15 year old got period and being influenced by the many “I’m sick and can’t function on period”

[Anonymous]

Yes, life goes on and we have to function with menstruation. However, periods can have very real physical affects that can and should be addressed, including cramps, fatigue/anemia, nausea, and diarrhea/constipation.

When my period started, I was complaining to my mom about the terrible cramps I was suffering. My mom, who apparently didn’t experience cramping was dismissing my complaints as teenage drama. Thankfully, my aunt overheard and offered some advice that made a world of difference.

She may have legitimate complaints that you actually don’t understand. Find out what the specific issues are and address them individually. If necessary, take her to a doctor and let him determine if there’s actually an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Every girl is different and it can change from month to month. I’ll make sure you have everything you need to make it as comfortable as possible when you’re on your period.”

Love this. ^^

[Anonymous]

Since I was 13 every time I get my period there are about 48 hours of VERY heavy bleeding. I have to change a tampon every 2 hours, including through the night during that 48 hour window. I absolutely could NOT go swimming and standing for any prolonged period of time makes me bleed more/faster. Also, because it was so messy it made me stressed I would leak on furniture, through my clothes, etc. Plus, because I lose so much blood it makes me tired. My emotions are heightened. Also, the first time I got my period I became really sad knowing that now if I got raped, I could wind up pregnant.

For you to just say "Nothing changes" is very dismissive of things she may be feeling both physically and emotionally. Things she may not be capable of articulating. Things she may not want to share with you. And I'm 46 - I had all this going on WAY before social media.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a mean mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe try kindness. I couldn’t do anything for a good 24 hours when I was her age. I was literally sick and throwing up each month.

This was how it was for me. Nothing fake about it! Went on ever month for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally disagree with people dumping on the OP. She said the period just started and the daughter simply thinks the world will stop based on how bad it will be. She did not say her daughter is in pain or misery. Her post seems to indicate her daughter is hearing from other sources that it will knock you out for the count for a week and is acting like that’s how it will be.

This has nothing to do with minimizing the experience of others who do suffer. That’s not the facts here.

Dysmenorrhea can take a few cycles of regular periods to appear. She is basically asking how she can discount her daughter’s expectation of pain before it even happens. She doesn’t know how her daughter will feel during her periods. Why suggest she will pain free if it’s possible she won’t be?

And why suggest anything? It should be more like - this month you seem great! Let’s see how it goes. Many women have no issues and some
Women have them. We will be prepared for anything and I’m here for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had incredibly long and heavy periods, needed to carry extra large pads, had bad cramps, and became anemic because of them. I most definitely could not swim, and I had to be careful with others sports.

Just because YOU managed your periods fine, doesn’t mean your daughter has the same experience.

Female adolescence can be very difficult. Start with compassion, instead of defaulting to “drama queen”.

Same. So I was very sympathetic when DD had similar difficulties. We were quick to start her on BCP to cut down on the bleeding and cramps. She still has pain and diarrhea every month but it's not as bad as it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daughter 15 bday today! Yeah! And got her period. Exciting and mixed emotions for her. However the message I gave her was that it’s exciting time and life moment but having period shouldn’t change your day to day. You can swim, laugh, cheer all the usual stuff.
She got super upset and said I don’t understand.
I see this so often especially thnx to social media- teens how act like life stops and they are “sick” for a week ewxh Month.
I told her there’s no reason to believe she’ll have any problems and I’m here to help.
But how can I avoid playing into that period nonsense- while still being understanding.
What did most of you do or how did it go when your daughter got period?
Mine is a drama Queen - so that is our baseline.

This is something you say if your dd expresses fear that her life will never be the same again and she won’t be able to do her usual activities, but it’s not what you say on Day 1 of her very first period, when she has no idea what to expect and hasn’t been melodramatic yet. Her first period should be all about helping her, soothing her, educating her, just being supportive. Make sure she has all the supplies and resources she could possibly need; not just feminine hygiene products or period underwear, but Pamprin, a heating pad, strategies for handling common issues (carrying pads at school, disposing of pads/tampons, what to do if she experiences a leak, what to do with bloody underwear when her period starts unexpectedly, tips for showering if she’s not using a tampon, telling her that even though it may be counterintuitive, exercise actually reduces cramping).

I have twin daughters who just turned 15, but they’ve been having their periods for years already. Some months their periods are no big deal. Other months, they may look white as a sheet, have really bad cramps, feel nauseated. It’s brought back memories of how bad my cramps were when I was a teenager. I’m almost 50 and in peri menopause and I’d sort of forgotten just how bad my cramps were in my teens. It’s amazing how much a few sympathetic comments and some chocolate can make them feel better psychologically.

You don’t empower your dd by telling her that getting her period doesn’t change anything; you empower her by teaching her how to deal with any situation she might encounter while having her period.

[Anonymous]

It’s her first period and you think she’s being a drama queen?? Maybe try being understanding and kind. And actually listen…and if it continues take her to the GYN. Actually take her anyway, it sounds like she needs more help than she’ll ever get from you. Maybe the doctor can knock some sense into you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally disagree with people dumping on the OP. She said the period just started and the daughter simply thinks the world will stop based on how bad it will be. She did not say her daughter is in pain or misery. Her post seems to indicate her daughter is hearing from other sources that it will knock you out for the count for a week and is acting like that’s how it will be.

This has nothing to do with minimizing the experience of others who do suffer. That’s not the facts here.

+1. OP knows her daughter. She knows her daughter's baseline is being a drama queen. Maybe she has legitimate reason to believe her daughter is being influenced by what she sees on TikTok?

That being said...I was also a very heavy bleeder. Still am. There is no way I could go swimming on heavy days. My younger daughter is also a heavy bleeder. No way she would feel comfortable going swimming on heavy days either.

I would acknowledge her uncomfort at having her period (first days for heavy bleeders isn't fun) but then come up with solutions to make it better. Ask her what her symptoms are. Maybe have a talk with her and ask her if she wants to go on the pill to reduce her periods? Tell her if it seems worse than normal, you would be willing to take her to a gynecologist dealing with teens. Maybe suggest going on walks with you (sometimes exercise does help). Help her research other solutions to ease her discomfort.

You are her parent. You need to guide her through this. Don't let her be 100% influenced by internet influencers. You are the one who needs to influence her. Acknowledge her feelings but guide her in finding ways to solve the problem.

[Anonymous]

Wow , you sound awful.

[Anonymous]

Get her a Mirena IUD. Makes periods go away in many (most?) women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow , you sound awful.

Agree. I hope this is a troll. If not, I'm glad her daughter has access to social media so maybe she can learn some things about managing her discomfort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get her a Mirena IUD. Makes periods go away in many (most?) women.

After one period?! Straight for the Mirena?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daughter 15 bday today! Yeah! And got her period. Exciting and mixed emotions for her. However the message I gave her was that it’s exciting time and life moment but having period shouldn’t change your day to day. You can swim, laugh, cheer all the usual stuff.
She got super upset and said I don’t understand.
I see this so often especially thnx to social media- teens how act like life stops and they are “sick” for a week ewxh Month.
I told her there’s no reason to believe she’ll have any problems and I’m here to help.
But how can I avoid playing into that period nonsense- while still being understanding.
What did most of you do or how did it go when your daughter got period?
Mine is a drama Queen - so that is our baseline.

Don't be a jerk.

A) have some empathy. It's a huge, inconvenience change. And one she'll have for the next 40+ years.
B) it DOES affect some people in a difficult way. My DD had 2 FULL periods each month until we got her on BC and then she had to deal with all the hormones of that (she's fine now). I had friends in HS that were nearly crippled a day/month with cramps. Literally. One would pass out from them.

Listen to her. Address any issues. Quit mocking or making light of it.
(And FTR, my DD used tampons on her first period. But we talked about it a LOT in the few years leading up to it.)