Happy Valentine’s Day teen anecdote - I hope it uplifts some of you too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This American preoccupation with wanting to sexualize the childhood of their children is frankly disgusting. And especially White mothers need to quit creating a sense of sexual entitlement in their future InCel sons.
Disgusting POS.
And yes, sorry if he is ASD or whatever, but how dare he embarrass this girl by singling her for inappropriate attention.

Show me an uplifting story about how he achieved something in academics or ECs. I don’t want to hear about horny pre-teens and teens.

You clearly do not have children on the spectrum. It is extremely difficult and exhausting. The mother was mortified when she found out what her DS had done and later explained to him why it was not right afterwards. She would have talked him out of our it had she been aware before hand.

Children/ youth on the spectrum usually do not understand social cues and often have to be told in great detail about what is socially appropriate. It is impossible to think of every possible scenario in advance.

I don’t think it is appropriate for you to blame the mother or their skin color. I have black friends with kids on the spectrum and it is a struggle for them as well. Parenting youth on the spectrum is an extremely difficult journey.

It is a big jump from an innocent Valentine card exchange to horny teens. Children from kindergarten through HS give Valentines cards and it is usually a gesture of sweet friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve got an idea. How about a full stop to the big, public asks at school? Must every moment be documented on social media? Remember the good old days when a boy would nervously call on the phone and ask to go to Hoco? It was a private moment as it should be.

+1.
The huge public spectacles are ridiculous. Posters and elaborate displays to ask a date to Homecoming, Prom, and now just to be my Valentine (what the h**l does that mean anyway?) are just dumb.
Schools should squash this. Parent should advise their kids freshman year NOT to do this.
It's like the whole country has forgotten classic etiquette and decorum. Maybe freshman year there needs to be a class teaching normal personal interactions.

OP - I agree to a large extent. I do wish youth were taught basic kindness and etiquette in schools.

I am not on social media myself and DD not in public school. We Talk often about the importance of treating others with respect and kindness .

I generally don’t like public displays of anything. Just in this case, I liked that the teens themselves made an effort to include this young man. However, I did not see the unkind comments cited by others as they did not display on my cell phone. I agree that two wrongs don’t make a right.

I hope their parents or school talk to them about the importance of being kind without demeaning others.

The teens meant well.

The school and/or parents should take advantage of this teachable moment to explain why inclusion of some should not come at price of excluding or being unkind to others.

[Anonymous]

I have an Autistic teen and I didn't think of the perspective of the girl who did the rejecting, although I agree that is a good point (especially knowing that some insulted her "he can do better" etc.). I might feel differently about it if everyone was clearly supportive of her and just trying to make him feel included.

But an additional point nobody has made, the disability community typically doesn't like this kind of "inspo porn," like everyone feels bad for this poor Autistic kid so they shower him with valentines to make him feel better. As someone who has difficulty with social norms, that is SO confusing and very infantilizing. My kid would be thrilled and horrified at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an Autistic teen and I didn't think of the perspective of the girl who did the rejecting, although I agree that is a good point (especially knowing that some insulted her "he can do better" etc.). I might feel differently about it if everyone was clearly supportive of her and just trying to make him feel included.

But an additional point nobody has made, the disability community typically doesn't like this kind of "inspo porn," like everyone feels bad for this poor Autistic kid so they shower him with valentines to make him feel better. As someone who has difficulty with social norms, that is SO confusing and very infantilizing. My kid would be thrilled and horrified at the same time.

OP - Good point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This American preoccupation with wanting to sexualize the childhood of their children is frankly disgusting. And especially White mothers need to quit creating a sense of sexual entitlement in their future InCel sons.
Disgusting POS.
And yes, sorry if he is ASD or whatever, but how dare he embarrass this girl by singling her for inappropriate attention.

Show me an uplifting story about how he achieved something in academics or ECs. I don’t want to hear about horny pre-teens and teens.

You clearly do not have children on the spectrum. It is extremely difficult and exhausting. The mother was mortified when she found out what her DS had done and later explained to him why it was not right afterwards. She would have talked him out of our it had she been aware before hand.

Children/ youth on the spectrum usually do not understand social cues and often have to be told in great detail about what is socially appropriate. It is impossible to think of every possible scenario in advance.

I don’t think it is appropriate for you to blame the mother or their skin color. I have black friends with kids on the spectrum and it is a struggle for them as well. Parenting youth on the spectrum is an extremely difficult journey.

It is a big jump from an innocent Valentine card exchange to horny teens. Children from kindergarten through HS give Valentines cards and it is usually a gesture of sweet friendship.

The boy's mother shared on social media about how the cheerleaders(?) in the school gave her son a poster and card. Yes, the girls may have been wanting to do their one "faux" charitable deed for the day or wanted their 5 minutes of fame, but why did the mom of the ASD boy publicize it?

A gesture of "sweet friendship"? I think not. It was not as if he was distributing cards and roses to all his classmates. It was a grand romantic gesture towards one poor girl who did not deserve this embarrassment or to be sexually harassed in a school. She was later made into a villain who is not kind to a poor special ed student. How cruel! Was she supposed to say yes and kiss him?

I personally think that the evil cheerleaders first put the boy up to publicly propose to this girl to put her in a awkward position. Once she said "no", they stepped in to be nice to the "slow" boy and said nasty things about the girl in their "sympathy" message. "You deserve someone better" Really? Why don't they set up a kissing booth for this guy and really make his day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This American preoccupation with wanting to sexualize the childhood of their children is frankly disgusting. And especially White mothers need to quit creating a sense of sexual entitlement in their future InCel sons.
Disgusting POS.
And yes, sorry if he is ASD or whatever, but how dare he embarrass this girl by singling her for inappropriate attention.

Show me an uplifting story about how he achieved something in academics or ECs. I don’t want to hear about horny pre-teens and teens.

You clearly do not have children on the spectrum. It is extremely difficult and exhausting. The mother was mortified when she found out what her DS had done and later explained to him why it was not right afterwards. She would have talked him out of our it had she been aware before hand.

Children/ youth on the spectrum usually do not understand social cues and often have to be told in great detail about what is socially appropriate. It is impossible to think of every possible scenario in advance.

I don’t think it is appropriate for you to blame the mother or their skin color. I have black friends with kids on the spectrum and it is a struggle for them as well. Parenting youth on the spectrum is an extremely difficult journey.

It is a big jump from an innocent Valentine card exchange to horny teens. Children from kindergarten through HS give Valentines cards and it is usually a gesture of sweet friendship.

The boy's mother shared on social media about how the cheerleaders(?) in the school gave her son a poster and card. Yes, the girls may have been wanting to do their one "faux" charitable deed for the day or wanted their 5 minutes of fame, but why did the mom of the ASD boy publicize it?

A gesture of "sweet friendship"? I think not. It was not as if he was distributing cards and roses to all his classmates. It was a grand romantic gesture towards one poor girl who did not deserve this embarrassment or to be sexually harassed in a school. She was later made into a villain who is not kind to a poor special ed student. How cruel! Was she supposed to say yes and kiss him?

I personally think that the evil cheerleaders first put the boy up to publicly propose to this girl to put her in a awkward position. Once she said "no", they stepped in to be nice to the "slow" boy and said nasty things about the girl in their "sympathy" message. "You deserve someone better" Really? Why don't they set up a kissing booth for this guy and really make his day?

No offense but this sounds ridiculous and paranoid. I was talking in general that many valentines cards are exchanged in schools in platonic ways not horny ways .

I am not on social media and read the story in an article and not on social media. We have no idea if the mom was just posting to a few family and friends and someone reported it to a local newspaper or whatever. I doubt there were any prior plans for it to go viral.

It is nuts to dismiss the teens who sought to boost his morale as evil. They are teenagers and not perfect like the rest of us - but they were trying to make a neuro atypical peer feel included. I highly doubt it was planned or they would have had it all ready to go the same day and not the following day.

The teenagers were trying to make things better. I wish they had not dissed the girl was exercised her rights to reject the valentine proposal in public.

I agree with PP with autistic teen that the public spectacle/ pity porn may not be viewed favorably or validating by many people with LDs struggling for more authentic inclusion. However, the mom reported that it did make this young man very happy and that counts for something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an Autistic teen and I didn't think of the perspective of the girl who did the rejecting, although I agree that is a good point (especially knowing that some insulted her "he can do better" etc.). I might feel differently about it if everyone was clearly supportive of her and just trying to make him feel included.

But an additional point nobody has made, the disability community typically doesn't like this kind of "inspo porn," like everyone feels bad for this poor Autistic kid so they shower him with valentines to make him feel better. As someone who has difficulty with social norms, that is SO confusing and very infantilizing. My kid would be thrilled and horrified at the same time.

I’m quoting my own post here. I asked my DD about this article without any opinion or discussion. She said “ew mom. He shouldn’t have done that. The girl has a right to say no. It’s called consent.” So much for Autistic people being “slow” (?!?!?). Also, something is a little weird about this story. As a parent of an Autistic child, you see them rejected CONSTANTLY. It’s not because other kids are cruel or mean (although some of them may be), the majority of kids just don’t know how to interact with someone who is different and who doesn’t socialize in the same way. My DD can’t have the chatty, back and forth conversations that many teen girls have in groups. But she’ll hone in on a special interest and “info dump” to someone she likes. NT kids don’t know how to deal with that, or many other of her ways of interacting, so they reject and keep their distance. She’s never included. And if some huge group of cheerleaders one day made some public display of “inclusion” it would feel pitying and fake and GROSS. Would she be thrilled initially like this kid was? Maybe. But these kids are HUMAN. And mine is SMART, this shit would be painful. How would you like it if you were considered the “loser” at work, and you felt it every day of your life, you just did not fit in. And you were never included. And then one day the “lunch bunch” of executives give you a big card like “you’re popular in my book!” “We always miss you at lunch!” “You’re not a loser.” I mean - if feel maybe like that was nice until I had a chance to think about it, and then I’d want to hide under my desk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an Autistic teen and I didn't think of the perspective of the girl who did the rejecting, although I agree that is a good point (especially knowing that some insulted her "he can do better" etc.). I might feel differently about it if everyone was clearly supportive of her and just trying to make him feel included.

But an additional point nobody has made, the disability community typically doesn't like this kind of "inspo porn," like everyone feels bad for this poor Autistic kid so they shower him with valentines to make him feel better. As someone who has difficulty with social norms, that is SO confusing and very infantilizing. My kid would be thrilled and horrified at the same time.

I’m quoting my own post here. I asked my DD about this article without any opinion or discussion. She said “ew mom. He shouldn’t have done that. The girl has a right to say no. It’s called consent.” So much for Autistic people being “slow” (?!?!?). Also, something is a little weird about this story. As a parent of an Autistic child, you see them rejected CONSTANTLY. It’s not because other kids are cruel or mean (although some of them may be), the majority of kids just don’t know how to interact with someone who is different and who doesn’t socialize in the same way. My DD can’t have the chatty, back and forth conversations that many teen girls have in groups. But she’ll hone in on a special interest and “info dump” to someone she likes. NT kids don’t know how to deal with that, or many other of her ways of interacting, so they reject and keep their distance. She’s never included. And if some huge group of cheerleaders one day made some public display of “inclusion” it would feel pitying and fake and GROSS. Would she be thrilled initially like this kid was? Maybe. But these kids are HUMAN. And mine is SMART, this shit would be painful. How would you like it if you were considered the “loser” at work, and you felt it every day of your life, you just did not fit in. And you were never included. And then one day the “lunch bunch” of executives give you a big card like “you’re popular in my book!” “We always miss you at lunch!” “You’re not a loser.” I mean - if feel maybe like that was nice until I had a chance to think about it, and then I’d want to hide under my desk.

My teens on the ASD are / were very hit and miss with social cues especially DD. They are both gifted according to testing but in different ways.

I feel ambivalent about this story for different reasons - DS did experience a lot of bullying when younger before he shot up and bulked up. I would usually need to intervene and let school handle it. He is flourishing now but it was a long long road. DD has experienced a lot of bullying both in person and online. Again I would need to intervene but tried to do it in a way that the school could work with her and the bullies.

Obviously the grand gesture of the boy in public was super awkward and it was a horrible spot to put that poor girl in. The mom owned that.

So I was pleasantly surprised that the popular teens made such efforts of inclusion. It is obviously not as good as having genuine friendships with peers but it was a lot better than often goes on at schools with neurodivergent peers in mainstream settings m. It shows their hearts are in the right place and that there is hope for more normal non public friendships.

There is non perfect solution to find ways to include people who don’t quite fit in. I agree that pity is not the answer but we should not assume it was out of pity . They may genuinely like this boy as he is a nice kid who doesn’t hurt anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This American preoccupation with wanting to sexualize the childhood of their children is frankly disgusting. And especially White mothers need to quit creating a sense of sexual entitlement in their future InCel sons.
Disgusting POS.
And yes, sorry if he is ASD or whatever, but how dare he embarrass this girl by singling her for inappropriate attention.

Show me an uplifting story about how he achieved something in academics or ECs. I don’t want to hear about horny pre-teens and teens.

It’s probably the second-generation Asian immigrant coming out in me but I agree 1000%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This American preoccupation with wanting to sexualize the childhood of their children is frankly disgusting. And especially White mothers need to quit creating a sense of sexual entitlement in their future InCel sons.
Disgusting POS.
And yes, sorry if he is ASD or whatever, but how dare he embarrass this girl by singling her for inappropriate attention.

Show me an uplifting story about how he achieved something in academics or ECs. I don’t want to hear about horny pre-teens and teens.

It’s probably the second-generation Asian immigrant coming out in me but I agree 1000%

^ Except for the part calling the boy an Incel. There is no evidence of that whatsoever. But it is very odd that the mother publicized it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This American preoccupation with wanting to sexualize the childhood of their children is frankly disgusting. And especially White mothers need to quit creating a sense of sexual entitlement in their future InCel sons.
Disgusting POS.
And yes, sorry if he is ASD or whatever, but how dare he embarrass this girl by singling her for inappropriate attention.

Show me an uplifting story about how he achieved something in academics or ECs. I don’t want to hear about horny pre-teens and teens.

It’s probably the second-generation Asian immigrant coming out in me but I agree 1000%

^ Except for the part calling the boy an Incel. There is no evidence of that whatsoever. But it is very odd that the mother publicized it.

I think the mom felt good about the uplifting of her son, but didn’t think about how it would affect the young lady.

I think public proposals are stupid and are for the benefit of the asker. They started out with marriage proposals (where the asker generally knows the answer), but have crept to stuff like this. Teens don’t have the EQ to understand that if you don’t have already have a relationship with the person, this is horrible manipulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This American preoccupation with wanting to sexualize the childhood of their children is frankly disgusting. And especially White mothers need to quit creating a sense of sexual entitlement in their future InCel sons.
Disgusting POS.
And yes, sorry if he is ASD or whatever, but how dare he embarrass this girl by singling her for inappropriate attention.

Show me an uplifting story about how he achieved something in academics or ECs. I don’t want to hear about horny pre-teens and teens.

It’s probably the second-generation Asian immigrant coming out in me but I agree 1000%

.

I’m a first generation immigrant and disagree. Why bring race into this story?

It is off to describe youth who exchange valentines cards as horn dogs. Good grief.

There is a mental health crisis among our teens going on. The stats are horrifying. So many youth feel disconnected in real life and yet they have never been so connected on social media.

Happiness of our youth is just as important as academics and ECs.

I do agree though that public grand gestures are not a good idea.