Where in the DMV are parents of young kids allowed to be imperfect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave the DC area. It’s toxic. Normal life in normie America is so much more pleasant.

Truth

[Anonymous]

When I moved to Philly, it was the biggest relief. I had no idea how demoralizing and stressful it was to be constantly around this till I wasn’t.

For example, I remember guiltily feeding my young toddler bites of peanut butter sandwich at a park play date, expecting everyone to “alert” me that it was a choking risk. In DC, they would have.

It’s also important to remember that it’s not “perfect parenting” it’s “intensely anxious parenting.” I don’t think it’s perfect at all, least of all for kids.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know. I’m like you OP, in upper NW and half the families we know send their kids to private school. I don’t have a lot in common with those people. I have found enough families (even if not the majority) in our public school that are like minded. Most of them aren’t American, come to think of it. However, if we moved to have the kind of balance you’re looking for, I think we would run into other problems that bother me more. I’d rather be around educated, worldly people who are annoyingly ambitious but believe in community and liberal policies than be surrounded by people who aren’t upset about Roe or who think Trump isn’t that bad and it’s okay to smack your kids. I know that might be a false dichotomy but I have spent time in smaller cities and suburbs and am shocked by some people’s values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to move, you just need to opt out or socialize with different people. They’re there. We know people like you describe and we don’t pursue friendship. I mean I’m polite but no I don’t want to compare kids or answer questions about their reading levels. My kids do really well in some stuff but I’m not out there bragging. They also do poorly in some areas and we work on that if we feel it needs addressing. We are probably less chill than moist if our friends with same age kids, in fact. All of our friends’ kids do activities but they’re all different and not competitive. My son takes ice skating lessons because he wants to. He has no ambitions toward hockey or figure skating. Etc.

We are in Bethesda.

We have done the "opt out" method and whie its less stressful, its a pretty lonely existance. Like-minded people are few and far between and IME tend to be introverted. I have wanted to leave forever but spouse is convinced that would be terrible for him professionally. We've waited so long now that the kids just want to finish school where they are (9th and 6th grades.) So here I am.

[Anonymous]

Mediocre and thriving over here in Ft. Hunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to derail this thread, but I think your description really describes me. Not competitive or judgmental about others. But hustling and probably making parenting too hard. I’d like to become more like you. Do you have any tips? Or maybe some concrete examples where what you did seemed different/lower stress/easier than what other people were doing and it still basically worked out fine?

I’m trying to lower my standards and go with the flow more but… that’s not really my comfort zone.

OP here and I think the main thing is that we embrace "good enough" a lot. But especially with things that are ultimately not going to change our kid's lives much. Stuff like baby gear (most of it is good enough), summer camps (safe and happy is good enough), weekend activities (some kind of action plus some relaxation). I also think we are fine with middle ground on a lot of things that many people we know go ALL THE WAY on. Like we restrict screen time but not 100% -- our kids don't watch TV all the time but they've seen plenty of non-education programming and it's fine. We want them to eat a nutritious, balanced diet but we don't freak out about treats or processed food. A little bag of Doritos is not going to kill my kid, but I also won't let them have a bag of Doritos daily, you know?

Also, we try not to get too worked up about when our kids reach milestones, as long as it's in the ballpark of normal. I've noticed a lot of our friend and neighbors getting very intense about when kids are learning to swim, ride bikes, or "get" activities like soccer or T-ball. These kids are all really young and I don't think it matters that much. I learned to ride a bike at 9. I never did rec soccer at all. It's okay. Our kids have some things they gravitate towards and enjoy and we definitely try to encourage those interests. And we make them take swim lessons every summer until they are good enough swimmers that we could leave them alone in the water (still some years to go). But otherwise we don't stress about it and I don't need them doing everything or doing it early. Same with stuff like reading -- it's fine to learn to read in 1st grade and not at age 4, I promise. These kids do not need to be accelerated in every single thing.

For us a lot of it is just about wanting to maintain a fairly chill and relaxed family life, so we choose not to stress about stuff that will make that hard. We don't over schedule because we don't want to be running around to a million activities when we could be hanging out at home, getting more sleep, and just relaxing. But it often feels like we're alone in this. No one ever talks about wanting to keep things relaxed and easy at home. They only talk about yet another thing we should all be doing if we want to be good parents. It's just not me. I think I'm a good parent even though I don't do a lot of that stuff. Maybe I'm delusional, I don't know.

Love this - you are my people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live on Capitol Hill. I don’t want to give many details for the sake of anonymity, but we have young kids, use the public schools, and are middle income for the area.

I feel like many people here don’t allow for any error when it comes to parenting. People obsess about childcare, school, activities. People research every parenting decision to find the error-proof, no fail option, and then proselytize extensively. It’s not that people are competitive, exactly (some are, but most find overt competition obnoxious). But many people are just hustling so hard at parenting. These are dual income families but they are making parenting extremely hard and high stakes, IMO.

I’m not like this and it stresses me out. We make parenting choices sort of intuitively. We make mistakes, figuring it will work out in the end or that we can always change tacks.

What neighborhoods/towns in the DMV have more parents like me and fewer like my neighbors? This is not a judgment of them, more and acknowledgement that this area is not for me.

Stop judging yourself by other people's expectations of you. You do your best and find like-minded friends. DCUM is anonymous and we all know that there is a high degree of embellishment and just plain out lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know. I’m like you OP, in upper NW and half the families we know send their kids to private school. I don’t have a lot in common with those people. I have found enough families (even if not the majority) in our public school that are like minded. Most of them aren’t American, come to think of it. However, if we moved to have the kind of balance you’re looking for, I think we would run into other problems that bother me more. I’d rather be around educated, worldly people who are annoyingly ambitious but believe in community and liberal policies than be surrounded by people who aren’t upset about Roe or who think Trump isn’t that bad and it’s okay to smack your kids. I know that might be a false dichotomy but I have spent time in smaller cities and suburbs and am shocked by some people’s values.

This is a false dichotomy. I’m the Philly poster. You can get liberal voting patterns and educated people without the parental anxiety piece.

[Anonymous]

It’s the preachiness or should I say “policy prescriptiveness” that seems especially DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mediocre and thriving over here in Ft. Hunt.

NP- not sure if it's still like this but I grew up along the parkway farther south and this describes the pre ting of my childhood (my parents and others). Good enough...

[Anonymous]

^^meant parenting

[Anonymous]

I live in McLean, my kids have way too much screen time and eat too much junk food, and I just don’t care what other people think.

[Anonymous]

I live in Petworth and my group of friends are pretty easy going when it comes to parenting.

[Anonymous]

Best lockdown place is clarksburg

[Anonymous]

Get out of DC. The suburbs of VA are so much more chill. Maybe not Arlington or Alexandria but definitely Fairfax, Burke, Annandale, Springfield, etc. DC has a certain type of person