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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH makes almost 1M.  We purchased our bethesda house for 1.3 but it’s likely worth 1.7 now.  We have two nice cars fully paid for and I basically buy whatever I want without blinking an eye.  But our kids go to public school and we don’t travel much because I have three young children and it’s just too much work.
 We do not have a nanny or any other help other than twice a month cleaners (and I do SAH).  But to answer your question we are completely comfortable but I think if I added in a full time nanny, expensive vacations and shopping sprees and private school for three kids things would feel tight.  [/quote]

I am conservative with finances but am struggling to understand how this would feel tight on a $1M salary. [/quote]

Yes- where does your money go? You have no mortgage, childcare/tuition, car payments, or travel.[/quote]

yes, you are living a $250K lifestyle on a million dollar salary.  Perhaps your husband as another family (or two) on the side.  [/quote]

I’m the PP whose DH makes 1M.  I never said we are mortgage free.  PITI is about $4500 a month.  We have absolutely zero money worries right now but DH saves a ton every month because he works an extremely high stress long hours job and would like to retire early.  Could we easily pay for a nanny and trips and private school?  Yes.  But we wouldn’t be comfortable doing so because that would reduce our savings and lengthen his work lifespan.[/quote]

Can I ask a question which I would never ask in real life and you would probably never answer in real life.  Do you ever feel badly about being a SAH parent when your husband is so financially successful?  I can honestly say that if my daughter ended up in a situation like yours, I would not love it.  [/quote]

I’m the PP you posed this question to.  [b]Why would you not love it? [/b] Because you feel like your daughter wasted her education?  Because she’s reliant on a man for finances?
DH and I met very young in college and got married while he was in law school.  I worked and paid the bills while he was in school and continued to work until we had our first child, at which point we both decided it made more financial sense for me to stay home (I was a teacher and my salary would probably have been less than the cost of a nanny).  Plus I really wanted to be home and raise my kids.  I am extremely involved in the kids’ schools and I do 100% of the “house stuff”.  We’ve been married for close to 20 years and have a wonderful respectful marriage where we both value what the other one brings to the table.  Maybe it’s because I was a teacher before kids but I have zero regrets about spending my time with my own children rather than other peoples’.  And to answer your question I do not feel guilty at all about my husband’s financial success.  As I stated in my OP we are pretty frugal considering his income so I don’t feel like I am spending my days frivolously spending “his money”[/quote]

Thank you for answering. For the bolded, I don’t quite know but I think it’s because I want her to be starring in the play rather than being in a supporting role.  She is incredibly talented and I want her to share those gifts with the world at large and make her mark.  I recognize there is a lot of my own baggage mixed up in this answer. Money has never been a driver for me, but professional success and respect have.  So I guess I want that for my daughter (and son) too. [/quote]

DP but I think if you spent time in the house of a SAHM with a spouse who works a lot out of the home, you might feel that the “supporting roles” are reversed. It really depends on where you want to center your own story. Also there are a lot of meaningful pursuits that are unpaid or even cost money, and a lot of salaried jobs that amount to very little that matters. There are a lot that DO matter! But I think you are unfairly ruling out a lot if you think professional success is the only path to a fulfilling life. Besides, it’s not like I became a SAHM right out of college. I think my life has different seasons and I’m enjoying this one. I will see what’s next. [/quote]

Same poster, I just want to add that it is unquestionably humbling to become a SAHM. I actually think that has led to personal growth for me, and I’m not afraid of the downsides or drudgery of it, but it is absolutely there (peaking during cocktail parties and periods of illness). I also realize that being very financially privileged shields me from whole other levels of humility and sacrifice that other parents take on in order to stay home. [/quote]

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