Bisexual woman who feels both feminine and masculine

[Anonymous]

I don’t have personal experience but there is literally a whole TikTok genre of masc/femme !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you’re describing sounds to me well within the norm of the usual lived female experience. I reject most things that are stereotypically female, including skirts, heels, painted nails, Chardonnay, etc. it doesn’t make me trans. It just makes me a woman who has independent thoughts and preferences that don’t match up with what the patriarchy tells me to like. Honestly, girls underwear kind of sucks. Why is all the men’s stuff so much more comfortable?

Disagree. What she wrote is not what you wrote. Why are people identifying themselves as cis posting here telling others what their identity is? I don’t know what she is but I think she should explore it with a gender therapist. She doesn’t sound cis to me. What you wrote did sound cis. But again, I don’t know. She would need to explore this and figure it out. Suggest you stick to the politics board.

OP here. Thank you. I asked if anyone can relate to it. Some said they can. I am not straight and I strongly suspect I am not cis. I don’t need people telling me I’m straight when I know perfectly well that I’m not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you’re describing sounds to me well within the norm of the usual lived female experience. I reject most things that are stereotypically female, including skirts, heels, painted nails, Chardonnay, etc. it doesn’t make me trans. It just makes me a woman who has independent thoughts and preferences that don’t match up with what the patriarchy tells me to like. Honestly, girls underwear kind of sucks. Why is all the men’s stuff so much more comfortable?

Disagree. What she wrote is not what you wrote. Why are people identifying themselves as cis posting here telling others what their identity is? I don’t know what she is but I think she should explore it with a gender therapist. She doesn’t sound cis to me. What you wrote did sound cis. But again, I don’t know. She would need to explore this and figure it out. Suggest you stick to the politics board.

OP here. Thank you. I asked if anyone can relate to it. Some said they can. I am not straight and I strongly suspect I am not cis. I don’t need people telling me I’m straight when I know perfectly well that I’m not.

This LGBT board is full of cisgender heterosexuals as you can see by several of the replies. There are lesbians and some gay men. There are bi people. There are not many of each of these groups. In terms of trans people though? There’s only a couple a handful that post on DCUM at all. You can probably count us on two hands. Maybe one. I do see others posting sometimes but the amount of transphobia is out of hand here. It’s not a great place to seek out others like yourself. That being said, you aren’t alone. It’s just that most of the population is cis.

I’ll be honest with you since you have people here claiming you’re cis. From what you wrote, I think you’re nonbinary. I can’t say exactly where on the spectrum you are. That’s something you need to read up on. Go to nonbinary subreddits and ask there. You’ll find a much larger population of non-cis people there. Basically everyone rather than here where it’s basically no one. We basically must seek out one another because of how small our numbers are. There are local support groups in the DMV as well. Which state are you in?

The good thing about the trans community is that they are very accepting. You’ll meet some really interesting and fun people. You’ll also meet some really basic people like me. In the end though, if you want them, you’ll be able to find a new friend or two.

[Anonymous]

OP I can identify with a lot of what you wrote.
I came out as bi, then gay in HS. It didn’t go over well in my family. Anyway, for a while I just followed the path of least resistance and ended up marrying a man and having kids.
A few years into my marriage I started realizing I wanted something else - to love and be loved by a woman. It took a few years to get my ducks in a row and figure it all out. I ended up divorcing and I am in a committed LTR with a woman now.

My masculine/feminine “feelings” have ebbed and flowed over the years. In some ways I have always felt masculine. I’ve excelled at subjects and things usually associated with men. I’m tall and rectangular shaped and can pull off mens clothes pretty well. I have done the sock thing, and a lot of my sexual fantasies over the years me being a man (or at least having a d***) with a woman. But so what? Sure, I could go down that rabbit hole of “what does this mean?” If I really wanted to. But what good will it do? No one can wave a magic wand and make me into the man I would have been if I was born with a Y chromosome. There are real limitations to what medicine can do. Also, my partner wouldn’t be too pleased if I turned into a man who wanted certain things that men want, LOL.

I’ve also noticed that these feelings and the way I present myself have been somewhat affected by what I had going on in my life and what I wanted or had to accomplish. During times that were “tough” I made myself tough in what would probably be considered in a more masculine way. Now that things have eased a bit, I’ve let my guard down a little and feel a little more in touch, sometimes, with my feminine side.

I’m not sure fixation on “identity” is a healthy thing for individuals or society. There are feminine men. There are masculine women. There is everything in between, and people can be fluid. A lot of what is going on right now in the gender world is a fad. I wouldn’t take it too seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound to me like a heterosexual wife in a plain old monogamous marriage. You don't date women, never dated a woman. But obviously you can identify however you like

This is very disrespectful. I’ve been attracted to men and women my whole life.

DP: how is that disrespectful? You can be attracted to whoever, that has nothing to do with your identity. Whether you like cars or bikes, meat or fish, you can still be a man or a woman or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound to me like a heterosexual wife in a plain old monogamous marriage. You don't date women, never dated a woman. But obviously you can identify however you like

This is very disrespectful. I’ve been attracted to men and women my whole life.

DP: how is that disrespectful? You can be attracted to whoever, that has nothing to do with your identity. Whether you like cars or bikes, meat or fish, you can still be a man or a woman or whatever.

DP. You are wrong.
Some people go many years before having sex even though they know who they are attracted to.
Would you say that a 19 year old woman attracted to men can’t identify as straight because they haven’t yet slept with anyone therefore can’t prove it?
Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound to me like a heterosexual wife in a plain old monogamous marriage. You don't date women, never dated a woman. But obviously you can identify however you like

This is very disrespectful. I’ve been attracted to men and women my whole life.

DP: how is that disrespectful? You can be attracted to whoever, that has nothing to do with your identity. Whether you like cars or bikes, meat or fish, you can still be a man or a woman or whatever.

DP. You are wrong.
Some people go many years before having sex even though they know who they are attracted to.
Would you say that a 19 year old woman attracted to men can’t identify as straight because they haven’t yet slept with anyone therefore can’t prove it?
Come on.

See, you're confusing identity with preferences. I can be a woman, and prefer men. Or women. Or neither. Or both. And still be a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone relate to this? I am bi—though I’ve only had relationships with men and am married to a man. Since I was a kid, I’ve sort of gone through phases of feeling feminine and wearing a lot of dresses and makeup and phases of feeling masculine and wanting to wear clothes traditionally made for men. As an 8 or 9 year old, I used to wear shorts under my pants rather than girl’s underwear, and even sometimes put a sock between my legs because I wanted to feel what it would be like to have male genitalia.

I don’t think I’m trans and I don’t want to transition, but I’m also not satisfied with being wholly female.

Can anyone relate to this? Do I sound crazy?

You don't sound crazy, but you sound like you have a very very very restrictive view of what it means to be feminine. Kinda outdated. You can be feminine and wear shorts and pants, even cowboy boots if you want. This has nothing to do with being trans imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound to me like a heterosexual wife in a plain old monogamous marriage. You don't date women, never dated a woman. But obviously you can identify however you like

This is very disrespectful. I’ve been attracted to men and women my whole life.

DP: how is that disrespectful? You can be attracted to whoever, that has nothing to do with your identity. Whether you like cars or bikes, meat or fish, you can still be a man or a woman or whatever.

DP. You are wrong.
Some people go many years before having sex even though they know who they are attracted to.
Would you say that a 19 year old woman attracted to men can’t identify as straight because they haven’t yet slept with anyone therefore can’t prove it?
Come on.

See, you're confusing identity with preferences. I can be a woman, and prefer men. Or women. Or neither. Or both. And still be a woman.

So her post was about gender identity but someone decided to invalidate her sexuality for no reason in particular other than they're straight. A person can be bi regardless of who they've had sex with. It's a real bad take and a complete misunderstanding of sexuality for someone to make the claim that she is straight because she's only slept with men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound to me like a heterosexual wife in a plain old monogamous marriage. You don't date women, never dated a woman. But obviously you can identify however you like

This is very disrespectful. I’ve been attracted to men and women my whole life.

DP: how is that disrespectful? You can be attracted to whoever, that has nothing to do with your identity. Whether you like cars or bikes, meat or fish, you can still be a man or a woman or whatever.

DP. You are wrong.
Some people go many years before having sex even though they know who they are attracted to.
Would you say that a 19 year old woman attracted to men can’t identify as straight because they haven’t yet slept with anyone therefore can’t prove it?
Come on.

See, you're confusing identity with preferences. I can be a woman, and prefer men. Or women. Or neither. Or both. And still be a woman.

Identity isn’t just about gender. I identify as a woman and a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone relate to this? I am bi—though I’ve only had relationships with men and am married to a man. Since I was a kid, I’ve sort of gone through phases of feeling feminine and wearing a lot of dresses and makeup and phases of feeling masculine and wanting to wear clothes traditionally made for men. As an 8 or 9 year old, I used to wear shorts under my pants rather than girl’s underwear, and even sometimes put a sock between my legs because I wanted to feel what it would be like to have male genitalia.

I don’t think I’m trans and I don’t want to transition, but I’m also not satisfied with being wholly female.

Can anyone relate to this? Do I sound crazy?

I don't think you are crazy. I think you a a bi-woman who has fantasies about being male. I suspect you are not alone out there.

But if you don't think you are trans then just be a female with fantasies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone relate to this? I am bi—though I’ve only had relationships with men and am married to a man. Since I was a kid, I’ve sort of gone through phases of feeling feminine and wearing a lot of dresses and makeup and phases of feeling masculine and wanting to wear clothes traditionally made for men. As an 8 or 9 year old, I used to wear shorts under my pants rather than girl’s underwear, and even sometimes put a sock between my legs because I wanted to feel what it would be like to have male genitalia.

I don’t think I’m trans and I don’t want to transition, but I’m also not satisfied with being wholly female.

Can anyone relate to this? Do I sound crazy?

You don't sound crazy, but you sound like you have a very very very restrictive view of what it means to be feminine. Kinda outdated. You can be feminine and wear shorts and pants, even cowboy boots if you want. This has nothing to do with being trans imo.

OP here. Maybe I’m not being clear. There have been times I have wanted to be a man, and other times when I’ve been happy being a woman. It ebbs and flows. I fantasize about having sex with men and women. It goes well beyond clothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone relate to this? I am bi—though I’ve only had relationships with men and am married to a man. Since I was a kid, I’ve sort of gone through phases of feeling feminine and wearing a lot of dresses and makeup and phases of feeling masculine and wanting to wear clothes traditionally made for men. As an 8 or 9 year old, I used to wear shorts under my pants rather than girl’s underwear, and even sometimes put a sock between my legs because I wanted to feel what it would be like to have male genitalia.

I don’t think I’m trans and I don’t want to transition, but I’m also not satisfied with being wholly female.

Can anyone relate to this? Do I sound crazy?

You don't sound crazy, but you sound like you have a very very very restrictive view of what it means to be feminine. Kinda outdated. You can be feminine and wear shorts and pants, even cowboy boots if you want. This has nothing to do with being trans imo.

OP here. Maybe I’m not being clear. There have been times I have wanted to be a man, and other times when I’ve been happy being a woman. It ebbs and flows. I fantasize about having sex with men and women. It goes well beyond clothing.

It sounds like you just have a healthy openness with yourself and allowing yourself to feel different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone relate to this? I am bi—though I’ve only had relationships with men and am married to a man. Since I was a kid, I’ve sort of gone through phases of feeling feminine and wearing a lot of dresses and makeup and phases of feeling masculine and wanting to wear clothes traditionally made for men. As an 8 or 9 year old, I used to wear shorts under my pants rather than girl’s underwear, and even sometimes put a sock between my legs because I wanted to feel what it would be like to have male genitalia.

I don’t think I’m trans and I don’t want to transition, but I’m also not satisfied with being wholly female.

Can anyone relate to this? Do I sound crazy?

You don't sound crazy, but you sound like you have a very very very restrictive view of what it means to be feminine. Kinda outdated. You can be feminine and wear shorts and pants, even cowboy boots if you want. This has nothing to do with being trans imo.

OP here. Maybe I’m not being clear. There have been times I have wanted to be a man, and other times when I’ve been happy being a woman. It ebbs and flows. I fantasize about having sex with men and women. It goes well beyond clothing.

It sounds like you just have a healthy openness with yourself and allowing yourself to feel different things.

Hey OP, this poster has some serious hang ups with people identifying as trans or NB for some reason. I’m not sure why they’re gaslighting you so much but it’s a pretty good example of why trans and nonbinary people practice radical inclusivity. You won’t have trans people telling you how you identify and arguing with your lives experience like this.

You’ve realized you aren’t cis. Your egg is cracking. That’s a term for essentially coming out to yourself as trans or nonbinary. Don’t listen to cis people that think they get to tell you how you identify.

I saw this (or the replies) and wonder if you relate to it?
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/11htdgq/question_to_those_who_identify_as_both_men_and/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone relate to this? I am bi—though I’ve only had relationships with men and am married to a man. Since I was a kid, I’ve sort of gone through phases of feeling feminine and wearing a lot of dresses and makeup and phases of feeling masculine and wanting to wear clothes traditionally made for men. As an 8 or 9 year old, I used to wear shorts under my pants rather than girl’s underwear, and even sometimes put a sock between my legs because I wanted to feel what it would be like to have male genitalia.

I don’t think I’m trans and I don’t want to transition, but I’m also not satisfied with being wholly female.

Can anyone relate to this? Do I sound crazy?

You don't sound crazy, but you sound like you have a very very very restrictive view of what it means to be feminine. Kinda outdated. You can be feminine and wear shorts and pants, even cowboy boots if you want. This has nothing to do with being trans imo.

OP here. Maybe I’m not being clear. There have been times I have wanted to be a man, and other times when I’ve been happy being a woman. It ebbs and flows. I fantasize about having sex with men and women. It goes well beyond clothing.

It sounds like you just have a healthy openness with yourself and allowing yourself to feel different things.

Hey OP, this poster has some serious hang ups with people identifying as trans or NB for some reason. I’m not sure why they’re gaslighting you so much but it’s a pretty good example of why trans and nonbinary people practice radical inclusivity. You won’t have trans people telling you how you identify and arguing with your lives experience like this.

You’ve realized you aren’t cis. Your egg is cracking. That’s a term for essentially coming out to yourself as trans or nonbinary. Don’t listen to cis people that think they get to tell you how you identify.

I saw this (or the replies) and wonder if you relate to it?
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/11htdgq/question_to_those_who_identify_as_both_men_and/

Dude the first PP responding to her absolutely did not sound like they had problems with trans persons. They just had a comment about femininity, which is valid. What is feminine is totally open to interpretation and the OP's first post did focus a lot on clothing (she has since clarified). You sound like someone who is very rigid on this discussion. Who are *you* to tell someone who is questioning how to identify?