If you are an ordinary dual income professional family at a Big3 how inclusive is the community?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know you’re asking about high school, so not sure if this is helpful, but our kid is in elementary at a Big 3, and he has dictated what parents we’re social with from the school. He doesn’t choose his best friends based on how much money that family has. He doesn’t know and couldn’t care less. Over time, I’ve come to find out one of his friends is on substantial aid, two have parents with similar paying jobs as us (upper middle class), and one is the son of a well known athlete (I’m not into sports so didn’t make the connection).. I actually really like his friend’s and their parents. We don’t vacation together, but that’s never what we wanted from a school. I think you should see who your kid connects with and then work on creating a village for them by building relationships with those parents.

High school is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

Have definitely heard of parents like this at STA but not really on the PA- have heard they are more concentrated on certain sports teams.

Op choose wisely and yes ask your fronds at schools. Good luck.

DP. Yeah I have also heard of a few very specific incidents of mean mom group mentality from several parents that have kids there in recent years particularly this year. Not what they thought they were signing up for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

As a parent of a high schooler, confused as to what you expect will happen for you socially. By the time these kids are freshmen, they are making their own plans. You are likely needed to drive until they get a license. You may find yourself on the sidelines of sporting event or play, I suppose, but all kids and families can be there. PA events will include anyone who wants to go. I am assuming this is your oldest kid so you may not realize how much you don’t control social dynamics anymore.

OP, don't try to live vicariously through your child. Did you ever see that episode of Friends where Phoebe finds out that Sting's son goes to Ross's son Ben's school, so she pretends to be Ben's mom to try to meet Sting? If not, go watch it. That's what you are sounding like. Don't be that person.

Umm this is weird. We don’t have anyone nearly as famous in regards to being a celebrity in DC as Sting except the Presidents kids and clearly they are not in school so I don’t think this is the issue. Op wants to be in a community and feel welcomed and she should be able to do so. You are warped to shame her for wanting this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

Have definitely heard of parents like this at STA but not really on the PA- have heard they are more concentrated on certain sports teams.

Op choose wisely and yes ask your fronds at schools. Good luck.

DP. Yeah I have also heard of a few very specific incidents of mean mom group mentality from several parents that have kids there in recent years particularly this year. Not what they thought they were signing up for.

Anytime you have self appointed queen bees exerting their power in a grade and they simultaneously have friends in high places it is a recipe for disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

Have definitely heard of parents like this at STA but not really on the PA- have heard they are more concentrated on certain sports teams.

Op choose wisely and yes ask your fronds at schools. Good luck.

Which sports are like this?

lacrosse, esp. in 8th grade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

Have definitely heard of parents like this at STA but not really on the PA- have heard they are more concentrated on certain sports teams.

Op choose wisely and yes ask your fronds at schools. Good luck.

Which sports are like this?

lacrosse, esp. in 8th grade

Same in Upperschool - been disappointed in how they treat some parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

Have definitely heard of parents like this at STA but not really on the PA- have heard they are more concentrated on certain sports teams.

Op choose wisely and yes ask your fronds at schools. Good luck.

DP. Yeah I have also heard of a few very specific incidents of mean mom group mentality from several parents that have kids there in recent years particularly this year. Not what they thought they were signing up for.

Anytime you have self appointed queen bees exerting their power in a grade and they simultaneously have friends in high places it is a recipe for disaster.

And when the school prides itself and is valued by the parents for its high profile, including having those friends in high places. Live by the sword, ….

[Anonymous]

I know people who avoided a particular school because of last year's 8th grade girls lacrosse drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

Op certain schools have a worse social atmosphere than others. It is no secret so you are wise to ask. I can say I thought it would be the SAHM parents that would be troublesome and not friendly but it has actually been the opposite and has been the older working moms who are the problem parents in our grade. Not sure if they are exhausted from working or just that they are on the older side but they definitely have caused a very divisive polarizing grade. I just don’t think they realize how most feel about them.

What do these moms do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know people who avoided a particular school because of last year's 8th grade girls lacrosse drama.

Which school? What happened? Spill the beans!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

Have definitely heard of parents like this at STA but not really on the PA- have heard they are more concentrated on certain sports teams.

Op choose wisely and yes ask your fronds at schools. Good luck.

Which sports are like this?

lacrosse, esp. in 8th grade

STA? Have heard some of the varsity parents can be vicious. Very divisive within their grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

MOST of the families at these schools are regular dual income families like yourself. There are a handful of truly wealthy families but most are normal by DC standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

MOST of the families at these schools are regular dual income families like yourself. There are a handful of truly wealthy families but most are normal by DC standards.

No they are not. Some work because they have to and others work because they want to. There is a big difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

MOST of the families at these schools are regular dual income families like yourself. There are a handful of truly wealthy families but most are normal by DC standards.

Agree with this PP... but OP should also realize that by HS, there aren't so many parents that are interested in (or have time to be) meeting new parents in the community. This will be true joining any HS. I met a few other new parents, but the only existing parents I've been able to meet are via PA or sports. In both cases, it's mixed on how much they want to engage. It's usually a friendly when see you sort of thing, which is perfectly nice, but not great for exchanging/learning helpful school-related info (as we had in prior school communities).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

MOST of the families at these schools are regular dual income families like yourself. There are a handful of truly wealthy families but most are normal by DC standards.

Agree with this PP... but OP should also realize that by HS, there aren't so many parents that are interested in (or have time to be) meeting new parents in the community. This will be true joining any HS. I met a few other new parents, but the only existing parents I've been able to meet are via PA or sports. In both cases, it's mixed on how much they want to engage. It's usually a friendly when see you sort of thing, which is perfectly nice, but not great for exchanging/learning helpful school-related info (as we had in prior school communities).

Agree with this.
We joined a Big3 in 9th and people are nice enough but really no one is looking to make friends. The kids socialize on their own. I rarely see the other parents except for sports games.
I really think that the inclusivity (or lack thereof) of the parent community should be last on your list of things to worry about when considering a school.

Also--I want to add that I was all about school community in the younger years---many of my closest friends came from our elementary school. But high school is my kids' social scene, not mine.
I have no role (appropriately so)