If you are an ordinary dual income professional family at a Big3 how inclusive is the community?

[Anonymous]

Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

The kids are high schoolers. Why would I need relationship with the parents? The kids make their own friends and they span the income range at our private. Kids don’t really care except you may miss some outings if it’s out of budget.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who defines themselves as “ordinary” isn’t someone I would want to be friends with. Could you ask your question in a less self centered way?

[Anonymous]

i think all kids who come into a school in ninth grade where the existing kids have been for a long time will always be an outsider. kids may accept/include them eventually, but it may take a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

The kids are high schoolers. Why would I need relationship with the parents? The kids make their own friends and they span the income range at our private. Kids don’t really care except you may miss some outings if it’s out of budget.

Actually at some schools the parents who are friends do plan things and still affect the friend group more than one would think. It is not a silly question for op to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

The kids are high schoolers. Why would I need relationship with the parents? The kids make their own friends and they span the income range at our private. Kids don’t really care except you may miss some outings if it’s out of budget.

Actually at some schools the parents who are friends do plan things and still affect the friend group more than one would think. It is not a silly question for op to ask.

The parents are friends and they plan events together and outings together for themselves and their children so yes it can be an issue. OP if your friends are telling you something then believe them and look at others schools. I think you already know the answer to the question. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

Accept that as a parent you are a new kid, too. Go hang out with the other new kids -- you have something in common.

[Anonymous]

Joined a big 3 in when DC was in 4th and do not find the PA to be dominated by money types (grandparent pays for private school--we could never afford it on our own.) The massive PA, which consists of many subcommittees, so far has been my best source of people I like. They're down-to-earth and care about the child and family experience. I wouldn't be surprised if I heard there was a big social scene that I wasn't part of, but I didn't care about it in high school and I don't care about it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Joined a big 3 in when DC was in 4th and do not find the PA to be dominated by money types (grandparent pays for private school--we could never afford it on our own.) The massive PA, which consists of many subcommittees, so far has been my best source of people I like. They're down-to-earth and care about the child and family experience. I wouldn't be surprised if I heard there was a big social scene that I wasn't part of, but I didn't care about it in high school and I don't care about it now.

Do you realize that by having grandparents who pay tuition that you, in fact, are a money type way more than people dependant on their jobs to pay tuition?

[Anonymous]

There are plenty of two working parent families at our Big 3. The issue anywhere with joining in HS is that there are far fewer opportunities to meet other parents because HS kids are so independent (no longer parents included on getting together) . At our school, there are also fewer community activities for HS parents - but that was a double whammy with COVID for us. The best way to get to know people is if your child is on a sports team (at games) or if you get involved with helping out on the PA in some manner.

It will have nothing to do with your financial standing. I NEVER see most of the parents from my kids' grade. They are not involved at the school. I have no idea whether they are getting together in smaller groups created in k-8 years.

[Anonymous]

You will not become close friends with the families who've been the awhile. That is correct.

[Anonymous]

That is our situation, and came new in middle school. There are lots of opportunities to meet other parents. They don't feel quite like our people (like there's no one I've met that I'd be really excited to hang out with), but most parents and kids are friendly, and DC is happy and has made friends. I think it is correct that the parents who have been around for a while had more bonding opportunities with each other while their kids were younger, just like at any elementary school. However, they've been very welcoming, and not cliquish.

[Anonymous]

I think our school is quite welcoming, but it’s not BIG3 so I guess that wouldn’t help you.

[Anonymous]

I have not made any friends with the parents of my child's classmates. Maybe it's because they are too rich to be inclusive, but more likely it's because, unlike when the kids were young, I'm not going to a lot of events with other parents. My child, however, has had no trouble making friends.

[Anonymous]

Generally the kids who enter in 9th grade are the strongest students. That can create a weird vibe around college admissions.