Options when you don’t want daycare.

[Anonymous]

I would gladly accept childcare from my parents full-time (they are young and spry enough to handle my one easy child) but to be honest, it's higher quality from a professional. My mom relies far too heavily on TV

[Anonymous]

I have two elementary school aged kids and my younger sibling has a baby. My parents are youngish, mom was a SAHM and dad retired early. Their grandkids have never had babysitters, nannies or day care. Our parents have taken care of all of it. They’re great with the kids and the kids adore them. We’re extremely lucky and we know it. We also don’t pay them anything.

[Anonymous]

If you use a relative, you lose control over how things are done. I prefer to have a professional relationship where my requests are honored. I usually defer to the daycare and in-home caretakers as they have known dozens or hundreds of babies - but I felt like we could discuss and come up with a schedule or feeding process that worked for everyone. I love my mom but I could not have those discussions without her feeling judged and scolded.

If your job is truly that flexible, then perhaps you can deal with the the the days off or instability of non-daycare options. Perhaps you also don’t need 8:30-5:30pm coverage. Many of us do need reliable full-day coverage. Others need coverage into the evening due to their job and a nanny or au pair works for them.

We used several different care models and my favorite is an in-home daycare with 2 caregivers and 4-7 kids. It was smaller and more personal than daycare, but without the tax and payroll of a nanny, coordinating with other families for nanny share, or having someone living in my house like an au pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you use a relative, you lose control over how things are done. I prefer to have a professional relationship where my requests are honored. I usually defer to the daycare and in-home caretakers as they have known dozens or hundreds of babies - but I felt like we could discuss and come up with a schedule or feeding process that worked for everyone. I love my mom but I could not have those discussions without her feeling judged and scolded.

If your job is truly that flexible, then perhaps you can deal with the the the days off or instability of non-daycare options. Perhaps you also don’t need 8:30-5:30pm coverage. Many of us do need reliable full-day coverage. Others need coverage into the evening due to their job and a nanny or au pair works for them.

We used several different care models and my favorite is an in-home daycare with 2 caregivers and 4-7 kids. It was smaller and more personal than daycare, but without the tax and payroll of a nanny, coordinating with other families for nanny share, or having someone living in my house like an au pair.

+100 such a valid point. My mom babysits regularly (say, one weekend a month) but blithely ignores many of my requests -- limit TV, no processed junk snacks, etc. If she were my nanny I'd fire her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you use a relative, you lose control over how things are done. I prefer to have a professional relationship where my requests are honored. I usually defer to the daycare and in-home caretakers as they have known dozens or hundreds of babies - but I felt like we could discuss and come up with a schedule or feeding process that worked for everyone. I love my mom but I could not have those discussions without her feeling judged and scolded.

If your job is truly that flexible, then perhaps you can deal with the the the days off or instability of non-daycare options. Perhaps you also don’t need 8:30-5:30pm coverage. Many of us do need reliable full-day coverage. Others need coverage into the evening due to their job and a nanny or au pair works for them.

We used several different care models and my favorite is an in-home daycare with 2 caregivers and 4-7 kids. It was smaller and more personal than daycare, but without the tax and payroll of a nanny, coordinating with other families for nanny share, or having someone living in my house like an au pair.

+100 such a valid point. My mom babysits regularly (say, one weekend a month) but blithely ignores many of my requests -- limit TV, no processed junk snacks, etc. If she were my nanny I'd fire her.

Yup. Relatives desperately want your kid to love them. So anything that the kid likes, they get in abundance. My son LOVES pastries. Grandparents shove pastries in his mouth every chance they get, multiples times per day, days and days in a row. He also loves the minions movies. So we have mountains of minion-related toys, books, etc that he never plays with. There’s currently a life-sized minion balloon in my living room that he’s terrified of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny is nice the first 2 years. Except when they are sick, have doctor appointments, vacation, their kids are sick if any, yada yada. So, if you get one, have some back up care lined up because you will need it.

We’ve had our nanny for 4.5 years and she has never once called in sick; she has grown children; schedules her doctors appointments for weekends and scheduled days off; and takes her vacations when we take ours. No yada, yada. Same with my friends nannies.

[Anonymous]

Getting a great nanny, if affordable, is your best choice. Sure, many uncommon and unorthodox methods can work but none better than a nanny who will engage, socialize, read, and play with your child. Nannies can also make it easier on the parents by giving them more free time with their child by handling all child related chores. And your child is loved and napping in their own house and in their own bed. If you’re working from home and want to breastfeed exclusively, nanny care in your own home is optimal.

It’s money well spent, in my opinion,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would gladly accept childcare from my parents full-time (they are young and spry enough to handle my one easy child) but to be honest, it's higher quality from a professional. My mom relies far too heavily on TV

+1

I love my mother but whenever she watches my kids they always watch a full length movie in the middle of the day. Which I have no problems with for free care but not as a daily occurrence!

[Anonymous]

My mom, a child development expert, watched my first kid between 5 and 15 months. My mom was in her early 70s, and it worked great. My mom doesn't live in the area, but would come and stay with us for a few weeks and then go back home over long weekends. Unfortunately, she developed a rare illness (not related to her age) that prevented her from providing care for a longer period of time, but it was great while it lasted.

[Anonymous]

My mom is a working elementary school teacher. She is still pretty active. She can’t watch my toddler for more than about 4 hours at a time. She thought she could do summer care for us, took DD out of school last month, and mom lasted about a week before saying we need to make other arrangements. Young kids really do require a ton of energy and some people lose that skill.

[Anonymous]

My parents are local, retired, healthy, still young-ish (54 and 57) who love to take the kids for a couple evenings a month and several overnighter a year so we can take trips and I still wouldn't want them to be the kids' full-time caretakers. They've lived their own lives and had their kids. As normal and accepted as it is (Asian background) I'd never want to put that kind of obligation on them, plus pp is absolutely correct that with family, you can't be straight up with them as far as expectations, especially if there's no payment arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Grandparents, assuming they are mobile and healthy, might work out great for a few months when your kid is a blob in the stroller and naps 4x/day.

Might not be so rosey once your baby is mobile, requires a lot of stimulation and interaction, down to 1x nap, and overall a lot.

[Anonymous]

Can you split the difference? Grandparents from like 8-2pm and then switch off with you.

[Anonymous]

Do the grandparents even want to be FT babysitters? Did you ask?

Mine have their own thing going on (active at church, volunteer, play Bridge, daily exercise class, friends, travel, etc).

Sure, they're willing to babysitter here and there, but not 5x/week FT.

[Anonymous]

My mom moved in with us and watches DD full-time. What makes it work is:

1. It was her idea. I was actually against it because I thought it would put a strain on our marriage but DH was 100% for it and it's worked very well.
2. She lives here and it's really full-time. I see stories all the time about grandparents who want to watch the kid 2-3 days/week until the kid shows up and then it's too much, or they want to switch days, or they want to go out of town. This is stressful because you have to have backup coverage on backup coverage in a way you don't really need for daycare. You having a flexible job might mitigate this.
3. My mom is very healthy and spry. Orange Theory 4x/week spry, not "still does the crossword puzzle" spry. Not all grandparents are able to chase after toddlers.