How annoyed would you be on a scale of 1-10.

[Anonymous]

Due on December 20. I had told family including my mother and my mother in law we wanted a few weeks to settle before visitors as it’s our first baby (40’s couple) and maybe only baby.
We both work at home, have 2 dogs and live in a 2 bedroom condo, a little bit over 800 sf. My mother in law knew this and just booked a flight for a month the week I’m due. She’s low income and can’t afford an airbnb or hotel for even a night. She just announced she’s going to be here during that time seeing people and it would be great to see us and can she stay with us which my husband agreed to. (she lives a 4 hour flight away). How annoyed would you be on a scale of 1-10 to be hosting an unhelpful mother in law who doesn’t cook, doesn’t drive, don’t lift a finger for a month with your first newborn home?

[Anonymous]

Very annoyed. Absolutely have it out with your DH right now, this is unacceptable and he should never have agreed to this.

Make her his problem 100%. Anything she asks for, ignore or direct her to him.

[Anonymous]

11.

Your husband needs to deal with thiss

[Anonymous]

I'd be a 100 but this is a husband problem since he told her is was ok.

[Anonymous]

I guess I would be annoyed but I'd exploit the rare ability to boss her around with no guilt! Assign her specific tasks. "Jane, it's your job today to do the morning feeding/clean the kitchen/pick up pizza." Micromanage if you have to, and write it down.

(Unsolicited advice, get your baby used to a bottle early on, whether it's breastmilk or formula or either inside the bottle. Help -- from MIL or from spouse or from eventual nanny/daycare teacher -- only goes so far when direct attachment to your body is the only way baby gets fed.)

[Anonymous]

I would be close to a 10.

[Anonymous]

11

[Anonymous]

This is nuts. She needs her own air bnb. Can you guys afford to book for her?

[Anonymous]

The good news is that you're not hosting, your husband is. He's going to be really busy taking care of his mom, you, AND the baby!

[Anonymous]

9/10 if she was the type to help, 12/10 based on the last sentence.

There is an easy way to avoid being this annoyed, though: do what 13:12 suggested. Say you are very sorry but cannot accommodate her. Just be chill about it. Same with your husband. In situations like this, it's not very fair, but my husband and I do this thing where we volunteer to be thrown under the bus. If he doesn't want a confrontation but I don't mind being used as the excuse, he will say "I would but my wife isn't okay with it." If your husband just feels bad saying no and doesn't want a confrontation, I'd be 100% willing to be the bad guy in this scenario.

[Anonymous]

She should cancel the flight. But husband should deal with telling her.

And if husband won't tell her not to come - you need to realize ASAP that this is the beginning of the end.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others. Way over 10. Take care of this now. If you take care of it quickly enough she can get her flight refunded. Tell your husband in no uncertain terms that you will not have anyone stay with you for the first month after birth. If she would like to stay elsewhere and visit for a hour here or there, that would be ok. Do not drag your feet on this. Do not let him drag his feet on this.

[Anonymous]

1. Yell at husband.
2. Get flight refunded, or failing that,
3. Pay for cheap hotel.

Make it clear this one and only baby’s first days won’t be ruined by dumb husband idiocy. Make it clear he needs to take off work and HELP, instead of stressing you out.

I am furious on your behalf.

[Anonymous]

I dunno. As someone who had ill-timed houseguests for both of my pregnancies/births, I don't think I'd be too annoyed about this. Maybe a 3 out of 10. My first was really difficult and I barely slept, but it was nice to have someone around to talk to. My second was so easy and slept so much that I was really bored and again, it was nice to at least have someone to pass time with.

Are we talking like...doesn't lift a finger as in won't make dinner/clean up? Or she won't even make sandwiches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. As someone who had ill-timed houseguests for both of my pregnancies/births, I don't think I'd be too annoyed about this. Maybe a 3 out of 10. My first was really difficult and I barely slept, but it was nice to have someone around to talk to. My second was so easy and slept so much that I was really bored and again, it was nice to at least have someone to pass time with.

Are we talking like...doesn't lift a finger as in won't make dinner/clean up? Or she won't even make sandwiches?

Has never made a sandwich or meal or offered me a cup of water before. Extremely unhelpful. I’ll be expected to cook for her.