Anyone else’s t(w)een isn’t into sports?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD12 has dabbled in basketball, ballet, gymnastics, golf, soccer, and volleyball, and despite our encouragement she just isn’t a sporty girl.

Do they eventually find their “thing”? I’ve accepted that it probably won’t be a sport for DD, and that’s fine. But do some kids just never find a niche?

Same. The important thing is that you allowed for exploration of different sports. Yes, they will find their thing, and it may be a sport (so many non-team sports!). Or it may not be a sport. I’ve made peace that my oldest, same as yours, is not into any of the popular team sports. We haven’t found any volleyball (NoVA) which she said she wanted to try (advice welcome), and we’ll encourage individual and unusual sports as we come across them… but I won’t push.

[Anonymous]

So many things outside of sports.

Music (band, orchestra, chorus) and theater being two that can end up taking as much or more time than any sport. I've had kids do both scenes (arts and sports) pretty intensely through high school and the "arts" experience is fantastic for kids. A great group of friends and amazing skills that are applicable for the rest of life.

[Anonymous]

I was never into any sport, but as an adult I go to the gym and do exercise, I’m just not very coordinated so sports were stressful. I did ride my bike and ski, but just for fun.

My girls are dancers and gymnasts, must get that from their dad’s side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh sure, many people aren’t into organized sports. They might find their passion in drama, art, music, debate, student government/Boys or Girls State, scouting, community service.

You speak of not finding a niche but your child is only 12. Some of these things, like robotics/coding or drama, don’t really even start up in a fun and active way until older ages.

They also might not find their “passion” and that’s ok, too. As long as they feel free to try new things and spend time working/socializing with peers.

My kid had an assignment in 4th grade to write about his passion and he completely broke down in tears because he couldn’t think of one. I hate the way these loaded words are tossed around.

My daughter just told me this happened to her too, in the same grade! She's 12, and only now felt comfortable telling me this!

So much pressure put on kids...

+100 I hate the word "passion" with a passion. You don't need to have a passion, just try stuff and see what interests you and follow your interests. How many adults actually have a "passion"? I don't see much evidence of it among the people I know. But then they put that pressure on kids. Even kids who do really love one thing they might change their mind as they grow and experience new things but could feel pressure to not shift gears because "X is my 'passion' so I have to keep doing that."

We put that pressure on adults too. When you are job-hunting, you're often told to go after jobs that you're interested in/passionate about, but I'm most interested in not having a job at all! What then???

Or what if you even have a passion, but it's not lucrative? What if it doesn't align with the goals you have for your family? You are passionate about painting... so what does that mean. Set up an Etsy shop? Hustle to make it as lucrative as possible? Go sell at street fairs? Convince businesses to let you paint murals? That kind of effort is not for everyone. So many factors aside from what makes your heart sing are so important when pursuing a job/career. Terrible messaging.

Yes, well said.

[Anonymous]

I was never into any sport. I never found a true passion that drives and defines me. And it's been ok - I've tried many many different things and as a result, colleges saw me as very well-rounded. And later in life, I can converse on almost any topic, although definitely not at a PhD level.

[Anonymous]

Neither of my DD into sports. They did cheer (one of those cheer venues where they "compete" - something I regret doing.)
They both ended up being involved in BBYO and one did theater. Its OK not to be athletic. Not everyone is.

[Anonymous]

Never did sports growing up or had a passion. I still had a very active fun childhood. Turned out alright as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Our DS has tried it all too and nothing was a fit. So we encouraged outdoor photography and he hikes to take photos. Also into theater tech.

[Anonymous]

Maybe her "thing" isn't sports. Or maybe it will be yoga when she's older. Or rock climbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh sure, many people aren’t into organized sports. They might find their passion in drama, art, music, debate, student government/Boys or Girls State, scouting, community service.

You speak of not finding a niche but your child is only 12. Some of these things, like robotics/coding or drama, don’t really even start up in a fun and active way until older ages.

They also might not find their “passion” and that’s ok, too. As long as they feel free to try new things and spend time working/socializing with peers.

My kid had an assignment in 4th grade to write about his passion and he completely broke down in tears because he couldn’t think of one. I hate the way these loaded words are tossed around.

My daughter just told me this happened to her too, in the same grade! She's 12, and only now felt comfortable telling me this!

So much pressure put on kids...

+100 I hate the word "passion" with a passion. You don't need to have a passion, just try stuff and see what interests you and follow your interests. How many adults actually have a "passion"? I don't see much evidence of it among the people I know. But then they put that pressure on kids. Even kids who do really love one thing they might change their mind as they grow and experience new things but could feel pressure to not shift gears because "X is my 'passion' so I have to keep doing that."

We put that pressure on adults too. When you are job-hunting, you're often told to go after jobs that you're interested in/passionate about, but I'm most interested in not having a job at all! What then???

Or what if you even have a passion, but it's not lucrative? What if it doesn't align with the goals you have for your family? You are passionate about painting... so what does that mean. Set up an Etsy shop? Hustle to make it as lucrative as possible? Go sell at street fairs? Convince businesses to let you paint murals? That kind of effort is not for everyone. So many factors aside from what makes your heart sing are so important when pursuing a job/career. Terrible messaging.

Yes, well said.

I don’t know that anyone was arguing about a passion being lucrative, certainly not the sports parents, since we know it’s a money pit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for your honest replies. I DO NOT feel bad about her not being in sports, if anything I feel FREE! But I see these parents of tight-knit friend groups and I worry DD is missing out somehow. But she’s a content girl with many friends, so I don’t know why I worry. It’s always hard when people say, “Oh, she’s not in a sport???” with a look of shock on their faces. I never know how to respond.

I think the sporty types, more than other activities, just can't conceive of how someone might be into different things. I don't see music or theater parents doing that but it seems so common for those into sports to think they are just superior activities. They aren't.

I totally disagree with this cliche. A lot of athletes also do things like music and community service. I’ve run in to some very haughty music parents who look down on sports but I would never make a judgment overall about “music types” based off those specific parents.

[Anonymous]

Agree that it's kind of weird that there's this unofficial requirement out there that kids have to have an identified passion that they can turn into a demonstration of leadership on a college application someday.

My tween's passion seems to be hanging out and swapping terrible jokes with his pals. So I guess we have a few years to get him to launch his joke-telling business that helps children in the developing world build their self-confidence and entrepreneurial spirit.

[Anonymous]

Lol at kids needing a passion. My passion as a kid, being a kid and having fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh sure, many people aren’t into organized sports. They might find their passion in drama, art, music, debate, student government/Boys or Girls State, scouting, community service.

You speak of not finding a niche but your child is only 12. Some of these things, like robotics/coding or drama, don’t really even start up in a fun and active way until older ages.

They also might not find their “passion” and that’s ok, too. As long as they feel free to try new things and spend time working/socializing with peers.

My kid had an assignment in 4th grade to write about his passion and he completely broke down in tears because he couldn’t think of one. I hate the way these loaded words are tossed around.

My daughter just told me this happened to her too, in the same grade! She's 12, and only now felt comfortable telling me this!

So much pressure put on kids...

+100 I hate the word "passion" with a passion. You don't need to have a passion, just try stuff and see what interests you and follow your interests. How many adults actually have a "passion"? I don't see much evidence of it among the people I know. But then they put that pressure on kids. Even kids who do really love one thing they might change their mind as they grow and experience new things but could feel pressure to not shift gears because "X is my 'passion' so I have to keep doing that."

We put that pressure on adults too. When you are job-hunting, you're often told to go after jobs that you're interested in/passionate about, but I'm most interested in not having a job at all! What then???

Or what if you even have a passion, but it's not lucrative? What if it doesn't align with the goals you have for your family? You are passionate about painting... so what does that mean. Set up an Etsy shop? Hustle to make it as lucrative as possible? Go sell at street fairs? Convince businesses to let you paint murals? That kind of effort is not for everyone. So many factors aside from what makes your heart sing are so important when pursuing a job/career. Terrible messaging.

Yes, well said.

I don’t know that anyone was arguing about a passion being lucrative, certainly not the sports parents, since we know it’s a money pit.

Right. This was a tangent. We weren't talking you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I joke that my kid's thing is to quit stuff. But they are trying stuff on (they are 10 and 7) and saying no thank you to what doesn't fit. I offer ideas and classes to them (I grew up poor so didn't have access), and sometimes they take me up on them, and some times they don't. They both gave soccer a try, and my daughter was pretty good, but didn't want to do it. My son is not coordinated, but has other stuff he likes. I'm not stressing it too much.

This is a great quality.