Accused of racial bias at work by someone, and I feel sick over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you suck at your job. You have been doing this for years and when this man was talking over the woman who was soft-spoken it didn't occur to you to specifically speak to her or ask her questions directly? How many memes and books and tweets and so on have been made about men sucking all the air out of the room and taking up all the space and people having to be intentional to help women be heard?

This is a good point. You don't suck, OP, but in the future please be aware of this dynamic. If you interview two people together, make sure that you intervene if one person tries to speak over the other. Make sure you direct questions to each in turn, and defend their right to answer fully before the other adds their two cents.

Essentially consider yourself the interviewer of a Presidential debate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you suck at your job. You have been doing this for years and when this man was talking over the woman who was soft-spoken it didn't occur to you to specifically speak to her or ask her questions directly? How many memes and books and tweets and so on have been made about men sucking all the air out of the room and taking up all the space and people having to be intentional to help women be heard?

+1. OP is in marketing yet couldn't have figured out that she messed up the job. and she's surprised she offended the friggin LEAD AUTHOR. it's a junior level mistake to be honest totally inexcusable after 20 years in this field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should’ve shut the co-author down and intentionally solicited comments from the soft-spoken lead author. An apology is warranted and you should feel sick.

This is absurd. Do not listen to this PP. You did nothing wrong.

NP. I disagree. Perhaps it wasn’t intentional on OP’s part but there was probably some implicit bias going on. The man was the louder one (more “articulate” per OP) so perhaps OP just assumed that he was the lead author.

[Anonymous]

What a crock of horsesh$t. Did the asian woman know your race? People are brainwashed to assume any perceived slight is an act of conscious or unconscious bias. Pure nonsense. Sleep easy and don’t let the race terrorists win.

[Anonymous]

I’d take this as a learning experience to do better about you controlling the interview. Because even taking their races and genders out of the equation, you didn’t elicit enough quotes from one of the authors. And the lead author at that. It’s your job to obtain the information, not just parrot back what one blowhard tells you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t think you need to feel sick over this, but there are some lessons learned. In addition to what others have pointed out, given that the man kept speaking over the woman, you could have followed up one-on-one with the woman and even given her a few questions ahead of time so she could have prepared answers.

SO favor her over the other author?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The very broad strokes: I run my own marketing agency (not in DC, but I used to live here and still keep up on the boards).
I've been doing it for 20 years and have a really great reputation that I worked hard to earn. One of my clients is a university who wanted to publicize a research paper by two academics, so I put together a release after interviewing both authors, with the rep from the uni's comm department also on the line. I record all my calls, and this was recorded.

One of the authors, apparently the lead author -- which I didn't know, they were presented to me as co-authors -- was very young, Asian American woman who spoke more softly. The co-author was an older, very articulate white male.

At some point during the call, they began to talk over one another. I said, according to my recorded transcript: "Could one of you talk? I don't want to not hear you."

The call continued on, the story was finalized, but I quoted the man, who talked more, more in the release because he had more quotable phrases.

My longtime colleague who hired me from the uni called me yesterday and was very upset -- not at me, but at the situation, trying to figure out what happened, and said this wouldn't affect *my* relationship with the uni or future work, but that I should know that the younger woman apparently reached out to accuse me of racial bias because she thought I said, quote: "I don't want to hear you."

Now, that is not what I said, and the recording bears that out. I shared the recording with him as well as our correspondence where I gave equal attention and respect to both people.

The one thing I did was quote the man more, but the man was frankly the superior interview. It was not a racial choice. In fact, I had asked the softer woman to speak up to get her to talk more!

I burst into tears with my long time colleague. I have never had this happen before. I know people can be accused of micro aggressions in work environments all the time, but it has not happened to me, and it does not feel good, and I feel mortified. I also worry about my own reputation (although my colleague seems to have my back, and my recording bears out my side.)

DCUM, how would you handle? Do I ask to speak to these people directly? Do I let my client handle it? Will it blow over? I have been up sick, crying upset about this. I work with clients in the religious, disabilities, etc space. I feel mortified that I came off this way. Help? Thank you.

This is what the opression olympics leads to. Mistrust, paranoia, hate, pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely disagree with PP. You should ask to speak to Asian American woman directly. It sounds like she is upset not only with the incorrect statement but how she feels she was treated during the interview. It can be exhausting for soft spoken women of any race that have to compete for space with their louder male colleagues and in this day and age, sophisticated professionals should be able to see that and mitigate it where necessary. That means speaking to the woman as much as speaking to the man regardless of how loud the man is. You need to apologize for that part at least and do better next time.

I would say in the scenario you describe the male over-talker needs to apologize. The interviewer is not responsible for the behavior of the two people being interviewed. This is not a teacher in a classroom. Phone interviews suck for this very reason. In person, the interview can control with body language and eye contact. On the phone people just end up talking over each other, which is what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you suck at your job. You have been doing this for years and when this man was talking over the woman who was soft-spoken it didn't occur to you to specifically speak to her or ask her questions directly? How many memes and books and tweets and so on have been made about men sucking all the air out of the room and taking up all the space and people having to be intentional to help women be heard?

+1. OP is in marketing yet couldn't have figured out that she messed up the job. and she's surprised she offended the friggin LEAD AUTHOR. it's a junior level mistake to be honest totally inexcusable after 20 years in this field.

The OP says she was told they were co authors.

[Anonymous]

Black woman here, but I think this is more of a gender issue. Probably due to unconscious bias (which we all have) you let the loud man dominate the conversation, and he was rewarded for it with more quotes. Even without knowing the woman was the lead, when you thought they were equal, you alllowed him to dominate with his louder voice.

I don’t think you should feel sick - what good does that do? Instead, you should let it be a learning opportunity. Instead of asking them to speak one at a time, next time ask the loud dominators(usually male) to hold on so you can hear from the coworker. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Why are so many posters giving the authors a pass and blaming the OP for their joint behavior?

Male author steamrolled and took the lead that did not belong to him. Female author let him. If she was the lead (which OP did not know), she had every right to tell him to step back and let her answer, and she should have done so. It was her job to handler her underling. It was his job to be respectful of his superior.

OP's job was to be able to hear them, which is why she had to interrupt them unprofessionally talking over each other and ask them to take turns speaking.

This is a them problem.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with PP- The lead author let her co-author speak all over her. This is not the fault of OP. If she wanted to get more involved in the interview, she should have made that clear. The lead author should’ve learned something from this also. And not complain to someone else about something her behavior behavior triggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should’ve shut the co-author down and intentionally solicited comments from the soft-spoken lead author. An apology is warranted and you should feel sick.

Disagree

[Anonymous]

There are many tools out there for you to learn how to manage an interview, conversation, etc.

Maybe you should take some moderator/mediator classes.

Why would you want to only quote a blow hard? That would obviously give you a lower quality product. It was easier, that is why. You phoned it in.

It is your job to get to know the "product" and if you are having a meeting where 1 person is dominating the conversation, it is your job to figure out how to get all the information.

Remove the "racial bias" portion of the accusation.

If they came back to you and said, you produced a low-quality product because you only marketed 1/2 the idea/product/theme, you would get it. But you are all wrapped up in the "im not racist" trope.

Your need to go back and "prove you are right" because you didn't say "I don't want to hear you" shows you are not in the space where you actually want to learn and grow from this experience.

You can just get your validation from the undereducated DCUM group who will pat you on the back and tell you to not learn and grow or you can take the bits and pieces of the story that are true and become a better person.

Ask yourself, did I come to DCUM to learn and grow? or did I come to DCUM to validate my side of the story?

If it's the later, then get your validation, drink your wine tonight and move on.
If you really care about self-growth and have a growth mindset, ignore all the people trying to assuage your feelings and learn and grow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many posters giving the authors a pass and blaming the OP for their joint behavior?

Male author steamrolled and took the lead that did not belong to him. Female author let him. If she was the lead (which OP did not know), she had every right to tell him to step back and let her answer, and she should have done so. It was her job to handler her underling. It was his job to be respectful of his superior.

OP's job was to be able to hear them, which is why she had to interrupt them unprofessionally talking over each other and ask them to take turns speaking.

This is a them problem.

Adding, that the female author still didn't stand up to the male colleague and instead blamed the OP, who clearly is an easier mark.