Accused of racial bias at work by someone, and I feel sick over it

[Anonymous]

The very broad strokes: I run my own marketing agency (not in DC, but I used to live here and still keep up on the boards).
I've been doing it for 20 years and have a really great reputation that I worked hard to earn. One of my clients is a university who wanted to publicize a research paper by two academics, so I put together a release after interviewing both authors, with the rep from the uni's comm department also on the line. I record all my calls, and this was recorded.

One of the authors, apparently the lead author -- which I didn't know, they were presented to me as co-authors -- was very young, Asian American woman who spoke more softly. The co-author was an older, very articulate white male.

At some point during the call, they began to talk over one another. I said, according to my recorded transcript: "Could one of you talk? I don't want to not hear you."

The call continued on, the story was finalized, but I quoted the man, who talked more, more in the release because he had more quotable phrases.

My longtime colleague who hired me from the uni called me yesterday and was very upset -- not at me, but at the situation, trying to figure out what happened, and said this wouldn't affect *my* relationship with the uni or future work, but that I should know that the younger woman apparently reached out to accuse me of racial bias because she thought I said, quote: "I don't want to hear you."

Now, that is not what I said, and the recording bears that out. I shared the recording with him as well as our correspondence where I gave equal attention and respect to both people.

The one thing I did was quote the man more, but the man was frankly the superior interview. It was not a racial choice. In fact, I had asked the softer woman to speak up to get her to talk more!

I burst into tears with my long time colleague. I have never had this happen before. I know people can be accused of micro aggressions in work environments all the time, but it has not happened to me, and it does not feel good, and I feel mortified. I also worry about my own reputation (although my colleague seems to have my back, and my recording bears out my side.)

DCUM, how would you handle? Do I ask to speak to these people directly? Do I let my client handle it? Will it blow over? I have been up sick, crying upset about this. I work with clients in the religious, disabilities, etc space. I feel mortified that I came off this way. Help? Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Ignore it. The complainant misheard you, you proved it with the recording, end of story. If it'll make you feel better, confirm with your colleague that the information from the recording was shared with the complainant, and that she has been disabused of the false notion that she was told to keep quiet.

This isn't about you, it's about someone who misheard or misinterpreted your clear statement. That's outside your control, and is not a "microaggression" or any other kind of discourteous conduct on your part.

you can't control how others react to you, but you can control your own emotions - this is a trivial incident which should have no consequences for you whatsoever, and is hardly worth agonizing over as you seem to be doing.

[Anonymous]

You should’ve shut the co-author down and intentionally solicited comments from the soft-spoken lead author. An apology is warranted and you should feel sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should’ve shut the co-author down and intentionally solicited comments from the soft-spoken lead author. An apology is warranted and you should feel sick.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should’ve shut the co-author down and intentionally solicited comments from the soft-spoken lead author. An apology is warranted and you should feel sick.

This is absurd. Do not listen to this PP. You did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore it. The complainant misheard you, you proved it with the recording, end of story. If it'll make you feel better, confirm with your colleague that the information from the recording was shared with the complainant, and that she has been disabused of the false notion that she was told to keep quiet.

This isn't about you, it's about someone who misheard or misinterpreted your clear statement. That's outside your control, and is not a "microaggression" or any other kind of discourteous conduct on your part.

you can't control how others react to you, but you can control your own emotions - this is a trivial incident which should have no consequences for you whatsoever, and is hardly worth agonizing over as you seem to be doing.

+1 to all of this. Maybe the only learning point is to clarify with your contact whether both parties are equal co-authors prior to conducting the interview but that's a professional point not a racial one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should’ve shut the co-author down and intentionally solicited comments from the soft-spoken lead author. An apology is warranted and you should feel sick.[/quote

Oh shut up.

[Anonymous]

I completely disagree with PP. You should ask to speak to Asian American woman directly. It sounds like she is upset not only with the incorrect statement but how she feels she was treated during the interview. It can be exhausting for soft spoken women of any race that have to compete for space with their louder male colleagues and in this day and age, sophisticated professionals should be able to see that and mitigate it where necessary. That means speaking to the woman as much as speaking to the man regardless of how loud the man is. You need to apologize for that part at least and do better next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore it. The complainant misheard you, you proved it with the recording, end of story. If it'll make you feel better, confirm with your colleague that the information from the recording was shared with the complainant, and that she has been disabused of the false notion that she was told to keep quiet.

This isn't about you, it's about someone who misheard or misinterpreted your clear statement. That's outside your control, and is not a "microaggression" or any other kind of discourteous conduct on your part.

you can't control how others react to you, but you can control your own emotions - this is a trivial incident which should have no consequences for you whatsoever, and is hardly worth agonizing over as you seem to be doing.

Good advice here.

And, ignore the post after this poster gave you good advice. In fact, that post (the 2nd reply) should be deleted. He/she is trolling.

[Anonymous]

Get a new client. You are the victim of a dangerous bully.

[Anonymous]

You've done all you can by sharing the recording. I guess I'd ask that the recording be shared with the accuser too, to give her the opportunity to retract the accusation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore it. The complainant misheard you, you proved it with the recording, end of story. If it'll make you feel better, confirm with your colleague that the information from the recording was shared with the complainant, and that she has been disabused of the false notion that she was told to keep quiet.

This isn't about you, it's about someone who misheard or misinterpreted your clear statement. That's outside your control, and is not a "microaggression" or any other kind of discourteous conduct on your part.

you can't control how others react to you, but you can control your own emotions - this is a trivial incident which should have no consequences for you whatsoever, and is hardly worth agonizing over as you seem to be doing.

I agree with this. In the current environment what I would do is figure out the race of the people involved ahead of time (you prepped for the interview right?) and if they are co-authors and one was much quieter and it was the non-white person, I would be sure to solicit more responses directly from that person to make sure you have enough content to quote them roughly equally.

That doesn't mean you did anything wrong, but lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely disagree with PP. You should ask to speak to Asian American woman directly. It sounds like she is upset not only with the incorrect statement but how she feels she was treated during the interview. It can be exhausting for soft spoken women of any race that have to compete for space with their louder male colleagues and in this day and age, sophisticated professionals should be able to see that and mitigate it where necessary. That means speaking to the woman as much as speaking to the man regardless of how loud the man is. You need to apologize for that part at least and do better next time.

To be clear, I disagree with the people who say to ignore it, clearly when your clients are telling you that it caused it a huge problem. I don’t understand why ignoring is even suggested, honestly. It’s so easy to find people to do your job that wont ignore those sorts of issues.

[Anonymous]

Why are you engaging in hysterics about this (crying and feeling sick)? Put on your big girl pants and address it like an adult. Good Lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should’ve shut the co-author down and intentionally solicited comments from the soft-spoken lead author. An apology is warranted and you should feel sick.

+1
I agree with this except for the "you should feel sick" part. This was a learning mistake. Be grateful you can learn from, address it, move on and do better. Surely, most of should know its important to not let the outspoken loud man dominate and be given all credit (which you did by only quoting him and that too is on the record)