Lessons from our mothers -- what you'll take/what you'll leave
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Anonymous
My “birthing person” isn’t my mother. I was adopted at birth. |
Anonymous
Not that pp, but someone with borderline personality disorder might present like this. |
Anonymous
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Take: quality time with each kid, magical holidays with traditions, writing “I love you” on lunchbox napkins
Leave: never apologizing |
Anonymous
Go away. |
Anonymous
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Take: lots of affection and I love you’s. Magical holidays with lots of fun traditions. Strong work ethic. Resilience. General kindness.
Leave: substance abuse, victim mentality, string of bad relationships, not going beyond meeting the “basics” (food, clothing, shelter) and spending quality time with my kids, lack of interest in education. |
Anonymous
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Take: Sense of humor, love and dedication to children. Archaic views of sex especially with daughters. Incredible work ethic and kindness.
Leave: Passivity and low self esteem in adult relationships. Silent treatment/avoidance and storing resentments for years only to let them out later at every opportunity later. Using children as confidantes. |
Anonymous
Oops, NOT take archaic views of sex. Lol |
Anonymous
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Take: Warmth, gentleness, silly playfulness, love of outdoor play, spreading a love of literature and reading, good traditional cooking, emphasis on family time, chill ("just try your best!") attitude toward grades/sports/activities.
Leave: Mommy martyr attitude -- near-total neglect of marriage, scale-back in career when it was probably not best for her mental health, having more kids than she could handle, passivity around asking spouse to do more childcare, not getting help (babysitters/daycare/therapy) when she clearly needed it, not making kids do chores or learn life skills until too late, prudish attitude toward sex/dating re: daughter but not son, coddling of toddlers/preschoolers to the point where she encouraged fearfulness and timidness. I realize there's more in the "leave" column -- my mother and I are VERY different individuals. But she was on the whole a wonderful mother. She simply put that at the expense of everything else in her life. |
Anonymous
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Take: My mom was always just nice and respectful to me. And to everyone, really. No yelling, no arbitrary snapping. I remember as a kid being around adults who did yell and act like tyrants speaking down to kids and it made me so stressed to walk on eggshells around them. Really glad my mom wasn’t like that.
Leave: General household instability (mostly from poverty and addiction). She did her best, but it was very hard to feel like at any moment the bottom would drop out. It’s very important to me that my kid has a stable home and feels supported. |
Anonymous
| Letting natural consequences be the teacher. Not rescuing. As they get older, they learn from the outside world, from other adults. Their actions/attitude have consequences. We are not their only teacher. And eventually we are not their primary teacher. |
Anonymous
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Take: Letting me make my own decisions and learn from my mistakes. Family dinners every night. Good work ethic. Sense of humor. Honesty about her own childhood.
Leave: Not very affectionate. Inflexible. Didn't have a lot of friends, and I didn't get a role model for having close friendships, entertaining etc. |
Anonymous
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Take: Parenting with patience (e.g. spills aren’t the end of the world, we can clean them up). Treating kids like real human beings with valid emotions. My mom never made me feel like my emotions were trivial even when they likely were.
Leave: Being a martyr for your husband. My dad was the breadwinner and my mom a SAHM. Obviously not all dynamics are like this, but she ended up taking on almost everything with running the household even into my dad’s retirement. It’s like she still has a kid at home to take care of and I feel resentful on her behalf sometimes with how little my dad does for himself now. |
Anonymous
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Take: love of reading, being connected to the community through volunteer work and service to others, valuing education, family meals
finding good deals Leave: being a matyr, having crazy hang ups about food and dieting, guilt trips, babying kids because you don't encourage their independence |
Anonymous
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Take: Dropping everything to be there for my kids when they need it, Always seeing things from my kids point of view- no matter how trivial, Being effusive towards my kids- making sure they always know how loved they are and how proud they make me.
Leave: Disordered eating patterns, Neglecting selfcare and relaxation time, Accepting an unhappy marriage for the sake of saving face to the community |
Anonymous
Why? Not everyone has an absent father or a bad father. Why would we only "take" and "leave" from our mothers? Simple question. Wonder why you won't answer it. |