Lessons from our mothers -- what you'll take/what you'll leave
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Anonymous
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Take: Love of reading and being read to, space for creativity, celebrations of holidays and birthdays, making an effort to travel and see family and spend time with people.
Leave: Anti-feminism, racism, colonialism, beatings, and alcoholism . |
Anonymous
Why are you only saying “from your mother”? Why do you not have the same honor or expectation of the role of a father? |
Anonymous
And it should say birthing person, not mother. They’re not necessarily the same for anyone living in 2022. |
Anonymous
Start your own thread instead of trying to derail this one? |
Anonymous
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Take: setting behavioral expectations and believing in value of a good education with parental involvement.
Leave: Anxiety. My mom was always saying stuff like "don't do that or you'll crack your skull open". I also would think every ache and pain was cancer. How did I even know what cancer was? A little kid shouldn't be worried about cancer. So I grew up very anxious. I've learned to rephrase/filter things in a nicer way "don't do that so you don't fall and get hurt" and they do not appear to have the same anxieties I did growing up. |
Anonymous
Anxiety is a mental disorder. Yes, it can be treated, and it is unfortunate when someone has it and does not seek help—though sometimes help can be hard to access for financial and myriad other reasons. But to say one can simply “leave” anxiety any more then they can choose to “leave” cancer, diabetes, or Parkinson’s. Yes, you can take preventative measures and do screenings for both anxiety and diabetes. You can know your family history and be aware. If you show symptoms, you can seek treatment (if you are blessed enough to have access and means). But you don’t just get to “leave” anxiety like it is simply a cafeteria item you do not wish to put on your plate. |
Anonymous
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take: giving lots of affection, being a very open parent who does not judge.
leave: letting people talk down to my children and thinking that it wont matter as long as I give them enough affection/love, if I divorce I will not remarry until my children are grown |
Anonymous
Oh ok sure because transphobia is only a one-thread discussion. |
Anonymous
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Take: my mother’s definition of a “bad” word. The typical f word and the rest were vulgar words that she warned us many people wouldn’t like. The “bad words” were racial slurs and words that hurt people like “r*tard”. We got an eye-raise for the vulgar but punishment for the bad. Interestingly, none of us use either kinds of words.
Leave: religion |
Anonymous
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Take: independence, intellectual curiosity
Leave: untreated anxiety (took me so long to realize I deserved to treat mine even if she didn’t approve of therapy or meds), bad relationship with food and focus on weight, hyper focus on academics - I realize that one may sound weird, but I grew up with parents and in a school environment that made it seem like if you didn’t get into an ivy league school you were worthless. It made it hard to realize my true interest and passions until I was on my own, which would have informed what I decided to study and focus on in college. I want my own kids to strive to do well and develop grit, but I don’t want them to beat themselves up for a B. Life’s just too short. |
Anonymous
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Take: magical ability to give kids space to be independent to the extent that we never really felt a need to do much in the way of rebelling but also provide an absolutely secure safety net for us emotionally and physically
Leave: political apathy, conviction she was always right (actually I’ve totally inherited this one but I’m TRYING to let it go) |
Anonymous
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Take: unconditional love and support; high expectations in academics; sense of humor; ability to do a lot with a little/parent without spending infinity dollars
Leave: physical punishment; prioritizing an intact family over an emotionally healthy one; putting up with abuse |
Anonymous
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Take:
If you chug a quart of whiskey, you will die. You WILL DIE from alcohol poisoning. If you go through a car windshield or if anything happens to your face, demand a plastic surgeon; don't let anyone else in the ER touch you. My best friend heard this over and over. She was in a horrific car accident and somehow remembered to demand a plastic surgeon. Don't get into an elevator alone with a man, such as dark parking garage-like places, not the workplace. I grew up before "stranger danger." My mother would learn self-protection techniques from other nurses or friends or publications. I--along with classmates who happened to be over after school--would have to stop what we were doing for a safety demonstration. To this day, I cannot believe other parents continued to allow their kids to come over. Leave: I cannot answer to this, as there were mental illnesses that included narcissism, paranoia, and borderline personality disorder. But, damn, she was a smart woman! |
Anonymous
lolll...exactly. OP here -- I wrote 'mother' because motherhood makes one reflect on their relationship with their own mothers usually... |
Anonymous
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Oh boy. Take: Zero tolerance for others’ bs. She has never been a sucker that’s for sure.
But leave— flip side here — untrusting mentality and assuming the worst in everyone. Other take/leave dichotomy: Fierce protectionism of us kids. But leave: Unnuanced and rigid fierce protectionism of her kids. Yeah, mom, you really tried and succeeded quite well at what you were after. It just so happens that I sort of hate myself when I have even an inkling that I’m becoming you! |