Is “marrying well” a thing for men

[Anonymous]

There’s a thread with a woman trying to get her son to “marry well”. I don’t know if I’m wrong, but as someone well off, it doesn’t seem like men have shown me extra interest because of it? I make 100k in my late twenties, no debt, and parents are worth around 15 million. I’m not conventionally pretty and men aren’t lining up to date me. I mean I don’t show off my wealth but my salary is easy to figure out and after a few dates it’s probably apparent I have family money. Are there actually men who want to marry up wealth wise? I guess I’m surprised.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend whose dad is a literal billionaire but she's chubby and plain. She got married recently and her husband is tall and funny and kind with a solid career, but certainly not a looker himself. Seems like women don't have boy toys throwing themselves at them the way a man in the same boat (yacht) would. But maybe that's for the best. I'm sure she would rather be married to her husband than the male equivalent of an instagram model.

[Anonymous]

Men are not all blathering idiots and some of them are very practical when it comes time to find a partner, but their priorities may be different from a typical woman's. Most of the men I know care about a woman's looks and temperaments first and foremost, but definitely also consider her education, career, and family as well. Like all people, some care about money and status more than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are not all blathering idiots and some of them are very practical when it comes time to find a partner, but their priorities may be different from a typical woman's. Most of the men I know care about a woman's looks and temperaments first and foremost, but definitely also consider her education, career, and family as well. Like all people, some care about money and status more than others.

Maybe not but my personal experience is that men underweight how stressful it is to be the primary breadwinner in marriage when picking out a spouse. Only later do you see them complaining of the resulting stress and tension (often when it's negatively impacting their health). Of course if they had more sensible priorities when dating they could have avoided that later stress...

[Anonymous]

These types of women would be better off being proactive in their dating and, gasp, actually asking men out, but instead they'll sit on their hands and cry on DCUM that they can't get a date. Because the biggest sin a woman can make is actually asking a man on a date.

[Anonymous]

I think you may be a bit on the young side and the guys you are meeting are not yet ready to settle. Once they do, smart guys with generational wealth care about their bride's background.

Anecdotally, all the women I know who come from wealthy families, regardless of looks, ended up marrying either guys from the same background or high achieving first generation type men. None of their husbands are boy toys.

[Anonymous]

I went to college with a girl whose dad was a billionaire. She married the son of a golf pro. He now works for her dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a thread with a woman trying to get her son to “marry well”. I don’t know if I’m wrong, but as someone well off, it doesn’t seem like men have shown me extra interest because of it? I make 100k in my late twenties, no debt, and parents are worth around 15 million. I’m not conventionally pretty and men aren’t lining up to date me. I mean I don’t show off my wealth but my salary is easy to figure out and after a few dates it’s probably apparent I have family money. Are there actually men who want to marry up wealth wise? I guess I’m surprised.

What do you mean you aren’t conventionally pretty?

I bet if I took you two years to NL or France, you would come back to the Us very datable (in relation to American competiton)

I have a feeling you just prolly put on some pounds and now are in a bad cycle of self doubt.

My honest advice is to move to a walkable/cyclable country with a way better food supply.

You will come back looking like a 6.

The VAST majority of women in their twenties can be made attractive if they modified a few behaviors and went abroad to live in a different environment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These types of women would be better off being proactive in their dating and, gasp, actually asking men out, but instead they'll sit on their hands and cry on DCUM that they can't get a date. Because the biggest sin a woman can make is actually asking a man on a date.

I don’t like the social conventions the way they are, but they do exist, and as a result men who are into you will express it. If he’s not, you making the first move is unlikely to change it.

[Anonymous]

*the only women who can’t follow the above advice are:

1. Chronic disease
2. Disabled
3. Some type of deep genetic issue (not just, my mom and dad are big)

Move to Netherlands, work part time remotely, walk/cycle everywhere— don’t even look at a car, work out daily, sleep 9 hrs, 1 gallon of water a day….you will become a 6 at a MINIMUM

And a 6 would clean up dating in the us. Women love to say the bar is “low” for men…but it goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These types of women would be better off being proactive in their dating and, gasp, actually asking men out, but instead they'll sit on their hands and cry on DCUM that they can't get a date. Because the biggest sin a woman can make is actually asking a man on a date.

I don’t like the social conventions the way they are, but they do exist, and as a result men who are into you will express it. If he’s not, you making the first move is unlikely to change it.

I would agree.
Just like first impressions, the first move sets up the dynamics.
If he doesn't have the drive to make any moves, he's going to continue to be milquetoast.

[Anonymous]

They definitely do.

I attended private school, while my parents were struggling middle class. It was pretty obvious I was not the first choice of dates of even most of my male friends. Once I was accepted into a major research university for grad school, those male friends starting asking me out for the first time at age 24. Somehow I was considered "acceptable" for the guys and their parents then, but I didn't care by that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a thread with a woman trying to get her son to “marry well”. I don’t know if I’m wrong, but as someone well off, it doesn’t seem like men have shown me extra interest because of it? I make 100k in my late twenties, no debt, and parents are worth around 15 million. I’m not conventionally pretty and men aren’t lining up to date me. I mean I don’t show off my wealth but my salary is easy to figure out and after a few dates it’s probably apparent I have family money. Are there actually men who want to marry up wealth wise? I guess I’m surprised.

Statistically heirs get about 25% of family money. Everything else is lost in divorces, remarriages, trust fights, legal and management fees. So don't think you would be worth $15mm unless both of your parents are already 85 y.o.

You need to have assets titled to your name, and a higher income to consider yourself a candidate for a man who wants to marry up. You haven't earned anything yet, and your salary is low. Inheritance is also separate property, and your parents won't like it commingled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you may be a bit on the young side and the guys you are meeting are not yet ready to settle. Once they do, smart guys with generational wealth care about their bride's background.

Anecdotally, all the women I know who come from wealthy families, regardless of looks, ended up marrying either guys from the same background or high achieving first generation type men. None of their husbands are boy toys.

Yeah If OP is open to interracial, she’ll easily find a in shape South or east asian guy to marry that went to a top tier school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a thread with a woman trying to get her son to “marry well”. I don’t know if I’m wrong, but as someone well off, it doesn’t seem like men have shown me extra interest because of it? I make 100k in my late twenties, no debt, and parents are worth around 15 million. I’m not conventionally pretty and men aren’t lining up to date me. I mean I don’t show off my wealth but my salary is easy to figure out and after a few dates it’s probably apparent I have family money. Are there actually men who want to marry up wealth wise? I guess I’m surprised.

Statistically heirs get about 25% of family money. Everything else is lost in divorces, remarriages, trust fights, legal and management fees. So don't think you would be worth $15mm unless both of your parents are already 85 y.o.

You need to have assets titled to your name, and a higher income to consider yourself a candidate for a man who wants to marry up. You haven't earned anything yet, and your salary is low. Inheritance is also separate property, and your parents won't like it commingled.

Do you realize how uncommon it is for a woman to be making six figures in her twenties without student loans? Are you delusional?