Ex/childrens father freaked out that I took plan B

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex and the Father of my 2 children and I have not been together since the end of 2020. After our breakup, I hooked up with 2 men who I had gotten to know for about 3 weeks each, one in Jan 2021 and another in Feb 2021, so 16 months ago was the last time I really hung out with any new men. My ex and I hooked up a couple times, no kissing involved, we were tipsy at the time. That was July of 2021 and January of this year, 2022, the last time it happened I let him know I did not want to have sex with him or touch him anymore, and he didn't seem to mind, as he didn't want to kiss me or really put passion into the sex anyways. We remained friends and still did things with the kids and even just us two, like see movies together during the day if the kids had preschool and we weren't scheduled to work.
I recently realized I was getting too comfortable being his friend, as I think some of his friendship was fake and just a way to keep me from having time to date others. So I met up with someone this weekend. It was our second time going out, the first time was coffee.
Well, I ended up really liking this new guy who I had been texting and calling for 3 weeks, he was very nice.
We ended up having sex, we used a condom but it broke. He also finished without pulling out completley on accident. He felt very bad about it and bought me plan B. I said it was not his fault and no big deal etc, it's the risk of having sex, and anyways I wouldn't have minded if he didn't pull out as long as we had wrapped it up, condoms breaking happens.

Anyways, the next day my ex saw the plan b box on my kitchen counter. He got very upset saying "I can't belive you let a man c*m in you, you are putting yourself at risk for hiv" etc. I let him know I did use a condom and it broke, and that either either way it wasn't his business. This is the same man who got oral sex from random as I was engaged to him and pregnant with our second child... hypocritical or not?

Also, my dad's wedding is next month, and I let him know if things keep going well, I might bring him as my date, and he would meet the kids before that. I'm talking like 5-6 weeks from now. He flipped out over that too, even though he's had the kids meet 2 girlfriends already, and I haven't introduced them to anyone ever.

Streets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14 year old is more mature and better at decision making than you OP.

You know she’s asking for advice. If this was the woman that hated her kids I would say pike on, but she’s here trying to do the right thing. She’s in her 20s and she’s growing and learning a lot. Even though this forum is anonymous it doesn’t have to be so hateful. Everyone has different experiences and circumstances. If we can all help each other out why not?

[Anonymous]

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=The+Streets&=true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your life is messy, boo. And it sounds like you like it that way. A Plan B on the kitchen counter, condoms breaking, new dudes meeting the kids. A mess.

I've been single nearly 2 years and nobody has met the kids. Wow this is not the place to post lol all you old folks. Should have posted on reddit with some sex positive people.

Lady, no one shamed you for having sex. It’s the mess of leaving plan B out, going back and forth between your ex, and trying to introduce a guy you just met to your small kids.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. Please speak with your doctor about reliable birth control. You sound like a mess who’s going to wind up pregnant and not know who the father is.

[Anonymous]

You sound fun OP. Could I get your phone number?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As far as the plan b on the counter, I really did forget, my ex dropped off the kids at 6 am and I didn't think he would come inside.

This seems to be a recurring problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As far as the plan b on the counter, I really did forget, my ex dropped off the kids at 6 am and I didn't think he would come inside.

This seems to be a recurring problem.

[Anonymous]

Can't believe this has gone as far as a third page of comments and I don't think anyone yet has said this:

OP, please, please get tested for STDs.

Before you come back defensively to say, I don't have an STD!, well, some STDs show no symptoms so you can be infected and have no idea.

While you're at the doctor for STD tests, insist you get a form of birth control that is reliable -- the one where you have it inserted into your arm would would work for you because with young kids and what sounds like a hectic life you could forget to take the pill and even one missed pill can end up in a pregnancy. I'm being serious here, not judgemental. You need to get BC that is NOT just a condom. And then, guess what? You need also to absolutely insist on every single partner using a condom every single time. Yes, even while you're on birth control at the same time. The condoms are there to help prevent disease which BC does not do. But though essential, condoms also are not 100 percent a perfect barrier to disease so you also have to take the third step, after BC and condoms, of being picky about the men with whom you have sex. Sorry if you feel all that effort is not "sex positive" enough but having sex with men youve known for just weeks is taking a real risk.

Your health matters VERY much because you have young children who need you.

Please stick to your decision not to have sex any more with your ex. That was a good call. Please stop trying to be friendly the way you have been, with movie outings while the kids are elsewhere. I know it seems nice "for the kids' sake," but you have very blurry lines between you and your ex. It will be so very easy to fall back into bed with him one day when you've just been out to a movie or whatever, and the kids aren't back home yet. See him only to hand off or pick up the kids. If it's at your house, you go outside to meet them. He no longer comes inside your house nor do you go inside his house. Stop giving him even the slightest opportunity to see what's on your kitchen counters. You and he don't sound fully, completely broken up, to be honest.

And most of all: STD test so you can know if you're starting with a clean slate, plus RELIABLE non-pill birth control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leaving Plan B on the counter where ex can see was planned.

You need to fly solo for awhile. No ex. No new bf. No wedding dates. Concentrate on getting yourself to a place where you don’t *need* the men and certainly not all this drama you are manufacturing. And for chrissake, parent your children better.

This .

It's not about single mothers shouldn't date.

It's about dating from a place of strength. Right now you're not doing that you're desperate for any man's attention

You want a good relationship with your ex . Even a friendship if you can get there
But for that you need boundaries which means no more sleeping together. No more discussing who the other is sleeping with.


Therapy may help with these issues.

Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Oh my. I am sooo glad I didn’t have kids in my 20s. I was a little messy but I didn’t have kids to worry about soooo. Op you need to get it together or you’re going to be a single mom of more than 2.

[Anonymous]

Your ex doesn't get to criticize your choices. Spend your free time on yourself and with your new guy(s), not at the movies with your ex.

Your FATHER'S wedding seems a bit intense for a new guy and you don't even need to bring a date to that as you will be parenting your kids during that event, if they're invited.

[Anonymous]

You need to be posting on Quora, not DCUM.

[Anonymous]

First off….no more movies together or other forms of hanging out.

Either be together romantically or not.

There is no real middle ground.

Maybe later on - but things obviously are still too fresh/raw for you two to be making things more complicated.

Just concentrate on doing your very best to co-parent effectively for now.
And as you likely already know, your ex has no say in who you date.
You can do whatever you want to.

Since he is freaking out over seeing your garbage on the counter > perhaps it is a bad idea if he comes inside your home now.
Good luck. 👍🏽

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but how did the fact that she hooked up with her ex a couple of times go unaddressed?

did he trip suddenly and his P found its way into your V or your mouth? I mean how does this happen? and how does it happen more than once?