Anyone else’s t(w)een isn’t into sports?

[Anonymous]

DD12 has dabbled in basketball, ballet, gymnastics, golf, soccer, and volleyball, and despite our encouragement she just isn’t a sporty girl.

Do they eventually find their “thing”? I’ve accepted that it probably won’t be a sport for DD, and that’s fine. But do some kids just never find a niche?

[Anonymous]

None of us are into organized sports. We like to hike, sail, ride horses on vacation. The kids do not participate in team sports. They did tried gym, ballet and martial arts in elementary school. As teens, one of them uses a trampoline daily in the house, and the other has horseback riding lessons. That's it.

Their main extra-curricular activity is music. One of my kids is taking it to a pre-professional level and performed at Carnegie Hall.

[Anonymous]

There are SO MANY other things besides sports, and yes, most kids find interests and hobbies that they enjoy and are good at even if they aren't sports. All of the performing and visual arts, design, languages, food and cooking, arts and crafts, nature, writing (journalism, creative writing), volunteering and community involvement, leadership roles at school or in the community, entrepreneurship, etc., etc., etc.

We are so weird in this country about sports.

[Anonymous]

Many, many kids aren't into sports. What does she gravitate toward naturally when the family goes on an outing or trip? What classes does she talk about the most? What games or books or tv/movies is she into? If you observe closely and take notice of any little show of enthusiasm, then you can start brainstorming ideas for helping her get involved in activities with people with like interests.

Take a look at her school's website to see what clubs there are, or ask the school counselor if they have ideas. Look at the high school website for this, too, to see what's available there in a few years.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Yes, and thank your lucky stars if they aren’t. I’m serious. I have one kid who is super sporty, and another who gravitated to other things. The sporty one is more conventionally popular and maybe high school is an easier ride for him, but the other kid just had so many more cool options and life wasn’t dominated by the inflexibility of sports practices. High school coaches basically own your kid during the season in a way that no other activity seems to do. And it’s not like my kid is going to be recruited at the college level so it feels silly to me to have his life so dominated by a team sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and thank your lucky stars if they aren’t. I’m serious. I have one kid who is super sporty, and another who gravitated to other things. The sporty one is more conventionally popular and maybe high school is an easier ride for him, but the other kid just had so many more cool options and life wasn’t dominated by the inflexibility of sports practices. High school coaches basically own your kid during the season in a way that no other activity seems to do. And it’s not like my kid is going to be recruited at the college level so it feels silly to me to have his life so dominated by a team sport.

Any activity undertaken at a serious level will feel hyper-controlled, OP. I'm the poster with the pre-pro music kid, and the lessons and performances and chamber groups and music theory classes, not to mention the orchestra schedule, make for a regimented life. Perhaps the difference is that we're not under one person's thumb. There are multiple teachers and organizations, so it doesn't feel cult-like.

[Anonymous]

sorry, PP.

[Anonymous]

We seem to have this weird idea that kids should find their "passion" or "niche" at a really young age. Sometimes you don't even discover that your "thing" exists until high school or college, when there are many more clubs and activities and classes and options. And that's okay! In the meantime, something that your kid can do for physical activity is important, but there are lots of non-sports options, and if you're not in a sport, you have more time to try them out.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Thanks for your honest replies. I DO NOT feel bad about her not being in sports, if anything I feel FREE! But I see these parents of tight-knit friend groups and I worry DD is missing out somehow. But she’s a content girl with many friends, so I don’t know why I worry. It’s always hard when people say, “Oh, she’s not in a sport???” with a look of shock on their faces. I never know how to respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for your honest replies. I DO NOT feel bad about her not being in sports, if anything I feel FREE! But I see these parents of tight-knit friend groups and I worry DD is missing out somehow. But she’s a content girl with many friends, so I don’t know why I worry. It’s always hard when people say, “Oh, she’s not in a sport???” with a look of shock on their faces. I never know how to respond.

*parents posting to social media, that should say

[Anonymous]

My kid was like this and then immediately joined the club rugby team once sue went to college.

[Anonymous]

My tween is like that. She has dabbled in a number of sports, but isn’t especially good at any of them. She really likes music, though, and is becoming interested in theater. There is lots of room for kids like ours to find their niche, especially as they get older and there are more accessible opportunities for non-sport activities through school extracurriculars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for your honest replies. I DO NOT feel bad about her not being in sports, if anything I feel FREE! But I see these parents of tight-knit friend groups and I worry DD is missing out somehow. But she’s a content girl with many friends, so I don’t know why I worry. It’s always hard when people say, “Oh, she’s not in a sport???” with a look of shock on their faces. I never know how to respond.

*parents posting to social media, that should say

Get off social media.

"Oh, she's not in a sport???" (How is this even coming up?)
"No. She's trying out for the school play [or whatever thing she's doing or trying out]."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and thank your lucky stars if they aren’t. I’m serious. I have one kid who is super sporty, and another who gravitated to other things. The sporty one is more conventionally popular and maybe high school is an easier ride for him, but the other kid just had so many more cool options and life wasn’t dominated by the inflexibility of sports practices. High school coaches basically own your kid during the season in a way that no other activity seems to do. And it’s not like my kid is going to be recruited at the college level so it feels silly to me to have his life so dominated by a team sport.

Any activity undertaken at a serious level will feel hyper-controlled, OP. I'm the poster with the pre-pro music kid, and the lessons and performances and chamber groups and music theory classes, not to mention the orchestra schedule, make for a regimented life. Perhaps the difference is that we're not under one person's thumb. There are multiple teachers and organizations, so it doesn't feel cult-like.

I get what you’re saying, but my non-sporty kid was involved in theater, debate, and MUN at competitive levels and never had to deal with the inflexibility of high school coaches like my sporty kid does. Maybe it was just the particular adults she interacted with, but her non-sports coaches and directors were much more understanding about conflicts than my ds’s sports coaches, So doing multiple things was possible.

[Anonymous]

Oh sure, many people aren’t into organized sports. They might find their passion in drama, art, music, debate, student government/Boys or Girls State, scouting, community service.

You speak of not finding a niche but your child is only 12. Some of these things, like robotics/coding or drama, don’t really even start up in a fun and active way until older ages.