everything I said like I'm some idiot who doesn't understand my own experience.

I think think possibly YOU are the one who needs to expand your perspective to accept that not everyone experiences life as you do and that when someone is complaining about an experience, it's not always their own fault and they can't always "fix" their problem by just behaving as you behave.

I've read your posts about this subject on multiple threads over time. They're heart-wrenching. Sorry I tried to fix it for you. I won't do it again.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOU

Wow. No wonder no one wants to socialize with you outside of your hobby.

Are you guys trying to get me to kill myself, or....

I am struggling. I feel weird and not accepted by others. I'm sorry I don't have the background or whatever the heck it takes to get people to like me or want to be friends with me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I cannot tell you how sorry I am that I just can't be the think I am supposed to be to fit into this place. If a stranger on the internet actually could fix it for me, I would have figured that out by now and done it.

I should have known better than to come on here looking for kindness or understanding But I'll tell you one thing, if the rest of you were all so well-adjusted and happy, I don't think you'd be on here criticizing and arguing with me. I think you're every bit as broken as I am but I handle it by looking for kindness and you handle it by feeling superior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you about the lack of real weird around here! I remember joining a hobby that I very much enjoyed and making friends (I have some normal friends -- I'm very very good at pretending to be normal) who kept talking about how this hobby was full of wonderful people who let them really embrace because weird and unusual and how it was so nice and welcoming... when they were all people I would absolutely classify as "normal." I miss being the comparatively normal one sometimes, honestly. I'm planning to move soon and I really hope my new area has some genuine nutters (affectionate).

YES. I had an off-beat hobby for a while thinking it would help me find people who are a little more off-beat like I am. Instead it was full of lawyers, consultants, and other professionals who turned the hobby into just another thing to be ultra-competitive and intense about. I still always felt like the "weird one" because I didn't work for some big name firm or company, I had not recently bought a condo or SFH in a nice neighborhood, and I didn't take regular vacations to the Caribbean, skiing out west, or European capitals. They were all super conformist and it was like this one off-beat hobby was another way of conforming -- I'm a corporate lawyer but in my free time I box/roller derby/circus/pole dance/etc.

People in DC work very hard to meet the expectations other people set for them, even when doing things considered "alternative" or "indie", and if you truly walk to the beat of your own drum, it's hard to find kindred spirits here.

You are impossible. Your experience could easily have taught you a completely different lesson -- like, "you can't judge a book by its cover, and next time I see a lawyer, consultant or other professional, I'm not going to make shallow assumptions about who they are on the inside."

You are missing the point. It's not about judging someone, it's about the fact that doing one off-beat hobby doesn't make you non-conformist if in every other way you are a conformist. And when you get a bunch of pretty conformist people together doing something unusual, they will make that unusual activity conformist. So if you are someone who is neuro-divergent or just struggle to fit in, you might join that hobby think you will find people like you, people who who feel like outsiders, only to find that everyone else there is really similar to one another in very socially-approved ways.

The lawyers and consultants I met in this hobby were what they appeared to be -- competitive and fairly traditional. Their choice of hobby did not actually reflect a more unusual way of viewing the world or a refusal to engage in cultural norms for their own sake. Which is great for them! They seemed nice. But I still didn't fit in with them.

Maybe they chose the hobby because they liked it. Maybe you have more in common with people than you think.

Dp. That is such a good point. These self described weird people would have to reframe their whole existence if they admitted that they are more "normal" than they thought. Truth is, everyone feels like an outsider at some point in their life. Most of us just carry on with living rather than view every interaction as evidence of ourdifferences.

This is extremely easy to say if you mostly fit in.

I don't mostly fit in, but I show up anyway. If I waited to find another person just like me, I'd have no friends. I'm comfortable with my weirdness and my normal friends see me as quirky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you about the lack of real weird around here! I remember joining a hobby that I very much enjoyed and making friends (I have some normal friends -- I'm very very good at pretending to be normal) who kept talking about how this hobby was full of wonderful people who let them really embrace because weird and unusual and how it was so nice and welcoming... when they were all people I would absolutely classify as "normal." I miss being the comparatively normal one sometimes, honestly. I'm planning to move soon and I really hope my new area has some genuine nutters (affectionate).

YES. I had an off-beat hobby for a while thinking it would help me find people who are a little more off-beat like I am. Instead it was full of lawyers, consultants, and other professionals who turned the hobby into just another thing to be ultra-competitive and intense about. I still always felt like the "weird one" because I didn't work for some big name firm or company, I had not recently bought a condo or SFH in a nice neighborhood, and I didn't take regular vacations to the Caribbean, skiing out west, or European capitals. They were all super conformist and it was like this one off-beat hobby was another way of conforming -- I'm a corporate lawyer but in my free time I box/roller derby/circus/pole dance/etc.

People in DC work very hard to meet the expectations other people set for them, even when doing things considered "alternative" or "indie", and if you truly walk to the beat of your own drum, it's hard to find kindred spirits here.

You are impossible. Your experience could easily have taught you a completely different lesson -- like, "you can't judge a book by its cover, and next time I see a lawyer, consultant or other professional, I'm not going to make shallow assumptions about who they are on the inside."

You are missing the point. It's not about judging someone, it's about the fact that doing one off-beat hobby doesn't make you non-conformist if in every other way you are a conformist. And when you get a bunch of pretty conformist people together doing something unusual, they will make that unusual activity conformist. So if you are someone who is neuro-divergent or just struggle to fit in, you might join that hobby think you will find people like you, people who who feel like outsiders, only to find that everyone else there is really similar to one another in very socially-approved ways.

The lawyers and consultants I met in this hobby were what they appeared to be -- competitive and fairly traditional. Their choice of hobby did not actually reflect a more unusual way of viewing the world or a refusal to engage in cultural norms for their own sake. Which is great for them! They seemed nice. But I still didn't fit in with them.

Maybe they chose the hobby because they liked it. Maybe you have more in common with people than you think.

I'm sure they did choose it because they liked it. I did not feel welcome or like a part of their group because the only thing I had in common with them was this hobby, and people could not relate to my background or the way I arrange or prioritize my life. They were relatively narrow in that regard.

Look, I get my comment seems to have triggered you (I'm guessing your a lawyer type with an off-beat hobby) but it's not actually about you. I'm talking about MY experience, which is that I joined an unusual hobby thinking I'd find people like me because I sometimes struggle to fine people I have things in common with. And instead I found that most of the people there had a lot in common with each other but not with me, and I continued to feel like an outsider. Conversations at the hobby tended to gravitate toward the same topics that a lot of UMC urban professionals tend to discuss at work or at happy hours or at parties. The fact that we were doing a somewhat unusual hobby didn't seem to factor much into it.

That is my experience and even if you feel personally insulted by it, that doesn't change the fact that it was my experience.

I'm not insulted or triggered. I'm also not a lawyer with a quirky hobby. My entire life is quirky, for this area at least. This area is incredibly dull. FYI all of the friends I've made since becoming a parent have come in through the back door. They were not people I ever imagined I'd have something in common with or click with. But we just kept seeing each other over and over and over until we were connected. Then once we were friends and started sharing, guess what, we have a lot more in common than I thought we did. People don't tell you the weird things for a long time.

Good for you. What does any of that have to do with the fact that when I sought out an unusual hobby in the hopes of meeting other people who felt like square pegs in round holes, instead I found that most of the people there were quite conventional in ways that were similar to one another but not to me, and I once again felt like an outsider?

None of those people wanted to see me outside of that hobby, which I went to for years, because they thought I was weird and they wanted to spend time with people who had more similar backgrounds and jobs to them. Our shared hobby was not enough to connect us.

You are acting like I rejected them and don't seem to get that they rejected me.

I was just trying to help you see things differently. That's all. There are as many different ways of experiencing reality as there are people on this planet. Sometimes seeing things a different way resonates and sets you free. But I won't add any more insights.

A note for the future. Telling someone "you're impossible" and antagonizing them is not the perspective-widening approach you think it is. I was on this thread this morning because I am feeling frustrated and lonely, and you attacked everything I said like I'm some idiot who doesn't understand my own experience.

I think think possibly YOU are the one who needs to expand your perspective to accept that not everyone experiences life as you do and that when someone is complaining about an experience, it's not always their own fault and they can't always "fix" their problem by just behaving as you behave.

I've read your posts about this subject on multiple threads over time. They're heart-wrenching. Sorry I tried to fix it for you. I won't do it again.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOU

Wow. No wonder no one wants to socialize with you outside of your hobby.

Are you guys trying to get me to kill myself, or....

I am struggling. I feel weird and not accepted by others. I'm sorry I don't have the background or whatever the heck it takes to get people to like me or want to be friends with me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I cannot tell you how sorry I am that I just can't be the think I am supposed to be to fit into this place. If a stranger on the internet actually could fix it for me, I would have figured that out by now and done it.

I should have known better than to come on here looking for kindness or understanding But I'll tell you one thing, if the rest of you were all so well-adjusted and happy, I don't think you'd be on here criticizing and arguing with me. I think you're every bit as broken as I am but I handle it by looking for kindness and you handle it by feeling superior.

Please don't threaten suicide over this. What many posters are trying to convey is that it is okay to be different; although you are probably more "normal" than you feel. If you see a therapist, could you explore your feelings of weirdness and lack of acceptance from others? Feelings can change over timeand with therapy and reframing/acceptance.

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you about the lack of real weird around here! I remember joining a hobby that I very much enjoyed and making friends (I have some normal friends -- I'm very very good at pretending to be normal) who kept talking about how this hobby was full of wonderful people who let them really embrace because weird and unusual and how it was so nice and welcoming... when they were all people I would absolutely classify as "normal." I miss being the comparatively normal one sometimes, honestly. I'm planning to move soon and I really hope my new area has some genuine nutters (affectionate).

YES. I had an off-beat hobby for a while thinking it would help me find people who are a little more off-beat like I am. Instead it was full of lawyers, consultants, and other professionals who turned the hobby into just another thing to be ultra-competitive and intense about. I still always felt like the "weird one" because I didn't work for some big name firm or company, I had not recently bought a condo or SFH in a nice neighborhood, and I didn't take regular vacations to the Caribbean, skiing out west, or European capitals. They were all super conformist and it was like this one off-beat hobby was another way of conforming -- I'm a corporate lawyer but in my free time I box/roller derby/circus/pole dance/etc.

People in DC work very hard to meet the expectations other people set for them, even when doing things considered "alternative" or "indie", and if you truly walk to the beat of your own drum, it's hard to find kindred spirits here.

You are impossible. Your experience could easily have taught you a completely different lesson -- like, "you can't judge a book by its cover, and next time I see a lawyer, consultant or other professional, I'm not going to make shallow assumptions about who they are on the inside."

You are missing the point. It's not about judging someone, it's about the fact that doing one off-beat hobby doesn't make you non-conformist if in every other way you are a conformist. And when you get a bunch of pretty conformist people together doing something unusual, they will make that unusual activity conformist. So if you are someone who is neuro-divergent or just struggle to fit in, you might join that hobby think you will find people like you, people who who feel like outsiders, only to find that everyone else there is really similar to one another in very socially-approved ways.

The lawyers and consultants I met in this hobby were what they appeared to be -- competitive and fairly traditional. Their choice of hobby did not actually reflect a more unusual way of viewing the world or a refusal to engage in cultural norms for their own sake. Which is great for them! They seemed nice. But I still didn't fit in with them.

Maybe they chose the hobby because they liked it. Maybe you have more in common with people than you think.

I'm sure they did choose it because they liked it. I did not feel welcome or like a part of their group because the only thing I had in common with them was this hobby, and people could not relate to my background or the way I arrange or prioritize my life. They were relatively narrow in that regard.

Look, I get my comment seems to have triggered you (I'm guessing your a lawyer type with an off-beat hobby) but it's not actually about you. I'm talking about MY experience, which is that I joined an unusual hobby thinking I'd find people like me because I sometimes struggle to fine people I have things in common with. And instead I found that most of the people there had a lot in common with each other but not with me, and I continued to feel like an outsider. Conversations at the hobby tended to gravitate toward the same topics that a lot of UMC urban professionals tend to discuss at work or at happy hours or at parties. The fact that we were doing a somewhat unusual hobby didn't seem to factor much into it.

That is my experience and even if you feel personally insulted by it, that doesn't change the fact that it was my experience.

I'm not insulted or triggered. I'm also not a lawyer with a quirky hobby. My entire life is quirky, for this area at least. This area is incredibly dull. FYI all of the friends I've made since becoming a parent have come in through the back door. They were not people I ever imagined I'd have something in common with or click with. But we just kept seeing each other over and over and over until we were connected. Then once we were friends and started sharing, guess what, we have a lot more in common than I thought we did. People don't tell you the weird things for a long time.

Good for you. What does any of that have to do with the fact that when I sought out an unusual hobby in the hopes of meeting other people who felt like square pegs in round holes, instead I found that most of the people there were quite conventional in ways that were similar to one another but not to me, and I once again felt like an outsider?

None of those people wanted to see me outside of that hobby, which I went to for years, because they thought I was weird and they wanted to spend time with people who had more similar backgrounds and jobs to them. Our shared hobby was not enough to connect us.

You are acting like I rejected them and don't seem to get that they rejected me.

I was just trying to help you see things differently. That's all. There are as many different ways of experiencing reality as there are people on this planet. Sometimes seeing things a different way resonates and sets you free. But I won't add any more insights.

A note for the future. Telling someone "you're impossible" and antagonizing them is not the perspective-widening approach you think it is. I was on this thread this morning because I am feeling frustrated and lonely, and you attacked everything I said like I'm some idiot who doesn't understand my own experience.

I think think possibly YOU are the one who needs to expand your perspective to accept that not everyone experiences life as you do and that when someone is complaining about an experience, it's not always their own fault and they can't always "fix" their problem by just behaving as you behave.

I've read your posts about this subject on multiple threads over time. They're heart-wrenching. Sorry I tried to fix it for you. I won't do it again.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOU

Wow. No wonder no one wants to socialize with you outside of your hobby.

Are you guys trying to get me to kill myself, or....

I am struggling. I feel weird and not accepted by others. I'm sorry I don't have the background or whatever the heck it takes to get people to like me or want to be friends with me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I cannot tell you how sorry I am that I just can't be the think I am supposed to be to fit into this place. If a stranger on the internet actually could fix it for me, I would have figured that out by now and done it.

I should have known better than to come on here looking for kindness or understanding But I'll tell you one thing, if the rest of you were all so well-adjusted and happy, I don't think you'd be on here criticizing and arguing with me. I think you're every bit as broken as I am but I handle it by looking for kindness and you handle it by feeling superior.

Please don't threaten suicide over this. What many posters are trying to convey is that it is okay to be different; although you are probably more "normal" than you feel. If you see a therapist, could you explore your feelings of weirdness and lack of acceptance from others? Feelings can change over timeand with therapy and reframing/acceptance.

I think about suicide at least a couple times a week, it's not a threat.

I struggle to make friends and I don't feel like I belong when I try. I probably try to make friends more than anyone you've ever met. I don't feel accepted or understood for others.

What the posters were actually saying (who knows what they were trying to say) was that I must not be trying hard enough or giving other people enough of a chance. People do not give me a chance. And I know exactly where my feelings of not feeling understood or accepted come from, I've been in therapy for years and I understand that parental neglect and abuse is what makes me feel this way. But those aren't things I can change -- I seek acceptance from others and often get rejected because people want you to hide your broken bits and smooth out all your rough edges. Or they simply have no experience with what it feels like to not feel loved or accepted by your own family so it doesn't occur to them that the reason this person seems "weird" to them is that they need love and understanding.

I'm sorry but the other posters were rude and antagonizing. Literally a poster started in with "You're impossible." When you have spent a life time being constantly told that you are not good enough, you're too hard, you're not lovable enough, you're not chill enough, you're not whatever would make it easier for someone who wants to put the minimum amount of effort into connecting needs to have in a person, that kind of response to "I feel weird and like I don't belong" is, dare I say, triggering.

This thread was supposed to be for peopel who don't fit in and it's been a lot of people saying "I do fit in! Perhaps the problem is that you aren't enough like me? Try harder." So yes, my response to that is: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOU because that's not what I asked for at all. If you are so well-adjusted and happy in your apparently well-liked quirkiness, congrats. I'm an actual weirdo who struggles, I was looking for other people like that who might actually understand instead of offering trite advice on how to fix myself to that people like you will like me more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel you about the lack of real weird around here! I remember joining a hobby that I very much enjoyed and making friends (I have some normal friends -- I'm very very good at pretending to be normal) who kept talking about how this hobby was full of wonderful people who let them really embrace because weird and unusual and how it was so nice and welcoming... when they were all people I would absolutely classify as "normal." I miss being the comparatively normal one sometimes, honestly. I'm planning to move soon and I really hope my new area has some genuine nutters (affectionate).

YES. I had an off-beat hobby for a while thinking it would help me find people who are a little more off-beat like I am. Instead it was full of lawyers, consultants, and other professionals who turned the hobby into just another thing to be ultra-competitive and intense about. I still always felt like the "weird one" because I didn't work for some big name firm or company, I had not recently bought a condo or SFH in a nice neighborhood, and I didn't take regular vacations to the Caribbean, skiing out west, or European capitals. They were all super conformist and it was like this one off-beat hobby was another way of conforming -- I'm a corporate lawyer but in my free time I box/roller derby/circus/pole dance/etc.

People in DC work very hard to meet the expectations other people set for them, even when doing things considered "alternative" or "indie", and if you truly walk to the beat of your own drum, it's hard to find kindred spirits here.

PP back (I am not going to engage with some of the other PPs). Have you read Bimbos of the Death Sun? It's a 70s/80s murder mystery at science fiction convention, and there's a part where one character talks about how she got into con life because she had to work so hard to "be a person" and I remember relating to that like crazy when I first read it as a teen. In DC, there are weird people but it can be really hard to find them. Before the pandemic, I used to go to Shakespeare in the Pub a lot, but I don't think they've restarted again. I also maintain a lot of internet friendships that mean the world to me. Wishing you all the best!