Ever have an ex live rent free in your head?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After six months of complaining about the loss to a therapist I started seeing specifically to get over an ex:

Therapist: But what was so great about [EX]?

Me: Lists everything.

(Looooooong pause)

Therapist: Yeah, you're not going to meet someone like that again. Just be happy with who you meet or be alone if you can't.

I mean, can they really be that great if they broke up with you? What caused the break up?

+2

They didn’t love you enough to want to be with you. They didn’t feel it as much as you did. Move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the ex- but the Ho that was part of it. Working hard to get rid of that anger and disgust.

Yep, same. The thoughts haunt me. I wish I could make them go away, but I can’t. I can’t sleep at night because of thoughts of that person that won’t go away. When I finally do fall asleep, those thoughts makes me feel so sad every morning when I wake up. I have a minute or two when I first wake up where I feel that my life is the same as I thought, but then those thoughts come back and I feel terrible again.

I’m not sure I’ll ever feel “normal” again.

Same. But not sadness, intense anger. I dream of bad stuff happening to her and it’s so satisfying.

But, she’s not a good person and she hates her life. She wanted mine and told me she was jealous of me.

Love your best life with your head held high. You aren’t a bad person that does things you know will hurt someone else.

The universe works out in the end.

[Anonymous]

Mine is 20 years too. I think he understood me better than anyone else on the planet but we were too young to commit for a lifetime. I married someone else 6 years later.
I still think about him every single day. I know where he lives but I'll never contact him. Both because I respect my marriage and because I don't want to break the spell. I like knowing he's out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After six months of complaining about the loss to a therapist I started seeing specifically to get over an ex:

Therapist: But what was so great about [EX]?

Me: Lists everything.

(Looooooong pause)

Therapist: Yeah, you're not going to meet someone like that again. Just be happy with who you meet or be alone if you can't.

I mean, can they really be that great if they broke up with you? What caused the break up?

+2

They didn’t love you enough to want to be with you. They didn’t feel it as much as you did. Move on

Yes, I know they don't want to be with me. So I should settle for not as good since that's the best I can do?

We dated in our 40s and I've spent the last two years sleeping with college students because those relationships mean nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They just live there. Sometimes quiet sometimes not. I gave up and just figure it is like an invisible friend except I don’t talk about it out loud.

For a long time I didn’t think about them At all (like 15+ years) but a pandemic fueled mid life crisis brought them back.

The invisible friend thing is insane and the most accurate description of mine, 16 years later. Mine used to give me life-changing advice and support in the course of just regular, casual conversation. So sometimes I think of him when I’m going through a difficult situation. I haven’t seen or talked to him in 13 years but he is still an important part of my life.

I also have an invisible friend. To make matters more complicated, this ex was also originally my therapist. So yeah I still talk to him in my head almost every day.

[Anonymous]

I have a one that got away who I was too dumb to seize. He’s a friend of a friend and I just saw him last night for the first time in years. He’s the same and so is the insane chemistry between us, but he’s happily married now with two kids so that ship has sailed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After six months of complaining about the loss to a therapist I started seeing specifically to get over an ex:

Therapist: But what was so great about [EX]?

Me: Lists everything.

(Looooooong pause)

Therapist: Yeah, you're not going to meet someone like that again. Just be happy with who you meet or be alone if you can't.

Your therapist is an idiot. S/he should have asked you that question in session #2 and then listened to stories over and over until you yourself uncovered the truth. This may be a growth opportunity for you but there is no way another person isn’t a better fit for you than the one who left. There are 8 billion humans on earth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After six months of complaining about the loss to a therapist I started seeing specifically to get over an ex:

Therapist: But what was so great about [EX]?

Me: Lists everything.

(Looooooong pause)

Therapist: Yeah, you're not going to meet someone like that again. Just be happy with who you meet or be alone if you can't.

I mean, can they really be that great if they broke up with you? What caused the break up?

+2

They didn’t love you enough to want to be with you. They didn’t feel it as much as you did. Move on

Sometimes it’s not that easy. Timing, age, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After six months of complaining about the loss to a therapist I started seeing specifically to get over an ex:

Therapist: But what was so great about [EX]?

Me: Lists everything.

(Looooooong pause)

Therapist: Yeah, you're not going to meet someone like that again. Just be happy with who you meet or be alone if you can't.

I mean, can they really be that great if they broke up with you? What caused the break up?

+2

They didn’t love you enough to want to be with you. They didn’t feel it as much as you did. Move on

Sometimes it’s not that easy. Timing, age, etc.

Do you mean “already married”?

[Anonymous]

Everywhere I go, there they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everywhere I go, there they are.

I've also had that feeling. I went to Disney World and saw her there 100 times a day. Then I went to India, and never saw her once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the ex- but the Ho that was part of it. Working hard to get rid of that anger and disgust.

Yep, same. The thoughts haunt me. I wish I could make them go away, but I can’t. I can’t sleep at night because of thoughts of that person that won’t go away. When I finally do fall asleep, those thoughts makes me feel so sad every morning when I wake up. I have a minute or two when I first wake up where I feel that my life is the same as I thought, but then those thoughts come back and I feel terrible again.

I’m not sure I’ll ever feel “normal” again.

Same. But not sadness, intense anger. I dream of bad stuff happening to her and it’s so satisfying.

But, she’s not a good person and she hates her life. She wanted mine and told me she was jealous of me.

Love your best life with your head held high. You aren’t a bad person that does things you know will hurt someone else.

The universe works out in the end.

Re: the bold, I get how that's satisfying at a certain point, but if this breakup was a while ago -- have you considered that the level of imaginary "bad stuff" after a certain point is actually a problem for you? Just something to consider. Spending time imagining something terrible happening to someone vile is cathartic, absolutely!, for a time. To be clear -- I'm not judging that reaction at ALL because I've been there too. But just noting that if the "bad stuff" fantasties still take up an iota of mental space years later....that's giving the ex, and the anger, a lot of mental real estate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After six months of complaining about the loss to a therapist I started seeing specifically to get over an ex:

Therapist: But what was so great about [EX]?

Me: Lists everything.

(Looooooong pause)

Therapist: Yeah, you're not going to meet someone like that again. Just be happy with who you meet or be alone if you can't.

I mean, can they really be that great if they broke up with you? What caused the break up?

+2

They didn’t love you enough to want to be with you. They didn’t feel it as much as you did. Move on

Yes, I know they don't want to be with me. So I should settle for not as good since that's the best I can do?

We dated in our 40s and I've spent the last two years sleeping with college students because those relationships mean nothing.

Wait -- so this means you are in, or past, your 40s and you are having sex with college students? Either you're a college employee/professor/tutor, in which case, clearly scum for screwing students. Or you're a sugar daddy/mama paying for sex one way or another. Or you want us to believe that college students are happily hooking up with someone around 50 because you're so very hot or mind-blowing in bed that they'll happily have sex with you without $$ or favors or grades involved....As if college weren't rife with people their own age to hook up with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After six months of complaining about the loss to a therapist I started seeing specifically to get over an ex:

Therapist: But what was so great about [EX]?

Me: Lists everything.

(Looooooong pause)

Therapist: Yeah, you're not going to meet someone like that again. Just be happy with who you meet or be alone if you can't.

I mean, can they really be that great if they broke up with you? What caused the break up?

+2

They didn’t love you enough to want to be with you. They didn’t feel it as much as you did. Move on

Yes, I know they don't want to be with me. So I should settle for not as good since that's the best I can do?

We dated in our 40s and I've spent the last two years sleeping with college students because those relationships mean nothing.

Wait -- so this means you are in, or past, your 40s and you are having sex with college students? Either you're a college employee/professor/tutor, in which case, clearly scum for screwing students. Or you're a sugar daddy/mama paying for sex one way or another. Or you want us to believe that college students are happily hooking up with someone around 50 because you're so very hot or mind-blowing in bed that they'll happily have sex with you without $$ or favors or grades involved....As if college weren't rife with people their own age to hook up with.

Nah, just a successful, fun man who lives near a campus. College women are much cheaper dates than real dating. It's extremely easy for me. Can't explain it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the ex- but the Ho that was part of it. Working hard to get rid of that anger and disgust.

Yep, same. The thoughts haunt me. I wish I could make them go away, but I can’t. I can’t sleep at night because of thoughts of that person that won’t go away. When I finally do fall asleep, those thoughts makes me feel so sad every morning when I wake up. I have a minute or two when I first wake up where I feel that my life is the same as I thought, but then those thoughts come back and I feel terrible again.

I’m not sure I’ll ever feel “normal” again.

Same. But not sadness, intense anger. I dream of bad stuff happening to her and it’s so satisfying.

But, she’s not a good person and she hates her life. She wanted mine and told me she was jealous of me.

Love your best life with your head held high. You aren’t a bad person that does things you know will hurt someone else.

The universe works out in the end.

Re: the bold, I get how that's satisfying at a certain point, but if this breakup was a while ago -- have you considered that the level of imaginary "bad stuff" after a certain point is actually a problem for you? Just something to consider. Spending time imagining something terrible happening to someone vile is cathartic, absolutely!, for a time. To be clear -- I'm not judging that reaction at ALL because I've been there too. But just noting that if the "bad stuff" fantasties still take up an iota of mental space years later....that's giving the ex, and the anger, a lot of mental real estate.

So normal to have that level of hate/vitriol for an OW/OM that entered into your relationship with no care, and the cheater.

Time helps a lot and the universe really dies sort this stuff out. People willing to do that have many issues and inner problems and the ones that don’t care are just vile unempathetic selfish people.

Imagine having to look yourself in the mirror as a liar and cheat, knowing you broke up families and hurt other women/children/men.