When boys are ordered around by pushy girls

[Anonymous]

You wanted him to work it out himself, but now you’re on DCUM asking for advice on how you should advise him to deal with it next time? How about you just let him work it out himself?

[Anonymous]

This is a tricky interaction and I have not always known what to do in the moment - I want to teach DD manners and sharing but also to stand up for herself, and as the adult I don't want to tell someone else's kid to behave. It's hard.
But it's got nothing to do with the gender of the kids. These interactions happen between all kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

The claim was not equal. He was on it. He got off. He relinquished the swing. The unwritten rule on the playground is that if you swing and get off, the kid who is waiting gets on. Stop calling girls pushy and help your kid learn the playground rules.

[Anonymous]

OP, they learn what kind of women they like, get along with. Kind meaning -- what kind of personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

Well, she asserted herself first. Why shouldn’t he take the other one? What makes your son so special?

Sheesh. I’ll assert myself. The question is not about who has the “rights” to the swing. Let it go. The question is about how much boys should assert themselves when being ordered around by a girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

The claim was not equal. He was on it. He got off. He relinquished the swing. The unwritten rule on the playground is that if you swing and get off, the kid who is waiting gets on. Stop calling girls pushy and help your kid learn the playground rules.

This. Men never get called pushy. They are “assertive.” OP, your language is telling on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

The claim was not equal. He was on it. He got off. He relinquished the swing. The unwritten rule on the playground is that if you swing and get off, the kid who is waiting gets on. Stop calling girls pushy and help your kid learn the playground rules.

This. Men never get called pushy. They are “assertive.” OP, your language is telling on you.

Calm down. Boys can also be pushy.

[Anonymous]

What does this have to do with the sex/gender of the children?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

The claim was not equal. He was on it. He got off. He relinquished the swing. The unwritten rule on the playground is that if you swing and get off, the kid who is waiting gets on. Stop calling girls pushy and help your kid learn the playground rules.

This. Men never get called pushy. They are “assertive.” OP, your language is telling on you.

Calm down. Boys can also be pushy.

No one ever uses this adjective for them. Who are you to tell me to calm down? How condescending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls are conditioned from early on now to speak up and don’t let anyone stand in their way - which is great! Your son needs to do the same. However, it’s not a good for a boy to learn to be aggressive around girls. My sons know when a girl says something they say ok. It’s never too early for them to learn to back off and not fight/ push back. I don’t want them in a he said/ she said situation. No matter how small - swings included.

Interested in other thoughts on this perspective- I did tell him I saw and I know it was frustrating but he had to let it go bc I didn’t want any negative optics with a smaller girl.

Remember consent and learning how to respond to the word “no” starts as a toddler. If your son hasn’t been taught that, he is behind and it’s essential he learn that when any girl says, “no/stop/it’s mine” he drops it and walks away.

It’s vital he remain above board. In a he said/ she said he’ll never win. Men had had centuries to have their way, it’s time for all ages to take a step back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

Well, she asserted herself first. Why shouldn’t he take the other one? What makes your son so special?

Sheesh. I’ll assert myself. The question is not about who has the “rights” to the swing. Let it go. The question is about how much boys should assert themselves when being ordered around by a girl.

He was not being ordered around. She made a suggestion. He can choose to take it, or leave it and have no swing. OP is just ultra-sensitive about any perceived slight to her lil precious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

Well, she asserted herself first. Why shouldn’t he take the other one? What makes your son so special?

Sheesh. I’ll assert myself. The question is not about who has the “rights” to the swing. Let it go. The question is about how much boys should assert themselves when being ordered around by a girl.

That may be the question you are interested in, but the situation you describe doesn’t really fit it. The boy shouldn’t assert himself, regardless of who was telling him what to do, because he had no right to the swing. The girl was right.

People should assert themselves when they are being wronged. They should graciously accept correction when they are in the wrong. Regardless of gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

Well, she asserted herself first. Why shouldn’t he take the other one? What makes your son so special?

Sheesh. I’ll assert myself. The question is not about who has the “rights” to the swing. Let it go. The question is about how much boys should assert themselves when being ordered around by a girl.

He was not being ordered around. She made a suggestion. He can choose to take it, or leave it and have no swing. OP is just ultra-sensitive about any perceived slight to her lil precious.

Lol no. She was like “you take that one”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls are conditioned from early on now to speak up and don’t let anyone stand in their way - which is great! Your son needs to do the same. However, it’s not a good for a boy to learn to be aggressive around girls. My sons know when a girl says something they say ok. It’s never too early for them to learn to back off and not fight/ push back. I don’t want them in a he said/ she said situation. No matter how small - swings included.

Interested in other thoughts on this perspective- I did tell him I saw and I know it was frustrating but he had to let it go bc I didn’t want any negative optics with a smaller girl.

Remember consent and learning how to respond to the word “no” starts as a toddler. If your son hasn’t been taught that, he is behind and it’s essential he learn that when any girl says, “no/stop/it’s mine” he drops it and walks away.

It’s vital he remain above board. In a he said/ she said he’ll never win. Men had had centuries to have their way, it’s time for all ages to take a step back.

I think you are the OP, and that you are trying to be incendiary.

Consent is about bodily autonomy, not about a right to all things. A girl - and a boy! - have an absolute right to have someone not touch them, and to have any touching stop whenever they don’t like it anymore. If the girl had said “don’t push me on the swing,” or “don’t stand so close to me,” or “I want to run but not play tag with you” those are all situation where consent is relevant.

Your situation? Not so much. It’s just kids negotiating a swing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really isn't about gender. It's not like you'd advise him to punch the other kid if it was a boy or anything. He's seven, and he's dealing with another seven-year-old. He got off the swing, and you can't "save" a swing on the playground. He got off, another kid came to take a turn, he can either use the less-desirable swing or he can wait until they are done.

Assuming they had equal claim to it bc they both had a hand on it, what I’m seeking is words to deal with the “No you take that one” order.

Well, she asserted herself first. Why shouldn’t he take the other one? What makes your son so special?

Sheesh. I’ll assert myself. The question is not about who has the “rights” to the swing. Let it go. The question is about how much boys should assert themselves when being ordered around by a girl.

That may be the question you are interested in, but the situation you describe doesn’t really fit it. The boy shouldn’t assert himself, regardless of who was telling him what to do, because he had no right to the swing. The girl was right.

People should assert themselves when they are being wronged. They should graciously accept correction when they are in the wrong. Regardless of gender.

That’s because I’m not going to give you a play-by-play of whose hand was where exactly, and where everyone was standing when. I’m just saying assuming a scenario that the claim was in dispute, how are you teaching your boys to respond if a girl (vs a boy) is being pushy.