Our Entire House is DH’s Office

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

Seriously? It takes me 15 minutes to empty out my kids’ backpacks each day and decide what to keep and what to toss, and that’s before actually DOING anything. Family administration has taken me HOURS over the past month. We’re going to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and researching and booking flights, trains, hotels, and making sure all of our passports are in order is no joke. We’re not hiring a travel agent and DH and kids are counting on me to have a good trip.

15 minutes for backpacks? GTFOH

I don’t think 3 minutes per backpack is unreasonable. 3 minutes x 5 kids=15 minutes. Maybe you are much more efficient at managing your family. My family is a lot of work, but I love it!

You have too many kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

Seriously? It takes me 15 minutes to empty out my kids’ backpacks each day and decide what to keep and what to toss, and that’s before actually DOING anything. Family administration has taken me HOURS over the past month. We’re going to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and researching and booking flights, trains, hotels, and making sure all of our passports are in order is no joke. We’re not hiring a travel agent and DH and kids are counting on me to have a good trip.

So if DH has a bad time he’s going to blame you?

You don’t need a travel agent you need marriage counselor

And it’s 2023 who uses a travel agent for Europe?

No, but the flights and hotels aren’t going to book themselves. It would be pretty bad if we arrived and I didn’t get around to booking us a hotel. Who do you think should make our reservations?

You sound privileged. It doesn't take much time to book a flight and a hotel. There's this thing called the internet, you know?

[Anonymous]

OP— the 2 solutions were written on the first thread.

1. Talk to your spouse, and tell him to quit pacing and stop talking to you about work. However, since it sounds like communication isn’t a strong suit in your marriage;

2. You take the office, and have him work in the dining room. You shut yourself in and get all your work done, while he paces the house with his work. Lock the door so he doesn’t talk to you about his work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP— the 2 solutions were written on the first thread.

1. Talk to your spouse, and tell him to quit pacing and stop talking to you about work. However, since it sounds like communication isn’t a strong suit in your marriage;

2. You take the office, and have him work in the dining room. You shut yourself in and get all your work done, while he paces the house with his work. Lock the door so he doesn’t talk to you about his work.

Except 2 won’t work because they probably have a power dynamic where he gets the office because he has the “real job” while she has to suffer in the dining room because she’s the SAHM that “everyone counts on.” Like how will she know when he’s hungry and needs to fix him a snack if she’s locked in the office???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

Seriously? It takes me 15 minutes to empty out my kids’ backpacks each day and decide what to keep and what to toss, and that’s before actually DOING anything. Family administration has taken me HOURS over the past month. We’re going to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and researching and booking flights, trains, hotels, and making sure all of our passports are in order is no joke. We’re not hiring a travel agent and DH and kids are counting on me to have a good trip.

So if DH has a bad time he’s going to blame you?

You don’t need a travel agent you need marriage counselor

And it’s 2023 who uses a travel agent for Europe?

No, but the flights and hotels aren’t going to book themselves. It would be pretty bad if we arrived and I didn’t get around to booking us a hotel. Who do you think should make our reservations?

No one is buying that you are doing this for hours a day. “Family paperwork.” Girl, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

Seriously? It takes me 15 minutes to empty out my kids’ backpacks each day and decide what to keep and what to toss, and that’s before actually DOING anything. Family administration has taken me HOURS over the past month. We’re going to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and researching and booking flights, trains, hotels, and making sure all of our passports are in order is no joke. We’re not hiring a travel agent and DH and kids are counting on me to have a good trip.

Is this a joke? You know that plenty of people plan trips to Europe, with kids, while holding down full time jobs. I'd hate to hear your whining if you had to do this while working a job.

THANK YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

Seriously? It takes me 15 minutes to empty out my kids’ backpacks each day and decide what to keep and what to toss, and that’s before actually DOING anything. Family administration has taken me HOURS over the past month. We’re going to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and researching and booking flights, trains, hotels, and making sure all of our passports are in order is no joke. We’re not hiring a travel agent and DH and kids are counting on me to have a good trip.

How long does it take to make sure your passports are in order? 1min
GTFOH. You are making simple and basic things look more complex than they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

Seriously? It takes me 15 minutes to empty out my kids’ backpacks each day and decide what to keep and what to toss, and that’s before actually DOING anything. Family administration has taken me HOURS over the past month. We’re going to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and researching and booking flights, trains, hotels, and making sure all of our passports are in order is no joke. We’re not hiring a travel agent and DH and kids are counting on me to have a good trip.

So if DH has a bad time he’s going to blame you?

You don’t need a travel agent you need marriage counselor

And it’s 2023 who uses a travel agent for Europe?

No, but the flights and hotels aren’t going to book themselves. It would be pretty bad if we arrived and I didn’t get around to booking us a hotel. Who do you think should make our reservations?

We are going on a trip to Europe next July and it took me one hour last week to book flights, hotels and rental car.
Now I’m just sitting and waiting for the trip. Booking one trip shouldn’t be a full time job taking hours and hours for months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

Seriously? It takes me 15 minutes to empty out my kids’ backpacks each day and decide what to keep and what to toss, and that’s before actually DOING anything. Family administration has taken me HOURS over the past month. We’re going to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and researching and booking flights, trains, hotels, and making sure all of our passports are in order is no joke. We’re not hiring a travel agent and DH and kids are counting on me to have a good trip.

So if DH has a bad time he’s going to blame you?

You don’t need a travel agent you need marriage counselor

And it’s 2023 who uses a travel agent for Europe?

No, but the flights and hotels aren’t going to book themselves. It would be pretty bad if we arrived and I didn’t get around to booking us a hotel. Who do you think should make our reservations?

We are going on a trip to Europe next July and it took me one hour last week to book flights, hotels and rental car.
Now I’m just sitting and waiting for the trip. Booking one trip shouldn’t be a full time job taking hours and hours for months.

I do this and hold a full time job. I honestly think working full time makes me efficient because the skills I use at work are also useful at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH paces the entire house when he’s on calls and doesn’t close the door to his office when he’s in it, either. I don’t have an office of my own so I do my “work” - job hunting and family paperwork - in the dining room. If i have interviews or need to make phone calls, I will go to our bedroom. When DH is done with calls, he’ll often talk to me about situations happening with his job. I feel like I am living at his company, but I hate to tell him to stay in his damn office and close the door. I am also ready to stop being a sounding board after several years of this since WFH began. Any suggestions on trying to get DH’s job to take up less figurative space in our house?

Wow, this resonates! I'm back in the office most days now but it is really hard to try to work at home when DH is around because he's everywhere all at once, spreading stuff in every room, and very noisy. We had a lot of hard conversations when we (plus our college kid) were all working in our small apartment a few years ago, and I got a few major concessions (like no working at the kitchen counter, piling papers on the stove (!!!), and barking at DC and me when we asked him to move so we could grab a meal between my zoom meetings/ DC's online classes), but I just have to grit my teeth and deal with the rest because he won't be contained in a single room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH paces the entire house when he’s on calls and doesn’t close the door to his office when he’s in it, either. I don’t have an office of my own so I do my “work” - job hunting and family paperwork - in the dining room. If i have interviews or need to make phone calls, I will go to our bedroom. When DH is done with calls, he’ll often talk to me about situations happening with his job. I feel like I am living at his company, but I hate to tell him to stay in his damn office and close the door. I am also ready to stop being a sounding board after several years of this since WFH began. Any suggestions on trying to get DH’s job to take up less figurative space in our house?

Wow, this resonates! I'm back in the office most days now but it is really hard to try to work at home when DH is around because he's everywhere all at once, spreading stuff in every room, and very noisy. We had a lot of hard conversations when we (plus our college kid) were all working in our small apartment a few years ago, and I got a few major concessions (like no working at the kitchen counter, piling papers on the stove (!!!), and barking at DC and me when we asked him to move so we could grab a meal between my zoom meetings/ DC's online classes), but I just have to grit my teeth and deal with the rest because he won't be contained in a single room.

Also DH does that brain dump of whatever he's thinking/feeling into my head so that when we're both home, I have to remind him I'm working when I'm trying to work and simply can't make any argument he will hear about how I'd like to be able to use my brain as I see fit to think or read or rest during my time off. Much sympathy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can relate so hard. DH and I are both lawyers and I swear to God I’m about to start billing his clients.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

Seriously? It takes me 15 minutes to empty out my kids’ backpacks each day and decide what to keep and what to toss, and that’s before actually DOING anything. Family administration has taken me HOURS over the past month. We’re going to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and researching and booking flights, trains, hotels, and making sure all of our passports are in order is no joke. We’re not hiring a travel agent and DH and kids are counting on me to have a good trip.

So if DH has a bad time he’s going to blame you?

You don’t need a travel agent you need marriage counselor

And it’s 2023 who uses a travel agent for Europe?

No, but the flights and hotels aren’t going to book themselves. It would be pretty bad if we arrived and I didn’t get around to booking us a hotel. Who do you think should make our reservations?

We are going on a trip to Europe next July and it took me one hour last week to book flights, hotels and rental car.
Now I’m just sitting and waiting for the trip. Booking one trip shouldn’t be a full time job taking hours and hours for months.

I think the amount of time it takes depends heavily on how price-sensitive you are. My guess is you're pretty well-off, but if OP can't afford booking the first five star hotel that pops up on Tripadvisor and the quickest direct flight, it takes much, much more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

Seriously? It takes me 15 minutes to empty out my kids’ backpacks each day and decide what to keep and what to toss, and that’s before actually DOING anything. Family administration has taken me HOURS over the past month. We’re going to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and researching and booking flights, trains, hotels, and making sure all of our passports are in order is no joke. We’re not hiring a travel agent and DH and kids are counting on me to have a good trip.

So if DH has a bad time he’s going to blame you?

You don’t need a travel agent you need marriage counselor

And it’s 2023 who uses a travel agent for Europe?

No, but the flights and hotels aren’t going to book themselves. It would be pretty bad if we arrived and I didn’t get around to booking us a hotel. Who do you think should make our reservations?

We are going on a trip to Europe next July and it took me one hour last week to book flights, hotels and rental car.
Now I’m just sitting and waiting for the trip. Booking one trip shouldn’t be a full time job taking hours and hours for months.

I think the amount of time it takes depends heavily on how price-sensitive you are. My guess is you're pretty well-off, but if OP can't afford booking the first five star hotel that pops up on Tripadvisor and the quickest direct flight, it takes much, much more time.

BS. I've done fairly frugal trips to Europe and it isn't the hard. I even did it while working full time. And the idea that a family of 5 going to Europe for 2 weeks with only one working parent being price sensitive is laughable.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to go work at an office. No reason to be working from home any longer.