Are you an "Almond Mom"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see so many classic almond mom behaviors/advice around here. Aren't you worried you're passing toxic diet culture down to your kids? Does it bother you that teens and young adults are rejecting diet culture and are willing to just be heavier rather than restrictive?

Dafuq you on about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a very healthy self image. But here’s the reality, teens aren’t getting negative self esteem from their moms. They’re getting it from friends and social media. I’ve done the work to have all sorts of food in my house, no restrictions…food is joy…meals are fun… but even so, you cannot eat everything. You still need some nutrition guidance. My daughters don’t really want to be overweight, and so they need to watch what they eat. That’s just human and true for everyone.

Uhhhh yes they are. Lots of them anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This loomed large in the households of my white friends. Their moms were so hard on them. Most didn't complain about it but would point it out as an annoying *eye rolling* aspect of their mom's personality. The same women became just as bad when they had kids but frame it with the righteousness of healthy eating. They are obsessed with each meal being small and healthy and no wiggle room or lack of criticism for bad foods. They are just as overbearing with their kid's meals (way more with their girls). The difference is their mothers would go on more about being thin without considering nutrition beyond cutting calories, whereas their daughters (as moms) go on about not being an unhealthy weight as the goal and if that's not enough... exercise through extracurricular classes. Each generation will course correct a bit but the issues of focusing on that to an overblown degree are still strong.

My best friend was Taiwanese. Her dad told her she was fat all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not defending almond moms in general, but I think this is one of the most difficult aspects of parenting girls, especially when you’ve grown up in this type of environment. We all have to eat, but enjoyment of food is wrapped up in so much judgment and shame. And it’s not just from our moms. I remember a date in college making comments about how many slices of pizza I ate.

I've met guys like that (friends' husbands). I wonder why they think those comments are appropriate!? None of the men in my life have ever made comments like that so I am shocked when I've come across it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is trying to control your food intake immediately a diet or a food disorder? I watch what I eat and teach my kids to do the same because overeating on a regular basis is not healthy and also makes your body less nimble which makes it harder to have physical fun. Are we supposed to just shovel unlimited amounts of food in our mouth at the expense of everything else?

I don't know if you're being obtuse on purpose or what. There is a big difference between teaching your kids healthy eating and an almond mom

NP. Well no one knows what an almond mom is so stop using that term!

It's what your kids are going to call you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see so many classic almond mom behaviors/advice around here. Aren't you worried you're passing toxic diet culture down to your kids? Does it bother you that teens and young adults are rejecting diet culture and are willing to just be heavier rather than restrictive?

Dafuq you on about

The things being said in this thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is trying to control your food intake immediately a diet or a food disorder? I watch what I eat and teach my kids to do the same because overeating on a regular basis is not healthy and also makes your body less nimble which makes it harder to have physical fun. Are we supposed to just shovel unlimited amounts of food in our mouth at the expense of everything else?

I don't know if you're being obtuse on purpose or what. There is a big difference between teaching your kids healthy eating and an almond mom

I think the line can be finer than you think, and a lot of moms really do think they’re just trying to instill healthy habits. It’s often related to the kid’s natural body type, too. My older sister could eat whatever she wanted and was naturally thin and inherited zero food issues from our mom. I, on the other hand, loved to eat and was naturally pudgy and it was a central focus of my relationship with my mom. Eating disorder, the whole nine yards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a very healthy self image. But here’s the reality, teens aren’t getting negative self esteem from their moms. They’re getting it from friends and social media. I’ve done the work to have all sorts of food in my house, no restrictions…food is joy…meals are fun… but even so, you cannot eat everything. You still need some nutrition guidance. My daughters don’t really want to be overweight, and so they need to watch what they eat. That’s just human and true for everyone.

Uhhhh yes they are. Lots of them anyway.

+2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am definitely someone with a messed up relationship food and I am perpetually on a diet. I also have no desire to stop dieting and just accepting my body as it is. The extra weight I carry makes me miserable. I think it is great that the younger generation is rejecting "diet culture".

I am also very thankful I don't have daughters because I think boy are more protected from diet culture and I am less likely to screw up my sons with diet stuff than if I had daughters.

Honey, it's not a diet if it's all the time. It's an eating disorder.

and yet i am still fat

You should listen to the podcast Maintenance Phase. Disordered eating is incredibly common among overweight people.

Love this podcast. It’s so funny and informative at the same time.

[Anonymous]

I made a concerted effort to be the opposite of an almond mom, since I have a daughter. My own mom shamed me into an eating disorder because she can't stand to look at anyone who isn't underweight or close to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is trying to control your food intake immediately a diet or a food disorder? I watch what I eat and teach my kids to do the same because overeating on a regular basis is not healthy and also makes your body less nimble which makes it harder to have physical fun. Are we supposed to just shovel unlimited amounts of food in our mouth at the expense of everything else?

I agree with this. >70% of adults are overweight. Junk food is everywhere in pretty much unlimited qualities. Even if your kids aren’t overweight, they are highly likely to be as adults. The snacks, fast food, processed food are everywhere and pushed onto us from every angle. We need to be teaching our kids to eat mostly heathy foods, and exercise discipline and moderation if eating something that has little nutritional value and is essential junk food. No one needs multiple servings of desserts at a sitting or several slices of pizza, etc. It’s ok to tell your child they may have 1 cookie, not 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is trying to control your food intake immediately a diet or a food disorder? I watch what I eat and teach my kids to do the same because overeating on a regular basis is not healthy and also makes your body less nimble which makes it harder to have physical fun. Are we supposed to just shovel unlimited amounts of food in our mouth at the expense of everything else?

I agree with this. >70% of adults are overweight. Junk food is everywhere in pretty much unlimited qualities. Even if your kids aren’t overweight, they are highly likely to be as adults. The snacks, fast food, processed food are everywhere and pushed onto us from every angle. We need to be teaching our kids to eat mostly heathy foods, and exercise discipline and moderation if eating something that has little nutritional value and is essential junk food. No one needs multiple servings of desserts at a sitting or several slices of pizza, etc. It’s ok to tell your child they may have 1 cookie, not 3.

Real question - what IS healthy eating? In practice, what is "normal" and nondisordered relationship with food and body? Is no mention of body size / function the goal? This will be subjective, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is trying to control your food intake immediately a diet or a food disorder? I watch what I eat and teach my kids to do the same because overeating on a regular basis is not healthy and also makes your body less nimble which makes it harder to have physical fun. Are we supposed to just shovel unlimited amounts of food in our mouth at the expense of everything else?

I agree with this. >70% of adults are overweight. Junk food is everywhere in pretty much unlimited qualities. Even if your kids aren’t overweight, they are highly likely to be as adults. The snacks, fast food, processed food are everywhere and pushed onto us from every angle. We need to be teaching our kids to eat mostly heathy foods, and exercise discipline and moderation if eating something that has little nutritional value and is essential junk food. No one needs multiple servings of desserts at a sitting or several slices of pizza, etc. It’s ok to tell your child they may have 1 cookie, not 3.

Real question - what IS healthy eating? In practice, what is "normal" and nondisordered relationship with food and body? Is no mention of body size / function the goal? This will be subjective, of course.

To continue - is any mention of body weight "bad"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is trying to control your food intake immediately a diet or a food disorder? I watch what I eat and teach my kids to do the same because overeating on a regular basis is not healthy and also makes your body less nimble which makes it harder to have physical fun. Are we supposed to just shovel unlimited amounts of food in our mouth at the expense of everything else?

I agree with this. >70% of adults are overweight. Junk food is everywhere in pretty much unlimited qualities. Even if your kids aren’t overweight, they are highly likely to be as adults. The snacks, fast food, processed food are everywhere and pushed onto us from every angle. We need to be teaching our kids to eat mostly heathy foods, and exercise discipline and moderation if eating something that has little nutritional value and is essential junk food. No one needs multiple servings of desserts at a sitting or several slices of pizza, etc. It’s ok to tell your child they may have 1 cookie, not 3.

Real question - what IS healthy eating? In practice, what is "normal" and nondisordered relationship with food and body? Is no mention of body size / function the goal? This will be subjective, of course.

It takes a lot to unpack what we've been taught about bodies and food. One resource I really enjoy is Virginia Sole-Smith. She has a newsletter and a podcast, and writes extensively online about bodies and eating and the pervasiveness of diet culture. Basically we've all been taught that "fat=bad and think=good" when in reality, health is very very different from that. And diet culture, yo-yo dieting, etc can be WAY worse for your health than being overweight.

Go read some of her stuff if you need help re-framing the way we've all been conditioned to think.

[Anonymous]

I'm not, but my Mom definitely was. I don't think I ever ate a cookie or other dessert food without my Mom suggesting that I just have a pear instead. My mom struggled with anorexia as a teen/early 20s and still eats very little. My dad encouraged it, regularly saying things like "you can never be too rich or too thin" and commenting constantly on everyone's weight.

I will never be like that with my kids. We talk about how you need nutritious food to be healthy and strong but I never talk about foods as "bad" or "fattening"