Do other people describe you or treat you as "weird"? Come on in.

[Anonymous]

Other people think I'm weird but I am who I am and I guess I don't know how to be normal (or fake normal enough not to make other people think I'm strange).

I try not to let it bother me but it's hard sometimes because being perceived as weird makes it hard to make friends and it also results in people talking about you behind your back with is something I struggle with.

I've also made efforts to just embrace my weirdness and find other weird people to be friends with. But in DC, I've noticed that often what people mean when they say "I'm weird" is that they conform to norms like 98% of the time but have like one unusual hobby. So when I try to join communities of "weird" people, I'll quickly realize that they all have mostly the same stuff in common and I am still the outlier.

It feels lonely and I feel like I will never quite fit in or be accepted anywhere. I'm in my 40s and this is hard.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you deal with it?

[Anonymous]

Im white and married an Asian man. I’ve come to realize that we will never have couples friends because most white men do not want to be friends with an Asian man. I think it’s because Asian men are not seen as traditionally masculine, which is what white men gravitate toward. It’s very odd because I’ve noticed white women have no problem being friends with Asian women. We’ve been married 25 years and I’ve come to accept this. People shy away from anyone even slightly different than themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im white and married an Asian man. I’ve come to realize that we will never have couples friends because most white men do not want to be friends with an Asian man. I think it’s because Asian men are not seen as traditionally masculine, which is what white men gravitate toward. It’s very odd because I’ve noticed white women have no problem being friends with Asian women. We’ve been married 25 years and I’ve come to accept this. People shy away from anyone even slightly different than themselves.

OP here. That sounds really frustrating and is an interesting observation. I will note that I am married and we have couple friends who are a white woman with an Asian man. I think my DH does not read as traditionally masculine either (one of the weird things about us) so maybe that's part of it. I am the odd one out in that friendship, of course :/ But I do think you are right in general that white men seem not to gravitate towards Asian men or even just men who don't read as traditionally masculine in specific ways.

I agree people seem to shy away from anyone slightly different than themselves. Sometimes I feel like I almost fit somewhere but there is always something that impedes connection, and it's so frustrating that the disconnect is something different every time. So it's not like I have "one weird thing." It's like the combination of traits and background and interests in me is just off enough that there is no one who can get me, or who wants to.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you sure it’s not personality type? I don’t really put a lot of stock in personality typing, but I’ve consistently tested as INTJ (Myers-Briggs), which is apparently the rarest type for women. Only 1% of women are said to be this type. You mention having a husband, as do I, and I think that helps with feeling a bit more connected. Honestly I’ve tried so many things over the years - going to groups based on hobbies, attending parent events and meetups, trying to chat with neighbors and people at the park. I’ve tried being warmer and smiling a bit more. Nothing has helped me and I haven’t made a true friend in over 15 years now. I am ok with people thinking I am weird, if they do, but it would be nice to find one or two people I felt close to. I’m on a cordial smile/wave/short chat basis with pretty much everyone in my life.

[Anonymous]

People who drive too fast are weird. They're all rushed and want to beat the rush hour. They all want to get to work at all costs and then get home in a rush.
A certain demographic feels embarassed to wear coats during winter. That's weird. People eating with hands only is also weird in the US. Anything that changed from when I grew up in the 90s to now is weird. Gen z is weird.

[Anonymous]

OP, your posts are very self-reflective and articulate. It surprises me that you’re having a hard time connecting. Are you neurodivergent? Do you read social cues well?

[Anonymous]

Just to add - nobody would describe me as weird, because I’m good at masking it - but I am! I am definitely weird. Thankfully, my DH is too and we accept each other 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im white and married an Asian man. I’ve come to realize that we will never have couples friends because most white men do not want to be friends with an Asian man. I think it’s because Asian men are not seen as traditionally masculine, which is what white men gravitate toward. It’s very odd because I’ve noticed white women have no problem being friends with Asian women. We’ve been married 25 years and I’ve come to accept this. People shy away from anyone even slightly different than themselves.

I am so perplexed by this. If what you say is true, why not seek couple friends where the other couple does not include a white man? There are many other possibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Other people think I'm weird but I am who I am and I guess I don't know how to be normal (or fake normal enough not to make other people think I'm strange).

I try not to let it bother me but it's hard sometimes because being perceived as weird makes it hard to make friends and it also results in people talking about you behind your back with is something I struggle with.

I've also made efforts to just embrace my weirdness and find other weird people to be friends with. But in DC, I've noticed that often what people mean when they say "I'm weird" is that they conform to norms like 98% of the time but have like one unusual hobby. So when I try to join communities of "weird" people, I'll quickly realize that they all have mostly the same stuff in common and I am still the outlier.

It feels lonely and I feel like I will never quite fit in or be accepted anywhere. I'm in my 40s and this is hard.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you deal with it?

I stumbled upon my tribe of weirdos at a (completely normal) activity meet up. Most of us are weird/quirky and the normies in the group feel free to let loose and be silly. I was with them the other day and thought what a bunch of weirdos! Yay! You will find your tribe.

[Anonymous]

I moved to an area where I could let my freak flag fly. Now I’m considered weird because I come across as practically normal.

[Anonymous]

What do you do or say that makes you weird? Saying you are weird doesn't help.

[Anonymous]

Are you terrible looking OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im white and married an Asian man. I’ve come to realize that we will never have couples friends because most white men do not want to be friends with an Asian man. I think it’s because Asian men are not seen as traditionally masculine, which is what white men gravitate toward. It’s very odd because I’ve noticed white women have no problem being friends with Asian women. We’ve been married 25 years and I’ve come to accept this. People shy away from anyone even slightly different than themselves.

I am so perplexed by this. If what you say is true, why not seek couple friends where the other couple does not include a white man? There are many other possibilities.

That’s insane! Because then you would be racist. If you specifically avoid white men then you are just another racist. I think it’s a very mistaken assumption that white men can’t be friends with asian men wtf.

[Anonymous]

This area is stultifying. People are practically dead inside, unless they're mad or feeling mean. I would move somewhere else, where there is an artists' community or a college or literally anywhere but here. I bet you will be considered normal somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure it’s not personality type? I don’t really put a lot of stock in personality typing, but I’ve consistently tested as INTJ (Myers-Briggs), which is apparently the rarest type for women. Only 1% of women are said to be this type. You mention having a husband, as do I, and I think that helps with feeling a bit more connected. Honestly I’ve tried so many things over the years - going to groups based on hobbies, attending parent events and meetups, trying to chat with neighbors and people at the park. I’ve tried being warmer and smiling a bit more. Nothing has helped me and I haven’t made a true friend in over 15 years now. I am ok with people thinking I am weird, if they do, but it would be nice to find one or two people I felt close to. I’m on a cordial smile/wave/short chat basis with pretty much everyone in my life.

Fellow female intj. I could have wrote this!