Anyone else’s t(w)een isn’t into sports?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh sure, many people aren’t into organized sports. They might find their passion in drama, art, music, debate, student government/Boys or Girls State, scouting, community service.

You speak of not finding a niche but your child is only 12. Some of these things, like robotics/coding or drama, don’t really even start up in a fun and active way until older ages.

They also might not find their “passion” and that’s ok, too. As long as they feel free to try new things and spend time working/socializing with peers.

My kid had an assignment in 4th grade to write about his passion and he completely broke down in tears because he couldn’t think of one. I hate the way these loaded words are tossed around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh sure, many people aren’t into organized sports. They might find their passion in drama, art, music, debate, student government/Boys or Girls State, scouting, community service.

You speak of not finding a niche but your child is only 12. Some of these things, like robotics/coding or drama, don’t really even start up in a fun and active way until older ages.

They also might not find their “passion” and that’s ok, too. As long as they feel free to try new things and spend time working/socializing with peers.

My kid had an assignment in 4th grade to write about his passion and he completely broke down in tears because he couldn’t think of one. I hate the way these loaded words are tossed around.

My daughter just told me this happened to her too, in the same grade! She's 12, and only now felt comfortable telling me this!

So much pressure put on kids...

[Anonymous]

Sure. Has your daughter been given a chance to dabble in theater, robotics, visual arts, dance, cooking, debate, music lessons, circus arts, entrepreneurship...?

She might find a club sport she likes in HS or college, but if not there are plenty of other interests that create opportunities to specialize and/or find a close-knit community of peers with similar interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for your honest replies. I DO NOT feel bad about her not being in sports, if anything I feel FREE! But I see these parents of tight-knit friend groups and I worry DD is missing out somehow. But she’s a content girl with many friends, so I don’t know why I worry. It’s always hard when people say, “Oh, she’s not in a sport???” with a look of shock on their faces. I never know how to respond.

I think the sporty types, more than other activities, just can't conceive of how someone might be into different things. I don't see music or theater parents doing that but it seems so common for those into sports to think they are just superior activities. They aren't.

One of my kids found an interest in a niche sport in middle school but ultimately didn't want to pursue it to the exclusion of all else so dropped it when she got to HS (that's a whole additional issue - why do sports except unwavering devotion from kids???). She's played an instrument since 5th grade and found her thing in HS with marching band. She also spends time on a volunteer activity out of school.

DS dabbled in a variety of things, both sports and non -- did rec soccer through middle school mainly because friends were doing it, played golf with his grandfather, took guitar lessons, worked stage crew for theater. None of this was a "passion" but he had enjoyable ways to spend his time. He had a good group of friends who were friends just because they met in class and liked hanging out, it had nothing to do with being in the same activities. Which is probably why they have remained good friends, even as they have gone off to different colleges. He's still not a joiner at college but really likes his major, is doing well in it, and joined a extracurricular research/consulting team related to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh sure, many people aren’t into organized sports. They might find their passion in drama, art, music, debate, student government/Boys or Girls State, scouting, community service.

You speak of not finding a niche but your child is only 12. Some of these things, like robotics/coding or drama, don’t really even start up in a fun and active way until older ages.

They also might not find their “passion” and that’s ok, too. As long as they feel free to try new things and spend time working/socializing with peers.

My kid had an assignment in 4th grade to write about his passion and he completely broke down in tears because he couldn’t think of one. I hate the way these loaded words are tossed around.

My daughter just told me this happened to her too, in the same grade! She's 12, and only now felt comfortable telling me this!

So much pressure put on kids...

+100 I hate the word "passion" with a passion. You don't need to have a passion, just try stuff and see what interests you and follow your interests. How many adults actually have a "passion"? I don't see much evidence of it among the people I know. But then they put that pressure on kids. Even kids who do really love one thing they might change their mind as they grow and experience new things but could feel pressure to not shift gears because "X is my 'passion' so I have to keep doing that."

[Anonymous]

OP, do you think non-sports activities such as music or arts are less than sports? I can see wanting your kid to have an interest in some/any extra-curricular activity to make friends, learn new things, have fun, etc. if not find that "passion"... But why are you specifically concerned about sports?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh sure, many people aren’t into organized sports. They might find their passion in drama, art, music, debate, student government/Boys or Girls State, scouting, community service.

You speak of not finding a niche but your child is only 12. Some of these things, like robotics/coding or drama, don’t really even start up in a fun and active way until older ages.

They also might not find their “passion” and that’s ok, too. As long as they feel free to try new things and spend time working/socializing with peers.

My kid had an assignment in 4th grade to write about his passion and he completely broke down in tears because he couldn’t think of one. I hate the way these loaded words are tossed around.

My daughter just told me this happened to her too, in the same grade! She's 12, and only now felt comfortable telling me this!

So much pressure put on kids...

+100 I hate the word "passion" with a passion. You don't need to have a passion, just try stuff and see what interests you and follow your interests. How many adults actually have a "passion"? I don't see much evidence of it among the people I know. But then they put that pressure on kids. Even kids who do really love one thing they might change their mind as they grow and experience new things but could feel pressure to not shift gears because "X is my 'passion' so I have to keep doing that."

We put that pressure on adults too. When you are job-hunting, you're often told to go after jobs that you're interested in/passionate about, but I'm most interested in not having a job at all! What then???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh sure, many people aren’t into organized sports. They might find their passion in drama, art, music, debate, student government/Boys or Girls State, scouting, community service.

You speak of not finding a niche but your child is only 12. Some of these things, like robotics/coding or drama, don’t really even start up in a fun and active way until older ages.

They also might not find their “passion” and that’s ok, too. As long as they feel free to try new things and spend time working/socializing with peers.

My kid had an assignment in 4th grade to write about his passion and he completely broke down in tears because he couldn’t think of one. I hate the way these loaded words are tossed around.

My daughter just told me this happened to her too, in the same grade! She's 12, and only now felt comfortable telling me this!

So much pressure put on kids...

+100 I hate the word "passion" with a passion. You don't need to have a passion, just try stuff and see what interests you and follow your interests. How many adults actually have a "passion"? I don't see much evidence of it among the people I know. But then they put that pressure on kids. Even kids who do really love one thing they might change their mind as they grow and experience new things but could feel pressure to not shift gears because "X is my 'passion' so I have to keep doing that."

We put that pressure on adults too. When you are job-hunting, you're often told to go after jobs that you're interested in/passionate about, but I'm most interested in not having a job at all! What then???

+1. If I had to list a "passion" it would be to sleep all day. Wish I could find someone who would pay me to do that.

[Anonymous]

I was your daughter. I was never sporty or into anything athletic. But later in my teen years I spent time hiking, horseback riding (just for fun, not competitively), and swimming. As an adult, I am still not in any way sporty but still love to spend time outside swimming, hiking, or running. There is not enough money in the world to make me play a team sport, even just for fun.

I now have two kids, one of which is not AT ALL interested in sports and that is fine... he has tons of other interests. My other child is a naturally gifted athlete and plays an intense sport. I feel like our entire life is handed over to said sport.

I wish both of my kids loved books and robotics.

[Anonymous]

My 18 years old HS senior is serious about music. He has been taking piano and guitar lessons since the age of five, vocal lessons since the age of ten. He starts writing songs at the age of thirteen, around the same time when he begins to notice girls. He goes to the Lifetime Athletic gym to work out and swim after school but he always sets aside at least two hours everyday to practice piano and guitar and much more on weekends. He wants to be Shawn Mendes 2.0 but hey, he can dream big, right?

I absolutely love this because I didn't have to drive him around when he was young and interact with crazy "sports" parents. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh sure, many people aren’t into organized sports. They might find their passion in drama, art, music, debate, student government/Boys or Girls State, scouting, community service.

You speak of not finding a niche but your child is only 12. Some of these things, like robotics/coding or drama, don’t really even start up in a fun and active way until older ages.

They also might not find their “passion” and that’s ok, too. As long as they feel free to try new things and spend time working/socializing with peers.

My kid had an assignment in 4th grade to write about his passion and he completely broke down in tears because he couldn’t think of one. I hate the way these loaded words are tossed around.

My daughter just told me this happened to her too, in the same grade! She's 12, and only now felt comfortable telling me this!

So much pressure put on kids...

+100 I hate the word "passion" with a passion. You don't need to have a passion, just try stuff and see what interests you and follow your interests. How many adults actually have a "passion"? I don't see much evidence of it among the people I know. But then they put that pressure on kids. Even kids who do really love one thing they might change their mind as they grow and experience new things but could feel pressure to not shift gears because "X is my 'passion' so I have to keep doing that."

We put that pressure on adults too. When you are job-hunting, you're often told to go after jobs that you're interested in/passionate about, but I'm most interested in not having a job at all! What then???

Or what if you even have a passion, but it's not lucrative? What if it doesn't align with the goals you have for your family? You are passionate about painting... so what does that mean. Set up an Etsy shop? Hustle to make it as lucrative as possible? Go sell at street fairs? Convince businesses to let you paint murals? That kind of effort is not for everyone. So many factors aside from what makes your heart sing are so important when pursuing a job/career. Terrible messaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh sure, many people aren’t into organized sports. They might find their passion in drama, art, music, debate, student government/Boys or Girls State, scouting, community service.

You speak of not finding a niche but your child is only 12. Some of these things, like robotics/coding or drama, don’t really even start up in a fun and active way until older ages.

They also might not find their “passion” and that’s ok, too. As long as they feel free to try new things and spend time working/socializing with peers.

My kid had an assignment in 4th grade to write about his passion and he completely broke down in tears because he couldn’t think of one. I hate the way these loaded words are tossed around.

My daughter just told me this happened to her too, in the same grade! She's 12, and only now felt comfortable telling me this!

So much pressure put on kids...

+100 I hate the word "passion" with a passion. You don't need to have a passion, just try stuff and see what interests you and follow your interests. How many adults actually have a "passion"? I don't see much evidence of it among the people I know. But then they put that pressure on kids. Even kids who do really love one thing they might change their mind as they grow and experience new things but could feel pressure to not shift gears because "X is my 'passion' so I have to keep doing that."

We put that pressure on adults too. When you are job-hunting, you're often told to go after jobs that you're interested in/passionate about, but I'm most interested in not having a job at all! What then???

Or what if you even have a passion, but it's not lucrative? What if it doesn't align with the goals you have for your family? You are passionate about painting... so what does that mean. Set up an Etsy shop? Hustle to make it as lucrative as possible? Go sell at street fairs? Convince businesses to let you paint murals? That kind of effort is not for everyone. So many factors aside from what makes your heart sing are so important when pursuing a job/career. Terrible messaging.

Absolutely. My DD loves art but it is something she does purely for herself. It is her stress relief. She does not want to take more classes (she did some in ES-MS and knows basic techniques), she does not want to enter competitions, she does not want to exhibit. She can just do art. And that's fine.

Another friend does amazing things with a particular craft. We were chatting about her latest project at a party over the holidays and another woman jumped in to tell her all the ways she could expand on that -- enter it in competitions, set up an etsy store, photography, on and on and on. My friend was like, yeah, I just like to do it for myself. The other woman just could not get that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh sure, many people aren’t into organized sports. They might find their passion in drama, art, music, debate, student government/Boys or Girls State, scouting, community service.

You speak of not finding a niche but your child is only 12. Some of these things, like robotics/coding or drama, don’t really even start up in a fun and active way until older ages.

They also might not find their “passion” and that’s ok, too. As long as they feel free to try new things and spend time working/socializing with peers.

My kid had an assignment in 4th grade to write about his passion and he completely broke down in tears because he couldn’t think of one. I hate the way these loaded words are tossed around.

My daughter just told me this happened to her too, in the same grade! She's 12, and only now felt comfortable telling me this!

So much pressure put on kids...

+100 I hate the word "passion" with a passion. You don't need to have a passion, just try stuff and see what interests you and follow your interests. How many adults actually have a "passion"? I don't see much evidence of it among the people I know. But then they put that pressure on kids. Even kids who do really love one thing they might change their mind as they grow and experience new things but could feel pressure to not shift gears because "X is my 'passion' so I have to keep doing that."

We put that pressure on adults too. When you are job-hunting, you're often told to go after jobs that you're interested in/passionate about, but I'm most interested in not having a job at all! What then???

Or what if you even have a passion, but it's not lucrative? What if it doesn't align with the goals you have for your family? You are passionate about painting... so what does that mean. Set up an Etsy shop? Hustle to make it as lucrative as possible? Go sell at street fairs? Convince businesses to let you paint murals? That kind of effort is not for everyone. So many factors aside from what makes your heart sing are so important when pursuing a job/career. Terrible messaging.

Absolutely. My DD loves art but it is something she does purely for herself. It is her stress relief. She does not want to take more classes (she did some in ES-MS and knows basic techniques), she does not want to enter competitions, she does not want to exhibit. She can just do art. And that's fine.

Another friend does amazing things with a particular craft. We were chatting about her latest project at a party over the holidays and another woman jumped in to tell her all the ways she could expand on that -- enter it in competitions, set up an etsy store, photography, on and on and on. My friend was like, yeah, I just like to do it for myself. The other woman just could not get that.

Good for your DD!!

[Anonymous]

My 13yo is very musical and loves literature and art. She isn't just indifferent to team sports, she is averse. She walks a lot so gets exercise and I'm hoping I can get her interested in yoga. I'm definitely not pushing team sports. Its not for everyone!

[Anonymous]

I joke that my kid's thing is to quit stuff. But they are trying stuff on (they are 10 and 7) and saying no thank you to what doesn't fit. I offer ideas and classes to them (I grew up poor so didn't have access), and sometimes they take me up on them, and some times they don't. They both gave soccer a try, and my daughter was pretty good, but didn't want to do it. My son is not coordinated, but has other stuff he likes. I'm not stressing it too much.