My girlfriend only wants to spend Christmas with her family. I think this is so selfish.

[Anonymous]

Op, specify whether you are talking about just this year or forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she basically saying she will never willingly be away from her family on Dec 25? Only you can decide if that’s a dealbreaker. In my family we can have “Christmas” on whatever day people can get together, so it doesn’t really matter whether it happens on the 25th or closer to New Years. Maybe she’s being selfish and irrational, but also maybe it doesn’t actually matter that much.

If she said she’s fine with going Christmas Eve I don’t see what’s the big deal.

The big deal is that bc of the distance to his family, splitting Christmas isn’t an option.

Exactly. She’s not really giving up anything because it will never be a possibility.

My issue with your GF is this. She isn’t giving up anything Christmas at all. She says she is but her offer is something that is impossible and she’ll make you the jerk if you ever insist on Christmas eve with your family because she’ll lose Christmas with hers.

If you have kids you might decide on Christmas at home. But until then it sounds like there really isn’t going to be an opportunity to visit your family at Christmas. As others have said, only you can say if it’s worth it.

[Anonymous]

Just alternate years and spend thanksgiving with the opposite family. Jeez you guys are lame.

[Anonymous]

What makes you two think that you shouldn’t just trade off one side Thanksgiving/one side Christmas and alternate every year like NORMAL PEOPLE?

BTW, if you don’t propose by NYE I hope she dumps your arse. Three years? Shyte or get off the pot.

[Anonymous]

You have no say in what gf chooses. You’re not married, and you better practice the art of negotiation now. She gave you options which are reasonable. You sound like a petulant child. Honestly, don’t think OP is a guy.

[Anonymous]

My ex's family had to celebrate every holiday on the day. That got very annoying among many other things. The mom had a birthday 3 days before Christmas and we had to take off to see his family for those three days plus Christmas Eve every year. And then because the family wouldn't share we had to travel Christmas day every year to see my family. It got old eventually and some years I just wanted to be with my own family which I could never do with a shared holiday. These every year specific day people in my opinion don't understand how to share or be flexible. Dad is getting older but he will be for the rest of the marriage as well so maybe the schedule looks like shared away home shares away home or something like that. She will have to marry someone from her hometown if she wants to ensure that every holiday is at Dads.

[Anonymous]

I’m on GF’s side. I spend all christmases with my DH’s family because it matters significantly more to them. We’re a 2 hour flight from his family so on some years we’re able to spend Christmas Eve with my family and fly early Christmas morning. Usually though we spend Christmas with them and Thanksgiving + New Years with my family every year. It’s no big deal. Not sure why it’s selfish for her to want to spend Christmas + dad’s birthday.

In the future, you could start hosting if your families want to travel to you.

[Anonymous]

You are right that it is selfish. This is an indicator of what you can expect if married.

Both spouses need to be able to compromise. One year my parents, one year your parents, one year at home. Whatever works for you.

This indicates that esp. when you have children, she will not be willing to put in the effort to pack up a baby(ies) and haul them to your parents. Be forewarned.

[Anonymous]

Why does her boundary make you angry?

[Anonymous]

I think she’s being honest with you. I told my now DH early on I’d never be away from my family on Christmas Eve. 18 years and 3 kids later, so haven’t and he’s never pushed me on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she’s being honest with you. I told my now DH early on I’d never be away from my family on Christmas Eve. 18 years and 3 kids later, so haven’t and he’s never pushed me on it.

*I haven’t

[Anonymous]

She’s only your girlfriend, not your wife, not even your fiancé (what are you waiting for?). She can make her own plans.

[Anonymous]

She’s your girlfriend. Girlfriends spend their holiday with their families—that trumps spending a holiday with a mere boyfriend.

Want her to act like a wife? Marry her. Then do Thanksgiving with her family and Christmas with your family one year, then alternate the next, and all holidays going forward. Like normal married people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she basically saying she will never willingly be away from her family on Dec 25? Only you can decide if that’s a dealbreaker. In my family we can have “Christmas” on whatever day people can get together, so it doesn’t really matter whether it happens on the 25th or closer to New Years. Maybe she’s being selfish and irrational, but also maybe it doesn’t actually matter that much.

If she said she’s fine with going Christmas Eve I don’t see what’s the big deal.

+1. Unless I’m misreading something, OP sounds completely unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Can't you split the holidays? My family is more into Christmas and my husband's is more into Thanksgiving, so we have always done Christmas with my family and Thanksgiving with his.