Daughter hates her middle school
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Anonymous
| In my opinion, you can get whatever you want from MCPS if you do some digging to talk to the right person. And someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you can appeal if you apply for a COSA and get denied. |
Anonymous
You can appeal. I don’t know anyone who succeeded on appeal, but the process exists. |
Anonymous
Yup! We aren't even religious but pulled our 6th graders out of middle school mid year and sent him to a small K-8 Christian school. He went from hating, dreading, bemoaning school to loving it. I didn't even care about the academics I just realized he was so miserable that any place had to be much better. Academics have surprised me for the better because there is a lot of accountability and standards. He is a kids who likes order and all of the cussing, fights, insulting each other as a way of joking around, disrespecting teachers made him miserable. At the private school there is none of that. He was in shock the first day. The worst kid in the class who was the class clown in his new private school would have been considered a well behaved student at his public school. |
Anonymous
In the appeal what is OP supposed to say: our home school is horrible? |
Anonymous
This is kind of the crux of the issue, to be honest. OP - you say that your child has ZERO peers in the home school? That just seems kind of unlikely. I'm not trying to be unkind - my own middle class kids are minorities in their high needs schools. But they aren't the only ones, because that's not really how school zones work. Neighborhoods are assigned to schools and neighborhoods are pretty homogenous. You can try a COSA, but "I don't like the racial/class makeup of my home school" isn't going to fly very far, so maybe shift the focus to helping your daughter make friends? Maybe help her figure what what electives and classes the kids she might like are in? Is she artsy? Have her work her way up to advanced art. Does she like to act? She can go out for the school musical. Is she STEM-y? Look at one of the math or science after school clubs. Basically, every MS in the county is large enough for a child to find their "people." She can find hers as well. |
Anonymous
This. Schools are 600-1000+ at the middle level. There’s another seventh grader who doesn’t curse or fight who is willing to be friends. That kid may even have an existing friend group, your daughter can join. Her “people” may not be like her in surface ways. I’m not saying this to imply your daughter is racist. I mean that she may want to look beyond the pool of people that she normally would approach. That might be a child who is a different religion, or lower income than your family or a child with a disability. All that matters for a middle school friendship is one common interest. That could be a Taylor Swift or the environment or origami. Through her life, she will have times that she has to move outside her comfort zone and work in environments she dislikes with people she doesn’t get. Going over a year holding herself apart is the real barrier to making friendships at this point. Other kids have probably made overtures that she turned down. |
Anonymous
my kids sure did. My kids were short in MS, one is a boy. But, he said he barely got teased. I think it was because he was super smart, and kids would go to him for help, so they knew not to tease him. But, he was the awkward, smart, non athletic kid in school. HS is soooo much better. OP, I feel for you. I'm super short, and got teased relentlessly in school. It was a rough school, and yea, lots of cursing, disruptions in class. I did learn to deal with it, and it made me tougher. But, if I saw my little DD going through it, I think I would try to find ways to get her out, too. That said, do you have *any* relatives close by where you could move your kid to that address? I am normally a rule follower, but like I said, I feel for your kid if she's that miserable and would try to find ways to get her out. |
Anonymous
| Did none of her ES friends go to that MS? We live in East County and have one year to go until MS. I’m getting nervous, though I suspect my daughter will be ok…though she’s in the CES program now so it’ll be quite a shock. It’s my son who I’m really worried about-he’s a sensitive, follower type who wants to be liked. He may get eaten alive. |
Anonymous
I'm sorry for what your child is going through OP. I could have written this exact description of my child's middle school but DD is actually happy there despite the testing, despite the disciplinary issues and cursing. I'm not sure there are any middle schools in MCPS that are any different. |
Anonymous
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I went to a MS (and HS) like this -- public in NY. And I truly wished my parents had pulled me out. I ended up being a massive underachiever b/c I did not want to draw attention to myself in classes. And while I was probably an anxious kid to begin with, seeing physical fights and so much aggression on a daily basis really exacerbated my anxiety.
I would have loved to have gone to an orderly school where you can pursue academics without being stigmatized. |
Anonymous
NP here. 3 pages worth and no one has given you actually useful advice. OP - you should talk to her counselor to begin with to express your concerns and see what resources the school has to support your daughter. It seems that without friends, your daughter feels more vulnerable to the MS teasing. The counselor may have suggestions for helping her make more connections. Often counselors run lunch bunches. There may be clubs or teachers that have kids hang out at lunch. If there is actual targeted bullying from one particular kid, you can file a bullying report. But even if it’s not that extreme, the counselor could switch her classes at the semester to move her out of class with the kid bugging her. The counselor can also give teachers a heads up and ask them to put her sitting next to kids they think she’ll fit well with. It’s one way that kids make friends over time. When I taught MS I always had assigned seating and was mindful of personalities. |
Anonymous
| Are there any academic clubs at the Ms? Even if she isn’t a math genius, the math club might be a place to find less raucous kids. My daughter did that. Basically look for any academic clubs or after school acitivities and join all of them. That is how the geek kids find each other in these enormous schools. My oldest was miserable until she joined a bunch of clubs in 7th grade. |
Anonymous
Hmm while my DD has not experienced any bullying and is happy at her Catholic - she says there is a lot of cursing when the teachers are not in earshot... |
Anonymous
I needed a cosa once and was advised by a boe member at the time that the request was likely to be denied but just to keep appealing. Our isdue was distance of temp school location during our school's reno, but my dc was diagnosed with an issue that supported our desire to not have the long commute, so, in the end, ours was appoved on first try. In the meantime, are there any clubs she might try that could possibly have some kindred spirits? It can't be a whole school of miscreants, right? Good luck to you and best to your kid. Hope things get better. |
Anonymous
| As other suggested, you could try an independent school for the middle school years. Pre-k/K through 8th grade programs are an intentional antidote to the issues you're seeing. This is just one example: https://www.sheridanschool.org/discover/benefits-of-a-k-8-school/ |