MIL Changing Plans to See Favorite Grandchild

[Anonymous]

You DO understand that you have to actually make a concerted family effort to hide info from your MIL?

You complain that it's hard, but that's what it takes, duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

Loose lips sink ships. Don’t tell her anything unless you want to see her. And if your son actively wants to see her, that’s fine, but you don’t have to be around. Go on a spa weekend. He’s not a baby.

Notice that OP won’t answer this question: How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

If you told her, that’s on you.
If DH told her, that’s on him.

If YOUR SON told her, and he wants to see her, then THAT is what “rules the day.” It’s his time home and he should see the people he wants to see during the visit. If you don’t like that, take yourself out to the movies or get your nails done.

I don't honestly remember. Most likely she asked, and we answered. It's hard to be evasive on direct questioning, and my son would have told her if we hadn't.

Actually, it was my son's idea to have brunch with me, my husband and daughter.

He hasn't heard anything about grandma's plans - that communication is going through my husband. She hasn't reached out to my son.

Does your son really care if Grandma comes to brunch? You sound very possessive of your adult son.

OP isn’t being possessive she doesn’t want a rude relative to demand an invitation.

Sounds like son will probably invite her. Since he's the one who let her know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the OP’s house. OP and her husband have the right to not host.

1. Tell her absolutely not. Tell her you won’t open the door.
2. Lie and tell her that plans changed. DS will be coming through at dinner time so you won’t be having brunch and you/DH have some errand to run n Sunday morning.

Is it though? OP wasn't clear.

If it is at her house, I agree that OP has the right to just say no. (Whether she should or not is a whole different matter.)
If they are meeting out for brunch somewhere at a restaurant, OP should just stay out of it completely and let her join them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

Loose lips sink ships. Don’t tell her anything unless you want to see her. And if your son actively wants to see her, that’s fine, but you don’t have to be around. Go on a spa weekend. He’s not a baby.

Notice that OP won’t answer this question: How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

If you told her, that’s on you.
If DH told her, that’s on him.

If YOUR SON told her, and he wants to see her, then THAT is what “rules the day.” It’s his time home and he should see the people he wants to see during the visit. If you don’t like that, take yourself out to the movies or get your nails done.

I don't honestly remember. Most likely she asked, and we answered. It's hard to be evasive on direct questioning, and my son would have told her if we hadn't.

Actually, it was my son's idea to have brunch with me, my husband and daughter.

He hasn't heard anything about grandma's plans - that communication is going through my husband. She hasn't reached out to my son.

Does your son really care if Grandma comes to brunch? You sound very possessive of your adult son.

OP isn’t being possessive she doesn’t want a rude relative to demand an invitation.

Sounds like son will probably invite her. Since he's the one who let her know.

Nope, son did not invite her. OP’s MIL is one of those people who decides that being informed means she has an invitation. She knows that she doesn’t. This is why she announced that she is traveling through the area. This type digs for info and then announces that they are attending. The women in DH’s family are like this to varying degrees.

The only way to stop this rude behavior is say no. Tell her that she is not invited. It took me awhile to learn that pushy people will simply take advantage of those with nice manners. They will box you into a corner so you feel you can’t say no any firmer without being rude. This works for them to get what they want. You have to stand firm and f they force you to be rude, be rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

Loose lips sink ships. Don’t tell her anything unless you want to see her. And if your son actively wants to see her, that’s fine, but you don’t have to be around. Go on a spa weekend. He’s not a baby.

Notice that OP won’t answer this question: How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

If you told her, that’s on you.
If DH told her, that’s on him.

If YOUR SON told her, and he wants to see her, then THAT is what “rules the day.” It’s his time home and he should see the people he wants to see during the visit. If you don’t like that, take yourself out to the movies or get your nails done.

I don't honestly remember. Most likely she asked, and we answered. It's hard to be evasive on direct questioning, and my son would have told her if we hadn't.

Actually, it was my son's idea to have brunch with me, my husband and daughter.

He hasn't heard anything about grandma's plans - that communication is going through my husband. She hasn't reached out to my son.

Does your son really care if Grandma comes to brunch? You sound very possessive of your adult son.

OP isn’t being possessive she doesn’t want a rude relative to demand an invitation.

Sounds like son will probably invite her. Since he's the one who let her know.

Nope, son did not invite her. OP’s MIL is one of those people who decides that being informed means she has an invitation. She knows that she doesn’t. This is why she announced that she is traveling through the area. This type digs for info and then announces that they are attending. The women in DH’s family are like this to varying degrees.

The only way to stop this rude behavior is say no. Tell her that she is not invited. It took me awhile to learn that pushy people will simply take advantage of those with nice manners. They will box you into a corner so you feel you can’t say no any firmer without being rude. This works for them to get what they want. You have to stand firm and f they force you to be rude, be rude.

What are you blathering about? Maybe the son wants grandma there since he's only in town for a short while. OP never asked him what he wanted because she's probably afraid of the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

Loose lips sink ships. Don’t tell her anything unless you want to see her. And if your son actively wants to see her, that’s fine, but you don’t have to be around. Go on a spa weekend. He’s not a baby.

Notice that OP won’t answer this question: How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

If you told her, that’s on you.
If DH told her, that’s on him.

If YOUR SON told her, and he wants to see her, then THAT is what “rules the day.” It’s his time home and he should see the people he wants to see during the visit. If you don’t like that, take yourself out to the movies or get your nails done.

I don't honestly remember. Most likely she asked, and we answered. It's hard to be evasive on direct questioning, and my son would have told her if we hadn't.

Actually, it was my son's idea to have brunch with me, my husband and daughter.

He hasn't heard anything about grandma's plans - that communication is going through my husband. She hasn't reached out to my son.

Does your son really care if Grandma comes to brunch? You sound very possessive of your adult son.

OP isn’t being possessive she doesn’t want a rude relative to demand an invitation.

Sounds like son will probably invite her. Since he's the one who let her know.

Nope, son did not invite her. OP’s MIL is one of those people who decides that being informed means she has an invitation. She knows that she doesn’t. This is why she announced that she is traveling through the area. This type digs for info and then announces that they are attending. The women in DH’s family are like this to varying degrees.

The only way to stop this rude behavior is say no. Tell her that she is not invited. It took me awhile to learn that pushy people will simply take advantage of those with nice manners. They will box you into a corner so you feel you can’t say no any firmer without being rude. This works for them to get what they want. You have to stand firm and f they force you to be rude, be rude.

Read again. PP didn’t say the son invited Grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son is an adult. He can manage his relationship with grandma.

This. Doesn't really seem like he's that bothered by it or that he's desperate to have1:1 time with his parents.


Anyway Op you should get used to not having special time with your son because he'll likely soon have a serious hf and eventually a wige

[Anonymous]

What is with self centered boomers being convinced that their son or grand son wants them around if they are not invited. If the grandson wanted to see grandma pushy pants then he would asked his mom or dad to note her. He didn’t. He’s traveling through to get his stuff and spend a few hours with his sibling and parents. If he was so devoted to grandma pushy pants then he’d make time to visit her. He’s not as into grandma as she wants which is why she is horning in on his visit to his parents/siblings.

AARP really needs to send out a boomer alert that if you are NOT invited to something that you are not wanted at that activity. You are 70-80 not 7-8. Adults understand that they are not included in everything. Get some self respect and stop embarrassing yourself by trying to be where you are not wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

Loose lips sink ships. Don’t tell her anything unless you want to see her. And if your son actively wants to see her, that’s fine, but you don’t have to be around. Go on a spa weekend. He’s not a baby.

Notice that OP won’t answer this question: How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

If you told her, that’s on you.
If DH told her, that’s on him.

If YOUR SON told her, and he wants to see her, then THAT is what “rules the day.” It’s his time home and he should see the people he wants to see during the visit. If you don’t like that, take yourself out to the movies or get your nails done.

I don't honestly remember. Most likely she asked, and we answered. It's hard to be evasive on direct questioning, and my son would have told her if we hadn't.

Actually, it was my son's idea to have brunch with me, my husband and daughter.

He hasn't heard anything about grandma's plans - that communication is going through my husband. She hasn't reached out to my son.

Does your son really care if Grandma comes to brunch? You sound very possessive of your adult son.

OP isn’t being possessive she doesn’t want a rude relative to demand an invitation.

Sounds like son will probably invite her. Since he's the one who let her know.

Nope, son did not invite her. OP’s MIL is one of those people who decides that being informed means she has an invitation. She knows that she doesn’t. This is why she announced that she is traveling through the area. This type digs for info and then announces that they are attending. The women in DH’s family are like this to varying degrees.

The only way to stop this rude behavior is say no. Tell her that she is not invited. It took me awhile to learn that pushy people will simply take advantage of those with nice manners. They will box you into a corner so you feel you can’t say no any firmer without being rude. This works for them to get what they want. You have to stand firm and f they force you to be rude, be rude.

I'm OP, and this is the situation. No, son did not invite her. Yes, after reading some responses, I asked him what he wanted. The four of us out to brunch in DC. That's what we're doing. Not a perfect solution, but we simply won't be home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

Loose lips sink ships. Don’t tell her anything unless you want to see her. And if your son actively wants to see her, that’s fine, but you don’t have to be around. Go on a spa weekend. He’s not a baby.

Notice that OP won’t answer this question: How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

If you told her, that’s on you.
If DH told her, that’s on him.

If YOUR SON told her, and he wants to see her, then THAT is what “rules the day.” It’s his time home and he should see the people he wants to see during the visit. If you don’t like that, take yourself out to the movies or get your nails done.

I don't honestly remember. Most likely she asked, and we answered. It's hard to be evasive on direct questioning, and my son would have told her if we hadn't.

Actually, it was my son's idea to have brunch with me, my husband and daughter.

He hasn't heard anything about grandma's plans - that communication is going through my husband. She hasn't reached out to my son.

Does your son really care if Grandma comes to brunch? You sound very possessive of your adult son.

OP isn’t being possessive she doesn’t want a rude relative to demand an invitation.

Sounds like son will probably invite her. Since he's the one who let her know.

Nope, son did not invite her. OP’s MIL is one of those people who decides that being informed means she has an invitation. She knows that she doesn’t. This is why she announced that she is traveling through the area. This type digs for info and then announces that they are attending. The women in DH’s family are like this to varying degrees.

The only way to stop this rude behavior is say no. Tell her that she is not invited. It took me awhile to learn that pushy people will simply take advantage of those with nice manners. They will box you into a corner so you feel you can’t say no any firmer without being rude. This works for them to get what they want. You have to stand firm and f they force you to be rude, be rude.

I'm OP, and this is the situation. No, son did not invite her. Yes, after reading some responses, I asked him what he wanted. The four of us out to brunch in DC. That's what we're doing. Not a perfect solution, but we simply won't be home.

Are you going to tell Grandma you won’t be home or just let her show up and ring the bell to an empty house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

Loose lips sink ships. Don’t tell her anything unless you want to see her. And if your son actively wants to see her, that’s fine, but you don’t have to be around. Go on a spa weekend. He’s not a baby.

Notice that OP won’t answer this question: How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

If you told her, that’s on you.
If DH told her, that’s on him.

If YOUR SON told her, and he wants to see her, then THAT is what “rules the day.” It’s his time home and he should see the people he wants to see during the visit. If you don’t like that, take yourself out to the movies or get your nails done.

I don't honestly remember. Most likely she asked, and we answered. It's hard to be evasive on direct questioning, and my son would have told her if we hadn't.

Actually, it was my son's idea to have brunch with me, my husband and daughter.

He hasn't heard anything about grandma's plans - that communication is going through my husband. She hasn't reached out to my son.

Does your son really care if Grandma comes to brunch? You sound very possessive of your adult son.

OP isn’t being possessive she doesn’t want a rude relative to demand an invitation.

Sounds like son will probably invite her. Since he's the one who let her know.

Nope, son did not invite her. OP’s MIL is one of those people who decides that being informed means she has an invitation. She knows that she doesn’t. This is why she announced that she is traveling through the area. This type digs for info and then announces that they are attending. The women in DH’s family are like this to varying degrees.

The only way to stop this rude behavior is say no. Tell her that she is not invited. It took me awhile to learn that pushy people will simply take advantage of those with nice manners. They will box you into a corner so you feel you can’t say no any firmer without being rude. This works for them to get what they want. You have to stand firm and f they force you to be rude, be rude.

I'm OP, and this is the situation. No, son did not invite her. Yes, after reading some responses, I asked him what he wanted. The four of us out to brunch in DC. That's what we're doing. Not a perfect solution, but we simply won't be home.

Are you going to tell Grandma you won’t be home or just let her show up and ring the bell to an empty house?

She hasn't said explicitly that she'll stop by (though they sometimes do without calling). If she said she was stopping by, we'd tell her. Otherwise, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

Loose lips sink ships. Don’t tell her anything unless you want to see her. And if your son actively wants to see her, that’s fine, but you don’t have to be around. Go on a spa weekend. He’s not a baby.

Notice that OP won’t answer this question: How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

If you told her, that’s on you.
If DH told her, that’s on him.

If YOUR SON told her, and he wants to see her, then THAT is what “rules the day.” It’s his time home and he should see the people he wants to see during the visit. If you don’t like that, take yourself out to the movies or get your nails done.

I don't honestly remember. Most likely she asked, and we answered. It's hard to be evasive on direct questioning, and my son would have told her if we hadn't.

Actually, it was my son's idea to have brunch with me, my husband and daughter.

He hasn't heard anything about grandma's plans - that communication is going through my husband. She hasn't reached out to my son.

Does your son really care if Grandma comes to brunch? You sound very possessive of your adult son.

OP isn’t being possessive she doesn’t want a rude relative to demand an invitation.

Sounds like son will probably invite her. Since he's the one who let her know.

Nope, son did not invite her. OP’s MIL is one of those people who decides that being informed means she has an invitation. She knows that she doesn’t. This is why she announced that she is traveling through the area. This type digs for info and then announces that they are attending. The women in DH’s family are like this to varying degrees.

The only way to stop this rude behavior is say no. Tell her that she is not invited. It took me awhile to learn that pushy people will simply take advantage of those with nice manners. They will box you into a corner so you feel you can’t say no any firmer without being rude. This works for them to get what they want. You have to stand firm and f they force you to be rude, be rude.

I'm OP, and this is the situation. No, son did not invite her. Yes, after reading some responses, I asked him what he wanted. The four of us out to brunch in DC. That's what we're doing. Not a perfect solution, but we simply won't be home.

You mean you manipulated him into saying he doesn’t want grandma because he knew you’d be jealous? Crappy parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

Loose lips sink ships. Don’t tell her anything unless you want to see her. And if your son actively wants to see her, that’s fine, but you don’t have to be around. Go on a spa weekend. He’s not a baby.

Notice that OP won’t answer this question: How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

If you told her, that’s on you.
If DH told her, that’s on him.

If YOUR SON told her, and he wants to see her, then THAT is what “rules the day.” It’s his time home and he should see the people he wants to see during the visit. If you don’t like that, take yourself out to the movies or get your nails done.

I don't honestly remember. Most likely she asked, and we answered. It's hard to be evasive on direct questioning, and my son would have told her if we hadn't.

Actually, it was my son's idea to have brunch with me, my husband and daughter.

He hasn't heard anything about grandma's plans - that communication is going through my husband. She hasn't reached out to my son.

Does your son really care if Grandma comes to brunch? You sound very possessive of your adult son.

OP isn’t being possessive she doesn’t want a rude relative to demand an invitation.

Sounds like son will probably invite her. Since he's the one who let her know.

Nope, son did not invite her. OP’s MIL is one of those people who decides that being informed means she has an invitation. She knows that she doesn’t. This is why she announced that she is traveling through the area. This type digs for info and then announces that they are attending. The women in DH’s family are like this to varying degrees.

The only way to stop this rude behavior is say no. Tell her that she is not invited. It took me awhile to learn that pushy people will simply take advantage of those with nice manners. They will box you into a corner so you feel you can’t say no any firmer without being rude. This works for them to get what they want. You have to stand firm and f they force you to be rude, be rude.

I'm OP, and this is the situation. No, son did not invite her. Yes, after reading some responses, I asked him what he wanted. The four of us out to brunch in DC. That's what we're doing. Not a perfect solution, but we simply won't be home.

Are you going to tell Grandma you won’t be home or just let her show up and ring the bell to an empty house?

She hasn't said explicitly that she'll stop by (though they sometimes do without calling). If she said she was stopping by, we'd tell her. Otherwise, no.

I’d let it drop that you all won’t be home because “this was so sweet! Larlo said he wanted the four of us to go out for brunch together, since he’s only going to be home a few hours.” And then say how much you’re looking forward to having him to yourself for the morning, since he’ll be gone the rest of the summer and you haven’t seen him in months. Of course she’s not going to give you the chance to tell her not to stop by. She’s going to stop by. And when she does, if you’re still home, what are you going to do?

[Anonymous]

Team OP here.

I am all for grandparents having relationships with grandkids, and these days everybody has a phone to call up your grandkids/grandparents and plan an outing.

If I were OP, I would also want to keep it to a small nuclear family brunch in that situation, and that sounds like what OP's nuclear family plan is.

If son wanted to see grandma, he could organize a brunch and invite grandma and parents. If grandma wanted to see grandson, she could have organized a brunch and invited whomever she wanted. And they are still free to do so, but this Sunday, OP and her nuclear family have a plan to have a small brunch for four.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

Loose lips sink ships. Don’t tell her anything unless you want to see her. And if your son actively wants to see her, that’s fine, but you don’t have to be around. Go on a spa weekend. He’s not a baby.

Notice that OP won’t answer this question: How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

If you told her, that’s on you.
If DH told her, that’s on him.

If YOUR SON told her, and he wants to see her, then THAT is what “rules the day.” It’s his time home and he should see the people he wants to see during the visit. If you don’t like that, take yourself out to the movies or get your nails done.

I don't honestly remember. Most likely she asked, and we answered. It's hard to be evasive on direct questioning, and my son would have told her if we hadn't.

Actually, it was my son's idea to have brunch with me, my husband and daughter.

He hasn't heard anything about grandma's plans - that communication is going through my husband. She hasn't reached out to my son.

Does your son really care if Grandma comes to brunch? You sound very possessive of your adult son.

OP isn’t being possessive she doesn’t want a rude relative to demand an invitation.

Sounds like son will probably invite her. Since he's the one who let her know.

Nope, son did not invite her. OP’s MIL is one of those people who decides that being informed means she has an invitation. She knows that she doesn’t. This is why she announced that she is traveling through the area. This type digs for info and then announces that they are attending. The women in DH’s family are like this to varying degrees.

The only way to stop this rude behavior is say no. Tell her that she is not invited. It took me awhile to learn that pushy people will simply take advantage of those with nice manners. They will box you into a corner so you feel you can’t say no any firmer without being rude. This works for them to get what they want. You have to stand firm and f they force you to be rude, be rude.

I'm OP, and this is the situation. No, son did not invite her. Yes, after reading some responses, I asked him what he wanted. The four of us out to brunch in DC. That's what we're doing. Not a perfect solution, but we simply won't be home.

Are you going to tell Grandma you won’t be home or just let her show up and ring the bell to an empty house?

Right? This situation is so weird. Stop telling grandma every move you make if you don't want her to show up. And then sneak off to a restaurant so you don't have to deal with her dropping by? All of you need to stop telling her the plans. Just keep it vague. If you can't even manage that stop answering her calls and tell her later you were busy. All all the weird projection by others on what Grandma is thinking or doing is also bizarre.