Our Entire House is DH’s Office

[Anonymous]

DH paces the entire house when he’s on calls and doesn’t close the door to his office when he’s in it, either. I don’t have an office of my own so I do my “work” - job hunting and family paperwork - in the dining room. If i have interviews or need to make phone calls, I will go to our bedroom. When DH is done with calls, he’ll often talk to me about situations happening with his job. I feel like I am living at his company, but I hate to tell him to stay in his damn office and close the door. I am also ready to stop being a sounding board after several years of this since WFH began. Any suggestions on trying to get DH’s job to take up less figurative space in our house?

[Anonymous]

Step 1

Talk to your DH.

[Anonymous]

Just tell him you cannot converse about HOS job during the day. Save it until later in the evening (he will probably forget most of the issues).

[Anonymous]

This really needs to go to the Relationship forum. You don’t have a work problem. You have a communication problem with your spouse.

“Bob, I can’t work if you’re pacing the entire house while on the phone. What’s getting in the way of you staying in one place?”
“I do care about you and want to support your work. I can’t process things with you while I’m trying to get my work done. Is there someone in your company you can call?”

If I were you, I’d start leaving the house a lot more.

[Anonymous]

Switch places. You get the office and he can have the rest of the house. That way, you get peace and quiet. He gets room to pace.

[Anonymous]

Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

[Anonymous]

Did I post this and don’t remember? Are we married to the same man?

OP, I feel you. This is my husband to a T. I’ve tried the same tricks you’d use for an intrusive coworker — saying “sorry, can’t talk now, got to finish this,” etc. but it does NOT compute.

My best suggestion is to go about your day as if he’s not there. Shuffle papers, tote the recycling out, talk loudly to the pets. And always, always warn him that you’re about to start vacuuming when he starts wandering during phone calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Switch places. You get the office and he can have the rest of the house. That way, you get peace and quiet. He gets room to pace.

But where is his computer set up? I’m guessing that making calls is one part of his job. Are you suggesting he simply moves his laptop to wherever he wants to be in the house and works from there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

This. What exactly is he keeping you from doing? What is “family paperwork” that you have to do on a daily basis? What is he interrupting when he wants to chat with you about something related to his work? He absolutely needs to to stay in his office, or have you use it, when you have a remote interview, but other than that this seems ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this and don’t remember? Are we married to the same man?

OP, I feel you. This is my husband to a T. I’ve tried the same tricks you’d use for an intrusive coworker — saying “sorry, can’t talk now, got to finish this,” etc. but it does NOT compute.

My best suggestion is to go about your day as if he’s not there. Shuffle papers, tote the recycling out, talk loudly to the pets. And always, always warn him that you’re about to start vacuuming when he starts wandering during phone calls.

+1

Identical situation here.
-NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

Seriously? It takes me 15 minutes to empty out my kids’ backpacks each day and decide what to keep and what to toss, and that’s before actually DOING anything. Family administration has taken me HOURS over the past month. We’re going to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and researching and booking flights, trains, hotels, and making sure all of our passports are in order is no joke. We’re not hiring a travel agent and DH and kids are counting on me to have a good trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

Seriously? It takes me 15 minutes to empty out my kids’ backpacks each day and decide what to keep and what to toss, and that’s before actually DOING anything. Family administration has taken me HOURS over the past month. We’re going to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and researching and booking flights, trains, hotels, and making sure all of our passports are in order is no joke. We’re not hiring a travel agent and DH and kids are counting on me to have a good trip.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

Seriously? It takes me 15 minutes to empty out my kids’ backpacks each day and decide what to keep and what to toss, and that’s before actually DOING anything. Family administration has taken me HOURS over the past month. We’re going to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and researching and booking flights, trains, hotels, and making sure all of our passports are in order is no joke. We’re not hiring a travel agent and DH and kids are counting on me to have a good trip.

15 minutes for backpacks? GTFOH

[Anonymous]

tell him to stay in his damn office and close the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Family paperwork is a 15 minute a week task. It would be very easy to ask him to avoid a space while you are on an interview, which is very likely only once in a while.

The real problem is that it seems like he is intruding in your “me” time.

Seriously? It takes me 15 minutes to empty out my kids’ backpacks each day and decide what to keep and what to toss, and that’s before actually DOING anything. Family administration has taken me HOURS over the past month. We’re going to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and researching and booking flights, trains, hotels, and making sure all of our passports are in order is no joke. We’re not hiring a travel agent and DH and kids are counting on me to have a good trip.

15 minutes for backpacks? GTFOH

I don’t think 3 minutes per backpack is unreasonable. 3 minutes x 5 kids=15 minutes. Maybe you are much more efficient at managing your family. My family is a lot of work, but I love it!