Options when you don’t want daycare.

[Anonymous]

Unless it’s a financial issue, just hire a good nanny.

Nanny shares are great for infants if you find the right second family.

All else is unreliable, to be honest. And grandparents and other parents generally don’t have any education in child development like a good nanny would.

[Anonymous]

Nanny share is the good economical option in this area.

[Anonymous]

We had a nanny for several years, and when we moved closer to my parents our kids were 6 and 4. At that stage, I felt comfortable my parents could handle them. The older one was in full day kindergarten, and the younger was in nursery school 3 mornings a week. I made sure I had back up care and I ended up hiring a college student to cover Thursdays and Fridays. My parents are active, but I didn’t want them to feel like they had no free time or that it was too physically demanding. It worked out great for us.

[Anonymous]

Are the grandparents willing and able to provide care on a long-term basis? Would they be able to a variety of activities? My mom was very honest that they would babysit if we wanted to go out by ourselves or run errands, and for any emergencies. But they did not want to be on call full time and that’s their prerogative. My brother’s in-laws were enthusiastic about watching their grandchild full time but found that it was more than they could handle.

[Anonymous]

I agree that a nanny share or nanny is your best bet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are grandparents and how is health? A lot of grandparents nowadays in DC are too old to be full time childcare providers especially once your kid is more active.

+1 when I was pregnant my mom said she wanted to watch DD a couple of days a week. After DD was born she admitted that would be too hard for her. She has watched her every now and then and while she clearly adores DD I feel so much more relaxed when DD is at her daycare center. My mom is in her 70s and she can't stick to a schedule. She also doesn't notice certain things that in one case led to disaster, thankfully nothing life threatening but it's still hard to think about that day.

[Anonymous]

Get a nanny.

Grandparents will have an extremely hard time with doing full-time, consistent care for anything for than a day or two a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know we could get a good nanny or find a nanny-share but I was wondering if anyone used grandparents as daytime childcare and did it work out? Another option since I work a very flexible job (academic archivist - I could work from home at night if I had to), would be a parent co-op with other parents. I know people did this sort of thing with learning pods during covid.

My baby will be just three months old when we start. Thanks for any ideas!

It sounds like you are trying to be thrifty and not spend much on childcare. I understand, but I will also tell you that an arrangement where you work all day (caring for other people's kids in a co-op) and then work at night (on your own job) is not sustainable. You will get sick, and/or you will hate your life. Caring for infants and toddlers is a LOT of work, and physically demanding.

I was a grad student when my first was a baby and I shorted myself on childcare. It saved me money, but I paid in every other way -- my marriage, my happiness, my sanity, my ability to do well in school. If I could go back in time, I would spend a lot more to have quality childcare, and enough of it.

[Anonymous]

Do the grandparents even want to? My parents did not want to provide full time or even close to full time childcare. They wanted to travel (as is their hard-earned right). Finding a part time nanny was extremely hard. So we ended up with a lovely nanny who was with us full time for 4 years.

[Anonymous]

I had a grandparent watch my first baby four days a week til 2. It worked well for us but I can see many areas where it can go sideways. They will likely be fine early on but everything changes when they get mobile. You should plan to evaluate if it’s still working as baby grows and their needs are different.

Will the grandparent be watching full time? Many people of grandparent age have some health issue or another and they will have medical appointments that will conflict with care - just something to plan for. Aside from that the other way I made it work was by taking random days off so that it wasn’t every day, every week for the grandparent. Also, if you have willing grandparent babysitters, you won’t want to burn them out - if they are care during the week, they need a break on the weekend - so we were very careful about other requests - eg only for weddings and big events.

I would also recommend discussing how they would approach things - my mom and my aunt have both done this for me and my cousin and they both took the attitude of it’s your kid and we will do what you say in terms of care.

[Anonymous]

My Asian in-laws watch our baby, and watched our middle child during the pandemic. We have had a tag team of babysitters, part time preschool, and grandparents to cover all the hours and holidays and such. My white American parents won't do the same. My mom did it for a while then bailed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the world’s best parents who are willing to provide FT care but I won’t let them do it. We have a nanny and they do hang out at the house a lot to give her a break or give her individual time with one child (nanny genuinely loves that and loves them). It would seem cheap to me to use them for FT childcare. They need to have their own lives too.

I'm the PP who used a grandfather for childcare. People can have a job and a life. He needed income, I needed childcare and wanted someone I could trust. Watching my kids was challenging, but easier than the job he was doing right before retirement.

How old was the grandfather? If he was in his late 40s/early 50s yes I’m sure he could nanny full time and have energy to do activities after work. But most grandparents are in their late 50s at the youngest and it is exhausting watching a young child 40 hours a week. I think it is unusual for a grandparent to do it really well and have energy for other activities and hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know we could get a good nanny or find a nanny-share but I was wondering if anyone used grandparents as daytime childcare and did it work out? Another option since I work a very flexible job (academic archivist - I could work from home at night if I had to), would be a parent co-op with other parents. I know people did this sort of thing with learning pods during covid.

My baby will be just three months old when we start. Thanks for any ideas!

My mom and my MIL switched off taking care of DD from when she was 3 months until she started daycare at 10 months. They just figured out a schedule and stayed for about a month at a time each. My parents rented an apartment nearby, so everyone could have some privacy; they let MIL stay there on her “shifts.”

It worked out really well and resulted in DD having a strong bond with her grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Nanny is nice the first 2 years. Except when they are sick, have doctor appointments, vacation, their kids are sick if any, yada yada. So, if you get one, have some back up care lined up because you will need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny is nice the first 2 years. Except when they are sick, have doctor appointments, vacation, their kids are sick if any, yada yada. So, if you get one, have some back up care lined up because you will need it.

If grandparents want to be involved and are retired and live nearby nanny with grandparents as backup sometimes works