Would you take young kids to an open casket funeral?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother made that mistake with his 3 year old at his FIL's funeral and she tried to wake up her grandpa. He said there was a lot of family pressure and he really really regrets it.

I am someone who just said yes, definitely but I would say that this particular combo, a young toddler who would really recognize the person and really NOT understand I would probably avoid.

[Anonymous]

Let them know the set up and give options.

I personally do not view anyone (including my parents), and I would be fine with whatever my kids wanted. My dad died when my kids were 8 and 10, none of us entered the room while the casket was open, but participated in all other funeral aspects.

[Anonymous]

No.

I was forced to view my dead mother, and the image haunts me. There was no reason for that: I knew she was dead and not coming back, and while relatives kept blabbering about “closure”, that isn’t what I got from the experience. It was like a horror moving made real and I hate that I have had that image of my mom in my head for the past thirty years.

I don’t understand the purpose of viewing dead bodies, I really don’t. I firmly believe that the majority of people who view dead bodies at funerals have some subconscious prurient fascination with seeing the person that way. I hated overhearing my friends’ parents and my mom’s brothers’ spouses gossiping about my mom’s appearance in the casket. Barbaric, hideous custom. Don’t even get me started on the brutality of what is done to bodies to make them viewable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I saw my grandmother in an open casket and this is the vision that comes to mind when I think of her.

+1

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. Closed casket or no casket OK. Open, with the makeup? No. I don’t like going to those myself.

[Anonymous]

I went to several of these starting when I was a pre-teen/tween. Uncle, Grandmother, Great Aunts, etc...

No issue. But I wasn't particularly sensitive to death.

My son is 13 and can be sensitive to death. We haven't had the occasion to go to a funeral, which is amazingly fortunate. When it's time I know one side of the family will absolutely be open casket. The other, won't. I'm not sure how he'd take it but he is old enough to ask, and old enough to decide not to go up. If your kids are older than 9/10 I think they probably are too.

[Anonymous]

Yep! And explain to them the person is no longer so they will stop asking where is Grandma. Grandma is in the casket sweetie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Closed casket or no casket OK. Open, with the makeup? No. I don’t like going to those myself.

Same.

Does your child even want to go at all? I wouldn’t even bring them unless they wanted to go. I hate funerals

[Anonymous]

I took DS (9y.o.) to my grandmother’s open casket viewing and then closed casket funeral. Open casket is part of our cultural and family tradition. He asked to come. I also kept him at the back of the room and did not make it an issue if he did or did not want to see her body and say prayers. We talked about the fact that it would be open casket before we went but also talked to him, before we went, that he joule only participate in the way in which he felt comfortable. Towards the end of the viewing, he asked me to join him in approaching the casket to pray and see her. We did this together in a no-drama and supported manner. He came away from the whole experience focused on the opportunity to meet extended family and felt proud and grown up that he had joined and shown his respects.

Death is a part of life. I think it is just important to allow your kids space and choices as to how to participate.

[Anonymous]

Went to them all the time growing up.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I saw my grandmother in an open casket and this is the vision that comes to mind when I think of her.

Agree. Open caskets are barbaric.

Eff you with your judgment. For many of us, open caskets are an important part of letting go of the corporeal part of our loved one, and in many cultures sitting with the remains of a loved one before burial is the ultimate sign of respect. I have sat overnight for a traditional Irish wake, with loved ones telling stories, laughing, crying, and remembering with fondness the person who inhabited the body sitting in the coffin next to us, the night before the burial.

My brother died violently via a gunshot wound to his temple from a .22 rifle. When people heard that he died by suicide via gunshot to the head, they had all kinds of horrific images in their minds. In truth, there was only a very small entry wound…sadly, enough to kill him. But it did not destroy his beautiful face or blow his skull to bits. The undertaker said he thought the body could be okay for an open casket but he would leave it up to our immediate family to see him first and then decide what we thought. In our culture, open caskets are the norm so when there can’t be an open casket (like in the case of a cousin who was killed by a drunk driver in a horrific accident) it can be very upsetting and traumatic to people who fill in the blanks with their own imaginations.

I can’t tell you how many loved ones expressed what a comfort it was that we were able to have an open casket for my brother. Whatever horrible images they had had in their minds were replaced by the image of his remains at rest. It was still absolutely heartbreaking and traumatic, but maybe just a bit less horrific. The ritual of praying over his remains was the same as for every other funeral, and that too was a small but significant comfort.

If that’s not your cup of tea, so be it. But I’m not barbaric. Respecting and viewing the earthly remains of loved ones is an important part of appreciating life for many of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No.

I was forced to view my dead mother, and the image haunts me. There was no reason for that: I knew she was dead and not coming back, and while relatives kept blabbering about “closure”, that isn’t what I got from the experience. It was like a horror moving made real and I hate that I have had that image of my mom in my head for the past thirty years.

I don’t understand the purpose of viewing dead bodies, I really don’t. I firmly believe that the majority of people who view dead bodies at funerals have some subconscious prurient fascination with seeing the person that way. I hated overhearing my friends’ parents and my mom’s brothers’ spouses gossiping about my mom’s appearance in the casket. Barbaric, hideous custom. Don’t even get me started on the brutality of what is done to bodies to make them viewable.

I’m sorry that you were traumatized and that some people in your family circle were gossipy and horrible. But for many of us, viewing dead bodies is an important part of appreciating life…the life of the dead person, the tangible and very real reminder of everyone’s mortality, the humbling reality of the smallness of today’s stressors in the face of our certain deaths. Death is so abstract and distant to most people. They hate funerals. They would never touch a dead body.

I held my mom as she took her last breath. I washed her face and hands after she died. I kissed her soft forehead. I knew of course that her spirit no longer inhabited her body, but I loved her body, too. These were the hands that held mine. When my dad died, it was sadly more sudden and I wasn’t with him at his death, but we saw his remains in his hospital room afterward. I petted his lively white hair and kissed his forehead. I washed his hands and kissed them. Saying goodbye to his body.

It is not morbidity that motivates me to look upon the dead as I pray for them; it is with profound gratitude to be present at the precipice between life and dearth, in remembrance.

[Anonymous]

For me, no. I wouldn't even look at it myself. I don't think it brings any closure. I also would prefer cremation over burial all together.

But, it's a cultural thing. If it's your families culture to have open casket, then I think it's okay to talk to your child about it and prepare them.

I won't be doing that though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It’s important to normalize death and model how to respond.

+1 Death is part of life. Maybe don't bring them close to the casket (i also think open caskets are creepy), but I would bring them, absolutely. Unless your kid has some severe anxiety, they will be fine.