Is “marrying well” a thing for men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying well for men is 100% defined by looks.

Agree. Men care more about looks and also as someone else mentioned, temperament/agreeableness.

Men mature as they age. When they are younger, looks are everything. As they get older and have dated some hot duds, they want more than looks. DH’s first wife was gorgeous and much prettier than me. I’m 40lbs heavier and do not dress well. But she never wanted to have sex and became aloof to him throughout their marriage. DH makes much more money now and he married me. He could get a much prettier, younger woman. But we get along great and he tells me he’s happier than he’s ever been.

You’re just young. Give it some time or look for men a little bit older.

I guess men could look for women who are “gorgeous and much prettier” “agreeable” and “like to have sex”. How much money DW makes is secondary..

This is true, but it’s also stupid, and many men come to regret it.

Regret not marrying a woman for her money? I make my own money. I don’t regret anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying well for men is 100% defined by looks.

Agree. Men care more about looks and also as someone else mentioned, temperament/agreeableness.

Men mature as they age. When they are younger, looks are everything. As they get older and have dated some hot duds, they want more than looks. DH’s first wife was gorgeous and much prettier than me. I’m 40lbs heavier and do not dress well. But she never wanted to have sex and became aloof to him throughout their marriage. DH makes much more money now and he married me. He could get a much prettier, younger woman. But we get along great and he tells me he’s happier than he’s ever been.

You’re just young. Give it some time or look for men a little bit older.

I guess men could look for women who are “gorgeous and much prettier” “agreeable” and “like to have sex”. How much money DW makes is secondary..

This is true, but it’s also stupid, and many men come to regret it.

Regret not marrying a woman for her money? I make my own money. I don’t regret anything.

Men who find themselves crushed under the stress of being a primary breadwinner regret not prioritizing a true partnership. I have no idea what you do or don’t regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying well for men is 100% defined by looks.

Agree. Men care more about looks and also as someone else mentioned, temperament/agreeableness.

Men mature as they age. When they are younger, looks are everything. As they get older and have dated some hot duds, they want more than looks. DH’s first wife was gorgeous and much prettier than me. I’m 40lbs heavier and do not dress well. But she never wanted to have sex and became aloof to him throughout their marriage. DH makes much more money now and he married me. He could get a much prettier, younger woman. But we get along great and he tells me he’s happier than he’s ever been.

You’re just young. Give it some time or look for men a little bit older.

I guess men could look for women who are “gorgeous and much prettier” “agreeable” and “like to have sex”. How much money DW makes is secondary..

This is true, but it’s also stupid, and many men come to regret it.

Regret not marrying a woman for her money? I make my own money. I don’t regret anything.

Men who find themselves crushed under the stress of being a primary breadwinner regret not prioritizing a true partnership. I have no idea what you do or don’t regret.

Who wants to marry a weakling who gets crushed under the stress of being a primary breadwinner? This is the most unmanly thing ever. Maybe there is a successful pairing between 40lbs heavier women who are happy to be the second wife of a man who cannot take the "stress" of earning for the family. I don't know. I do think our opinions are influenced by our life experience.

IME - high earning men (actually all men) want to be married to good looking woman, well educated woman, who has a good personality, who is easy to get along with and who likes having sex with them - it does not matter if they are working or not. However, once you get divorced and are older, people will compromise a lot in their second marriage. Divorce rates for second marriages are higher than the divorce rates for the first marriage.

[Anonymous]

Marrying well for a man signifies a spouse who is well educated, good looking, pleasant personality, same goals and values, SES match, comes from an established and functional family, no dysfunction of addiction/abuse/adultry, gets along with the ILs, family and friends and will strengthen the family ties.

Actually in the best marriages, the same is true for women marrying well too. This is what women want too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying well for men is 100% defined by looks.

Agree. Men care more about looks and also as someone else mentioned, temperament/agreeableness.

Men mature as they age. When they are younger, looks are everything. As they get older and have dated some hot duds, they want more than looks. DH’s first wife was gorgeous and much prettier than me. I’m 40lbs heavier and do not dress well. But she never wanted to have sex and became aloof to him throughout their marriage. DH makes much more money now and he married me. He could get a much prettier, younger woman. But we get along great and he tells me he’s happier than he’s ever been.

You’re just young. Give it some time or look for men a little bit older.

I guess men could look for women who are “gorgeous and much prettier” “agreeable” and “like to have sex”. How much money DW makes is secondary..

This is true, but it’s also stupid, and many men come to regret it.

Regret not marrying a woman for her money? I make my own money. I don’t regret anything.

Men who find themselves crushed under the stress of being a primary breadwinner regret not prioritizing a true partnership. I have no idea what you do or don’t regret.

Who wants to marry a weakling who gets crushed under the stress of being a primary breadwinner? This is the most unmanly thing ever. Maybe there is a successful pairing between 40lbs heavier women who are happy to be the second wife of a man who cannot take the "stress" of earning for the family. I don't know. I do think our opinions are influenced by our life experience.

IME - high earning men (actually all men) want to be married to good looking woman, well educated woman, who has a good personality, who is easy to get along with and who likes having sex with them - it does not matter if they are working or not. However, once you get divorced and are older, people will compromise a lot in their second marriage. Divorce rates for second marriages are higher than the divorce rates for the first marriage.

Well my life experience is as a wife of a biglaw partner, myself in biglaw. He has all his hair, only a couple greys, and low blood pressure. Can’t say the same of our biglaw peers with SAHWs. They seem tense!

[Anonymous]

The woman who created this thread does NOT have the money. Her parents have some. What are we talking about? A friend of mine got divorced when her husband was 65. He remarried and had 2 more children. Then he died. Out of 10mm inheritance my friend got $1mm after bitter legal flight with new wife and minor heirs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying well for men is 100% defined by looks.

Agree. Men care more about looks and also as someone else mentioned, temperament/agreeableness.

Men mature as they age. When they are younger, looks are everything. As they get older and have dated some hot duds, they want more than looks. DH’s first wife was gorgeous and much prettier than me. I’m 40lbs heavier and do not dress well. But she never wanted to have sex and became aloof to him throughout their marriage. DH makes much more money now and he married me. He could get a much prettier, younger woman. But we get along great and he tells me he’s happier than he’s ever been.

You’re just young. Give it some time or look for men a little bit older.

The smartest ones also realize they can get it on the side…

[Anonymous]

While I agree that $15m is a lot of money and OP has a salary she should be proud of at her age, it is definitely not the kind of generational wealth that someone would actively be gold digging for.

Assuming her parents are close to retirement age, $15m assets is pretty run of the mill “working rich” - lawyers, doctors etc who live in regular $2m houses in bethesda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They definitely do.

I attended private school, while my parents were struggling middle class. It was pretty obvious I was not the first choice of dates of even most of my male friends. Once I was accepted into a major research university for grad school, those male friends starting asking me out for the first time at age 24. Somehow I was considered "acceptable" for the guys and their parents then, but I didn't care by that point.

looooooool this is the biggest lie ever told

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marrying well for a man signifies a spouse who is well educated, good looking, pleasant personality, same goals and values, SES match, comes from an established and functional family, no dysfunction of addiction/abuse/adultry, gets along with the ILs, family and friends and will strengthen the family ties.

Actually in the best marriages, the same is true for women marrying well too. This is what women want too.

This- in a perfect scenario. But #1 priority is looks and if she will be a good mother/raise smart kids. Nearly
Everything else can and will be overlooked by most men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying well for a man signifies a spouse who is well educated, good looking, pleasant personality, same goals and values, SES match, comes from an established and functional family, no dysfunction of addiction/abuse/adultry, gets along with the ILs, family and friends and will strengthen the family ties.

Actually in the best marriages, the same is true for women marrying well too. This is what women want too.

This- in a perfect scenario. But #1 priority is looks and if she will be a good mother/raise smart kids. Nearly
Everything else can and will be overlooked by most men.

What else is there, really? You mentioned looks, good mother, smart kids. All of that implies the mother is healthy, intelligent, educated, functional, stable, etc. Those few things rule out a lot of other less desirable qualities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marrying well for a man signifies a spouse who is well educated, good looking, pleasant personality, same goals and values, SES match, comes from an established and functional family, no dysfunction of addiction/abuse/adultry, gets along with the ILs, family and friends and will strengthen the family ties.

Actually in the best marriages, the same is true for women marrying well too. This is what women want too.

Oh God, another DCUM women who feels superior to other women because of her resume. No, well educated is not a priority. Intelligent is; there’s a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying well for a man signifies a spouse who is well educated, good looking, pleasant personality, same goals and values, SES match, comes from an established and functional family, no dysfunction of addiction/abuse/adultry, gets along with the ILs, family and friends and will strengthen the family ties.

Actually in the best marriages, the same is true for women marrying well too. This is what women want too.

Oh God, another DCUM women who feels superior to other women because of her resume. No, well educated is not a priority. Intelligent is; there’s a difference.

In 2022, well educated is a pretty good proxy for intelligence.

Badly educated people like to think they are just as smart or smarter than the average person who went to a good college, but this is not true. Sure, a few morons slip into good colleges. But the vast majority of people who go to good colleges are by definition intelligent. Less intelligent people don’t go to college.

I’m not talking about crappy local directional U that anyone can get into. I’m talking about good schools that reject people. I don’t think anyone would say that someone who goes to a crappy college is “well educated”, so also doesn’t hold that they are intelligent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They definitely do.

I attended private school, while my parents were struggling middle class. It was pretty obvious I was not the first choice of dates of even most of my male friends. Once I was accepted into a major research university for grad school, those male friends starting asking me out for the first time at age 24. Somehow I was considered "acceptable" for the guys and their parents then, but I didn't care by that point.

looooooool this is the biggest lie ever told

Pretty sure pp is just not attractive.

I was poor and grew up in a very wealthy neighborhood. My high school boyfriend was rich. I went to Harvard and had no shortage of guys. I had so many suitors in college, grad school and at work. I was very ambitious and told I had beauty and brains.

I ended up marrying someone with a similar background and he know earns a seven figure income and top of his field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying well for men is 100% defined by looks.

Agree. Men care more about looks and also as someone else mentioned, temperament/agreeableness.

Men mature as they age. When they are younger, looks are everything. As they get older and have dated some hot duds, they want more than looks. DH’s first wife was gorgeous and much prettier than me. I’m 40lbs heavier and do not dress well. But she never wanted to have sex and became aloof to him throughout their marriage. DH makes much more money now and he married me. He could get a much prettier, younger woman. But we get along great and he tells me he’s happier than he’s ever been.

You’re just young. Give it some time or look for men a little bit older.

I guess men could look for women who are “gorgeous and much prettier” “agreeable” and “like to have sex”. How much money DW makes is secondary..

This is true, but it’s also stupid, and many men come to regret it.

Regret not marrying a woman for her money? I make my own money. I don’t regret anything.

Men who find themselves crushed under the stress of being a primary breadwinner regret not prioritizing a true partnership. I have no idea what you do or don’t regret.

Who wants to marry a weakling who gets crushed under the stress of being a primary breadwinner? This is the most unmanly thing ever. Maybe there is a successful pairing between 40lbs heavier women who are happy to be the second wife of a man who cannot take the "stress" of earning for the family. I don't know. I do think our opinions are influenced by our life experience.

IME - high earning men (actually all men) want to be married to good looking woman, well educated woman, who has a good personality, who is easy to get along with and who likes having sex with them - it does not matter if they are working or not. However, once you get divorced and are older, people will compromise a lot in their second marriage. Divorce rates for second marriages are higher than the divorce rates for the first marriage.

This is the main complaint from female primary breadwinner. Very few women want the stress of being the primary breadwinner.