Bisexual woman who feels both feminine and masculine

[Anonymous]

Can anyone relate to this? I am bi—though I’ve only had relationships with men and am married to a man. Since I was a kid, I’ve sort of gone through phases of feeling feminine and wearing a lot of dresses and makeup and phases of feeling masculine and wanting to wear clothes traditionally made for men. As an 8 or 9 year old, I used to wear shorts under my pants rather than girl’s underwear, and even sometimes put a sock between my legs because I wanted to feel what it would be like to have male genitalia.

I don’t think I’m trans and I don’t want to transition, but I’m also not satisfied with being wholly female.

Can anyone relate to this? Do I sound crazy?

[Anonymous]

You don't sound crazy. If you don't feel trans, ok. You could be nonbinary. You could be genderfluid. You could be a woman who feels masculine sometimes. (FWIW I'm a woman who feels that rejecting traditional femininity is a core part of my experience AS a woman. You don't have to fit into any box.) I don't think there's a right or wrong answer because I don't think there is a fixed set of genders and gender identities, it's all personal experience.

[Anonymous]

Whatever your identity is, there are others out there like you. That's the one thing I can tell you for sure. You are not alone even though it may feel like it right now.

My experience is that I'm a transgender woman. I don't identify as a man though I lived as one for some time. What you describe with the sock could be gender dysphoria or just curiosity. If you feel like you want to have something there every time you present masculine then it sounds more like dysphoria but it would be helpful to speak to a gender therapist because they would have a lot of experience speaking to a lot of gender diverse people and might be able to help you figure things out. You could also go to a local trans support group or a genderqueer support group and listen to the people talk.

Based on what you wrote, two identities you could look into would be gender fluid and bigender. These are both nonbinary identities. Nonbinary is an umbrella term that covers a lot of gender identities outside of the binary. There are others that may be useful to read up on as well. I am not an expert in all the nonbinary identities since I am binary transgender. Technically, nonbinary is considered transgender as well but it's your choice if you choose to identify with that label. Taking hormones and transitioning is not required to be trans, nonbinary, or anything else. Having a gender identity that differs from your assigned gender at birth is all that's needed to be considered trans as well as nonbinary (assuming that the gender identity isn't a binary trans one as mine is).

You aren't crazy and there's nothing wrong with you. You will find acceptance in both the trans community and the genderqueer communities. Both tend to do a sort of radical acceptance of all who come because we are often rejected by those around us.

[Anonymous]

You sound to me like a heterosexual wife in a plain old monogamous marriage. You don't date women, never dated a woman. But obviously you can identify however you like

[Anonymous]

I have always been a totally heterosexual female but I have also always been very masculine in interests, physical strength and athletic ability, the way I prefer to dress, no interest in wearing makeup or jewelry or dresses or feminine anything although sometimes I do, a little bit.

I don't think I'm gender fluid or misgendered or bi or anything but a hetero woman with a lot of masculine tendencies. I am quite sure there are others like me but I wouldn't mind hearing from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound to me like a heterosexual wife in a plain old monogamous marriage. You don't date women, never dated a woman. But obviously you can identify however you like

This is very disrespectful. I’ve been attracted to men and women my whole life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have always been a totally heterosexual female but I have also always been very masculine in interests, physical strength and athletic ability, the way I prefer to dress, no interest in wearing makeup or jewelry or dresses or feminine anything although sometimes I do, a little bit.

I don't think I'm gender fluid or misgendered or bi or anything but a hetero woman with a lot of masculine tendencies. I am quite sure there are others like me but I wouldn't mind hearing from them.

Read about gender fluidity. You might be surprised at how much you relate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have always been a totally heterosexual female but I have also always been very masculine in interests, physical strength and athletic ability, the way I prefer to dress, no interest in wearing makeup or jewelry or dresses or feminine anything although sometimes I do, a little bit.

I don't think I'm gender fluid or misgendered or bi or anything but a hetero woman with a lot of masculine tendencies. I am quite sure there are others like me but I wouldn't mind hearing from them.

Wait, are you the OP? I'm confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound to me like a heterosexual wife in a plain old monogamous marriage. You don't date women, never dated a woman. But obviously you can identify however you like

This is very disrespectful. I’ve been attracted to men and women my whole life.

I saw that reply. It was really rude. There's a lot of straight cisgender queerphobic people that post here. No one can tell you what your orientation is. No actual LGBTQ person would ever say that you have to sleep with a woman and a man to be a "real" bisexual. That's not how it works. I'm sorry you're experiencing biphobia from straight people the very first time you ever tried to discuss anything. This is why we need safe spaces. THese people suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have always been a totally heterosexual female but I have also always been very masculine in interests, physical strength and athletic ability, the way I prefer to dress, no interest in wearing makeup or jewelry or dresses or feminine anything although sometimes I do, a little bit.

I don't think I'm gender fluid or misgendered or bi or anything but a hetero woman with a lot of masculine tendencies. I am quite sure there are others like me but I wouldn't mind hearing from them.

Wait, are you the OP? I'm confused.

This is OP. I didn’t make that post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have always been a totally heterosexual female but I have also always been very masculine in interests, physical strength and athletic ability, the way I prefer to dress, no interest in wearing makeup or jewelry or dresses or feminine anything although sometimes I do, a little bit.

I don't think I'm gender fluid or misgendered or bi or anything but a hetero woman with a lot of masculine tendencies. I am quite sure there are others like me but I wouldn't mind hearing from them.

Wait, are you the OP? I'm confused.

This is OP. I didn’t make that post.

Okay I didn’t think it was you because it was very different than what you said.

I think it’s important to keep in mind, just because you may be variation of nonbinary doesn’t mean you need to change your life. Just as you can not sleep with women and be bi, you can also continue to live as you have been. If you feel like the way you express your gender satisfies your needs in expressing yourself then that’s fine. I still think a couple sessions with a gender therapist could help you and that you could get some benefit from meeting some trans and nonbinary people but that’s up to you. you can check out gender-fluid or bi-gender subreddits as well(along with others). There’s also things you can buy like packers that might help you explore your gender identity a bit with very little investment in terms of cost and effort. If you get one, recommend a small.

[Anonymous]

We all feel a bit feminine and masculine as our society defines them. It doesn’t have a larger meaning beyond the wonderful variety of our humanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We all feel a bit feminine and masculine as our society defines them. It doesn’t have a larger meaning beyond the wonderful variety of our humanity.

Transphobic take. “I’m a cisgender woman that isn’t hyper femme so everyone is cisgender”. No. That’s not how this works. Your lived experiences don’t mean anything about anyone else. All it means is that you are a binary cisgender woman.

Again, OP, I’m sorry you’re dealing with these people. This forum is infested with people that hate LGBTQ+ people to the point that they refuse to even admit that some identities exist. For many, it’s any trans and NB identity.

Don’t worry too much about strangers on the Internet.

[Anonymous]

OP, what you’re describing sounds to me well within the norm of the usual lived female experience. I reject most things that are stereotypically female, including skirts, heels, painted nails, Chardonnay, etc. it doesn’t make me trans. It just makes me a woman who has independent thoughts and preferences that don’t match up with what the patriarchy tells me to like. Honestly, girls underwear kind of sucks. Why is all the men’s stuff so much more comfortable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you’re describing sounds to me well within the norm of the usual lived female experience. I reject most things that are stereotypically female, including skirts, heels, painted nails, Chardonnay, etc. it doesn’t make me trans. It just makes me a woman who has independent thoughts and preferences that don’t match up with what the patriarchy tells me to like. Honestly, girls underwear kind of sucks. Why is all the men’s stuff so much more comfortable?

Disagree. What she wrote is not what you wrote. Why are people identifying themselves as cis posting here telling others what their identity is? I don’t know what she is but I think she should explore it with a gender therapist. She doesn’t sound cis to me. What you wrote did sound cis. But again, I don’t know. She would need to explore this and figure it out. Suggest you stick to the politics board.