Do you feel bad when your kid is not invited to birthday parties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious if the moms here that are hurt when their child doesn't get invited to a birthday or playdate had social issues as a child. Perhaps as a child you felt like you were being left out of things and had hurt feelings over stuff like that?

I am the OP. I moved around quite a bit as a child. My dad was a grad student and then we moved for his work. I don’t think I ever felt bad. I went to a few. If someone had one and I didn’t know or was not invited, I don’t have any memories of feeling bad.

When I was older and now as an adult, I’m often the one who coordinates the friend birthday dinner so I definitely do not feel bad or left out.

So...if you managed just fine through childhood and adulthood feeling just fine if you aren't included in everything, why are you now feeling bad bc your child isn't? You clearly realize it is normal to not be invited to everything and not a personal slight. So what gives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious if the moms here that are hurt when their child doesn't get invited to a birthday or playdate had social issues as a child. Perhaps as a child you felt like you were being left out of things and had hurt feelings over stuff like that?

I am the OP. I moved around quite a bit as a child. My dad was a grad student and then we moved for his work. I don’t think I ever felt bad. I went to a few. If someone had one and I didn’t know or was not invited, I don’t have any memories of feeling bad.

When I was older and now as an adult, I’m often the one who coordinates the friend birthday dinner so I definitely do not feel bad or left out.

So...if you managed just fine through childhood and adulthood feeling just fine if you aren't included in everything, why are you now feeling bad bc your child isn't? You clearly realize it is normal to not be invited to everything and not a personal slight. So what gives?

Did you read beyond the title of this thread and read OP's actual post? OP is not sad about not being invited ton one particular party, OP feels bad because she's hearing about another person receiving many invitations and noticing that her own kid hasn't received any (yet). OP is clearly self-aware and understands it is not the end of the world. OP is instead having a relatable emotional feeling about it and deciding what actions, if any, to take.

Don't you ever experience emotions despite knowing intellectually that something is not a crisis? Jeez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious if the moms here that are hurt when their child doesn't get invited to a birthday or playdate had social issues as a child. Perhaps as a child you felt like you were being left out of things and had hurt feelings over stuff like that?

I am the OP. I moved around quite a bit as a child. My dad was a grad student and then we moved for his work. I don’t think I ever felt bad. I went to a few. If someone had one and I didn’t know or was not invited, I don’t have any memories of feeling bad.

When I was older and now as an adult, I’m often the one who coordinates the friend birthday dinner so I definitely do not feel bad or left out.

So...if you managed just fine through childhood and adulthood feeling just fine if you aren't included in everything, why are you now feeling bad bc your child isn't? You clearly realize it is normal to not be invited to everything and not a personal slight. So what gives?

Did you read beyond the title of this thread and read OP's actual post? OP is not sad about not being invited ton one particular party, OP feels bad because she's hearing about another person receiving many invitations and noticing that her own kid hasn't received any (yet). OP is clearly self-aware and understands it is not the end of the world. OP is instead having a relatable emotional feeling about it and deciding what actions, if any, to take.

Don't you ever experience emotions despite knowing intellectually that something is not a crisis? Jeez.

Yes I did read. And I stand firm that feeling sad because one other person you know that goes to the same school and has received more invitations is not a justifiable cause to be sad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious if the moms here that are hurt when their child doesn't get invited to a birthday or playdate had social issues as a child. Perhaps as a child you felt like you were being left out of things and had hurt feelings over stuff like that?

I am the OP. I moved around quite a bit as a child. My dad was a grad student and then we moved for his work. I don’t think I ever felt bad. I went to a few. If someone had one and I didn’t know or was not invited, I don’t have any memories of feeling bad.

When I was older and now as an adult, I’m often the one who coordinates the friend birthday dinner so I definitely do not feel bad or left out.

So...if you managed just fine through childhood and adulthood feeling just fine if you aren't included in everything, why are you now feeling bad bc your child isn't? You clearly realize it is normal to not be invited to everything and not a personal slight. So what gives?

Did you read beyond the title of this thread and read OP's actual post? OP is not sad about not being invited ton one particular party, OP feels bad because she's hearing about another person receiving many invitations and noticing that her own kid hasn't received any (yet). OP is clearly self-aware and understands it is not the end of the world. OP is instead having a relatable emotional feeling about it and deciding what actions, if any, to take.

Don't you ever experience emotions despite knowing intellectually that something is not a crisis? Jeez.

Yes I did read. And I stand firm that feeling sad because one other person you know that goes to the same school and has received more invitations is not a justifiable cause to be sad

The problem of course is that you don't get to decide what justifies other people's feelings. If you can't relate to OP's situation, it's okay to just not participate. But she feels how she feels and saying "no you should not feel that way get over it" will never actually solve someone's problem. I say this not because I even relate to OP specifically but because this is just a life lesson. You cannot be the arbiter of whether other people should feel the way they feel. It's not up to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. My kid has always invited only the people they want there and understand other children di the same.

Such a mean post.

I actually agree and don't find this mean it all.

PP is endorsing OP’s fear - that no one “wants” her kids at parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious if the moms here that are hurt when their child doesn't get invited to a birthday or playdate had social issues as a child. Perhaps as a child you felt like you were being left out of things and had hurt feelings over stuff like that?

I am the OP. I moved around quite a bit as a child. My dad was a grad student and then we moved for his work. I don’t think I ever felt bad. I went to a few. If someone had one and I didn’t know or was not invited, I don’t have any memories of feeling bad.

When I was older and now as an adult, I’m often the one who coordinates the friend birthday dinner so I definitely do not feel bad or left out.

So...if you managed just fine through childhood and adulthood feeling just fine if you aren't included in everything, why are you now feeling bad bc your child isn't? You clearly realize it is normal to not be invited to everything and not a personal slight. So what gives?

Did you read beyond the title of this thread and read OP's actual post? OP is not sad about not being invited ton one particular party, OP feels bad because she's hearing about another person receiving many invitations and noticing that her own kid hasn't received any (yet). OP is clearly self-aware and understands it is not the end of the world. OP is instead having a relatable emotional feeling about it and deciding what actions, if any, to take.

Don't you ever experience emotions despite knowing intellectually that something is not a crisis? Jeez.

Yes I did read. And I stand firm that feeling sad because one other person you know that goes to the same school and has received more invitations is not a justifiable cause to be sad

The problem of course is that you don't get to decide what justifies other people's feelings. If you can't relate to OP's situation, it's okay to just not participate. But she feels how she feels and saying "no you should not feel that way get over it" will never actually solve someone's problem. I say this not because I even relate to OP specifically but because this is just a life lesson. You cannot be the arbiter of whether other people should feel the way they feel. It's not up to you.

+1 NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious if the moms here that are hurt when their child doesn't get invited to a birthday or playdate had social issues as a child. Perhaps as a child you felt like you were being left out of things and had hurt feelings over stuff like that?

Of course they did

You sound triggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t wait until this birthday party phase is over. Such a giant waste of time

You are correct. As the parent of high schoolers, I can tell you that the ES birthday party circuit is meaningless. Your kid won’t remember who/what/where they were/weren’t invited by high school, nor will they care, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes but wouldn't admit it out loud. I understand logically but it still stings a little.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t wait until this birthday party phase is over. Such a giant waste of time

You are correct. As the parent of high schoolers, I can tell you that the ES birthday party circuit is meaningless. Your kid won’t remember who/what/where they were/weren’t invited by high school, nor will they care, at all.

Well, sure, but you're missing the point here. I seriously doubt that OP cares about the birthday parties specifically, the real issue seems to be that her family is new to the school, doesn't know anyone yet, and maybe feels bad that so far, they haven't connected with anyone or received invitations for playdates or other social get togethers. You don't have to search hard on DCUM to find other parents concerned about whether their kids are making friends or how to support their kids in establishing friendships. OP's post is just another version of that.


OP, if you're still reading this, I'm sorry that so many people are so dismissive and judgmental about your post. Hang in there, I do think in time your child will make friends at the new school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t wait until this birthday party phase is over. Such a giant waste of time

You are correct. As the parent of high schoolers, I can tell you that the ES birthday party circuit is meaningless. Your kid won’t remember who/what/where they were/weren’t invited by high school, nor will they care, at all.

I disagree. I remember being the one who was excluded from parties and bullied. That sort of thing can carry over through the rest of your schooling if the same people exclude you. I fear that this will happen to my baby when she’s this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t wait until this birthday party phase is over. Such a giant waste of time

You are correct. As the parent of high schoolers, I can tell you that the ES birthday party circuit is meaningless. Your kid won’t remember who/what/where they were/weren’t invited by high school, nor will they care, at all.

Well, sure, but you're missing the point here. I seriously doubt that OP cares about the birthday parties specifically, the real issue seems to be that her family is new to the school, doesn't know anyone yet, and maybe feels bad that so far, they haven't connected with anyone or received invitations for playdates or other social get togethers. You don't have to search hard on DCUM to find other parents concerned about whether their kids are making friends or how to support their kids in establishing friendships. OP's post is just another version of that.


OP, if you're still reading this, I'm sorry that so many people are so dismissive and judgmental about your post. Hang in there, I do think in time your child will make friends at the new school.

She is new. She knows one person that has gotten invitation/s she didn’t. This is hardly always be left out or a continuous pattern

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s the party that’s the issue. It’s that you feel like an outsider and haven’t made connections. That’s a real concern and one that’s fixable by putting some effort in.

[pearlbee]

I assumed you were upset because your child's friends were throwing parties for them, but you seem to be comparing it to their social calendar? Breathe deeply a few times.