If you are an ordinary dual income professional family at a Big3 how inclusive is the community?

[Anonymous]

I know you’re asking about high school, so not sure if this is helpful, but our kid is in elementary at a Big 3, and he has dictated what parents we’re social with from the school. He doesn’t choose his best friends based on how much money that family has. He doesn’t know and couldn’t care less. Over time, I’ve come to find out one of his friends is on substantial aid, two have parents with similar paying jobs as us (upper middle class), and one is the son of a well known athlete (I’m not into sports so didn’t make the connection).. I actually really like his friend’s and their parents. We don’t vacation together, but that’s never what we wanted from a school. I think you should see who your kid connects with and then work on creating a village for them by building relationships with those parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

As a parent of a high schooler, confused as to what you expect will happen for you socially. By the time these kids are freshmen, they are making their own plans. You are likely needed to drive until they get a license. You may find yourself on the sidelines of sporting event or play, I suppose, but all kids and families can be there. PA events will include anyone who wants to go. I am assuming this is your oldest kid so you may not realize how much you don’t control social dynamics anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

As a parent of a high schooler, confused as to what you expect will happen for you socially. By the time these kids are freshmen, they are making their own plans. You are likely needed to drive until they get a license. You may find yourself on the sidelines of sporting event or play, I suppose, but all kids and families can be there. PA events will include anyone who wants to go. I am assuming this is your oldest kid so you may not realize how much you don’t control social dynamics anymore.

OP, don't try to live vicariously through your child. Did you ever see that episode of Friends where Phoebe finds out that Sting's son goes to Ross's son Ben's school, so she pretends to be Ben's mom to try to meet Sting? If not, go watch it. That's what you are sounding like. Don't be that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

Op certain schools have a worse social atmosphere than others. It is no secret so you are wise to ask. I can say I thought it would be the SAHM parents that would be troublesome and not friendly but it has actually been the opposite and has been the older working moms who are the problem parents in our grade. Not sure if they are exhausted from working or just that they are on the older side but they definitely have caused a very divisive polarizing grade. I just don’t think they realize how most feel about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

As a parent of a high schooler, confused as to what you expect will happen for you socially. By the time these kids are freshmen, they are making their own plans. You are likely needed to drive until they get a license. You may find yourself on the sidelines of sporting event or play, I suppose, but all kids and families can be there. PA events will include anyone who wants to go. I am assuming this is your oldest kid so you may not realize how much you don’t control social dynamics anymore.

Exactly! Your kid is going to school OP, not you. Back off mama bear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

As a parent of a high schooler, confused as to what you expect will happen for you socially. By the time these kids are freshmen, they are making their own plans. You are likely needed to drive until they get a license. You may find yourself on the sidelines of sporting event or play, I suppose, but all kids and families can be there. PA events will include anyone who wants to go. I am assuming this is your oldest kid so you may not realize how much you don’t control social dynamics anymore.

Exactly! Your kid is going to school OP, not you. Back off mama bear.

I think that is the point! Some parents are so heavily involved in planning all events that relate to their older teens and only allowing parents they are friends with to be involved that it is stifling. They are on a power trip creating lists of who is invited and who is not. It is bizarre. Op is looking for a a school where kids are taking the lead and not parents. I get that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

As a parent of a high schooler, confused as to what you expect will happen for you socially. By the time these kids are freshmen, they are making their own plans. You are likely needed to drive until they get a license. You may find yourself on the sidelines of sporting event or play, I suppose, but all kids and families can be there. PA events will include anyone who wants to go. I am assuming this is your oldest kid so you may not realize how much you don’t control social dynamics anymore.

Exactly! Your kid is going to school OP, not you. Back off mama bear.

I think that is the point! Some parents are so heavily involved in planning all events that relate to their older teens and only allowing parents they are friends with to be involved that it is stifling. They are on a power trip creating lists of who is invited and who is not. It is bizarre. Op is looking for a a school where kids are taking the lead and not parents. I get that.

I know if no high school aged kid and hence no high school where what you say is true. Parents of teens have a strong repellant built into their systems that kicks in hard at this time.

[Anonymous]

Why would this issue be particular to “Big Three Schools” only and not at any of the the other $45,000 plus per year private high schools?

[Anonymous]

Are you thinking too far ahead? What are the chances of admission?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i think all kids who come into a school in ninth grade where the existing kids have been for a long time will always be an outsider. kids may accept/include them eventually, but it may take a long time.

This wasn't our experience. News kids welcomed in and families easily integrating into the school and community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

"Hi we only want to apply to the three schools that have been deemed the best by our social circle despite our contacts there being miserable.

Tell us it's not true so when we definitely get accepted it will be magically better for us"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

Have definitely heard of parents like this at STA but not really on the PA- have heard they are more concentrated on certain sports teams.

Op choose wisely and yes ask your fronds at schools. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who defines themselves as “ordinary” isn’t someone I would want to be friends with. Could you ask your question in a less self centered way?

Weird, PP. how is describing oneself as ordinary self centered? I’d think the opposite. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who makes weird snap judgments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering Big 3 for HS. The few people we know with kids in private have not had a good experience socially. They say there are cliques of wealthy who dominate the PTA and that parents who come in 9th will never really be accepted by other parents. Is this true for most people? How does it affect the kids?

Have definitely heard of parents like this at STA but not really on the PA- have heard they are more concentrated on certain sports teams.

Op choose wisely and yes ask your fronds at schools. Good luck.

Which sports are like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Generally the kids who enter in 9th grade are the strongest students. That can create a weird vibe around college admissions.

Could you say more? Does that get in the way of social dynamics?