When do you tell a potential partner about trust funds or family money?

[Anonymous]

After we got married and if we were planning on combining finances.

[Anonymous]

How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

[Anonymous]

I’d bring it up after marriage when we were combining finances and looking to purchase our first home together etc. etc. I wouldn’t make it a dramatic reveal but I would say hey just so you are aware we have X amount of money for the home. I have a trust with X amount it can be used for X thing blah blah blah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like after the wedding, honestly. Don’t marry someone who wants you for your trust fund.

That’s not possible if prenups are required.

I don't think a prenup is required is it's an actual trust fund. It's pre-marital, unless you yourself combine finances or pledge to combine in prenup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

I am a woman with a modest 70k/year job (will be 110K in couple years though). But I have a certain lifestyle which is not affordable for this income, obviously (an expensive car, a $2mm house, child in private school). My main income comes from a trust. How do I explain my lifestyle during dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like after the wedding, honestly. Don’t marry someone who wants you for your trust fund.

That’s not possible if prenups are required.

I don't think a prenup is required is it's an actual trust fund. It's pre-marital, unless you yourself combine finances or pledge to combine in prenup.

Depends entirely how disbursements are handled.

But also…if you’re planning to live a separate financial life from your spouse they deserve to know that before agreeing to marry you. You’re assuming a disparate amount of risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like after the wedding, honestly. Don’t marry someone who wants you for your trust fund.

This. They don't need to know until after the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

I am a woman with a modest 70k/year job (will be 110K in couple years though). But I have a certain lifestyle which is not affordable for this income, obviously (an expensive car, a $2mm house, child in private school). My main income comes from a trust. How do I explain my lifestyle during dating?

The assumption will be that you got them in the divorce. Don’t mention it whatsoever during dating until you’re at potential engagement stage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

I am a woman with a modest 70k/year job (will be 110K in couple years though). But I have a certain lifestyle which is not affordable for this income, obviously (an expensive car, a $2mm house, child in private school). My main income comes from a trust. How do I explain my lifestyle during dating?

No need to explain. People will assume you inherited money or did well in the divorce. If your trust is that generous no way would I bring it up until after being married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

I am a woman with a modest 70k/year job (will be 110K in couple years though). But I have a certain lifestyle which is not affordable for this income, obviously (an expensive car, a $2mm house, child in private school). My main income comes from a trust. How do I explain my lifestyle during dating?

You don’t. Not while just dating. Unless the person is dumb as rocks they will put two and two together and assume you have family money of some kind. You can go into the details once you’ve been in a serious committed relationship for a while or you are planning on getting married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like after the wedding, honestly. Don’t marry someone who wants you for your trust fund.

That’s not possible if prenups are required.

I don't think a prenup is required is it's an actual trust fund. It's pre-marital, unless you yourself combine finances or pledge to combine in prenup.

I was not allowed to get married without a prenup unless I wanted to forfeit all of my trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

I am a woman with a modest 70k/year job (will be 110K in couple years though). But I have a certain lifestyle which is not affordable for this income, obviously (an expensive car, a $2mm house, child in private school). My main income comes from a trust. How do I explain my lifestyle during dating?

The assumption will be that you got them in the divorce. Don’t mention it whatsoever during dating until you’re at potential engagement stage.

I should say as well, when I was dating if something was particularly weird (like my home) I said it was a gift from my grandparents. Which was true if not specific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

I am a woman with a modest 70k/year job (will be 110K in couple years though). But I have a certain lifestyle which is not affordable for this income, obviously (an expensive car, a $2mm house, child in private school). My main income comes from a trust. How do I explain my lifestyle during dating?

Me too, OP. I’m pretty upfront about my circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

I am a woman with a modest 70k/year job (will be 110K in couple years though). But I have a certain lifestyle which is not affordable for this income, obviously (an expensive car, a $2mm house, child in private school). My main income comes from a trust. How do I explain my lifestyle during dating?

You don’t. Not while just dating. Unless the person is dumb as rocks they will put two and two together and assume you have family money of some kind. You can go into the details once you’ve been in a serious committed relationship for a while or you are planning on getting married

I’m another woman in this situation and I disagree- most men assume you’re living off your ex husband. Mine was a deadbeat- my wealth is independent of him and I don’t want people thinking he allows my lifestyle when really his marriage to me allowed our lifestyle. My wealth will have to be something for any partner to consider, unless I outright lie to them. I don’t plan to marry so don’t care if others know how my lifestyle works.

[Anonymous]

Ours isn’t enormously life altering (family trust that will pay for a chunk of our kids college) and I would as a rule of thumb say shortly after the wedding, but we were having a lot of long term budgeting discussions with immediate actions involved (essentially should we buy a house right after the wedding) so I brought it up as part of those financial discussions. This was during our engagement, just a few months before the wedding.