Bisexual woman who feels both feminine and masculine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone relate to this? I am bi—though I’ve only had relationships with men and am married to a man. Since I was a kid, I’ve sort of gone through phases of feeling feminine and wearing a lot of dresses and makeup and phases of feeling masculine and wanting to wear clothes traditionally made for men. As an 8 or 9 year old, I used to wear shorts under my pants rather than girl’s underwear, and even sometimes put a sock between my legs because I wanted to feel what it would be like to have male genitalia.

I don’t think I’m trans and I don’t want to transition, but I’m also not satisfied with being wholly female.

Can anyone relate to this? Do I sound crazy?

You don't sound crazy, but you sound like you have a very very very restrictive view of what it means to be feminine. Kinda outdated. You can be feminine and wear shorts and pants, even cowboy boots if you want. This has nothing to do with being trans imo.

OP here. Maybe I’m not being clear. There have been times I have wanted to be a man, and other times when I’ve been happy being a woman. It ebbs and flows. I fantasize about having sex with men and women. It goes well beyond clothing.

It sounds like you just have a healthy openness with yourself and allowing yourself to feel different things.

Hey OP, this poster has some serious hang ups with people identifying as trans or NB for some reason. I’m not sure why they’re gaslighting you so much but it’s a pretty good example of why trans and nonbinary people practice radical inclusivity. You won’t have trans people telling you how you identify and arguing with your lives experience like this.

You’ve realized you aren’t cis. Your egg is cracking. That’s a term for essentially coming out to yourself as trans or nonbinary. Don’t listen to cis people that think they get to tell you how you identify.

I saw this (or the replies) and wonder if you relate to it?
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/11htdgq/question_to_those_who_identify_as_both_men_and/

DP. I have experienced everything the OP has, as I wrote upthread, and much more. I am not trans. I’m here to say that there are possibilities of embracing different sexual orientations and gender expression that aren’t necessarily trans identities.

OP, have you thought about reaching out to different LGBTQ+ groups in your area? I think that would be a much better place to explore than internet strangers or Reddit. There are a lot of great meetups in the DC metro area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone relate to this? I am bi—though I’ve only had relationships with men and am married to a man. Since I was a kid, I’ve sort of gone through phases of feeling feminine and wearing a lot of dresses and makeup and phases of feeling masculine and wanting to wear clothes traditionally made for men. As an 8 or 9 year old, I used to wear shorts under my pants rather than girl’s underwear, and even sometimes put a sock between my legs because I wanted to feel what it would be like to have male genitalia.

I don’t think I’m trans and I don’t want to transition, but I’m also not satisfied with being wholly female.

Can anyone relate to this? Do I sound crazy?

You don't sound crazy, but you sound like you have a very very very restrictive view of what it means to be feminine. Kinda outdated. You can be feminine and wear shorts and pants, even cowboy boots if you want. This has nothing to do with being trans imo.

OP here. Maybe I’m not being clear. There have been times I have wanted to be a man, and other times when I’ve been happy being a woman. It ebbs and flows. I fantasize about having sex with men and women. It goes well beyond clothing.

It sounds like you just have a healthy openness with yourself and allowing yourself to feel different things.

Hey OP, this poster has some serious hang ups with people identifying as trans or NB for some reason. I’m not sure why they’re gaslighting you so much but it’s a pretty good example of why trans and nonbinary people practice radical inclusivity. You won’t have trans people telling you how you identify and arguing with your lives experience like this.

You’ve realized you aren’t cis. Your egg is cracking. That’s a term for essentially coming out to yourself as trans or nonbinary. Don’t listen to cis people that think they get to tell you how you identify.

I saw this (or the replies) and wonder if you relate to it?
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/11htdgq/question_to_those_who_identify_as_both_men_and/

Hey PP, you’re as wrong to assertively tell her she’s trans/enby as another poster would be to assertively tell her she’s cis. She shouldn’t listen to cis people who think they get to tell her how to identify, and also she shouldn’t listen to trans people who are sure they know that her “egg is cracking”.

She asked for experiences, and got them. Now it’s for OP to decide, or to not decide.

[Anonymous]

How does your husband feel about this OP? I'd expect divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does your husband feel about this OP? I'd expect divorce.

Wow. I’m glad I’m not married to you. I’ve told him about it and he says it doesn’t change a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone relate to this? I am bi—though I’ve only had relationships with men and am married to a man. Since I was a kid, I’ve sort of gone through phases of feeling feminine and wearing a lot of dresses and makeup and phases of feeling masculine and wanting to wear clothes traditionally made for men. As an 8 or 9 year old, I used to wear shorts under my pants rather than girl’s underwear, and even sometimes put a sock between my legs because I wanted to feel what it would be like to have male genitalia.

I don’t think I’m trans and I don’t want to transition, but I’m also not satisfied with being wholly female.

Can anyone relate to this? Do I sound crazy?

You don't sound crazy, but you sound like you have a very very very restrictive view of what it means to be feminine. Kinda outdated. You can be feminine and wear shorts and pants, even cowboy boots if you want. This has nothing to do with being trans imo.

OP here. Maybe I’m not being clear. There have been times I have wanted to be a man, and other times when I’ve been happy being a woman. It ebbs and flows. I fantasize about having sex with men and women. It goes well beyond clothing.

It sounds like you just have a healthy openness with yourself and allowing yourself to feel different things.

Hey OP, this poster has some serious hang ups with people identifying as trans or NB for some reason. I’m not sure why they’re gaslighting you so much but it’s a pretty good example of why trans and nonbinary people practice radical inclusivity. You won’t have trans people telling you how you identify and arguing with your lives experience like this.

You’ve realized you aren’t cis. Your egg is cracking. That’s a term for essentially coming out to yourself as trans or nonbinary. Don’t listen to cis people that think they get to tell you how you identify.

I saw this (or the replies) and wonder if you relate to it?
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/11htdgq/question_to_those_who_identify_as_both_men_and/

Hey PP, you’re as wrong to assertively tell her she’s trans/enby as another poster would be to assertively tell her she’s cis. She shouldn’t listen to cis people who think they get to tell her how to identify, and also she shouldn’t listen to trans people who are sure they know that her “egg is cracking”.

She asked for experiences, and got them. Now it’s for OP to decide, or to not decide.

I’m not cis. She said she doesn’t believe she’s cis. If she told me that she is cis, I would believe her. It’s all the cisgender women coming here telling her that she’s cis and ignoring what she wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone relate to this? I am bi—though I’ve only had relationships with men and am married to a man. Since I was a kid, I’ve sort of gone through phases of feeling feminine and wearing a lot of dresses and makeup and phases of feeling masculine and wanting to wear clothes traditionally made for men. As an 8 or 9 year old, I used to wear shorts under my pants rather than girl’s underwear, and even sometimes put a sock between my legs because I wanted to feel what it would be like to have male genitalia.

I don’t think I’m trans and I don’t want to transition, but I’m also not satisfied with being wholly female.

Can anyone relate to this? Do I sound crazy?

You don't sound crazy, but you sound like you have a very very very restrictive view of what it means to be feminine. Kinda outdated. You can be feminine and wear shorts and pants, even cowboy boots if you want. This has nothing to do with being trans imo.

OP here. Maybe I’m not being clear. There have been times I have wanted to be a man, and other times when I’ve been happy being a woman. It ebbs and flows. I fantasize about having sex with men and women. It goes well beyond clothing.

It sounds like you just have a healthy openness with yourself and allowing yourself to feel different things.

Hey OP, this poster has some serious hang ups with people identifying as trans or NB for some reason. I’m not sure why they’re gaslighting you so much but it’s a pretty good example of why trans and nonbinary people practice radical inclusivity. You won’t have trans people telling you how you identify and arguing with your lives experience like this.

You’ve realized you aren’t cis. Your egg is cracking. That’s a term for essentially coming out to yourself as trans or nonbinary. Don’t listen to cis people that think they get to tell you how you identify.

I saw this (or the replies) and wonder if you relate to it?
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/11htdgq/question_to_those_who_identify_as_both_men_and/

Hey PP, you’re as wrong to assertively tell her she’s trans/enby as another poster would be to assertively tell her she’s cis. She shouldn’t listen to cis people who think they get to tell her how to identify, and also she shouldn’t listen to trans people who are sure they know that her “egg is cracking”.

She asked for experiences, and got them. Now it’s for OP to decide, or to not decide.

I’m not cis. She said she doesn’t believe she’s cis. If she told me that she is cis, I would believe her. It’s all the cisgender women coming here telling her that she’s cis and ignoring what she wrote.

OP here. Absolutely! I love what you’ve been posting. It’s been very affirming for me — thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone relate to this? I am bi—though I’ve only had relationships with men and am married to a man. Since I was a kid, I’ve sort of gone through phases of feeling feminine and wearing a lot of dresses and makeup and phases of feeling masculine and wanting to wear clothes traditionally made for men. As an 8 or 9 year old, I used to wear shorts under my pants rather than girl’s underwear, and even sometimes put a sock between my legs because I wanted to feel what it would be like to have male genitalia.

I don’t think I’m trans and I don’t want to transition, but I’m also not satisfied with being wholly female.

Can anyone relate to this? Do I sound crazy?

You don't sound crazy, but you sound like you have a very very very restrictive view of what it means to be feminine. Kinda outdated. You can be feminine and wear shorts and pants, even cowboy boots if you want. This has nothing to do with being trans imo.

OP here. Maybe I’m not being clear. There have been times I have wanted to be a man, and other times when I’ve been happy being a woman. It ebbs and flows. I fantasize about having sex with men and women. It goes well beyond clothing.

It sounds like you just have a healthy openness with yourself and allowing yourself to feel different things.

Hey OP, this poster has some serious hang ups with people identifying as trans or NB for some reason. I’m not sure why they’re gaslighting you so much but it’s a pretty good example of why trans and nonbinary people practice radical inclusivity. You won’t have trans people telling you how you identify and arguing with your lives experience like this.

You’ve realized you aren’t cis. Your egg is cracking. That’s a term for essentially coming out to yourself as trans or nonbinary. Don’t listen to cis people that think they get to tell you how you identify.

I saw this (or the replies) and wonder if you relate to it?
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/11htdgq/question_to_those_who_identify_as_both_men_and/

Hey PP, you’re as wrong to assertively tell her she’s trans/enby as another poster would be to assertively tell her she’s cis. She shouldn’t listen to cis people who think they get to tell her how to identify, and also she shouldn’t listen to trans people who are sure they know that her “egg is cracking”.

She asked for experiences, and got them. Now it’s for OP to decide, or to not decide.

I’m not cis. She said she doesn’t believe she’s cis. If she told me that she is cis, I would believe her. It’s all the cisgender women coming here telling her that she’s cis and ignoring what she wrote.

OP here. Absolutely! I love what you’ve been posting. It’s been very affirming for me — thank you!

I'm happy I was able to help you feel affirmed.

It can feel like we are standing on the beach with a tidal wave of washing over us at times. Especially with what's happening in the world right now. Unfortunately, this LGBT board on DCUM is populated by a large number of allocishet people that are queerphobic. This is why a lot of people stick to safe spaces when discussing these issues. The number of trans and nonbinary people that post on DCUM can probably be counted on two hands and perhaps even on one hand (and you and I are two of them).

You might not be one hundred percent sure what you identify as and that's okay. You can figure that out. If you don't mind sharing, what state are you in? There are support groups in the DMV where you can meet other people. I know of a few. Some online, some in person. After a while, you may even make a friend or two. The queer friends I've made tend to be the most accepting and kind people I've ever known. Obviously that's not universal but you could make a friend or two with really interesting perspectives on life while getting to meet and hear from people like yourself. It's completely up to you though. I know some people don't feel like they're valid enough but I can promise you that no one will think that.

[Anonymous]

You’re gonna cheat on him with a woman. I’d leave before the cheating happens. You probably have sex once every six months because you’re clearly not attracted to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re gonna cheat on him with a woman. I’d leave before the cheating happens. You probably have sex once every six months because you’re clearly not attracted to him.

This is horrible to say. I had sex with my husband this morning. I would never cheat on him, with anyone, regardless of their gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re gonna cheat on him with a woman. I’d leave before the cheating happens. You probably have sex once every six months because you’re clearly not attracted to him.

This is horrible to say. I had sex with my husband this morning. I would never cheat on him, with anyone, regardless of their gender.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this hate. Some of the people posting here hate queer people and while you're anonymous, just discussing your bisexuality has allowed them to horrible things to you. One of the most common biphobic tropes commonly said by straight people it that bi people cheat. So they're applying that hate speech to you. Being bi doesn't make you a good person but it doesn't make you a bad person either. Bi people are monogamous and they cheat. It depends on the person. A lot of straight people cheat but we don't go around saying all straights cheat. It would be a ridiculous assertion. The other commonly used attacks against bi people are (for women) that they aren't bi and they're doing it to seem quirky (you have had this used against you up thread) and that they're just (obviously for bi men) gay men.

I'm sorry you're experiencing these personal attacks and hate speech. Most of that is because it's online. If they actually saw you face-to-face, they almost certainly wouldn't have said that. The Internet really reveals the black, dead, hate filled hearts some people have.

[Anonymous]

If you're looking for a good show (and it's a quick watch) with a lot of queer cast members check out the HBO show "Sort of". There's a whole lot of GNC people. The main character is an AMAB NB who's best friend is an AFAB NB. The show does a pretty good job showing some of the experiences we deal with as well as the (not sure how to phrase this exactly) variety of sexual exploration with single trans and genderqueer people without feeling voyeuristic or gross. There are some coming out scenes they did a good job on. I could feel the anxiety of my own coming out in them. Unlike a lot of shows, the entire thing isn't about coming out though. Most of the stuff out there is about coming out, trauma, or straight up suicide/murder. This show avoids the "bury your gays' tropes.

You can see the bias towards being straight with some of replies to your post here. By far, the vast majority of trans and nonbinary people I know are much more sexually open than straight people could imagine and the show does a good job displaying this as well. And none of this means that queer people are cheaters.

[Anonymous]

Women come in all stripes. You can be masculine, butch, feminine, etc. feeling more of the testosterone side of the scale doesn’t mean you need to change anything, it’s all part of womenhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women come in all stripes. You can be masculine, butch, feminine, etc. feeling more of the testosterone side of the scale doesn’t mean you need to change anything, it’s all part of womenhood.

Let me rephrase this for you: people come in all stripes. You can be masculine, butch, feminine, etc. It’s all part of being human.

Stop trying to erase gender fluidity.