Where in the DMV are parents of young kids allowed to be imperfect?

[Anonymous]

We live on Capitol Hill. I don’t want to give many details for the sake of anonymity, but we have young kids, use the public schools, and are middle income for the area.

I feel like many people here don’t allow for any error when it comes to parenting. People obsess about childcare, school, activities. People research every parenting decision to find the error-proof, no fail option, and then proselytize extensively. It’s not that people are competitive, exactly (some are, but most find overt competition obnoxious). But many people are just hustling so hard at parenting. These are dual income families but they are making parenting extremely hard and high stakes, IMO.

I’m not like this and it stresses me out. We make parenting choices sort of intuitively. We make mistakes, figuring it will work out in the end or that we can always change tacks.

What neighborhoods/towns in the DMV have more parents like me and fewer like my neighbors? This is not a judgment of them, more and acknowledgement that this area is not for me.

[Anonymous]

Eckington! Dysfunction junction up here.

[Anonymous]

Manassas

[Anonymous]

AU Park.

[Anonymous]

It's everywhere in this area OP and you just have to make a conscious effort not to buy into the craziness. We exist in this area. I'm in NoVa and it's hard. Eventually the competition/striving about feeding methods and daycare becomes sports/school competition then colleges. Let me preface by saying I do have a certain amount of expectations of my kids and myself, but not to the level I see in this area. I want them to be in ECs...so they can grow as people and figure out what they like. Not so it looks good on their college apps. BTW, eventually, they will notice the competition from peers as well. And you will try to be a voice of reason. You will tell them that they are allowed and even encouraged to try new things and make mistakes. It's part of life. Learn and grow from them. It's hard not to buy into it. To not question yourself for not getting on the hamster wheel. But it can be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AU Park.

Lol.

[Anonymous]

I hate to derail this thread, but I think your description really describes me. Not competitive or judgmental about others. But hustling and probably making parenting too hard. I’d like to become more like you. Do you have any tips? Or maybe some concrete examples where what you did seemed different/lower stress/easier than what other people were doing and it still basically worked out fine?

I’m trying to lower my standards and go with the flow more but… that’s not really my comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

None. Most parents are imperfect and raise their children poorly. They do not have the time to be good parents. Children need a lot of time and attention from their parents. Parents need to prioritize their children and sacrifice their own interests. This is not how our culture works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None. Most parents are imperfect and raise their children poorly. They do not have the time to be good parents. Children need a lot of time and attention from their parents. Parents need to prioritize their children and sacrifice their own interests. This is not how our culture works.

NP. I'm not sure where you're posting from. It would be valuable for you to include this, because you are an example of what OP and others are looking for. For myself, living in Nova, I would like to know as well.

[Anonymous]

It's because your area, and DCUM, are where perfectionist and highly educated people, interested in developing generational wealth, congregate. They have personalities and training that tend naturally to plan long-term, and they understand the world through a middle-class/UMC framework of getting ahead mostly by academics and diplomas (and tax loopholes).

It's only the incredibly wealthy and the incredibly poor that don't fit into that framework. The rest of us are on the hamster wheel.

[Anonymous]

If you go into the poorer suburbs, PG County, southern Baltimore. There is plenty of nice amenities, families, and safe housing to go around but the rat race seems less. A neighborhood that is more working class, and less DC will be less intense.

Of course the tradeoff is less rigorous schools, people might be more chill and less ambitious than you, and you might find yourself wishing to go in the other direction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None. Most parents are imperfect and raise their children poorly. They do not have the time to be good parents. Children need a lot of time and attention from their parents. Parents need to prioritize their children and sacrifice their own interests. This is not how our culture works.

I think pp is the kind of person op wants to avoid.

Over parenting is more common with SAHMs who themselves are highly educated and driven. Their children become their job, and their children’s success an indicator of their own success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to derail this thread, but I think your description really describes me. Not competitive or judgmental about others. But hustling and probably making parenting too hard. I’d like to become more like you. Do you have any tips? Or maybe some concrete examples where what you did seemed different/lower stress/easier than what other people were doing and it still basically worked out fine?

I’m trying to lower my standards and go with the flow more but… that’s not really my comfort zone.

OP here and I think the main thing is that we embrace "good enough" a lot. But especially with things that are ultimately not going to change our kid's lives much. Stuff like baby gear (most of it is good enough), summer camps (safe and happy is good enough), weekend activities (some kind of action plus some relaxation). I also think we are fine with middle ground on a lot of things that many people we know go ALL THE WAY on. Like we restrict screen time but not 100% -- our kids don't watch TV all the time but they've seen plenty of non-education programming and it's fine. We want them to eat a nutritious, balanced diet but we don't freak out about treats or processed food. A little bag of Doritos is not going to kill my kid, but I also won't let them have a bag of Doritos daily, you know?

Also, we try not to get too worked up about when our kids reach milestones, as long as it's in the ballpark of normal. I've noticed a lot of our friend and neighbors getting very intense about when kids are learning to swim, ride bikes, or "get" activities like soccer or T-ball. These kids are all really young and I don't think it matters that much. I learned to ride a bike at 9. I never did rec soccer at all. It's okay. Our kids have some things they gravitate towards and enjoy and we definitely try to encourage those interests. And we make them take swim lessons every summer until they are good enough swimmers that we could leave them alone in the water (still some years to go). But otherwise we don't stress about it and I don't need them doing everything or doing it early. Same with stuff like reading -- it's fine to learn to read in 1st grade and not at age 4, I promise. These kids do not need to be accelerated in every single thing.

For us a lot of it is just about wanting to maintain a fairly chill and relaxed family life, so we choose not to stress about stuff that will make that hard. We don't over schedule because we don't want to be running around to a million activities when we could be hanging out at home, getting more sleep, and just relaxing. But it often feels like we're alone in this. No one ever talks about wanting to keep things relaxed and easy at home. They only talk about yet another thing we should all be doing if we want to be good parents. It's just not me. I think I'm a good parent even though I don't do a lot of that stuff. Maybe I'm delusional, I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eckington! Dysfunction junction up here.

OP here and we have been looking at Eckington and Edgewood! I get good vibes when we are there. We sometimes head up to Tanner Park to meet friends who live in Le Droit Park or around there and it does feel more chill than any of the playgrounds on the Hill that we frequent.

[Anonymous]

South Arlington.