When boys are ordered around by pushy girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

Well, she asserted herself first. Why shouldn’t he take the other one? What makes your son so special?

Sheesh. I’ll assert myself. The question is not about who has the “rights” to the swing. Let it go. The question is about how much boys should assert themselves when being ordered around by a girl.

He was not being ordered around. She made a suggestion. He can choose to take it, or leave it and have no swing. OP is just ultra-sensitive about any perceived slight to her lil precious.

Lol no. She was like “you take that one”.

She has no authority, so she was not ordering him around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

Well, she asserted herself first. Why shouldn’t he take the other one? What makes your son so special?

Sheesh. I’ll assert myself. The question is not about who has the “rights” to the swing. Let it go. The question is about how much boys should assert themselves when being ordered around by a girl.

He was not being ordered around. She made a suggestion. He can choose to take it, or leave it and have no swing. OP is just ultra-sensitive about any perceived slight to her lil precious.

Lol no. She was like “you take that one”.

Sounds like she had a right to the swing because he got off. Sounds like she was annoyed he was trying to get the swing back and rightly so. OP - your instincts are way off. Stay out of playground politics. They don't need us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

Well, she asserted herself first. Why shouldn’t he take the other one? What makes your son so special?

Sheesh. I’ll assert myself. The question is not about who has the “rights” to the swing. Let it go. The question is about how much boys should assert themselves when being ordered around by a girl.

He was not being ordered around. She made a suggestion. He can choose to take it, or leave it and have no swing. OP is just ultra-sensitive about any perceived slight to her lil precious.

Lol no. She was like “you take that one”.

She has no authority, so she was not ordering him around.

Ok I like your philosophical approach. I’ll adapt that and let him no that other kids are not in charge of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

Well, she asserted herself first. Why shouldn’t he take the other one? What makes your son so special?

Sheesh. I’ll assert myself. The question is not about who has the “rights” to the swing. Let it go. The question is about how much boys should assert themselves when being ordered around by a girl.

That may be the question you are interested in, but the situation you describe doesn’t really fit it. The boy shouldn’t assert himself, regardless of who was telling him what to do, because he had no right to the swing. The girl was right.

People should assert themselves when they are being wronged. They should graciously accept correction when they are in the wrong. Regardless of gender.

That’s because I’m not going to give you a play-by-play of whose hand was where exactly, and where everyone was standing when. I’m just saying assuming a scenario that the claim was in dispute, how are you teaching your boys to respond if a girl (vs a boy) is being pushy.

Boy vs girl I still think you do nothing and let him figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

Well, she asserted herself first. Why shouldn’t he take the other one? What makes your son so special?

Sheesh. I’ll assert myself. The question is not about who has the “rights” to the swing. Let it go. The question is about how much boys should assert themselves when being ordered around by a girl.

He was not being ordered around. She made a suggestion. He can choose to take it, or leave it and have no swing. OP is just ultra-sensitive about any perceived slight to her lil precious.

Lol no. She was like “you take that one”.

Sounds like she had a right to the swing because he got off. Sounds like she was annoyed he was trying to get the swing back and rightly so. OP - your instincts are way off. Stay out of playground politics. They don't need us.

I mean I literally said I wanted him to work it out himself.

[Anonymous]

OP, your child is almost 8. You are several years outside the range where it is appropriate for you to help him navigate playground dynamics.

You are hellbent on seeing this as a "pushy girl, bossed around boy" dynamic with no evidence for the dynamic other than there being girls and boys and conflict about a swing. If the kid telling your kid to use a different swing had been male, likely you'd be framing him as "aggressive" and be asking for how to coach your son to deal with bullies.

Either way, he's starting what, 2nd grade? Your role at the playground now is transportation, not participation. Back off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

Well, she asserted herself first. Why shouldn’t he take the other one? What makes your son so special?

Sheesh. I’ll assert myself. The question is not about who has the “rights” to the swing. Let it go. The question is about how much boys should assert themselves when being ordered around by a girl.

He was not being ordered around. She made a suggestion. He can choose to take it, or leave it and have no swing. OP is just ultra-sensitive about any perceived slight to her lil precious.

Lol no. She was like “you take that one”.

She has no authority, so she was not ordering him around.

Ok I like your philosophical approach. I’ll adapt that and let him no that other kids are not in charge of him.

Correct. At the same time, I do think he ceded his right to the swing when he left it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

Well, she asserted herself first. Why shouldn’t he take the other one? What makes your son so special?

Sheesh. I’ll assert myself. The question is not about who has the “rights” to the swing. Let it go. The question is about how much boys should assert themselves when being ordered around by a girl.

He was not being ordered around. She made a suggestion. He can choose to take it, or leave it and have no swing. OP is just ultra-sensitive about any perceived slight to her lil precious.

Lol no. She was like “you take that one”.

She has no authority, so she was not ordering him around.

Ok I like your philosophical approach. I’ll adapt that and let him no that other kids are not in charge of him.

Correct. At the same time, I do think he ceded his right to the swing when he left it.

+1
Playground rules 101.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your child is almost 8. You are several years outside the range where it is appropriate for you to help him navigate playground dynamics.

You are hellbent on seeing this as a "pushy girl, bossed around boy" dynamic with no evidence for the dynamic other than there being girls and boys and conflict about a swing. If the kid telling your kid to use a different swing had been male, likely you'd be framing him as "aggressive" and be asking for how to coach your son to deal with bullies.

Either way, he's starting what, 2nd grade? Your role at the playground now is transportation, not participation. Back off.

I would not call it bullying. Anyway we disagree I don’t think by age 8 my son has mastered social dynamics. While I don’t interfere in the actual interaction, I watch and listen and I’ll continue to help him navigate social dynamics, whether it’s drugs, drinking, sex, consent, bullying, etc. I’m not going to the party with him, but I’ll be talking with him in advance about making good choices and giving him language for how to say no to something he’s uncomfortable with.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why your first concern is optics. I don’t understand why your top concern puts gender and size before good manners and fair dealing. Weird things to be teaching your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls are conditioned from early on now to speak up and don’t let anyone stand in their way - which is great! Your son needs to do the same. However, it’s not a good for a boy to learn to be aggressive around girls. My sons know when a girl says something they say ok. It’s never too early for them to learn to back off and not fight/ push back. I don’t want them in a he said/ she said situation. No matter how small - swings included.

Interested in other thoughts on this perspective- I did tell him I saw and I know it was frustrating but he had to let it go bc I didn’t want any negative optics with a smaller girl.

He left the swing, for whatever reason. He no longer has claim to it. The girl was right.

[Anonymous]

What a messed up way to force gender into every interaction. OP your son needs to respond the same way to boys and girls, not make bizarre distinctions based on your messed up bias.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

Well, she asserted herself first. Why shouldn’t he take the other one? What makes your son so special?

Sheesh. I’ll assert myself. The question is not about who has the “rights” to the swing. Let it go. The question is about how much boys should assert themselves when being ordered around by a girl.

He was not being ordered around. She made a suggestion. He can choose to take it, or leave it and have no swing. OP is just ultra-sensitive about any perceived slight to her lil precious.

Lol no. She was like “you take that one”.

She has no authority, so she was not ordering him around.

Ok I like your philosophical approach. I’ll adapt that and let him no that other kids are not in charge of him.

Correct. At the same time, I do think he ceded his right to the swing when he left it.

+1
Playground rules 101.

Codified in the statute as: “You move your feet, you lose your seat.”

[Anonymous]

OP, get your teat out of that boy's mouth, FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boy is almost 8. Very sweet natured. At the playground he got off his swing to help another child. Two sisters came over and one “took” his swing. I say “took” bc she didn’t climb on, she had a hand on it, like him. She was younger (like 5), boy is 6. He said “hey I’m using this” and her sister, maybe 7/8 said “no- you use that one” (that one being the crappy one no one wanted). I wanted him to work it out himself but wasn’t even sure what words to give him. He’s an older and taller boy and I didn’t want anyone to think he was being mean to a little girl. He ended up just standing next to me and I sai “ well she won’t be on forever” and we waited for them to leave. Wwyd?

IDK I think the reasoning for getting off matters AND he still had his hand on it.