When do you tell a potential partner about trust funds or family money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like after the wedding, honestly. Don’t marry someone who wants you for your trust fund.

That’s not possible if prenups are required.

I don't think a prenup is required is it's an actual trust fund. It's pre-marital, unless you yourself combine finances or pledge to combine in prenup.

I was not allowed to get married without a prenup unless I wanted to forfeit all of my trust.

Why? I thought one of the many reasons for a trust was to protect in a marriage. In fact my uncle is in the middle of a really ugly divorce and the only funds not being gone after are the ones that were placed in a trust for him after his mother died ( and he was married when she passed)

My sil has found a way around the trust though, take money out and put in joint account with her partner. That will show her parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

I am a woman with a modest 70k/year job (will be 110K in couple years though). But I have a certain lifestyle which is not affordable for this income, obviously (an expensive car, a $2mm house, child in private school). My main income comes from a trust. How do I explain my lifestyle during dating?

You don’t. Not while just dating. Unless the person is dumb as rocks they will put two and two together and assume you have family money of some kind. You can go into the details once you’ve been in a serious committed relationship for a while or you are planning on getting married

I’m another woman in this situation and I disagree- most men assume you’re living off your ex husband. Mine was a deadbeat- my wealth is independent of him and I don’t want people thinking he allows my lifestyle when really his marriage to me allowed our lifestyle. My wealth will have to be something for any partner to consider, unless I outright lie to them. I don’t plan to marry so don’t care if others know how my lifestyle works.

What’s the big difference between living off your ex-husband or your parents/grandparents? “My wealth”… someone would think you earned it.

Whether you benefit from property transfer via marriage or inheritance, who cares.

[Anonymous]

The words are, "I am fortunate to ... "
If the trust pays out a certain amount a year currently, It think the time to discuss is when there is a question: 1) how do you support your current lifestyle? If there seems to be a disconnect or 2) when, as a couple, you start joining finances, making plans for your lives together, as a couple 3) if any family or friend makes any comment at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

I am a woman with a modest 70k/year job (will be 110K in couple years though). But I have a certain lifestyle which is not affordable for this income, obviously (an expensive car, a $2mm house, child in private school). My main income comes from a trust. How do I explain my lifestyle during dating?

You don’t. Not while just dating. Unless the person is dumb as rocks they will put two and two together and assume you have family money of some kind. You can go into the details once you’ve been in a serious committed relationship for a while or you are planning on getting married

I’m another woman in this situation and I disagree- most men assume you’re living off your ex husband. Mine was a deadbeat- my wealth is independent of him and I don’t want people thinking he allows my lifestyle when really his marriage to me allowed our lifestyle. My wealth will have to be something for any partner to consider, unless I outright lie to them. I don’t plan to marry so don’t care if others know how my lifestyle works.

What’s the big difference between living off your ex-husband or your parents/grandparents? “My wealth”… someone would think you earned it.

Whether you benefit from property transfer via marriage or inheritance, who cares.

One of these ends (usually) once you get remarried…the other usually does not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

I am a woman with a modest 70k/year job (will be 110K in couple years though). But I have a certain lifestyle which is not affordable for this income, obviously (an expensive car, a $2mm house, child in private school). My main income comes from a trust. How do I explain my lifestyle during dating?

You don’t. Not while just dating. Unless the person is dumb as rocks they will put two and two together and assume you have family money of some kind. You can go into the details once you’ve been in a serious committed relationship for a while or you are planning on getting married

I’m another woman in this situation and I disagree- most men assume you’re living off your ex husband. Mine was a deadbeat- my wealth is independent of him and I don’t want people thinking he allows my lifestyle when really his marriage to me allowed our lifestyle. My wealth will have to be something for any partner to consider, unless I outright lie to them. I don’t plan to marry so don’t care if others know how my lifestyle works.

What’s the big difference between living off your ex-husband or your parents/grandparents? “My wealth”… someone would think you earned it.

Whether you benefit from property transfer via marriage or inheritance, who cares.

One of these ends (usually) once you get remarried…the other usually does not.

I wouldn’t want my dating partner to think I am living off alimony or CS. “Benefiting from property transfer” in divorce is different - married people earn income and pay off loans together which creates assets. So whichever a spouse gets in divorce in property is an earned asset not a temporary “allowance” from exH. The latter sounds demeaning to me as a working woman with own assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The words are, "I am fortunate to ... "
If the trust pays out a certain amount a year currently, It think the time to discuss is when there is a question: 1) how do you support your current lifestyle? If there seems to be a disconnect or 2) when, as a couple, you start joining finances, making plans for your lives together, as a couple 3) if any family or friend makes any comment at all.

If it’s just the dating stage, how do I politely avoid answering the first question ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

I am a woman with a modest 70k/year job (will be 110K in couple years though). But I have a certain lifestyle which is not affordable for this income, obviously (an expensive car, a $2mm house, child in private school). My main income comes from a trust. How do I explain my lifestyle during dating?

You don’t. Not while just dating. Unless the person is dumb as rocks they will put two and two together and assume you have family money of some kind. You can go into the details once you’ve been in a serious committed relationship for a while or you are planning on getting married

I’m another woman in this situation and I disagree- most men assume you’re living off your ex husband. Mine was a deadbeat- my wealth is independent of him and I don’t want people thinking he allows my lifestyle when really his marriage to me allowed our lifestyle. My wealth will have to be something for any partner to consider, unless I outright lie to them. I don’t plan to marry so don’t care if others know how my lifestyle works.

What’s the big difference between living off your ex-husband or your parents/grandparents? “My wealth”… someone would think you earned it.

Whether you benefit from property transfer via marriage or inheritance, who cares.

One of these ends (usually) once you get remarried…the other usually does not.

Exactly. Many friends can’t remarry or get engaged or their alimony dries up. My wealth and annual trust income will increase significantly as I age as its familial. This is an important distinction we’re I seeking to partner up for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The words are, "I am fortunate to ... "
If the trust pays out a certain amount a year currently, It think the time to discuss is when there is a question: 1) how do you support your current lifestyle? If there seems to be a disconnect or 2) when, as a couple, you start joining finances, making plans for your lives together, as a couple 3) if any family or friend makes any comment at all.

If it’s just the dating stage, how do I politely avoid answering the first question ?

My family has helped me financially some over the years seems like an ok answer.

I think all these folks that would say nothing until post-marriage are crazy. When my hsuband and I were talking about getting married, we discussed all kinds of financial things. I cannot imagine not talking about it then. It would have felt very dishonest. We were already at the point where I knew we loved each other and wanted to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like after the wedding, honestly. Don’t marry someone who wants you for your trust fund.

This. You do not want someone to marry you for your family money.

I don’t agree with this, if you wait that long the new spouse will almost certainly feel deceived to some extent and wonder what else might be out there. Better to wait long enough to know that they are serious and not motivated by the money, and gradually provide more detail in the course of the relationship. If they act weird or different in response, that’s a red flag. But let’s say you are dating and engaged to someone for two years and on the wedding night you say “by the way, I’m worth $50 million” it’s going to be pretty destabilizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like after the wedding, honestly. Don’t marry someone who wants you for your trust fund.

This. You do not want someone to marry you for your family money.

I don’t agree with this, if you wait that long the new spouse will almost certainly feel deceived to some extent and wonder what else might be out there. Better to wait long enough to know that they are serious and not motivated by the money, and gradually provide more detail in the course of the relationship. If they act weird or different in response, that’s a red flag. But let’s say you are dating and engaged to someone for two years and on the wedding night you say “by the way, I’m worth $50 million” it’s going to be pretty destabilizing.

Exactly. I kept my situation quiet till engagement and regret it. My ex had constant issues with feeling insufficient and later entitled to my family money. The situation became abusive as my annual gifting sent him into rage spirals- because he has spending issues he relied on that large tax free check every year, the. Hated himself for that. He’s now got $250k in Unsecured credit card and irs debt 4 years after divorce. I am an early discloser as I won’t deal with that seething resentment ever again. If someone shows ref flags I can edit elegantly and early.

[Anonymous]

*exit, ha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

I am a woman with a modest 70k/year job (will be 110K in couple years though). But I have a certain lifestyle which is not affordable for this income, obviously (an expensive car, a $2mm house, child in private school). My main income comes from a trust. How do I explain my lifestyle during dating?

You don’t. Not while just dating. Unless the person is dumb as rocks they will put two and two together and assume you have family money of some kind. You can go into the details once you’ve been in a serious committed relationship for a while or you are planning on getting married

I’m another woman in this situation and I disagree- most men assume you’re living off your ex husband. Mine was a deadbeat- my wealth is independent of him and I don’t want people thinking he allows my lifestyle when really his marriage to me allowed our lifestyle. My wealth will have to be something for any partner to consider, unless I outright lie to them. I don’t plan to marry so don’t care if others know how my lifestyle works.

What’s the big difference between living off your ex-husband or your parents/grandparents? “My wealth”… someone would think you earned it.

Whether you benefit from property transfer via marriage or inheritance, who cares.

One of these ends (usually) once you get remarried…the other usually does not.

Exactly. Many friends can’t remarry or get engaged or their alimony dries up. My wealth and annual trust income will increase significantly as I age as its familial. This is an important distinction we’re I seeking to partner up for life.

Not for me. You’d still just be living off someone else’s money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming it isn't obvious from your current lifestyle, when do you tell a potential partner about this?

After marriage, for certain.

Before that, bail at the first sign of being preoccupied with money.

[Anonymous]

After engagement but before the wedding. Six months to a year should be sufficient for you to see their reaction/attitude for your wealth before taking the plunge.

[Anonymous]

My bf and I both have family money but didn't know about it until well after we started dating. There is comfort in knowing that we chose each other without that (money) being part of the equation.

Also, we enjoy it but are not fixated on it and certainly live well below our means. The only hint might be our cars since we never had new ones or nice ones growing up that was the first thing we went out and bought when we got money.