How annoyed would you be on a scale of 1-10.

[Anonymous]

Oh, hell no. This is an 11.

DH needs to tell her NO.

[Anonymous]

which my husband agreed to

He finds her a place to stay. Or he pays for a place for her to stay. Btw, though ... her being "in town" is her right. She gets to be wherever she wishes to be, go wherever she wishes to go and any time she wishes to go. Staying with you, when you don't want her there, thought, no. But your DH thinks differently re: her staying.

[Anonymous]

I would not allow this. She is trampling over you and your DH is letting her. She can easily change her ticket, even if you have to cover the cost of the change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not allow this. She is trampling over you and your DH is letting her. She can easily change her ticket, even if you have to cover the cost of the change.

Me again. Also, drop the idea that she can “expect” anything if she’s visiting when you have a baby. And she lives four hours away but you said she’s staying a month? Why so long?

You told your own mother not to come initially. If any mother is going to be there, your own mother gets the first visit if that’s what you prefer. And on top of that you get to control the timing. Your husband needs to understand that going through childbirth and then being postpartum is a LOT to deal with. Many things are a democratic process in a marriage, but in this one you get full veto power and the deciding vote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9/10 if she was the type to help, 12/10 based on the last sentence.

There is an easy way to avoid being this annoyed, though: do what 13:12 suggested. Say you are very sorry but cannot accommodate her. Just be chill about it. Same with your husband. In situations like this, it's not very fair, but my husband and I do this thing where we volunteer to be thrown under the bus. If he doesn't want a confrontation but I don't mind being used as the excuse, he will say "I would but my wife isn't okay with it." If your husband just feels bad saying no and doesn't want a confrontation, I'd be 100% willing to be the bad guy in this scenario.

This is terrible advice. It's fine to suggest to your kids that they can use you as the reason they can't do something their friend wants that they uncomfortable with. Or even to let your husband use you as the bad guy if he's looking for an excuse not to hang out with friends or something. But using you with your MIL for something that she is likely to see as very important and might lose money on is a huge mistake. This is the kind of thing that can cause bad relations between the two of you for years. Not to mention OP's husband is about to be a father, so this is a good time for him to learn how to handle a confrontation, if he hasn't learned that already.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you, OP. I went through this with my own mother and my own small house after a difficult birth that left me injured. I begged her to postpone her visit, not come, choose a different time, anything. She was undeterred and I have terrible memories of barely being able to walk, still bleeding, and her asking what was for lunch and offering to “hold the baby” but making a fuss about how uncomfortable her sitting position was, asking for more pillows and a drink, and passing her back after 12 minutes. A one week visit and I got 12 minutes of help.

My relationship with my mother has never been the same. I don’t invite her to visit. Ever. She asked at one point why but didn’t like the truth. If you don’t set boundaries for this visit, I assure you that your relationship with MIL will be broken enough that it will either be its own natural boundary OR you’ll get some serious boundaries in the future! It will work itself out but it won’t be pretty.

[Anonymous]

10. For perspective, I usually think the posts on this thread are ridiculous and over-the-top by the OP, and i was expecting the same with this one.

In this case, I would be pissed at DH for allowing this after we had expressly said no visitors. A one-month visit won't allow for your family to visit. Your set-up also doesn't allow for someone to use the extra bedroom when they are tired/need a nap. Our kid had colic the first 6 weeks, which was pure h3ll. Having a non-helpful visitor would have put us even more over the edge.

DH needs to fix this. Set the expectation now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. As someone who had ill-timed houseguests for both of my pregnancies/births, I don't think I'd be too annoyed about this. Maybe a 3 out of 10. My first was really difficult and I barely slept, but it was nice to have someone around to talk to. My second was so easy and slept so much that I was really bored and again, it was nice to at least have someone to pass time with.

Are we talking like...doesn't lift a finger as in won't make dinner/clean up? Or she won't even make sandwiches?

Has never made a sandwich or meal or offered me a cup of water before. Extremely unhelpful. I’ll be expected to cook for her.

F that! This is your first baby. Your husband needs to be taking care of you and the baby, not seeing to his mother. He needs to tell her she can’t stay with you.

[Anonymous]

10+ Tell your DH to book her a hotel or cancel her flights. You do not want a useless guest around and you don't want him having to cater to her, even if you refuse to do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:15.

Absolutely not, no and no way. DH can deal with it. ESPECIALLY given cold/flu/RSV/COVID. Absolutely hell to the no.

+1 — no way, since she’s mainly crashing at your place so she can go out and socialize and bring back who knows what at the height of flu season, with RSV and Covid no joke for a newborn.

This! My pediatricians office cannot see my child for an *ear infection* for 4 weeks because they are so slammed with babies with RSV. Your household needs to go on lockdown for the first couple of months.

[Anonymous]

20!!!


My mom stayed with me, new baby, and DH my first week in our 2 BR condo. I have a great relationship with my mom and she is also super helpful - but with that small space and the newness of motherhood it was actually a bit uncomfortable/awkward and we ended up cutting her visit short (by mutual agreement).

I would absolutely not want someone unhelpful or who was likely to bring RSV risk during these early weeks. You need to have a come to J*sus conversation with your DH and stop this nonsense. There are also so many things that might make it worse - your past due and in the final week where you're feeling sooo pregnant your MIL is expecting you to wait on her? You end up getting a C-section and unhelpful MIL expects to be waited on/hosted (yes, I know someone this happened to!). Your DH needs to tell her no! Even if she actually takes care of herself just the fact that she is there in your smaller home/condo will be a burden.

[Anonymous]

OP, how dare your husband think that this is ok? Did he tell you before that he's not on board with the no visitor for x number of weeks after the baby is born?

I just can't believe the blatant lack of respect towards you if this is the first you are hearing of this plan and if he okayed it without asking you first....how on earth did you marry and procreate with someone who cares so little for your feelings? I don't think your MIL has anything to do with this. I would be so infuriated at my husband; I am honestly not sure how I could get over this.

[Anonymous]

I am vicariously furious for you OP. All of the advice above. And if you need a non-personal way to do it, it is very much not a good idea to introduce the germs of MIL+all of the friends she is visiting into a 2BR condo with a newborn during cold season. Absolutely not. I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

I would be furious. Your husband needs to fix this. If he can't/won't, you and the baby need to find somewhere else comfortable to live during that month.

[Anonymous]

Hard no on this. OP, your DH needs to fix this. I would be beyond pissed at my DH and MIL.

If he isn't going to stand up to her now, you are sunk for your future.

Sorry, Mom, but it's our first, it's a small space. You need to rebook for another time.
But son, you won't even know I'm there.
I'm sorry, Mom, but it's our first, it's a small space. You need to rebook for another time.
But--
No, Mom.