Too boring to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re at church. Look for young adult groups. These women are looking for Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now.

What if I don’t believe in God?

*tips fedora

I’m not against religion and have thought about faking it but I don’t know if I could maintain the facade long term.

Who knows, for a hot enough 24 year old church girl, she could make you believe

Seriously church is your best option

Yep. And if you want to have kids church/organized religion provides some helpful structure and built in community --especially if you don't have family in the area. If she has family in the area that will be a net-positive when you have kids (assuming you can tolerate them)

[Anonymous]

Pa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here, also in tech. The problem with the apps is 20% of the guys get 80% of the girls. They all want the adventurous, buff, male model type. It's difficult to make your personality or qualities show on there. There's just too much competition.

Focus on real life situations. #metoo has made meeting people at the gym and other places tougher as there's a fine line between flirting and being branded a "creep". Instead, go to activities you like and tend to draw women in a casual environment, like a book club, hiking, kickball, or similar hobbies.

Do you like any crafting? If Michael's offers classes, those will be full of women and probably the type that may work for you. I know when I go there with the family, it's almost all women in there and they seem nice.

Or just go grocery shopping on a Saturday evening. Lots of single women who are homebodies do it then from what I've observed.

Also go read "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Yes, it's a PUA book, but that doesn't mean you have to become that. It may give you ideas how to build confidence, if you're lacking in that. It's also a good read just as a story, as he's a good writer in general. But don't get sucked into the PUA world -- lots of guys in tech end up going that route but they over-analyze everything and never really have fun, nor do their dates.

Guy here, non tech and married, and this is terrible advice from top to bottom.

Plenty of ordinary guys get dates from the apps. That is not your problem. More on that.

Going to crafting classes as a single guy? The girls are not there to meet a guy, and you will come off like a creep or a closeted gay guy.

Don't try to pick up women in the grocery store. Again, women are not there to meet you, and unless you are Tom Brady, they are going to think you are a creep. This isn't a rom com.

And don't read those PUA books. They are a waste of time and money. It's a scam just like any of the get-rich-quick books.

Here is one likely issue: a lot of tech people are highly introverted, to the point of being selfish. It's like pulling teeth to have a conversation that is not squarely within their wheelhouse of interests and expertise. If that sounds like your issue, work on small talk, not for the sake of small talk, but because it will train you how to think about other people in social situations, to ask questions, to take interest in things that are not already your interests, to draw others out, to make others feel comfortable. Just go out and meet people (men and women) and work on your social skills.

Another likely issue is that your sights are set too high. If you are swiping and getting no matches, then you have your answer. There are women out there in the same boat. A lot of the frustration with dating apps is people with an inflated sense of their own attractiveness. I mean, if you think you're life is boring, why would an exciting, dynamic person want to join you?

Which brings me to my last point, don't rely on someone else to make your life interesting. Go out and travel, try new things, get ripped, become an endurance athlete, do some art, read through a list of the best American novels, etc. If you come home and surf reddit and make the same old dinners, you are not growing. Cultivate the growth mindset and the women will come to you.

[Anonymous]

Join a book club in a large city (DC, Arlington, Bethesda) via meetup. I posted my attractive photo on my profile, and men are visiting it and joining the discussions that I and other women attend. It's roughly 50/50 men to women ratio so over time you might meet someone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many churches have young people single groups. You don't have to believe in God. You don't have to attend church on Sunday. We had a nice Muslim gent in the group that I used to attend.

The groups will get together and have secular speakers. Many times we had covered dish meals.

It was a good way to meet single people of both sexes.

Any ideas which churches in DC area have these groups for middle age (40+ group)? I would go but don't want to appear like someone's parent.

[Anonymous]

Where are you located? I’m a teacher & feel like a lot of the single, 30s teachers at my school are looking for someone that fits your profile. You mentioned dating women in their 20s but you should expand to include women in their 30s too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are you located? I’m a teacher & feel like a lot of the single, 30s teachers at my school are looking for someone that fits your profile. You mentioned dating women in their 20s but you should expand to include women in their 30s too.

No, that's crazy. OP should not date anyone older than he is. He could try shaddi.com, which is an Indian matrimonial site. Meet a beautiful woman in India and bring her here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re at church. Look for young adult groups. These women are looking for Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now.

What if I don’t believe in God?

Just go to a relaxed church or volunteer somewhere. You won't meet anyone if you stay in your house

[Anonymous]

Dude, not every woman is looking for a ripped 6'2" guy named Josh who looks like he auditioned for The Bachelor. Go where there are more women than men.

- cultural events
- art galleries
- volunteer work
- book clubs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you located? I’m a teacher & feel like a lot of the single, 30s teachers at my school are looking for someone that fits your profile. You mentioned dating women in their 20s but you should expand to include women in their 30s too.

No, that's crazy. OP should not date anyone older than he is. He could try shaddi.com, which is an Indian matrimonial site. Meet a beautiful woman in India and bring her here.

Wut? Dating and marrying someone long distance from a different culture is way more complicated than dating someone a few years older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you located? I’m a teacher & feel like a lot of the single, 30s teachers at my school are looking for someone that fits your profile. You mentioned dating women in their 20s but you should expand to include women in their 30s too.

No, that's crazy. OP should not date anyone older than he is. He could try shaddi.com, which is an Indian matrimonial site. Meet a beautiful woman in India and bring her here.

Wut? Dating and marrying someone long distance from a different culture is way more complicated than dating someone a few years older.

White dudes clean up on Shaadi

[Anonymous]

My perspective as married, F, who has worked with tech as counsel. And has a brother who was much like your description before he got married.

Agree you need to see yourself as not boring. Tons of people are home watching the same Netflix so you are not alone. You sound like a catch!

Be well dressed and confident. Try a personal shopper such as Nordstrom.

Ask a trusted female cousin or sister for input.

Absolutely you need to expand your social exposure. If you're introverted you may not want to be out 5 nights per week. But sitting alone in the suburbs isn't working.

Some places where women are, are yoga studios. You might be able to find one that draws more single women in your age range or there may be women who will set you up with friends.

Do meet ups work? I'm not familiar with that. Someone mentioned churches. If Jewish there is GatherDC.

Definitely try your alumni group and make a goal for 2023 to go to alumni events and meet people there.

Go to friends' alumni events. Don't be a wall flower, meet, smile. Go with a friend who will make you comfortable to mingle.

On social media, consider reconnecting with former classmates. I know relationships that have started this way! Or, connect with a friend of a friend.

Go to charitable events of non profits for causes you are passionate about. There are plenty of informal events versus formal galas.

For your home state, check out your Congressional delegations State Society.

See if there are any trivia nights that draw a promising crowd that includes women.

See if a female cousin or a friend will give input on your online dating profiles. A lot of people still meet that way, while you are having fun living your life !

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy but I have encountered many women on dating apps who want a guy like you. I'd say the sites with the most bland but nice and smart women were Match, Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, and Elite Singles. Avoid Tinder.

[Anonymous]

I wish you were 20 years older. I am so tired of seeing the pics of everyone climbing and hiking and swimming and running and riding motorcycles and sucking on cigars. It all looks exhausting but I guess going to work and going home and cooking and curling up on the sofa don't show well on the apps.

[Anonymous]

Consider signing up for a group travel trip overseas that interests you. I've used G-Adventures before and have really enjoyed them - they have different trips offered by age and interest. Go on a trip or two to improve your self-confidence, practice meeting people (likely from all over the world) and just generally have fun outside your day-to-day suburban life. You'll also get some cool photos for the dating apps and stories you can share with the women you go out on dates with from the apps.