How annoyed would you be on a scale of 1-10.

[Anonymous]

PS I posted with RSV and want to add that friends have an 8 week old who got it at 2 weeks old and had to get a lumbar puncture. The stuff going around right now is a big deal for a tiny new baby.

[Anonymous]

9. I wouldn’t threaten divorce or cut off the MIL, but I would make my husband tell her she is not staying with you. He can reimburse her for the plane ticket or pay the change fee for a visit at a later time.

I thought I would need / want more time than I ended up needing with my 1st - an IVF baby with me as an introvert and my mom and MIL and non-stop talkers who hover in my personal space. However, I had a smooth delivery with no complications or injuries. You will not know how you will feel physically until after you deliver.

[Anonymous]

I already commented but one thing that pisses me off about this scenario is that OP's MIL isn't just being disrespectful and inconsiderate, she is taking advantage of them. It doesn't sound like she is that interested in visiting her son and her family, she seems to be more interested in visiting her friends. And it looks like she did the "ask for forgiveness not permission" thing because she knew that she'd be more likely to get what she wanted by taking advantage of her son's (presumably) non confrontational personality. Just gross all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hard no on this. OP, your DH needs to fix this. I would be beyond pissed at my DH and MIL.

If he isn't going to stand up to her now, you are sunk for your future.

Sorry, Mom, but it's our first, it's a small space. You need to rebook for another time.
But son, you won't even know I'm there.
I'm sorry, Mom, but it's our first, it's a small space. You need to rebook for another time.
But--
No, Mom.

To something like this, I generally add a: I am serious. Don't push this.

I've never had anyone keep pushing after that, even if they're pissed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be furious. Your husband needs to fix this. If he can't/won't, you and the baby need to find somewhere else comfortable to live during that month.

How could that possibly happen? Who wouldn't want to be home during the first weeks after giving birth? Why would she want to take care of her kid and herself without her husband or only sporadic helpf from him if it's not necessary? This is a terrible start to parenting together. I'm almost tempted to call OP a troll because I just can't envision a husband who would agree to this without his wife's acquiescence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I already commented but one thing that pisses me off about this scenario is that OP's MIL isn't just being disrespectful and inconsiderate, she is taking advantage of them. It doesn't sound like she is that interested in visiting her son and her family, she seems to be more interested in visiting her friends. And it looks like she did the "ask for forgiveness not permission" thing because she knew that she'd be more likely to get what she wanted by taking advantage of her son's (presumably) non confrontational personality. Just gross all around.

MIL is not the problem here.

[Anonymous]

My MIL stayed with us when #2 was born. I thought she'd be here for just the first week, but dh had her stay for three weeks total. I thought it went fine, actually, but apparently in the throes of those first sleepless nights I said something that offended her and after she left she was so pissed off that I ended up going 10 years without speaking to her after that.

Tell dh to get her a hotel.

[Anonymous]

oh god, OP just reading your post my blood pressure is sky rocketing. I usually love jumping on snowflake new mom posts on here, but damn, your MIL is non negotiable.

[Anonymous]

OP, your dh has got to rescind his permission to stay. I don’t know what he was thinking, but a month is a very long time to host someone who isn’t helpful, let alone someone who is an imposition — and that’s before you add having a baby to the mix. God willing, you’ll have an easy baby who sleeps well, but if you end up with a colicky baby, you will be delirious with sleep deprivation. Even if you have an easy baby, your 800 square foot apartment is about to feel smaller because baby paraphernalia adds up. This is the worst time to add extra stress to your life. Your husband’s job is to look out for his partner and child, first and foremost. His mother can come some other time.

[Anonymous]

On a scarf 1-10 I’d be at infinity. No. Shut it down. Your husband should but if he doesn’t you go right ahead with zero guilt. Don’t let anyone push you around on your first days with your first born. It’s going to be harder and more amazing than you thought, I promise.

[Anonymous]

A million. In a 2 bedroom condo?!! After you told her you wanted her to wait?! HELL NO.

Change the flight to be later.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't let her stay that long WITHOUT a newborn in the mix, so there's that.

No. This is your DH's first task sticking up for his new nuclear family (you and baby) to his old nuclear family. His mom can not come and stay with you all. Not under any circumstances or promises she will stay elsewhere.

She knew what you wanted and trampled it. That is not ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I already commented but one thing that pisses me off about this scenario is that OP's MIL isn't just being disrespectful and inconsiderate, she is taking advantage of them. It doesn't sound like she is that interested in visiting her son and her family, she seems to be more interested in visiting her friends. And it looks like she did the "ask for forgiveness not permission" thing because she knew that she'd be more likely to get what she wanted by taking advantage of her son's (presumably) non confrontational personality. Just gross all around.

MIL is not the problem here.

She is most certainly the problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I already commented but one thing that pisses me off about this scenario is that OP's MIL isn't just being disrespectful and inconsiderate, she is taking advantage of them. It doesn't sound like she is that interested in visiting her son and her family, she seems to be more interested in visiting her friends. And it looks like she did the "ask for forgiveness not permission" thing because she knew that she'd be more likely to get what she wanted by taking advantage of her son's (presumably) non confrontational personality. Just gross all around.

MIL is not the problem here.

She is most certainly the problem here.

DP. No, the problem is the DH who agreed to this request. Had he been a reasonable spouse, he would have shut this down with his mother. He has prioritized his mother. That's not his mother's fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Yell at husband.
2. Get flight refunded, or failing that,
3. Pay for cheap hotel.

Make it clear this one and only baby’s first days won’t be ruined by dumb husband idiocy. Make it clear he needs to take off work and HELP, instead of stressing you out.

I am furious on your behalf.

All of this. I would be an 11.